(I am a cashier at a buffet. I am very short and am standing next to another cashier over six feet. Our buffet guests have been standing in line for about two hours for a very popular weekend dinner. I invite the next two guests in line to come pay at my register.)

Guest: “Well, aren’t you lucky! You get to sit down while we had to stand in that line for over two hours.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Guest: “I said, you’re very lucky to get to sit down while we had to stand in that line for a very long time.”

(I glance at my co-worker, who is grinning widely at the comment.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not sitting down. This is as tall as I get!”

(The guest turns bright red and starts apologizing. I can’t resist taking off my shoes, which shorten me by another two inches.)

Me: “Ma’am, without my shoes I’m only this tall.”

Guest: “Please! You’d better keep your shoes on!”

(Two customers have entered. Customer #1 points at me, and starts talking to his friend.)

Customer #1: “Jesus! Check out that Snooty-B**** on the till!”

Customer #2: “Dude, chill out! Have some respect!”

Customer #1: “She’s way too dumb for that! B**** needs to be put in her place!”

(The customer proceeds to harass me about my education, my appearance, and anything he can get to, before he eventually decides to order. I’ve been totally silent.)

Me: “Thank you for that. What can I get for you today?”

Customer #1: “Ha! I’ll get one of those large, mini fillets burgers; think you can manage that?”

Me: “A large mini fillet burger?”

Customer #1: “Um, duh?! I told you that you were thick as s***!”

Me: “A large mini fillet burger? So… a fillet burger, then?”

(Customer #1is speechless.)

Customer #2: “Yeah… you sure put her in her place.”

(I work as a hostess. A family of four walk in, and I seat them. The nine-year-old son leaves the table and comes up to the host stand.)

Nine-Year-Old Son: “Do you like your job?”

Me: “Sometimes it gets a little crazy, but it’s all good! Do you need some extra crayons or something?”

Nine-Year-Old Son: “No. Are you tired of your job yet?”

Me: “No, I’m doing all right.”

Nine-Year-Old Son: “Because if you’re tired, I’ll take over for you. Just come tell me at my table.”

(I laugh.)

Me: “Thank you very much, but I have to stay up here and work until the end of my shift!”

(His older sister comes over.)

Nine-Year-Old Son: “I’m serious! If you’re tired, I can take over!”

Older Sister: “Come on, let’s go!”

(I’m studying physics at a major university. I work at an ice cream store, and when we don’t have anything to do I usually do my reading for physics. A customer walks up to the counter to get a spoon, and then sees one of the diagrams in my physics book.)

Customer: “Oh, you’re reading a picture book. I’m glad you found something that you’re smart enough to read. What’s it about?”

Me: “String theory and theoretical quantum physics.”

Customer: *long pause*

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; should I use smaller words? Maybe I could draw you a picture?”

Customer: *quietly* “May I please have a spoon?”

(I am stocking coke in the aisle. A very perturbed customer comes up to me.)

Customer: “Young man, my doctor said I can’t drink coke anymore.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that.”

(I continue stocking the coke.)

Customer: “Young man, I just told you that I can’t drink this stuff.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Would you like me to help you find something else?”

Customer: “I said I can’t drink this stuff!”

(She grabs a two-liter bottle and throws it to the ground. She puts her hand into the shelf behind the product and starts walking down the aisle, scooping all the soda on the floor.)

Customer: “I can’t drink coke! I can’t drink coke!”

(She begins stomping on the cans and bottles and kicking them around. By the time she’s worn herself out, the floor is covered. The cans are spraying little jets of cola. She looks at me, then over my shoulder at the liquor dept.)

Customer: “He said I can’t drink whiskey either!”

(She starts to charge the liquor dept. Thankfully, that is when the security guard steps in front of her, takes her hand, and leads her out of the store.)