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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Sum Dim Customers

    | Austin, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    Me: “What can I fix for you today?”

    Customer: “Uh, I’ll have a Tai Chi.”

    Me: “A…what?”

    Customer: “A Tai Chi!”

    Me: “Oh, you mean a Chai Tea!”

    Customer: “No, it’s a TAI CHI!”

    Next Customer: “Ma’am, Tai Chi is a form of Asian exercise.”

    Me: *to first customer* “Here’s your drink.”

    Customer: *snaps up her drink and rushes out*

    Next Customer: “Whatcha got in an aerobic latte?”

    Working Like A Dog

    , | USA | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (At our fast food restaurant, a customer walks in with a seeing eye dog. It’s in training with a clearly-marked blue vest and two trainers. However, a customer behind her begins complaining.)

    Customer: “Man, I thought your sign said dogs ain’t allowed!”

    Me: *to a trainer* “Ma’am, it’s a working dog in training, correct?”

    Trainer: “Yes. She has to be trained in public before they’ll allow her to go to a patient.”

    Me: “Sir, she’s a working dog. They’re allowed in public buildings by state law.”

    Customer: “Man, that’s bulls***!”

    Me: “Why’s that, sir?”

    Customer: “That dog don’t work here!”

    Cuffed Red-Handed

    | Nantes, France | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I occasionally hire the 19-year-old niece of one of my friends to help me around the store during vacations. She’s quite frail and shy, but it isn’t too much of a problem since many of my customers are regulars and know (and like) her. One busy day, a peculiar lady whom I’ve never seen comes in and goes straight to the girl.)

    Customer: “I want a double cheeseburger, a Coke, and a chocolate donut.”

    Niece: “Um…I think we’re out of chocolate donuts. I’m going to check. Please wait a minute, ma’am.”

    Customer: *bluntly* “Yeah, you do that.”

    Niece: *runs to the back*

    Customer: *whispering* “Useless b****.”

    (When my niece comes back several minutes later, the customer gives her an icy stare.)

    Niece: *nervously* “I’m very sorry, ma’am. It seems we’re out of stock. May I suggest you another dess—”

    Customer: “You useless little s***! Every time I come here, I find what I want. Just admit you suck at your job.”

    Niece: “B-but I—”

    Customer: “Don’t interrupt me, you b****! Either get me my food now, or I’ll make sure your skinny little a** gets fired!”

    Niece: *almost crying* “Ma’am, please—”

    Customer: “You interrupted me again, you s***!”

    (Before I can do anything, the customer PUNCHES my niece in the face, hard enough to make the girl fall on her back and hit her head on a cooler. However, two of my regulars, who are uniformed policemen, grab the customer.)

    Customer: “What are you doing?!”

    Regular #1: “Ma’am, what you just did is an aggravated assault. If this girl is seriously wounded, you face a fine and jail time. Please don’t resist.”

    Customer: “Oh yeah?! Tough luck proving that without any police around, jacka**!”

    Regular #2: *handcuffs the customer* “Ma’am, we are police officers.”

    Customer: *almost faints*

    (My friend’s niece ended up breaking her glasses and four of her teeth due to her fall. She refused to come back to work after that, which saddened both me and the regulars. At least she got a small measure of justice thanks to the police officers.)

    Would You Like Brains With That

    , | England, UK | Food & Drink

    (Our store usually sells side orders with several meals: three hot and one cold. One night, both of our microwaves have broken so we can only offer coleslaw.)

    Me: “Unfortunately all our hot sides are gone today. I’m afraid I can only offer you coleslaw or extra fries as options.”

    Customer: “Can I swap the coleslaw for a gravy?”

    Me: “I’m afraid not; all our hot sides are unavailable. Are you okay with coleslaw or extra fries?”

    Customer: “Oh, no hot sides…can I have beans, then?”

    Me: “No. Sorry, as I mentioned you can only choose from coleslaw or extra fries. So, which would you like?”

    Customer: “I don’t really like coleslaw or fries…can I have a corn instead?”

    Me: “Um, no, you can’t. As I’ve already explained, we don’t have any hot side orders: just coleslaw or extra fries today. I’m sorry about that.”

    Customer: “Well, you should have said something, then!”

    Serving Your Pie And Eating It Too

    | Ohio, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

    (Three teenagers come into the restaurant where I work.)

    Teenage Girl #1: “Okay, so we’ll have three large fountain drinks, six orders of fries, three cookies, and one large pepperoni pizza with stuffed crust.”

    Me: “Okay, that’ll be [amount].”

    (They pay and sit down at a table together with their order. Much to my surprise, Teenage Girl #2 and Teenage Boy get out their own packed lunches and put them in the middle of table to share. They all eat, everyone having a bit of everything. As I sit down at a nearby table for my break, I overhear them talking.)

    Teenage Girl #2: “Okay, so maybe ordering a large pizza WASN’T the greatest idea.”

    Teenage Boy: “It was the extra fries that did it for me.’

    Teenage Girl #1: “So what do we do with the extra pizza?

    Teenage Girl #2: “The box is too big for us to lug it around.”

    Teenage Boy: “Well, crap. We just wasted some money.”

    Teenage Girl #2: “Wait, I have an idea!”

    (She gets up, takes the box, and walks over to me while her friends watch on in confusion.)

    Teenage Girl #2: “Do you like pepperoni pizza?”

    Me: “Um, yeah?”

    (Without another word, she drops the box in front of me and walks away. She and her friends leave the restaurant before I get a chance to say thank you. For the record, the pizza was delicious!)


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