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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Miss Understanding Calling

    | ON, Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I respond to the phone at our front counter.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [restaurant]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I’d like to place an order for delivery.”

    Me: “Certainly, what would you like?”

    Caller: “I’d like to place an order for delivery. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, you’d like to place an order for delivery. Which of our items would you like to order?”

    Caller: “I’d like a chicken pad thai and your vegetable salad.”

    Me: “One chicken pad thai and one vegetable salad. Okay, will that be everything?”

    Caller: “Could you read back my order? I want to make sure you know what I want. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

    Me: “Of course. One order of chicken pad thai and one order of vegetable salad for delivery.”

    Caller: “And make sure they know how to make pad thai, do you understand what I’m saying?”

    Me: “Don’t worry ma’am, our chef is professionally trained and has been cooking here for years, and the chicken pad thai is our most-ordered item. I can assure you that he knows how to make it.”

    Caller: “But make sure they know how to make pad thai, do you understand what I’m saying?”

    (At this point I think I must be misunderstanding something that she wants that she considers obvious, so I try to clarify.)

    Me: “Um, yes ma’am. Just to clarify is there any special way you usually ask for your chicken pad thai?”

    Caller: “No. Just chicken pad thai. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

    Me: “Just a normal chicken pad thai?”

    Caller: “Yes, chicken pad thai. Do you understand what I’m saying? And a vegetable salad.”

    Me: “Yes ma’am. Now, if I could get your address?”

    (I manage to extract her address, phone number, and the fact that she will be paying with cash after about 20 more repetitions of ‘do you understand what I’m saying?’. At this point I’m about ready to thank her for her call and tell her when her food will arrive.)

    Caller: “Okay. I hope it’s what I want. You know what pad thai is, right? Do you understand what I’m saying?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, as I said, our chicken pad thai is the most popular item on our menu, and I’ve been working here for 2 years. So I definitely know what it is.”

    Caller: “But you know what it is right? Do you know what I’m saying?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but I don’t know how to make it any clearer to you that I do understand what you’re saying.”

    (I lead one sentence right into the other at this point, so that she doesn’t have a moment to interject.)

    Me: “The delivery man will be there in about 20 minutes with your food. Thank you again for calling us, and have a great day.”

    (I hang up and send her order to the kitchen to be cooked, and then delivered. About 20 minutes later the phone rings.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [restaurant], how may I help you?”

    Caller: “You do understand what I’m saying!”

    (She then hung up.)

    Stamping Feet Over A Stamp

    | Copenhagen, Denmark | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I work at a chain coffee shop. We have a deal where you pay for ten coffees beforehand, to get them at a lower price. Each time a customer orders a coffee, we mark their card with a stamp.)

    Me: “Hi, what can get for you today?”

    Customer: “A cappuccino to-go.”

    (She hands me her card, I stamp it, and hand it back to her.)

    Customer: “Y-you can’t be serious.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “This can’t be true!”

    Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “This stamp! It’s looks terrible!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I guess it could use some new ink. They do tend to vary in size, from what I’ve seen before.”

    Customer: “This is so unprofessional! I cannot believe you would actually do this to me! I want to see your manager!”

    Me: “I’m afraid my manager is not in today, but feel free to write her an email about your complaint, or come in tomorrow.”

    Customer: “I WILL! Someone needs to put a stop to this outrage!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. Would you still like your coffee?”

    Customer: “No! I am never buying coffee here again! I am going to have you fired for this! Now take off my stamp!”

    A Brush With Stupidity

    | Haifa, Israel | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I’m the manager of a pizzeria. I have all my employees keep their hair very short and clean-shaven. This happens when a customer comes up after just having been served her pizza. Everyone working this shift also has black hair.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but there’s a long, blond hair in my pizza!”

    (She stares at me as though expecting me to do something. She also has long blond hair.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but that hair didn’t come from us.”

    Customer: “But it’s on my pizza! You have to do something!”

    Me: “I don’t know what I can do other than to give you directions to the nearest drug store to buy a comb.”

    So Pho, So Crazy, Part 3

    | USA | Awesome Workers, Bigotry, Food & Drink

    (I work at a small snack bar in a sports center. We have just hired a new cook who is of Asian descent. I am on light duty, as I’d sprained my ankle the day before and the new guy stayed after he was scheduled to help. One of my regulars walks in, and when he sees the cooks he turns towards me with a disgusted look on his face.)

    Customer: “What’s this? Since when did you guys start hiring [racial slur]?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Who is this [racial slur] they’ve got in the kitchen now? You gonna start serving egg rolls or something?”

    Me: “Okay, number one, [coworker] is Vietnamese, not a [racial slur]. Not that it matters, because number two, he was born here, so therefore he’s an American. And number 3, I wish we would start selling egg rolls because [coworker] makes the best d*** egg rolls I’ve ever tasted. Now you can go buy your drink from one of the machines because your money isn’t welcome in here today.”

    (The customer stands there with his mouth open in shock for a minute before he turns on his heels and walks out. My coworker walks out as he is leaving.)

    Coworker: “Oh wow, what was his problem?”

    Me: “He’s just mad because I refused to serve him any egg rolls.”

    (Thankfully, the customer later approached my coworker and apologized.)

    Related:
    So Pho, So Crazy, Part 2
    So Pho, So Crazy

    I’ve Got That Drinking Feeling

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Underaged, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m standing in line at the counter, when an obviously drunk and under-aged boy wanders in. The cashier behind the counter is onto him like a shot.)

    Cashier: “Excuse me there, champ. Have you got some ID on you?”

    Drunk teen: “No, I don’t. Why?”

    Cashier: “I’m going to have to ask you to leave my shop then, champ. Right now, please.”

    Drunk teen: “What, just because I have no ID?”

    Cashier: “Among other things, yes. You can’t prove you’re 18, and you’re clearly drunk, which means you’re not legally allowed to be in this store. Please don’t be difficult; just leave.”

    (The drunk teen makes his way to the exit peacefully, but once past the front door decides to act up.)

    Drunk teen: “Well, f*** you! F*** you and get f***ed! I’ll f***ing be here if I want to f***ing be here!” *flips both middle fingers at the cashier*

    (The cashier, who is far taller and broader than he appears while he’s behind the counter, moves into the doorway to prevent the teen re-entering.)

    Cashier: *very calmly* “No, you won’t. Now you’re becoming both an annoyance and a disturbance. You’d better get out of here quick smart, before something happens that you’ll regret later.”

    Drunk teen: “F*** you! I’m gonna bash you man! I’m gonna beat your face!”

    Cashier: *cracks up laughing* “Champ, I doubt you could even beat yourself off at this point.” *takes a step outside the shop* “Please though, take a swing. Give me the excuse.”

    (At this point it apparently dawns on the teen that’s he’s in way over his head and his attempt at intimidation has failed miserably. The cashier seems quite willing to make an example of him.)

    Drunk teen: “Uh… uh… I’m… I’m gonna hurt you man!”

    Cashier: *icily, dangerously calm* “No. You’re going to apologise to the customers for annoying them, you’re going to apologise to me for annoying me, and then you’re going to leave, very quickly, before I put my size 14s so far up your arse your kids are born with tread-marks on their faces, so help me God.”

    (The drunk teen starts to stammer out something, but is interrupted.)

    Cashier: *in a very convincing and menacing Bale-Batman voice* “Get the f*** out of here. Now!”

    (The teen flees at his top speed, bumping into and tripping over everything in his path. We all give the cashier a huge round of applause, and an elderly couple high-fived him!)

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