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  • Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 7
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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    All You Can Eat, Not You Can Eat All

    | MI, USA | Food & Drink, Money

    (I work in a buffet restaurant, mostly serving pizza. The customers pay at the register when they come in.)

    Customer: “Can I get a to-go box for my leftovers?”

    Me: “Well, you have to pay extra for anything you want to take with you.”

    Customer: “Why? I already paid at the door when I came in so this is my pizza on the table. Why do I have to pay more for it?”

    Me: “Because the buffet price is only for what you eat here. We can’t afford for people to eat here and take food home with them for another meal.”

    Customer: “I’m not stealing if that’s what you’re trying to say!”

    Me: “Ma’am, are you full? Are you finished eating?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “Then you have had all you can eat. That’s all you paid for.”

    You’re Hot And Your Cold You’re Yes And You’re No, Part 2

    | Okemos, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (My coworker is taking drive-thru orders, and I’m filling them.)

    Coworker: “Thank you for choosing [cafe]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I’d like a large iced mocha latte, please.”

    Coworker: “Your total is [total]. Please pull forward.”

    (The customer is given the drink, but sends it back through the window.)

    Customer: “This isn’t what I wanted. I wanted the hot mocha latte.”

    Coworker: “Well, you did say the iced mocha latte. We’ll fix it for you though.”

    Customer: “Oh. So when you say iced, it doesn’t mean the hot one?”

    Related:
    You’re Hot And Your Cold You’re Yes And You’re No

    Pretty Fly For A Strange Guy

    | Columbus, OH, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    Customer: “Excuse me, miss, look what I found in my drink.”

    (He holds a dead fly up. I have no idea how it got in his drink, but I’m mortified.)

    Me: “Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry! Let me find my manager for you.”

    Customer: “Nah, it’s okay. I drank it all and it’s no big deal.” *laughs*

    Me: “That’s really nice of you, sir, but I do want to tell my manager about it. This sort of thing is not supposed to happen.”

    (The customer keeps holding the fly in his hand. I go looking for my manager but can’t find him. I don’t want to keep the customer waiting for their check forever, so I go back to the table.)

    Me: “I’m so sorry, I couldn’t find him, but as soon as I see him I’ll make sure to tell him about this. But here’s a coupon for your next visit, and I took the drinks off your check.”

    Customer: *smiling* “Thanks! But really, it’s no big deal. It’s kind of funny. Hey, look who’s not dead after all?” *holds up the fly, which is now squirming* “Ain’t he cute?”

    (He suddenly smashes the fly on the table, wipes his now fly-gut covered hand on my apron, and leaves.)

    Failed Across The Board-ing

    , | MI, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I recently started working at a restaurant in my local airport. We serve passengers waiting to board their flights. As a rule, we tell all of our customers how long their food will take so that they don’t risk missing their flight or not receiving their food in time to board. I am visibly pregnant.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Can I get a cheeseburger combo from the grill?”

    Me: “Sure! Just so you know, they usually take about 10-15 minutes to make. Is that alright?”

    Customer: “Yeah, that’s fine…”

    (I give the woman her total, cash out the transaction, and she goes to her boarding area. After about five minutes, she returns.)

    Customer: “Where the f*** is my burger?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, as I said before, they take anywhere from 10-15 minutes to make. I can go check and see how much longer it will be for you.”

    Customer: “Bulls***! You didn’t tell me that! My plane is boarding! I’m going to miss my flight!”

    Me: “Hold on one second, ma’am and I’ll go check.”

    Customer: “No, f*** that! I want a manager and a refund!”

    (I fetch my manager.)

    Customer: “I want this pregnant s*** fired! She didn’t tell me that the food would take this long! How could you even hire someone like that? I don’t want some knocked up s*** taking my order!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, you are entitled to a refund. However, you are not entitled to insult my cashier and disturb the other customers. Also, I don’t doubt that my cashier told you how long the food would take. I’m betting you didn’t notice her saying it. Just like you didn’t notice that she is wearing a wedding band excluding her from your s*** comment, didn’t notice that your food has been sitting on the hot tray for a full two minutes while you berated my employee, and didn’t notice that your flight is not boarding. The flight boarding is for uniformed military only.”

    Customer:*stammers, takes her burger, and goes back to her boarding area in silence*

    Telling Creeps To Bite Me

    | Nashville, TN, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m standing in line at a coffee shop when I overhear this exchange between the barista and a creepy older customer who is obviously hitting on her.)

    Barista: “What can I get you, sir?”

    Creepy Customer: “…And why aren’t you on the menu, my dear? You look good.”

    Barista: “Because, sir, that would be cannibalism. What type of coffee can I get you?”

    (Dejected, the creepy customer orders a coffee and slinks out of line. Afterwards…)

    Me: “That happen often?”

    Barista: *smiles* “It’s his third attempt.”

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