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  • Done With You
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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    A Very Scrambled Shortbus

    | IL, USA | Awesome Workers, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I’m the a**-hole in this story. After drinking far too much, a bunch of buddies and I go to this breakfast place. I don’t really want to go, but my buddies insist, so I am barely awake when the waitress comes up to us.)

    Waitress: “All right, fellas, what can I get for you?”

    (My friends order, then she gets to me.)

    Waitress: “And for you?”

    Me: “Hmm?”

    Waitress: “Food? Mouth? Yours. You know. Restaurant stuff.”

    Me: “Oh! Right, sorry. Eggs and bacon, please.”

    Waitress: “How you want those eggs, hon?”

    Me: “Orange juice.”

    Waitress: “Oh… ‘shortbus.’ Your name’s ‘shortbus’ now. I’ll be back with your Orange Juice Eggs.”

    Me: “Oh, god! No! Scrambled! I meant scrambled!”

    A Sprinkle Of Stupidity

    | Salem, OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I work at a pizza place that often allows customers to switch out ingredients, as long as they are not adding any extra.)

    Customer: “I want the all meat with no sausage, add bacon, and add green pepper.”

    Me: “Great, sir. We can take the sausage off, but unfortunately I can only add one other ingredient. You’ll have to choose which one you’d like.”

    Customer: “What if I add bacon but only get a spritz of green pepper?”

    Me: “You’d still be getting one too many.”

    Customer: “What about a dash?”

    Me: “Sir, the manner in which we apply the ingredient won’t make any difference.”

    Done With You

    | FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I work as a server, attending to a husband and wife. From the get-go, I get the sense that the wife is looking for something to be mad about. The husband, meanwhile, was quite affable and desperately trying to make up for his wife’s grouchiness by being extra pleasant. Taking their order, she is very specific about how she wants her salad, which is fine, and I take great pains to ensure it come out from the kitchen correctly. When I deliver their meals, the husband starts chowing down, but the wife spends a good five minutes inspecting her dish. Finally, after ostensibly finding nothing wrong with her meal, she sighs heavily and eats her meal. Since she looks so unhappy, I check up a few more times than usual, just to cover my own butt.)

    Me: “Is everything to your liking?”

    Husband: “Oh, yes. I really enjoyed the food.”

    (The wife didn’t say much of anything, choosing instead to mutter under her breath. Finally, I notice that their plates are empty, so I go to pre-bus their table. The husband sheepishly thanks me for an excellent meal. Now, her plate is completely empty; no sauce to lick up, nothing. I go to take it away, when…)

    Customer: “HEY! Why are you taking that away?! Did I say I was done?!”

    Me: “I’m terribly sorry, ma’am! I assumed as much because the plate is completely empty.”

    Customer: *looks at her own plate* “…Oh, I guess I WAS done!”

    If Life Can’t Give You Lemons…

    , | Monument, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Customer: “Yeah, I’d like a lemonade.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we do not have lemonade.”

    Customer: “Do you have diet lemonade?”

    Me: “…”

    That’s One Way To Get Your Goat

    | Colchester, England, UK | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I’m serving canapés at an outdoor wedding and approach a group of guests.)

    Me: “Would anyone like a canapé?”

    Guest: “What’s in them?”

    Me: “That’s a goat’s cheese tartlet with sun-brushed tomatoes.”

    Guest: “Oh, no, I won’t. I just don’t like goat’s cheese. No offence.”

    Me: “That’s fine. I didn’t actually make them but I’m sure the chef won’t mind!”

    Guest: “I didn’t mean any offence. I know you’re not a goat!”

    Me: “…Thank you, sir.”

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