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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
    (2,200 thumbs up)
  • Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Not Quite The Muffin Top Of The Class

    , | QLD, Australia | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (I am working on drive-thru at a major fast food restaurant.)

    Me: “Welcome to [restaurant]. Please place your order.”

    Customer: “Can I have a bacon and egg muffin and a bacon and egg muffin?”

    Me: “So, two bacon and egg muffins.”

    Customer: “No… I want a bacon and egg muffin and a bacon and egg muffin.”

    Me: “Umm… so, two bacon and egg muffins?

    Customer: “No!”

    Me: “You just said you want a bacon and egg muffin and a bacon and egg muffin.”

    Customer: “I want a bacon muffin and a bacon and egg muffin.”

    Me: “So, two bacon and egg muffins, one without egg.”

    Customer: “No! Just give me two bacon and egg muffins.”

    Me: *gives up* “…Sure. That will just be $7.30 at the first window.”

    Give Them An Inch And They’ll Take A While

    , | USA | Food & Drink, Money

    (The chain restaurant I work for makes kid’s meals. They’re composed of a four-inch sandwich, a milk, soda, or juice box to drink, and apple slices, a cookie, or a bag of chips for a side. If the kid or parent wants something a tad different, we can always fudge the order a little. However, we can not stick a larger sandwich in instead of the four inch.)

    Customer: “Okay, I’d like a six-inch kid’s meal, please.”

    Boss: “I’m sorry, but the kid’s meals are only four-inch subs. You can get a six inch and make it a meal with a milk and apples instead however.”

    Customer: “That’s fine. I’ll pay extra for the six inch, then.”

    (I make the customer’s order and proceed to ring her through. Since it’s busy and I don’t want to cause issues, I throw in the reusable bag and toy for free, and don’t charge extra for the milk.)

    Me: “Okay, that will be [price].”

    Customer: *stares at me* “Why is it so expensive?”

    Me: “Well the six inch is [price], but since you said you wanted to treat it like a kid’s meal, I didn’t charge extra for the milk and threw in the bag without charge.”

    Customer: “But I’m confused. I’m looking at the menu and it says the kid’s meal is less than that. Why are you charging me so much?”

    Me: “Because you got a six inch instead.”

    Customer: “Whatever. I guess that’s fine. It’s just no one explained this to me. I’m so used to paying less! I mean, I come here all the time and you let me get a six inch kids meal for the price of a four inch one. So, why is this different?”

    Boss: “Because whenever people order a six inch, they get to the register and declare they’re getting a kid’s meal. We don’t want to cause friction, so we just charge it as such. However, she heard you order.”

    Me: “I can charge it as a four inch sandwich, just this once.”

    Customer: “FINE! Now I know, I guess. I just hate paying so much!”

    Be Thankful For Little Squirts

    | USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top, Wild & Unruly

    Rude customer: “What do you mean you don’t have any? I order those clams every time!”

    Waitress: “I’m really sorry, but we had a problem with the order and delivery and don’t have any today.”

    Rude customer: “Well, that’s not good enough. Order it right now. Get them from someone else if you have to.”

    Waitress: “Sir, clam dishes are aren’t available today. I’m sorry for the inconvenience. Perhaps if I may I suggest another dish?”

    Rude customer: “I don’t care. Get me my clams now!”

    Waitress: “As I’ve already explained—”

    Rude customer: “I want my clams!” *bangs table*

    (Suddenly, a stream of water squirts on him.)

    Rude customer: “What the f*** was that?!”

    (At a nearby table sits a little boy with a water gun.)

    Little boy: “Naughty, naughty, naughty!”

    Last Of The Summer Whine

    | UK | Food & Drink

    (The previous day, the shelf that held all our wine collapsed. This has resulted in the aisle being flooded with wine and closed. I’m working on the customer service desk.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, young man, I was wondering if you had any red wine available?”

    Me: “Ah, well I’m afraid we’ve had an incident and all the red wine we have in store today has been smashed, so no, I’m afraid we have no red wine available. We should have some more in tomorrow if that’s any good to you?”

