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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    A Diminishing Set Of Returns

    , | Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (I am working the drive-thru pretty late at night. A man that seems to be in his mid-20’s pulls up.)

    Customer: “I’d like to order [Item].”

    Me: “Sure, would you like a drink with that?”

    Customer: “A Coke.”

    (He deliberately mispronounces it so it sounds like something a lot ruder and snickers.)

    Me: “Ah, sure. What size?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. What size do YOU think it is? What size suits me?”

    (At this point I’m fed up with his poor attempt at innuendo.)

    Me: “Well, sir, we don’t have an extra small, but I can give you a small. Please drive through.”

    (He shut up pretty quickly, and didn’t even speak to me for the rest of the transaction. I served him a few times after that and he was always very quiet!)

    Winging For More

    | FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (It is late morning and I’ve just put out a fresh tray of barbecue wings in our wing bar. A tray holds 30-40 wings, or 4-5 pounds. As I’m walking back behind the counter, this happens:)

    Customer: “You gonna make any more?”

    (I turn around and see that the man has taken the entire tray of BBQ wings.)

    Me: “Uh… I can make some more. It’ll take 15 or 20 minutes.”

    Customer: “I’ll wait.”

    (Feeling annoyed, I fry and sauce another tray’s worth of BBQ wings. When I put the new ones out, the customer again scoops every single one into buckets.)

    Customer: “You gonna make any more?”

    Me: “How many wings do you need, sir?”

    Customer: “I dunno, like 200 or something.”

    Me: “Uh… to make that many, it would take me at least 45 minutes, probably an hour.”

    Customer: “I’ll wait.”

    Me: *screaming bloody murder inside* “Uh, next time, sir, you might want to call us and place your order ahead of time, for your convenience.”

    Customer: “Yeah, right. Who has time to do that?!”

    Piloting A New Reason To Drink

    | Norway | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    (I am working in a bar calling last orders. Finishing the last orders, I go on to clean down the bar and finish off. A man walks over to the bar and asks for a beer. Licensing law being very strict in Norway I’m in no way allowed to sell that beer after closing hours.)

    Customer: “One beer, please.”

    Me: “Sorry, we are closed and I can’t sell you a beer.”

    Customer: “Come on, I’ll finish the beer by the time you have finished.”

    Me: “Sorry, no can do. It’s the law.”

    Customer: “It’s been a long hard day and all I ask is one beer, please?”

    Me: “Look, if you are getting to airport at 2:15 and your plane is leaving at 2:00, you’re not getting on that plane, are you?”

    Customer: “If I’m flying at 2:00 the plane is waiting for me, because I’m the pilot!”

    (He got the beer…)

    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 18

    | Chesapeake, VA, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading, Food & Drink

    (I’m standing with my shopping basket full of food in the dairy aisle of my local grocery store when I’m approached by a middle-aged lady I’ve known for years and who frequently comes into the library where I work. I’m wearing my black jeans and a maroon shirt, which looks nothing like the khakis and blue shirts employees wear.)

    Lady: “Young man, do you work here?”

    Me: “No, Mrs. [Lady]. I work at the library. Remember? You came in earlier this week? I checked out your books for you?”

    Lady: “Oh, so you don’t work here then? Do you know the differences between these two kinds of cheese?”

    Me: “No, but I bet I could probably find you a great book on them next time you come into the library where I work.”

    (Some time later she came into the library during my shift and asked if I still worked at the grocery store, too.)

    Related:
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 17
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 16
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 15

    Going Whacko Over A Taco

    , | Florence, KY, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (I am working in the drive-thru, when a customer who is always missing food pulls up to the window.)

    Me: “Your total is [total].”

    Customer: “Can I have some sauce, too?”

    Me: “Yeah, no problem.”

    (That’s when I recognized him. I repeat his order and make sure there is absolutely nothing wrong and he agrees with me. I quadruple check the bag and show all the employee’s so everyone knows he got all his food. I even take a picture. He comes back in five minutes later.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, is there a problem?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I didn’t get my taco.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the taco was in the bag when I gave it to you.”

    Customer: “Well, it’s not in there now.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but when I handed you the food it was in there.”

    Customer: “Well, where is it then? Cause it’s not in there.”

    (He proceeds to show me the bag.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you must have taken it out because it was in there when I handed it to you.”

    Customer: “Okay. Okay. I’ve seen you walking around, man. I’ll find you.”

    (He really just threatened me. Like, wow. So I show him the picture.)

    Customer: “…That’s not my food.”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, it was. I just took it a couple minutes ago right before I gave you your food.”

    Customer: *silence*

    Me: “Now do you want to threaten me again, or do you want to leave?”

    (He left.)

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