Featured Story:
  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Acting Acidic

    | South West England, UK | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (In addition to salt and vinegar, my chip shop offers customers slices of lemon with their fish.)

    Me: “Would you like lemon with your fish, sir?”

    Customer: *screaming* “DON’T YOU EVER ASK ME IF I WANT LEMON AGAIN! NEVER PUT LEMON ON MY ORDER!”

    Getting A Kick Out Of Tourists

    | Australia | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Tourists/Travel

    (I am working as a waitress in the middle of a city in Australia. We have a large outdoor dining area.)

    Customer: *in an American accent* “Excuse me, Miss. I’d like to be moved.”

    Me: “As we’re really busy, I’m not sure if we have any spare tables. Is it too hot out here for you?”

    Customer: “No, I just don’t want to get my food stolen.”

    Me: “By… who? Is someone stealing food?”

    Customer: “By the kangaroos! I haven’t seen any today, though. I’ve heard they like to kick you and steal your food.”

    Customer’s Australian Friend: “Dude, I was kidding.”

    Customer: *shocked* “Oh my God, really?”

    Mocha With An Extra Snot

    | AZ, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (I am working at a coffee shop and have recently started training a new barista hire. He’s a teenage boy whose parents come to visit him a lot while he’s working. His parents are very snotty and condescending. Their son seems a little bit spoiled and not used to work, but he is very pleasant with the staff and is improving quickly. One day, his parents come in while my coworker is away from the station, so I offer to take their order.)

    New Hire’s Mom: “We’ll take a pumpkin muffin, and we want that heated, and a large mocha.”

    Me: “Okay, and would you like your mocha latte hot or iced?”

    New Hire’s Mom: *narrowing her eyes* “I want my mocha hot, no whipped cream!”

    Me: “Okay, that will just take one minute.”

    (I read back their order before I ring them up, fully and precisely, as we are required to do to catch any mistakes.)

    Me: “So, that’s one muffin and one large mocha latte. That comes to [price].”

    New Hire’s Mom: “NO, NO, NO! I said I want a MOCHA! MO-CHA! MO! CHA! Not a mocha latte!”

    Me: “I don’t understand. Do you want it to be a mocha cappuccino?”

    New Hire’s Mom: “No! I just want a mocha with no latte! Is that so hard for you to understand?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I think you don’t understand. A mocha is just shorthand for mocha latte; it’s the same thing. The latte part is the espresso and milk, and it becomes a mocha latte when you add chocolate. Without the latte, you would just have the two pumps of syrup.”

    (I make the drink and demonstrate the steps for her, explaining how the drink is put together, and point out how the last step with the steam wand can either make it a latte or a cappuccino. When I try to give it to her, she glares at me.)

    New Hire’s Mom: “I don’t want that! I asked for a mocha, and that’s wrong!”

    Me: “I assure you, it’s the drink you ordered.”

    New Hire’s Mom: “No, I always order a mocha. I never get a latte! You’re incompetent! I know what I drink! I get it all the time! My son is a barista here, and he’s better than you!”

    Me: “I know, ma’am. I’m the one training him, and he’s still learning the job. I’ve been doing this for some time and know my way around a coffee.”

    (My coworker, the new hire, emerges from the kitchen and walks over to greet his parents.)

    Me: “Hey, would you like to show your parents what you’ve learned on the machine?”

    New Hire: “Yeah! What would you like?”

    New Hire’s Mom: *looks smugly at me* “We want a heated pumpkin muffin, and a large mocha.”

    (I finish ringing them up. He goes to work and starts showing off, explaining why the fine ground espresso packed tightly makes the drink stronger, what the buttons are for, etc. He is being a great little salesman. The whole time he is demonstrating, his mom looks more and more embarrassed because he is mirroring what I’ve already showed her. When he is finished, I remind him.)

    Me: “Don’t forget the last step before you serve!”

    New Hire: *proudly* “Here you go, mom! One mocha latte and one hot pumpkin muffin!”

    New Hire’s Mom: *takes it and leaves, absolutely livid*

    Doe Is Dear

    | Washington, DC, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Pets & Animals

    (I work at a pet supply store that offers alternative foods for animals with allergies.)

    Customer: “What’s bee-son?”

    Me: “Bison. It’s an alternate protein source, similar to beef.”

    Customer: “But what is it?”

    Me: “It’s also called buffalo. It’ a lot like beef, just leaner.”

    Customer: “But what is it?”

    Me: “They’re kind of like, um, feral cows?”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “Moo?”

    Customer: “Well, why didn’t you just say that? And veen-ay-son?”

    (She points to a bag labelled “venison.”)

    Me: “That’s deer.”

    Customer: *more blank staring*

    (I put my hands up on either side of my head like antlers.)

    Me: “Bambi?”

    Customer: “All these fancy names for things. It’s just so you can charge more for it, isn’t it?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. That’s exactly how it works.”

    It Pays to Be Not Always Right

    | Austin, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Top

    (I’m the customer at a drink concession stand at a music festival. Sodas are $2 and special flavored waters (watermelon or blackberry) are $3.)

    Me: “I’ll have a Sprite.”

    Cashier: “We are all out of Sprite, sorry.”

    Me: “Dang. I’d like a [brand of flavored water], but I only have $2. I’ll have a Coke.”

    Cashier: “Would you like Blackberry or Watermelon?”

    Me: “Coke.”

    Cashier: “Blackberry or Watermelon?”

    Me: “COKE.”

    Cashier: *very slowly, with a knowing look on her face* “Blackberry or Watermelon?”

    Me: “COKE!”

    Another Cashier: *to me* “She’s trying to give you the water for the price of the soda.”

    Me: “Oh! Er, Blackberry.”

    Cashier: “There we go!”

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