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  • November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Never Sausage A Thing Before

    | UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    Me: “Doesn’t look like these sausages are scanning. Where did you get them from?”

    Customer: “In the freezer. I know you can sell them to me. I work for a shop, too, and you can just put the price in and sell them to me.”

    Me: *goes to check for a price – no other items, no price, don’t even sell them* “Sorry, I can’t sell these to you. We don’t even sell them! I’m not sure how they got there”

    Customer: “No! You can and YOU WILL sell them to me! And you can do it now! Stop wasting my time. I want them and you can sell them”

    Me: “I’ve literally never seen these before in my life. I don’t have a price for them. I thought they were new, and they’re not. How am I supposed to sell you what we don’t sell?”

    Customer: “Just put the price in and sell them!”

    Me: “But, there isn’t a price! Well, fine, how does £2 sound?”

    (And that’s the story of how I sold sausages we didn’t even sell, because I “had to sell them and could sell them.”)

    The Vegetarian Contrarian

    | TN, USA | Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging

    (I work as a concierge at a very upscale hotel. Guests from out of town usually trust my word completely, but every now and again, a guest tries to best me with their knowledge from online reviews.)

    Guest: “Hi, I have a list of four Cajun restaurants in the city, and I’d like to run them by you.”

    Me: “Of course, go right ahead!”

    (The guest then names a popular vegetarian-friendly restaurant with one nearby location.)

    Guest: “But I saw on the website that one location only had a vegetarian menu.”

    Me: “That is one of my favorite places for cajun, and their menu is vegetar—”

    Guest: “And I don’t want vegetarian. My husband needs to try real Cajun!”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, I understand. Their menu is vegetarian-friendly, but they still have plenty of meat options.”

    Guest: “I don’t want the location that’s vegetarian, and I saw on the website that one of them is vegetarian only.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, while both locations are vegetarian-friendly, they will still have the meat options for you. There is a location just one block away on [Street] that—”

    Guest: *In a condescending, pointed tone* “I don’t mean to contradict you, but I saw on the website that-” *location one block away* “-is the one that is vegetarian only.”

    Me: *folding my hands politely in front of me* “I had chicken there two weeks ago.”

    Guest: “…”

    Guest’s Husband: “So how do we get to that one now?”

    A High Degree Of Craziness

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    Me: “And here’s your latte, sir!”

    Customer: “Is it extra hot?”

    Me: “Yes, I made sure to steam the milk to an extra hot temperature.”

    Customer: “Let me check.” *takes the temperature with a baby thermometer from his jacket pocket*

    Customer: “This isn’t 200 degrees. I want to a refund.”

    Me: “Well, okay… Could I make you another instead? We could make it 180 degrees but past that the milk will burn.”

    Customer: “No. How hard can it be to make a latte extra hot? You just push a button! I want my money back.”

    Me: “Well… let me get my manager.”

    Customer: “Good.”

    (He leaves with the latte for free. A few days later he comes back and the same thing happens. Now he comes in once a month even though his latte is never right.)

    Trouble Brewing, Part 7

    , | VT, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Do you have iced tea?”

    Me: “Um, yes, we have lots of kinds of iced tea. Are you looking for a single-serving bottle or for a big bottle?”

    Customer: “What? No, I just want iced tea.”

    Me: “Um, okay, sure. There are a lot of coolers around the store that hold chilled drinks. You can find some at the other end of this aisle here, or at the other end of this one here, facing the meat and seafood. Or there are big bottles held at room temperature in the juice aisle, or—”

    Customer: “No, no. What? I just want some iced tea! Some iced tea, just like you have the iced coffee!” *he gestures to some large self-service carafes which hold strong coffee to be poured over cups of ice*

    Me: “Oh, you mean you want it to be brewed in-house? I’m sorry; we don’t sell it that way here.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want it brewed in-house. What?”

    Me: “Okay, so you want a bottle of iced tea?”

    Customer: “No! I just want to buy a cup of iced tea!”

    Me: “Uh, okay… I’m sorry, I’m really trying to understand you, but I’m just not sure what you’re asking for. Sometimes a store sells iced tea in bottles, and they’re packaged somewhere else and then we just sell them. Sometimes a store sells iced tea that they’ve brewed themselves on the premises. We only sell it in bottles that come from outside companies. There’s a cafe down the block that might sell it homemade, if that’s what you want. I can give you direc—”

    Customer: “I just find it incredible that you really don’t sell just plain iced tea.”

    Me: “Sir, I didn’t say that. We have plenty of iced tea.”

    Customer: “I want you to stop looking at me like I’m insane for trying to get some plain iced tea!”

    Me: “I’m sorry! I’m just trying to figure out how else a store could possibly sell iced tea. You don’t want it brewed elsewhere and bottled and shipped here, and you don’t want it to be brewed here in the store—”

    (At this point my customer turned around and walked away, still looking completely pissed off.)

    Trouble Brewing, Part 6
    Trouble Brewing, Part 5
    Trouble Brewing, Part 4

    I Spat On Your Spatula

    | NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I am a student employee working at the cafeteria of my community college that I attend. I am at our fusion station serving various forms of pasta. I keep a fairly clean operation and periodically change my cooking implements as well as clean my station. After dealing with one picky customer, I run through my cleaning routine save for one skillet and spatula I have only just begun using for the previous customer. A female student walks up to the station shortly after I finish cleaning the counters.)

    Me: “Hi there, how are you doing today?”

    Customer: “Good. What is this?”

    (This alone amused me as it was obvious what I was serving but multiple others asked me this already today so I dismissed it.)

    Me: “It is a pasta bar today. Would you like some?”

    Customer: “Sure.”

    (She proceeds to tell me her selections but suddenly stops short when I go to use the aforementioned tools.)

    Me: “Is something wrong?”

    Customer: “Would you please use a different pan? I don’t want you to make my food in an infected pan.”

    (This annoys me slightly but not enough for her to see. I get a new skillet out and move her meal into it and grab the spatula.)

    Customer: “Uh, I’m sorry but could you please use another spatula. I don’t want that one used in my food.”

    (By this time the lunch rush has begun and other customers have started to line up behind her. I run to the back to get a new spatula, come back, and set it on the counter so I can light the burner.)

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, is this what you want?

    Customer: “Yes, that’ll be great…”

    Me: “Is there still a problem, ma’am?”

    Customer: “You know what I think I’m going to pass.”

    Me: “Why?”

    Customer: “You can’t put a clean spatula on the counter; it’ll get germs all over it. You need to have napkins or plates stacked together to put it on so it doesn’t get infected. I’m sorry but I can’t… have a nice day.”

    (The customer speeds off without another word. I’m standing there with her food half made when another female student, who had witnessed most of this, approaches me laughing.)

    Me: “Okay, can someone tell me what just happened?”

    Customer #2: “It’s okay; don’t get frazzled. I know that girl. Sorry about that.”

    Me: “Not a problem. What can I do for you today?”

    Customer #2: “You know what? I’ll just have what she was going to have.”