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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Another Way To Water The Plants

    | TX, USA | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink

    (My dad is the customer in this one. He strongly dislikes lemon in water, which of course is a standard way of serving it in many restaurants. He’s noted that if he just says, “No lemon, please,” it often shows up with lemon anyway — servers are human, and it’s easy to forget a request and do it your standard way. He could just take it out, but he feels that it makes the water bitter, so rather than be THAT guy and insist on a new glass when this happens, he’s come up with a way to make the request memorable and thereby end up with un-lemoned water in the first place. I have to admit that it almost always works, and often gets a grin, but one young lady turned the tables on him.)

    Me: “I’ll have a [Diet Soda].”

    Dad: “I’ll have water, with no fruits and no vegetables in it.”

    (A couple minutes later, back comes our waitress, with my soda, and a glass of water … with a big ol’ stalk of broccoli stuck in it! She puts the drinks down, just like this is completely normal, starts to turn away, and then stops and snaps her fingers.)

    Waitress: “Oh, that’s right! You were the one who wanted no vegetables!”

    (And then while we were dying laughing, she took it away and brought the fruit-and-veggie-free water originally asked for. Definitely the best response ever to his little shtick.)

    Your Day Needs A Refill

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    Customer: “Hello, I didn’t like this drink. It was made wrong.”

    Me: “Oh. sure. What did you order and what didn’t you like about it?”

    Customer: “I bought this hot chocolate yesterday. I finished it and it just didn’t taste very good and I’d like a free refill.”

    Me: “So… you want a free refill? On a drink you didn’t like and bought over 24 hours ago?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “…No.”

    Fractional Intelligence, Part 3

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Math & Science

    (I work in the call center for the complaint line of a fast food restaurant chain.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Guest: “I just bought one of your burgers. The 1/3 lb burger. That’s your big burger, right?”

    Me: “Well, we have 1/4 lb, 1/3 lb, and 1/2 lb burgers.”

    Guest: “Right. But I got the 1/3 lb burger. That’s the biggest one, right?”

    Me: “Um, no ma’am, the 1/2 lb is burger than the 1/3 lb.”

    Guest: “Really? Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. 1/2 is bigger than 1/3.”

    Guest: “Huh. Never mind, then.”

    (Guest hangs up.)

    Me: *to coworker* “Wow. Another child left behind…”

    Fractional Intelligence, Part 2
    Fractional Intelligence

    Taxing Faxing, Part 15

    | Charlotte, NC, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Technology

    (Callers place orders for a certain drinkable product. They can also call in to track their orders. One such customer places her order and calls back a few days later to see where her package is.)

    Me: “I’m showing it was delivered via UPS this afternoon.”

    Caller: “It was MAILED?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Caller: “Why wasn’t it faxed? You all did this every other time! I want a refund, now! I have a dinner party and I am so embarrassed! I bragged on this and you failed horribly!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we aren’t able to fax this order, I am sorry. We can send a new order out if needed but it won’t arrive until day after tomorrow at the earliest. Have you checked everywhere, or asked your neighbors?”

    Caller: “I don’t need to! It’s not my fault you all are incompetent morons… Oh! I’m pulling up to my house now, and I see it! Still refund me, as I have a headache from this call!” *click*

    Taxing Faxing, Part 14
    Taxing Faxing, Part 13
    Taxing Faxing, Part 12

    Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 9

    | Boston, MA, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (I own a small bakery/coffee shop in Boston. I have three bakers and one barista, as our customer quantity isn’t very high. It’s my barista’s day off, so a baker and I have been rotating between performing her duties and our own.)

    Customer: *looks at menu* “Give me a large [smoothie], two cinnamon buns, and a loaf of bread.”

    Baker #1: “Yes, sir. Anything else for you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I want a…” *trails off*

    Me: *pokes my head out of the kitchen door* “Sorry to interrupt, sir, but my baker is needed elsewhere. [Baker #1], [Baker #2] needs your help.”

    Baker #1: “Okay.” *heads to kitchen*

    Customer: “I want a specialty coffee with that.”

    Me: “Of course, sir. Anything else?”

    Customer: “No. And I’m the owner’s husband, so I get free food.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I can’t do that.”

    Customer: “What, b****? You’re not going to give me my food? What makes you so special, you little s***?”

    Me: “Sir, I refuse to give you free food. You have no connection with the owner.”

    Customer: “F*** you. I demand to see the manager.”

    Me: “Of course, sir.”

    (I go into the kitchen and send Baker #1 out. I hear the man curse some more and demand to see the owner. Baker #1 re-enters and tells me to go back out.)

    Me: “Hello again, sir. I hear you wish to speak to the owner.”

    (The man stuttered, turned red, and ran off without taking his food.)

    Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 8
    Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 7
    Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 6

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