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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    I Don’t Want To Wait. Oh Wait.

    | MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    Me: *answering the phone* “[Restaurant]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Can you cook us a cheese pizza, and a pepperoni and beef pizza, and put them on the buffet? We are coming in to eat and we are in a hurry and don’t want to wait.”

    (Even though we don’t normally do this, it’s a slow day, so I say okay. The customer and her friends arrive in about 10 minutes.)

    Customer: “Are the pizzas we called ahead about ready yet?”

    Me: “Yes, they were just put on the buffet for you.”

    Customer: “Good, because we don’t want to wait.” *she looks at the menu* “Oh, can I order a 10-piece buffalo wings, too?”

    Me: “Okay, but they take about 12-15 minutes to cook.”

    Customer: “Oh that’s fine. We can wait.”

    Fractionally More Stupid

    | Greenville, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Math & Science

    (I have recently started working in the deli of a grocery store.)

    Me: “Hello. How are you today, miss?”

    Customer: “Hi, I would like some [Brand] ham please.”

    Me: “Sure, and how much of the [Brand] ham would you like?”

    Customer: *thinking* “Um… I’ll take about a quarter — no! I’ll take less than that. I want more than a third of a pound, but no more than one quarter pound!”

    (I tried my best not to laugh at the fact that a third is actually MORE than a fourth (difference between 0.33 and 0.25 respectively). I ended up slicing her one fifth instead. No wonder there’s a math joke saying that ‘5 out of 4 people have a problem with fractions!’)

    You Just Drank PP

    | ON, Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (A lady and her husband walk into the store and order two medium coffees, one with milk, and one with double cream and double sugar. It is required that we mark the lid in order to determine whose beverage is whose, so I mark the drink with double cream and double sugar. Usually for this I write ‘dd’ on the lid. I put the drink on the counter, and the lady walks over to pick up her drink. She looks at the drink and asks me why I put two ‘p’s on the lid.)

    Me: “Ma’am, those are ‘d’s. The drink is facing the opposite way”.

    Her: “Why don’t you put the proper “D”s on the lid?”

    Me: “I use that to indicate decaf coffee.”

    Her:“But the ‘d’ is not a real letter anyway; learn to write properly next time.” *walks off in a huff*

    A Thin And Crispy Argument

    | MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I am managing a very busy popular grab-and-go pizza place. The customer is the father of some former employees and his family; we always tend to give them a good deal on their food since two of his kids have worked at our location in the past. On this occasion they have received their food, with significant discount, when the father comes back into the store with a displeased look on his face.)

    Customer: “Hey, [My Name], can you come over here?”

    Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: *opens pizza box displaying the thin and crispy pizza they had ordered and steps back, arms crossed with a look of disgust*

    (I look at the pizza and can see nothing wrong.)

    Me: “I don’t understand.”

    Customer: “You would eat this?!”

    (I look again and see that the pizza has all the characteristics that we look for when making a thin crust, particularly the fact that it has cooked slightly longer than our classic crust pizza, to give it the crispy part of the ‘thin and crispy.’)

    Me: “Of course! It looks delicious!”

    (He looks at me dumbfounded.)

    Customer: “No, this pizza is burnt!”

    (Every time they have ever ordered this same pizza, it has always looked like this, but, trying to be nice I explain to him.)

    Me: “Well, I will gladly make you a new pizza but this is how our thin crust pizzas come out of the oven. If you would like to have your pizzas lightly cooked, then we need to have that information before the order is made, so that we can have everything the way you would like it.”

    Customer: *looks as if he is struggling to hold back anger* “I have never seen a pizza look like this and I have been to several [Pizza Chain]s in this area! I want my whole order redone!”

    (At this point, I have a line forming behind him and I can see other customers begin to look annoyed at the extended wait.)

    Me: *to the workers making the pizzas, with just a hint of incredulity* “Hey, I need [Customer]’s order redone! Make sure everything is lightly done and perfect for him before he leaves again.”

    (He then storms out of the store, leaving his kids to wait for the food. After the rush has calmed down a bit, I and a coworker, the one who had cut the pizzas for him originally, are in the back of the store inspecting the pizzas he had the issue with.)

    Coworker: “I can’t believe he would make such a fit about his food, in front of a lobby full of people, especially when he has had two kids work here in the past who have had to deal with rude customers like him!”

    Me: *grabbing a slice of the thin crust and taking a bite* “Oh, well. I was hungry anyway!”

    The Cake Website Is A Lie

    | Australia | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I work on the hands-on side of a small online sports gear store, packing and answering the phone. I overhear the following phone call on speaker.)

    Coworker: “Hello, [Sports Store]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, hi. I haven’t actually looked at your website but I was wondering if you could help me; do you have any cake decorating supplies?”

    Coworker: “Uh… no I’m afraid we don’t carry cake decorating gear. We mostly stock sports goods.”

    Customer: *disappointed* “Oh… well, I don’t want that. Maybe I’ll check your website.” *click*

    Coworker: *to me* “Cake decorating is a sport now?”

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