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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Has Beef With And In The Grill

    , | Beavercreek, OH, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (A customer walks up to the register with a [Famous-Name Brand] grill.)

    Me: “Is this a return?”

    Customer: “Yes, I bought this two days ago and it does not work.”

    Me: “I’m sorry; do you want a replacement?”

    Customer: “No, I would never buy that product again.”

    (I process the return, apologize to the customer, and he walks away. I go through the grill to process the defective merchandise ticket when I notice a funky odor. I open it up, and there is a steak on the grill. My coworker peers over my shoulder.)

    Coworker: “Free food!”

    Nuts About Clams

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (An older gentlemen approaches me while I am stocking frozen meats.)

    Customer: “Where are the clams that are in the flyer?”

    Me: *slightly puzzled* “We haven’t had clams in this store in a long time, if ever.”

    Customer: “Well, I saw them in the flyer.”

    Me: “Do you have this flyer on you?”

    (I ask because half the time the customer produces a flyer from a completely different store.)

    Customer: “No, I don’t think so.”

    Me: “One sec, I’ll fetch the current one…”

    (A few moments later.)

    Me: “They aren’t in here, sir.”

    Customer: “Ah, there. That’s them!”

    (He points to a picture of pistachios. In all fairness, in this photograph, they do look a bit like small clams. Between the resolution of the image and perhaps the old man’s eyesight, it’s an understandable mistake.)

    Me: “Sir, those are pistachios.”

    Customer: “Oh…”

    Me: “…yeah.”

    Customer: “Well, do they taste like clams?”

    Understaffed But Over-Spoken

    , | Seattle, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

    (Working late at night the store is understaffed. There is a manager and I running the entire store. We are trying to keep up with drive through demand, but the wait time is slipping from two minutes to about five minutes.)

    Me: “Welcome to [Store]. How may I take your order?”

    Customer: “I’d like [hamburger meal] and a large drink.”

    Me: “Thank you. Please pull up to the second window.”

    (The customer waits in line for a few minutes until I can handle the customer before him and prepare his food. He drives up in an expensive sports car.)

    Me: “Sorry for the wait, sir. Here is your—”

    Customer: “You know I’ve been to your stores all over the country, and yours in the only one that always takes such a d*** long time to get anything done!”

    Me: *embarrassed/angry*  ”I’m sorry for the long wait, sir, but we are understaffed. There is just the two of us here handling all the orders. But if you are interested in helping get things sped up, we are hiring right now and I can get you an application.”

    (The customer made a face, took his food, and sped off.)

    Getting A Call From The Idiot Factory

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Customer: “So what’s in this supplement? I don’t want the product label; tell me what it’s MADE OF.”

    Me: *after five minutes of searching and her complaining how long it was taking* “It’s made from chicken cartilage. Is that what you were wondering?”

    Customer: “Oh, I knew that. I just wanted to know if you knew.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “So, where are your factory locations? Do you work there? You better work there if you’re selling me these products.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t work in the factory. I take phone call orders. We don’t release our manufacturing locations.”

    Customer: “Well, what kind of shady company are you?!” *hangs up*

    Running Out Of Consideration

    | Marengo, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    (I work at an ice cream and grill. It’s small so it usually doesn’t take long to close up. It’s 8:59 and I’m just about to lock the door when a customer runs in.)

    Me: “You know we close in 20 seconds, right?”

    Customer: “I know; that’s why I ran! I’d like [several meals].”


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