November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Beguiling Bagels

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(It is less than five minutes before closing on a Friday night, when a clearly drunk individual walks into the bagel shop where I work. The store manager has worked with me for years, in multiple settings, and we like to take turns pinning each other with the unruly guests.)

Customer: “I want a dozen doughnuts.”

Me: “I’m sorry; did you mean a dozen bagels?”

Customer: “Did I say I wanted f****** bagels? I said f****** doughnuts. I want a dozen doughnuts!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t carry doughnuts.”

Customer: “Well, why the f*** don’t you have any f****** doughnuts?”

Me: *in a sugary-sweet voice, with a cheek-aching, full toothed grin* “Because, we’re a F****** BAGEL SHOP, SIR. Also, we’re closed now. Have a lovely evening.”

(My manager proceeded to laugh hysterically, as she followed him to the door, locking it behind him.)

Has No Time For Your Closing Time

| WI, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Technology, Time

(I am closing at the fast food place, so things are slowing down. I get a customer in drive-thru who orders a lot of food, and several drinks, all large. I have very specific rules on when to take orders when there are only three people, including myself working. As I’m taking the payment, someone comes up to order.)

Me: *after automated message plays:* “Just one moment, please.”

Customer: *after about 15 seconds* “Hello?”

Me: *as I’m trying to count out the change for the polite customer at my window* “I’m sorry, give me just a minute.”

(The process repeats a few times before the customer trying to order gets fed up.)

Customer: *talking to his passenger* “Fine, let’s just go to McDonald’s.”

(They then they drive off, rather impatiently. As I’m handing out all of the food for the customer at my window:)

Customer #2: “Sorry for ordering so much.”

Me: “Not a problem; you have a nice night.”

(About 10 minutes later, that same truck, with Mister Impatient, comes back and places an order.)

Me: *at the window during payment* “McDonald’s closes before us here.”

(The customer gave me a startled look, not sure how I knew.)

Don’t Ask Where The Chicken Came From

| SC, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I work at a new Chinese restaurant in a small town; a customer is looking over a menu.)

Customer: “What’s human chicken?”

(Cue laughter:)

Customer: “Oh! Hunan chicken! I mean Hunan chicken!”

Something Fishy About That Meat

| Traverse City, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(A couple sit down at a table in my section:)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]. I’ll be taking care of you tonight. Our dinner feature is our Friday night fish fry. Tonight we have cod.”

Man: “Your special, what exactly is that?”

Me: “Our cod is four flaky fillets that comes with fries and coleslaw, but if you would like you can exchange that for any two sides.”

Man: “Where is that listed on the menu?”

Me: “Right here, sir.” *I point to the menu, where it says “Friday Fish Fry” in large letters and the man starts looking over where I had showed him*

Woman: “I’ll have the roast beef dinner.”

Man: *to his wife* “Did you get fish?”

Woman: “No, I got the beef.”

Man: *to me* “That beef, is it meat?”

Me: “Uhm, yes.”

Man: “Are you sure it’s meat, not fish?”

Me: “Yes.”

Man: “Why don’t you have fish?”

Me: “We do. The cod I told you about right here is fish.”

Man: “Are you sure that it is fish and not meat?”

Me: “Yes.”

Man: “All right. I’ll have that, as long as it’s not meat.”

These Donuts Are A Little On The Insecty-Side

| VA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(My coworker and I work in the bakery section of a well known retail chain. During certain times of the year fruit flies are a problem in our department. It is store policy for the bakery to remove the self-serve donuts from the case if the fruit flies are too numerous. This exchange happens to my co-worker while I’m on break.)

Customer: *indignant* “There’s a whole bunch of fruit flies in here.”

Coworker: *checks the case* “You’re right. Sorry about that, sir.” *leaves to get cart to load trays on. comes back. starts loading trays*

Customer: “What are you doing?”

Coworker: “Getting rid of the donuts. We’re supposed to pull the donuts when there’s too many fruit flies.”

Customer: “Can’t you spray some poison in there or something? I really want one!”

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