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    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    How To Give Customers The Crepes

    | Poughkeepsie, NY, USA | Food & Drink

    (The restaurant phone rings.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [restaurant]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m calling to take a survey for my free short stack of pancakes.”

    (On receipts, there is a number to call for surveys, but she has called the restaurant.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you appear to have called the wrong number. You are supposed to call the number on your receipt, not the restaurant number.”

    Customer: “No! I’m taking this survey over the phone right now! Give me your manager!”

    (I proceed to call the manager, who comes up and takes the phone. I notice a woman talking into the phone and hear the exact voice I was talking to.)

    Me: “[Manager], this woman is actually sitting in the restaurant!”

    Manager: *into the phone* “One moment, ma’am.” *hangs up, then turns to me* “Where is she sat?”

    Me: *points over to her table* “Right there.”

    (He proceeds to walk over to the table with me in tow.)

    Manager: “Excuse me, ma’am. You have to exit the restaurant before you can claim your free pancakes.”

    Customer: “HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT WAS ME?! YOU STALKERS! I’M CALLING THE POLICE!” *storms out, red faced and embarrassed*

    Not Sweet On The Potato

    , | CA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I work for a small, privately-owned fast food chain, and we often receive many questions about our food and what goes into each item. I notice a man that ordered a few moments ago is lingering at the counter trying to look into the back. I excuse myself and approach him.)

    Me: “Did you have any questions, sir?”

    Customer: “Yeah, what do you put in your fries?”

    Me: “Our fries?”

    Customer: “Your fries. What do you put in them?”

    Me: “Well, we salt them, but that’s—”

    Customer: “No! What do you put in the fries?!”

    Me: “Um… potatoes?”

    Customer: “Do you have a manager? Where is your manager?!”

    (My manager comes up to the counter to see what is wrong.)

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

    (By now, the customer is speaking loud enough for the whole dining room to hear him.)

    Customer: “What do you put in your fries?!”

    Manager: “…I’m sorry?”

    Me: “I think he wants to know what the ingredients for the fries are.”

    Customer: “Yes! What do you put in the fries?”

    Manager: “Potatoes.”

    (The customer points in a very angry manner toward the back of the kitchen where we cook the fries.)

    Customer: “No! I want to know it says on that box of what you put in your fries! Bring me that box, RIGHT NOW!”

    Manager: “Sir, I’m not allowed to bring it to the front. Now, please…”

    (After a minute or two of talking with my manager, the man seems to quiet down. I figure everything has been resolved and began chatting with the pair of customers from earlier. Soon, the irate customer receives his food and starts walking out of the store.)

    Me: “Thank you for coming to [restaurant].”

    Customer: “I’M GOING TO GIVE THIS TO MY SON EVEN IF YOU WON’T TELL ME WHAT’S IN IT!” *leaves*

    Paying It Cool

    | Reno, NV, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Money, Top

    (It’s very rainy day on the weekend. The restaurant is very busy, but I am the only person working due to payroll issues. I have twice slipped in a puddle of water customers have dragged in, and I have hurt myself a bit. Customer #1 is a rude new customer, and Customer #2 is an elderly woman, also new. Both taking advantage of a half-off promotion. I’m running the bar making a margarita and taking a to-go order, but I am still a little shaken up from my fall. I drop the top to a mixer and it clatters on the floor.)

    Customer #1: *mocking voice* “Oh no, don’t fall.”

    (Her whole table laughs. I blush and ignore the rude customer and continue doing my job. I start the rounds to see if anyone else needs a refill when I reach Customer #2.)

    Customer #2: “I have to say, you handled that situation very coolly.”

    Me: “Oh, it’s okay. It was just a little fall.”

    Customer #2: “No, the other situation.” *turns to look at Customer #1, who looks away*

    Me: “Oh no, it’s okay. That my job; I’m here to serve!”

    Customer #2: “Regardless, you were so level-headed even though that looked like it hurt pretty bad. You’re just so cool, handling it like you are!”

    (Customer #1 has stopped eating and is just blushing and staring at her food.)

    Me: “It really is okay. I’m just doing my job.”

    Customer #2: “And you’re doing a great job! You’re just so much cooler than some other people. You’re a great waiter!”

    (By now, I’m blushing.)

    Me: “Thank you, can I get you anything else?”

    (Hearing this, Customer #1 slaps some cash on the table and leaves just barely enough to cover her meal. When Customer #2 leaves after her, she leaves $11 dollars extra and gives me a Peace sign. Thank you, ma’am, that made me so happy! I used the extra money to buy snacks for the kitchen staff!)

    Not Quite The Muffin Top Of The Class

    , | QLD, Australia | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (I am working on drive-thru at a major fast food restaurant.)

    Me: “Welcome to [restaurant]. Please place your order.”

    Customer: “Can I have a bacon and egg muffin and a bacon and egg muffin?”

    Me: “So, two bacon and egg muffins.”

    Customer: “No… I want a bacon and egg muffin and a bacon and egg muffin.”

    Me: “Umm… so, two bacon and egg muffins?

    Customer: “No!”

    Me: “You just said you want a bacon and egg muffin and a bacon and egg muffin.”

    Customer: “I want a bacon muffin and a bacon and egg muffin.”

    Me: “So, two bacon and egg muffins, one without egg.”

    Customer: “No! Just give me two bacon and egg muffins.”

    Me: *gives up* “…Sure. That will just be $7.30 at the first window.”

    Give Them An Inch And They’ll Take A While

    , | USA | Food & Drink, Money

    (The chain restaurant I work for makes kid’s meals. They’re composed of a four-inch sandwich, a milk, soda, or juice box to drink, and apple slices, a cookie, or a bag of chips for a side. If the kid or parent wants something a tad different, we can always fudge the order a little. However, we can not stick a larger sandwich in instead of the four inch.)

    Customer: “Okay, I’d like a six-inch kid’s meal, please.”

    Boss: “I’m sorry, but the kid’s meals are only four-inch subs. You can get a six inch and make it a meal with a milk and apples instead however.”

    Customer: “That’s fine. I’ll pay extra for the six inch, then.”

    (I make the customer’s order and proceed to ring her through. Since it’s busy and I don’t want to cause issues, I throw in the reusable bag and toy for free, and don’t charge extra for the milk.)

    Me: “Okay, that will be [price].”

    Customer: *stares at me* “Why is it so expensive?”

    Me: “Well the six inch is [price], but since you said you wanted to treat it like a kid’s meal, I didn’t charge extra for the milk and threw in the bag without charge.”

    Customer: “But I’m confused. I’m looking at the menu and it says the kid’s meal is less than that. Why are you charging me so much?”

    Me: “Because you got a six inch instead.”

    Customer: “Whatever. I guess that’s fine. It’s just no one explained this to me. I’m so used to paying less! I mean, I come here all the time and you let me get a six inch kids meal for the price of a four inch one. So, why is this different?”

    Boss: “Because whenever people order a six inch, they get to the register and declare they’re getting a kid’s meal. We don’t want to cause friction, so we just charge it as such. However, she heard you order.”

    Me: “I can charge it as a four inch sandwich, just this once.”

    Customer: “FINE! Now I know, I guess. I just hate paying so much!”

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