November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Enough To Split Your Sides

| WA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(A waitress is taking my father-in-law’s order, which comes with a choice of side dish.)

Waitress: “And what would you like, sir?”

Father-In-Law: “Filet mignon, please.”

Waitress: “And how would you like that cooked?”

Father-In-Law: “Medium, please.”

Waitress: “And which side?”

Father-In-Law: “Both.”

Don’t Even Want To Know What A Milkshake Is

| Lafeyette, LA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(My store is selling goodie bags of various candies as stocking stuffers. One of the candies we use are colorful chocolate-flavored spheres a little smaller than gumballs. We use only white ones for the goodie bags. The label refers to them as ‘snowman poop,’ with a little poem about how the child it’s for has been naughty. A couple roaming the store have caught sight of the goodie bags, and the man is particularly interested in the snowman poop.)

Man: “Snowman poop? It’s normally marshmallows… He must have been constipated!”

(I double over laughing, and the man begins cheering for himself for having caused such a reaction.)

Party Crashed And Burned

, | Fairborn, OH, USA | Food & Drink, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(For the past couple of days we’ve had signs on our doors indicating the dining room would be closed for a Christmas party. The night of the party, I come up to the door carrying a dish in a stone pan. The manager opens the door to let me in when a customer runs past me, inside the dining room.)

Me: “What was—”

Manager: “Hold on.” *closes the door behind me* “Now we shouldn’t have customers trying to come in.”

(I set the dish down and go to get my second load from my car. When I get back, a family of customers is seated in a booth next to the food my coworkers and I have brought in.)

Customer: “Hey, you! What is with that food?”

Me: “We’re having a Christmas party.”

Customer: “You are?”

(I look at my coworkers, and then at the decorations and the games we have set up.)

Coworker: “Yes! We closed at nine.”

Customer: “You did?”

Manager: “We have signs up saying that we did.”

Customer: “Well, I didn’t see those.”

Manager: “Because you ran past my employee, who was carrying stuff in for it.”

(The customer blushes and helps his family pack up to leave.)

The Argument Crumbles Like A Cookie

| Stockholm, Sweden | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(It is early November.)

Customer: “Do you have any gingerbread cookies?”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am. We don’t.”

Customer: “Why would you not even have gingerbread cookies?”

Me: “Sorry, but we haven’t even started making them yet this year.”

Customer: “What? Why the f*** not?”

Me: “Because here at [Shop’s Name], we like to follow the traditions and not start baking Christmas cookies until Christmas time.”

Customer: “Ah, I see! I’m glad to hear that you follow the traditions. All shops should be like you. I don’t get it why people just can’t wait these days. Everyone is just so d*** greedy!” *wanders off*

With A Side Order Of Hypocrisy

| ID, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(It’s my first night shift at my new job. Two customers come in at around 9 pm.)

Me: “Hi. Welcome to [Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Customer #1: “Can I have a chicken sandwich?”

Customer #2: “Ugh. Don’t do that! All the food here is crap! It’s CRAP! You’ll get FAT!”

Me: *awkwardly* “So… would you like—”

Customer #2: “It isn’t real food here, anyway. It’s all processed and fake!”

Customer #1: “Are you getting something or not?”

Customer #2: “Yeah.” *to me* “Gimme two double cheeseburgers and a medium fry.”