October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

The Name Is A Sticking Point

| Overland Park, KS, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I’m a waiter at a local pizza place and am currently on the phone with a customer that is placing an order. They’ve ordered a special which enables them to get their choice of either breadsticks or cheese sticks.)

Me: “All right, sir, would you like the breadsticks or cheese sticks with your pizza?”

Customer: *after much thought* “”Hmm, you guys used to have these breadsticks that had cheese on them. Could I get those instead?”

Me: “Sir? Do you mean the cheese sticks?”

Customer: “No, no. The breadsticks with cheese!”

Me: *clicking the cheese sticks button* “Oh yeah, the breadsticks with cheese! I can do that for you!”

Customer: “Thank you! You have no idea how many other [Store]s don’t know what I’m talking about!”

Pepsi Max-imum Idiot

| Macomb, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

Customer: “Um, excuse me. I was rung up wrong. These cases of pop are supposed to be 3 for $12.”

Manager: “Ma’am, only Coke products have that deal.”


Manager: “Pepsi isn’t a Coke product.”

Rage Against The Rage Against The Machine

| TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology

(I’m one of the customers in this story and am shopping at a well-know Texan gas station after work. In addition to walking in to prepay for my gas, I also pick up a snack item and an ICEE for me to eat on my back home. However, as I walking to one of the three or four ICEE machines I hear:)

ICEE Machine: “Please place the lid on your cup before dispensing your ICEE. Please place the lid on your cup before dispensing your ICEE.”

(This causes me to take a step back and blink before laughing, knowing some fool must have made a mess before. However, I do as the machine instructs and head over to the cashier, still shaking my head.)

Cashier: *scanning my items* “Is this going to be everything?”

Me: “Actually, I need [amount] on [pump].”

(The cashier brings up my car to make sure I have the right number. Before I can continue we hear another customer at the ICEE machine.)

Other Customer: “F***! Your machine is broken! It sprayed this s*** all over me!”

(He comes around the corner, wearing his ICEE and holding – you guessed it – the cup without the lid on it. I let the cashier fix the idiot’s problem, but then hear:)

Customer: “You should put a fucking out-of-order sign on that they all spray -” *he notices I have an ICEE cup that’s filled to the top of the lid* “Which machine did you get that from?!”

(I point to the one I used.)


(At this point I had enough of his stupidity and decide to shut him up with showing him up. I walk over to the machine. It, like last time, gave out the direction to put the lid on before dispensing.)

Me: *mockingly* “Oh, ‘Please place the lid on your cup before dispensing your ICEE.’ Gee, I guess I should do that; no telling what could happen if I don’t.”

(I look back and dispense a color ICEE that matches the mess that was left on the cup he’s now tossed without a problem.)

Me: “Wow! That was so nice and easy, and I don’t have any mess on me!”

(At this point the customer is now cherry red and stammering.)

Other Customer: “Uhhh… umm… bu…”

(He then takes his leave before causing any more problems. At the same time, the cashier was back at the counter with another employee.)

Me: “Sorry about that. Though, I guess I’ll buy two ICEEs.”

Other Employee: “No, you won’t. Your total is [half of the amount I asked for my gas]”

Me: “Uhhh… but that’s not even what I asked for gas.”

Other Employee: “After what you did for us, let us help you.”

(Turned out the other employee was the shift manager and he basically let me walk out only paying $20 for a full tank of gas, 2 ICEEs, and my snack.)

Makes You Very GLAD(os)

| HI, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule

(I work for a local supermarket chain. We give out reward coupons after customers spend a certain amount that you can use for a number of things. One of these is a special item that changes each week. I notice my next customer is wearing a Portal shirt.)

Me: “Welcome to the Aperture Science [Store] Register. If you successfully finish this transaction and have a reward, there will be cake.”

Customer: *laughs* “The cake is a lie!”

Me: “Not so, sir.” *points to flier* “The reward this week is free cheesecake.”

Customer: *stares* “Seriously?”

Me: “Yup.”

Customer: “Could I… get one right now?”

Me: “If you have a reward, certainly.”

(Customer then proceeded to sprint off to grab a cheesecake and came back exclaiming “The cake’s not a lie!”)

A Very Scrambled Shortbus

| IL, USA | Awesome Workers, Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I’m the a**-hole in this story. After drinking far too much, a bunch of buddies and I go to this breakfast place. I don’t really want to go, but my buddies insist, so I am barely awake when the waitress comes up to us.)

Waitress: “All right, fellas, what can I get for you?”

(My friends order, then she gets to me.)

Waitress: “And for you?”

Me: “Hmm?”

Waitress: “Food? Mouth? Yours. You know. Restaurant stuff.”

Me: “Oh! Right, sorry. Eggs and bacon, please.”

Waitress: “How you want those eggs, hon?”

Me: “Orange juice.”

Waitress: “Oh… ‘shortbus.’ Your name’s ‘shortbus’ now. I’ll be back with your Orange Juice Eggs.”

Me: “Oh, god! No! Scrambled! I meant scrambled!”

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