    Customer: “Hmm… well, do you have any available today?”

    Me: “Well, no. The shelf literally collapsed, and everything we had was on that shelf, and so everything we had is broken. I’m really sorry for the inconvenience.”

    Customer: *raising voice* “Well, young man, you’re not making any sense. I would like some red wine now please.”

    Me: “Well, the best I can do is put you some aside when the delivery comes in tomorrow. Any wine we had today was unfortunately smashed. People are actually trying to clear up the mess now.”

    Customer: “You are incompetent! I would like some red wine now, please!”

    (At this point another colleague who has been nearby listening in comes over to help.)

    Customer: *to my coworker* “Hey, you! This colleague is babbling. I would like some wine. Can I get some wine, please?!”

    Colleague: “Well, that depends on two very important things: how desperate are you, and do you have a straw?”

    Customer: “I do not understand. All of you are babies, and you’re all dumb and ridiculous. You’ll all be fired!”

    Colleague: “Well, maybe if you spent more time listening, and less time shouting you would understand, my colleague here has already explained everything, as have the colleagues clearing up the alcohol aisle that you were shouting at earlier.”

    Customer: “I’ll go to [competitor]! Yeah, you won’t like that, will you?! That shut you up! I’ll never shop here again!”

    Colleague: “We’ll hold you to it. Now, please stop assaulting our staff and leave before I call the police.”

    Customer: “You… I’m… grrr… wine… ARGH!” *leaves*

    Miss Understanding Calling

    | ON, Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I respond to the phone at our front counter.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [restaurant]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I’d like to place an order for delivery.”

    Me: “Certainly, what would you like?”

    Caller: “I’d like to place an order for delivery. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, you’d like to place an order for delivery. Which of our items would you like to order?”

    Caller: “I’d like a chicken pad thai and your vegetable salad.”

    Me: “One chicken pad thai and one vegetable salad. Okay, will that be everything?”

    Caller: “Could you read back my order? I want to make sure you know what I want. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

    Me: “Of course. One order of chicken pad thai and one order of vegetable salad for delivery.”

    Caller: “And make sure they know how to make pad thai, do you understand what I’m saying?”

    Me: “Don’t worry ma’am, our chef is professionally trained and has been cooking here for years, and the chicken pad thai is our most-ordered item. I can assure you that he knows how to make it.”

    Caller: “But make sure they know how to make pad thai, do you understand what I’m saying?”

    (At this point I think I must be misunderstanding something that she wants that she considers obvious, so I try to clarify.)

    Me: “Um, yes ma’am. Just to clarify is there any special way you usually ask for your chicken pad thai?”

    Caller: “No. Just chicken pad thai. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

    Me: “Just a normal chicken pad thai?”

    Caller: “Yes, chicken pad thai. Do you understand what I’m saying? And a vegetable salad.”

    Me: “Yes ma’am. Now, if I could get your address?”

    (I manage to extract her address, phone number, and the fact that she will be paying with cash after about 20 more repetitions of ‘do you understand what I’m saying?’. At this point I’m about ready to thank her for her call and tell her when her food will arrive.)

    Caller: “Okay. I hope it’s what I want. You know what pad thai is, right? Do you understand what I’m saying?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, as I said, our chicken pad thai is the most popular item on our menu, and I’ve been working here for 2 years. So I definitely know what it is.”

    Caller: “But you know what it is right? Do you know what I’m saying?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but I don’t know how to make it any clearer to you that I do understand what you’re saying.”

    (I lead one sentence right into the other at this point, so that she doesn’t have a moment to interject.)

    Me: “The delivery man will be there in about 20 minutes with your food. Thank you again for calling us, and have a great day.”

    (I hang up and send her order to the kitchen to be cooked, and then delivered. About 20 minutes later the phone rings.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [restaurant], how may I help you?”

    Caller: “You do understand what I’m saying!”

    (She then hung up.)

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