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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
    (2,876 thumbs up)
  • Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Sweet Injustice

    | ON, Canada | Food & Drink

    Customer: “I will have [very sweet] pie.”

    Me: “Great. This pie is very sweet, and we recommend it with a scoop of ice cream for an extra dollar. Or, a glass of milk if you want.”

    Customer: “No, just the pie is fine. I’m not paying an extra dollar.”

    (Later, when they are paying…)

    Customer: “Um, just so you know, that pie that I had was really sweet. I almost couldn’t eat it. You should really serve it with ice cream or a glass of milk of something!”

    Trouble Brewing, Part 3

    | Virginia Beach, VA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (A customer buys a big bottle of beer and takes it out of the store in a brown paper bag as required by law. He returns a few seconds later with only the bag, and this conversation takes place.)

    Customer: “Hey, there’s glass all over your parking lot.”

    Me: “What happened?”

    Customer: “Oh, I dropped my beer.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (I grab the broom and dustpan and tell my co-worker to mind the till while I sweep it up. As I’m on the way out the door, the customer stops me.)

    Customer: “So, can I get another bottle of beer?”

    Me: “Why wouldn’t you get another bottle of beer?”

    Customer: “No, I mean, don’t I get a free one?”

    Me: “Why would you get a free beer?”

    Customer: “I dropped it in your parking lot!”

    Related:
    Trouble Brewing, Part 2

    Someone Is Telling Porkies

    | Youngstown, OH, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

    (My wife and I are eating at an Indian restaurant. An older couple has finished their meal in the booth next to ours; the server has brought them their bill.)

    Customer: “Are you sure this was lamb curry? It tasted like pork.”

    Server: “Yes, sir. We do not serve pork.”

    Customer: “I’m not calling you a liar, but it sure tasted like pork.”

    Server: “We do not have any pork on the menu, sir.”

    Customer: “Well, all I know is, it tasted like pork.”

    Server: “Sir, we do not even have any pork in the building.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t know about that, but I’m telling you, it tasted like pork!”

    My Wife: *to me, but loudly enough for them to hear* “Didn’t stop him from eating it all, though.”

    (The customer glares at us, then silently hands the server his credit card. They leave quickly when she brings it back.)

    Server: *to my wife* “Thank you so much!”

    The Bark Tastes Worse With A Bite

    | GA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (Our restaurant serves salmon grilled on a cedar plank.)

    Me: “Here is your cedar salmon. Can I get you anything else?”

    Customer: “No. But can I ask you a question?”

    Me: “Sure!”

    Customer: “Can I eat the wood?”

    All You Can Eat, Not You Can Eat All

    | MI, USA | Food & Drink, Money

    (I work in a buffet restaurant, mostly serving pizza. The customers pay at the register when they come in.)

    Customer: “Can I get a to-go box for my leftovers?”

    Me: “Well, you have to pay extra for anything you want to take with you.”

    Customer: “Why? I already paid at the door when I came in so this is my pizza on the table. Why do I have to pay more for it?”

    Me: “Because the buffet price is only for what you eat here. We can’t afford for people to eat here and take food home with them for another meal.”

    Customer: “I’m not stealing if that’s what you’re trying to say!”

    Me: “Ma’am, are you full? Are you finished eating?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “Then you have had all you can eat. That’s all you paid for.”

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