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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Trust Us, There Are Far Worse

    | Brisbane, Qld, Australia | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Um, I’d like the…is the teriyaki good?”

    Me: “Yes, it’s one of our most popular subs.”

    Customer: “Okay, a teriyaki chicken sub on…Italian Herbs & Spices?”

    Me: “Italian Herb & Cheese? No problem.”

    Customer: “Yes, sorry. Uh, not toasted. Can I have that dark orange cheese?”

    Me: “The old english? Sure. Which salad would you like?”

    Customer: “Um…Lettuce, tomato…cucumber, carrot…ooh, and just a little bit of onion.”

    Me: “Of course. Would you like the Sweet Onion sauce?”

    Customer: “Is that good with that?”

    Me: “It’s the recommended sauce, yes.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Yes please. Boy, I bet I’m just the worst customer!”

    Me: “Not. Even. Close.”

    My Butter Half

    | Minnesota, USA | Food & Drink, Love/Romance, Top

    (A couple approaches me at the movie theater’s concession stand.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I—”

    Customer: “Give me a green tea.”

    Me: “Sorry, we don’t have green tea.”

    Customer: “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Well, fine! What DO you have?”

    (I point right behind me where all our sodas are clearly listed.)

    Customer: “Well, FINE! Give me a Diet Coke, then.”

    Customer Husband: “…And a large popcorn, please!”

    Me: “Sure! That all?”

    Customer Husband: “Yep!”

    Me: “Cool. You guys want butter on the popcorn?”

    Customer Husband: *giant smile* “Ye—”

    Customer: “Of course not! Unlike you, I have a figure to maintain! I can’t have BUTTER on my popcorn! Really, are you an idiot?!”

    (I go to get them their popcorn, but I purposely put way too much butter in the bucket and shovel a thin layer of popcorn on top to hide the butter.)

    Me: “Here you go!”

    Customer: “Well, finally!”

    Customer Husband: *whispers as his wife turns away* “Butter?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    (The guy hands me a five dollar bill. To this day, my coworkers and I refer to him as ‘Butter Man.’)

    Must Have Been The Funny Farm

    | Nanaimo, BC, Canada | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (Note: I work in a farm supply store. In addition to selling the usual stuff like equipment, animal feed, and seed, it also sells chickens and chicks.)

    Customer: “Where are your nugget chickens?”

    Me: “…Pardon?”

    Customer: “Your NUGGET chickens!”

    Me: “I’m afraid I’m not understanding what you are looking for. Are you wanting to purchase chicks, or perhaps full grown chickens?”

    Customer: “No, no, no! You know, the chickens that lay nuggets!”

    Me: *puzzled expression*

    Customer: “CHICKEN NUGGET CHICKENS, for crying out loud! I promised my son I’d get him one! He loves chicken nuggets!”

    Me: “Ma’am, chicken nuggets are not laid by chickens. Chickens lay eggs. Nuggets are small pieces of chicken that have been breaded and baked or fried.”

    Customer: “I’ll have you know, Missy, I grew up on a farm and I know what I’m talking about! Nevermind, I’ll just try the store in the next town. You’re worthless!”

    Freak For Yourself

    | Wisconsin, USA | Food & Drink

    (I am at a Chinese restaurant with a friend. A group of four settle at a table beside us, including a couple in their 40s and what appears to be a set of their parents. The waitresses are obviously Chinese and speak English with accents.)

    Waitress: “What would you like for drinks?”

    Older Husband: “Diet Coke, please.”

    Waitress: “Sorry, no diet. We ran out.”

    Older Wife: “He can only drink diet, though!”

    Waitress: “We have no diet. I am sorry!”

    Older Wife: “You don’t understand!” *speaks slowly for her* “Only. Diet. Coke!”

    Waitress: “But—”

    Older Husband: “It’s okay. I will have water, then.”

    Waitress: “Okay!” *hurries away, slightly flustered*

    Older Wife: *to her husband* “You scared her away!”

    To Conjugate A Thief

    | San Francisco, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

    (Although I don’t look like it, I am fluent in Japanese and Korean. I am working at a register, checking out a Japanese family that is buying snacks.)

    Father: *in Japanese* “Son, when the cashier isn’t looking, put the candy bars in your pockets so we don’t have to pay for them.”

    (Hearing this, I add the candy bars to the purchase. The family pays and leaves. Two minutes later, the father returns.)

    Father: “Why did you charge me for four candy bars?! I didn’t buy any candy bars! You just charged me to make extra money! I want to see your manager!”

    Me: *in Japanese* “Maybe you should come up with your plans to steal 89 cent candy bars BEFORE you come up to the register.”

    (The father was stunned. He apologized and left embarrassed.)


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