Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Guessing Is A Whiskey Business

| UK | Awesome Customers, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(An elderly customer comes in. I’ve never seen him before in nearly two years of working there.)

Customer: “I’d like a bottle of whiskey, please.”

Me: “Okay, which one would you like?”

Customer: “Well, I don’t know…”

(I step to the side so he has a better view of the whiskey, but he just continues to stare at me. A few seconds pass…)

Me: “Have you decided?”

(The customer becomes irate.)

Customer: “No, I haven’t decided! I was waiting for you to tell me!”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “I was waiting for you to tell me what I want.”

(I start listing the brands and prices for each bottle.)

Customer: “No! I don’t care about any of that! Just tell me what I want!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m not sure what size bottle you’re after, or brand, or even how much money you have on you.”

Customer: “USELESS! You lot are supposed to be here to help. I don’t know why I bothered coming here! Every time I come here, you lot never help me! You’re all USELESS!”

(He storms out the shop. I begin to serve the next customer.)

Customer #2: “Well, that was weird! Anyway, I’d like some wine please.”

Me: “Okay, would you like any wine in particular?”

Customer #2: “I don’t know, red wine? Can’t you just tell me what I want?! You’re so useless! WHY WON’T YOU JUST READ MY MIND AND TELL ME WHAT I WANT?! DO I EVEN LIKE RED WINE?!”

(He pretends to storm out the shop. That guy never fails to cheer us up!)

Mini Golf Vs Beer Pong

| Regina, SK, Canada | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Underaged

(Two ten-year-old boys come up to the counter.)

Boy #1: “Hey, would you give us some beer?”

Me: “No, you guys aren’t old enough.”

Boy #1: “Oh, man, they don’t even have any Captain Morgan beer. That’s the best.”

Boy #2: “Whoa, you know so much about beer!”

About To Get A Slice Of Life

| ON, Canada | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to get this cake, please.” *points at one*

Me: “Sure, would you like anything written on it?”

Customer: “Yeah, can you put ‘Happy Birthday Daddy’?”

Me: “Daddy?”

Customer: “Yes, please.”

Me: “Sure, just one second.”

(I get my icing bags.)

Me: “Okay, so that was ‘Happy Birthday Daddy’?”

Customer: “Actually… could you just put ‘Happy Birthday Tom’?”

Me: “‘Tom’?”

Customer: “Yeah…” *pauses* “…I’ll tell him eventually.”

(My heart melts. I don’t know how to react, so I just write on her cake and send her on her way. I never did find out how things turned out for that woman, but I wish her all the best.)

The Tooth Hurts

| Auckland, New Zealand | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

(On my way out of the store, I spot an employee who is supposed to be greeting new customers. He is slumped over his ‘Welcome’ stand, half asleep.)

Me: “C’mon buddy, it’s not that bad. The day is almost over.”

Employee: “Yeah, but I really need a coffee. I’m so tired, man.”

(I go to the in-store cafe and buy the guy a coffee. An hour later, I return to the shop, having forgotten some items. I spot the same employee with a bandage around his jaw.)

Me: “What happened, buddy?”

Employee: *not recognizing me* “Some guy bought me coffee. I have really sensitive teeth, so now I got major toothache.”

(Guess I didn’t make his day any better!)

Purchasing Blood Wine

| Atlanta, GA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Underaged

(I see two guys who appear to be in their early 20s approach a self-checkout machine with a case of alcohol. One of them appears to have some tissue in his nose. The other is acting nervous. Given the exchange of money between the two, I suspect a third party purchase.)

Me: “Good evening, gentlemen. I’ll just need to see both of your IDs before I approve the sale.”

(The customer with the item in his nose scowls and turns his nose up at me, revealing the dangling string of a tampon.)

Customer: *angrily* “Why do you need to see his ID? I’m buying it.”

Me: “Sir, it’s the law and store policy that I check the IDs of everyone in the party purchasing alcohol.”

Customer: “I guess I’m not buying this then, since he’s under 21!”

(He storms off, leaving alcohol on counter.)

Customer at the next machine: “What the h*** was that? Did he really just try that? And with a tampon in his nose?”

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