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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Breaking Bread Can Break You Up

    , | Maine, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners

    (A couple comes in and races up to the sandwich unit.)

    Woman: “Hi, we only need one sandwich for our kid. I’m gonna make it quick, I promise. He wants a six inch white—”

    Man: “No, he doesn’t. He wants flatbread.”

    Woman: “No, he wants white!”

    Man: “Flatbread!”

    Woman: “Shut up, I know what he wants!”

    Man: “No, you don’t! He won’t eat white bread!”

    Woman: *sighs* “Is there any way I can get the sandwich on a flatbread, but put white bread on the side? I know I’m right, and he hates flatbreads.”

    Me: “Yes, of course. It’s just costs a bit extra.”

    Woman: “Okay, so turkey and cheddar cheese.”

    Man: *shakes his head* “He likes American.”

    Woman: “No, he doesn’t!”

    Man: “Yes, he does!”

    Woman: “Shut up! You’re confusing people!”

    Me: “Would you like me to put some American on the side?”

    Woman: “No! He HATES American, so there’s no point. Besides, he wants it toasted.”

    Man: “Finally! Something right!”

    Woman: “Right, so toasted with olives and mustard, and that’s it.”

    Man: “He wants lettuce, too.”

    Woman: “Fine, s***! Put lettuce on there and when he won’t eat it. Whatever!”

    Me: “…Anything else?”

    Woman: “No. HE’S probably confusing you already.”

    Man: “YOU’RE the confusing one.”

    (I ring them up and they calm down as they get ready to leave.)

    Woman: “Thanks, sorry about that. We didn’t mean to confuse you!”

    Please Pull Up To The Next Fast One

    , | Maine, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I am working the first window of the drive-thru taking people’s money. Our store has a policy that if you don’t get a receipt or if you are not offered a receipt, then your order is free. A man comes up to my window and shoves a wad of bills and change into my hand and immediately drives off to the next window. I don’t think much of it, because the guy had exact change. A short time later, my manager comes up to me.)

    Manager: “A customer is insisting on getting their food for free. He says that you didn’t give him his receipt nor ask him if he wanted one.”

    (I explain to my manager what happened, and then go and talk to the customer.)

    Me: “Sir, you didn’t give me a chance to offer you a receipt or to complete the transaction. As soon as you gave me your money, you sped off.”

    Customer: “That’s NOT what the sign says! It’s not my fault you’re slow! I was not given a receipt, correct? You did not ask me if I wanted a receipt, correct? Therefore, I get my food for free!”

    (My manager decides not to argue with the man and refunds his money. A few days later, a man places an order and I am pretty sure it is the same customer. Sure enough, I immediately recognize him when he pulls up to my window. Again, he shoves a wad of bills and change at me. However, I don’t reach out to take it just yet.)

    Me: “Good evening, sir! Would you like your receipt today?”

    Customer: “D*** it! You recognized me, didn’t you?”

    Heroic Mums Prefer To Keep Mum

    | Australia | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I’m a customer at a local butcher with my mum. An older customer, maybe in his 60s, is giving the employee behind the counter a hard time. He’s patronising her and being all-around unhelpful. It’s obvious the employee is new and, by the way she is talking, appears to have a disability.)

    Customer: *jabs a finger at the meat* “No! Not that piece! THAT one!”

    (This has been going on for several minutes, and the employee is nearly in tears.)

    Customer: *sarcastically* “I’m only trying to help you, love!”

    (My mum, who is usually very easy-going, suddenly confronts the customer.)

    My Mum: “No, you’re not! You’re being very rude!”

    Customer: “Look, I just want my meat! Is that so hard?”

    My Mum: “Well, you don’t have to be so rude about it! This poor girl is trying her best!”

    Customer: “You can’t talk to me like that! I use to be an officer of the law!”

    My Mum: “That’s worse! You should be ashamed of yourself, a man your age behaving like this!”

    Customer: “Why don’t you step outside! I’ll have you arrested!”

    My Mum: “I’d like to see you try!”

    (Seeing that my mum isn’t going to be intimidated or back down, the customer leaves, looking very subdued. My mum quickly orders her meat and leaves before the employee, who is now truly in tears, can thank her properly.)

    Me: *as we’re leaving* “Mum, she wanted to thank you.”

    My Mum: “Being in one scene was embarrassing enough. I don’t need to be in two, thank-you-very-much!”

    Androcles And The Liquor

    , | Missouri, USA | Food & Drink

    (We have a difficult customer who comes in every day with his wife. Usually, he is just fine, but if he doesn’t get his coffee exactly right, he throws a huge fit. He’s even made a few girls cry from screaming at them.)

    Me: “Good morning! How are you doing today?”

    Difficult Customer: “Not good. I need my coffee.”

    Me: “Yes, sir! Coming right up!”

    Difficult Customer: “And, one other thing…”

    Me: “…Yes?”

    Difficult Customer: “Can I get a shot of whiskey in that?”

    Me: “If I could give you coffee and whiskey, I think we would all have a better morning!”

    Three Beers To The Wind

    | Albuquerque, NM, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (While working at the convenience store, I notice an older male customer, who is clearly intoxicated, put three single beer cans down his shirt. The shirt is tucked in, so the beers are very obviously hanging out of his shirt. I intercept him as he tries to make his way to the door. Caught red-handed, he drunkenly holds out a handful of cash.)

    Customer: “Hey how much do I have?”

    Me: “You have three dollars, but you also have three beers down your shirt. Now give them back, please.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: *pokes at a beer can in his shirt* “You have 3 beers down your shirt, and we need those back now.”

    Customer: “Oh. Okay.” *hands me two of the beers*

    Me: “What about the third beer, man?”

    Customer: “What beer?”

    (I poke the can under his shirt.)

    Me: “This one. We need that one back, too. Now.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay…” *hands beer back* “Can I buy some beer now?”

    Me: “You just tried to steal from us! H*** no, you can’t buy any beer! Now get out!”

    Customer: *meekly leaves*

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