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    Category: Food & Drink

    Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

    Lacks The Power To Comprehend

    | London, ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (One morning there is an electrical fire under the city streets that blows out power to the entire downtown core. Our store is completely closed, dark, and the roads are blocked off by the hydro company and firefighters who are tackling manhole fires. People still managed to get to our doors nonetheless. One tries to come in behind our manager as she is returning and locking the door.)

    Customer: “I just need my coffee. Two milk, two sugar, please.”

    Manager: “Sorry, sir, we’re closed. We have no power.”

    Customer: “That’s fine. Just pour the coffee and give me the rest on the side.”

    Manager: “Sorry, but we have no coffee right now and we won’t be open until at least noon.”

    Customer: “How do you not have coffee?”

    Manager:“Because we’re closed. We haven’t had power for three hours.”

    Customer: “Well, can’t you just ask them to turn it on quick?” *points to the city hydro truck and workers on the street*

    Manager: “They said it won’t be back until at least noon.”

    Customer: “Can I just come in and see what you have?”

    Manager: “We have no power, so we can’t use our tills, or sell you anything here.”

    Customer: “I’ll just start going to the other store, then!” *the other store is two blocks down, also without power*

    Manager: “Sure. Have a good day.”

    (The outage lasted about nine hours and knocked out every utility in radius of about 10-15 blocks in the core of downtown, including stores, traffic lights, and even complete road closures due to fires. People still couldn’t comprehend that we couldn’t sell them coffee all day.)

    No Longer Being Paid To Be Nice

    | Brighton, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “It’s 10.50 pm, so last orders, please!”

    (Ten minutes later:)

    Me: “It’s 11.00 pm. That’s time at the bar now!”

    (I go about closing the bar, cleaning, sweeping, taking out the trash and cashing up. Four customers who’ve been chatting for several hours over one and a half beers and lots of glasses of tap water ignore me as I clean around them and tell them that I need to take their glasses.)

    Me: “It’s 11.45 pm. Come on. Everyone’s gone, the bar is shut, and I’m not being paid to be here any more. Will you please just go?”

    Customer: “I can’t believe how rude you’re being! Let me talk to your manager!”

    (They explain how rude I was when I asked them to leave and how I had claimed that I wasn’t being paid to be polite to them now.)

    Manager: “He’s right. We’ve been closed for nearly an hour and none of us are being paid to be here now. So get out!”

    (I thought I might have overstepped the mark but it’s good to know your manager’s got your back!)

    Food To Go Is Going Nowhere

    , | Charlottesville, VA, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (The store closes at 10:30 pm. A customer comes in at 10:26 pm and takes 10 minutes to decide what they want, even though we only serve chicken tenders which take seven minutes to cook.)

    Me: “All right, your box combo will be up in about eight minutes.”

    Customer: “That’s fine.”

    Me: *brings out food in a to-go box*

    Customer: “Thank you so much!” *begins to open container*

    Me: “Sir, we closed at 10:30.”

    Customer: *looks at watch* “I still have time.” *continues eating*

    (Because there’s a customer in the store, we can’t clean or lock the door. Just as the customer is finishing, eight more people show up.)

    Customer: “My friends are here. Let them in and give them food to go.”

    Me: “Sir, we’re closed.”

    Customer: “The doors are open. Look here they come.”

    Me: “Sir, the doors are open because we can’t lock you in.”

    Manager: “Just take the orders, but make them to go.”

    (I took the orders. The people proceeded to sit down with their to-go boxes and eat and talk for the next 30 minutes. My manager got so mad that we cleaned up around them. To this day the restaurant closes at 10:23 pm just to be safe.)

    Not Very Closed Minded, Part 2

    | FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in the meat and seafood section of my store. My department closes at 10 pm, but the store itself is open until midnight. It is 10:15 pm and I am finishing cleaning when a customer approaches.)

    Customer: “Can I get two pounds of catfish?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We’re closed.”

    Customer: “Don’t lie to me. The doors aren’t locked, the lights are still on, and you’re still here. I want two pounds of catfish.”

    Me: “The store is open until midnight, yes. But my department closes at 10 o’clock.”

    Customer: “I thought I told you not to lie to me! That’s the most idiotic thing I’ve ever heard! The department closing before the store does; do you think I’m stupid or something?!”

    Me: *trying not to take the bait* “I’m afraid that’s just how it is, sir. Seafood counter closes at 10.”

    Customer: “DON’T F***ING LIE TO ME! YOU HAVE TO SERVE ME! I’M STANDING RIGHT HERE!”

    Me: “Yes, I can see that you’re standing right there. However, your standing there has no bearing on the time we shut down this department.”

    Customer: “I’M STANDING RIGHT HERE! YOU HAVE TO SERVE ME! I WANT TWO POUNDS OF CATFISH!”

    (I put a sign that says CLOSED on the counter. The customer screamed in inarticulate rage and punched my glass display case. He screamed again in pain and ran away clutching his hand, shouting about how he would sue me for assault.)

    Takes A Long Time To Close The Matter

    | Raleigh, NC, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Time

    (I am a waitress. Around seven pm, a couple is sat at one of the two booths in my section. Since our very busy weekend ‘rush’ usually starts around five pm, I knew they would have waited almost an hour to have been seated.)

    Me: “What can I get you to drink?”

    Customer: “We will have a single glass of wine each, and entrees.”

    Me: “Absolutely. Is it a special occasion tonight?”

    Customer: “We are a married couple, and this is the first time in six months we’ve seen each other.”

    Me: “Oh, my!”

    (They were very low-demand, and after they finished the entrees, they lingered over a shared dessert and a pair of coffees. And lingered. And LINGERED.  Around 9:15 pm…)

    Customer: “Can we please have the check?”

    Me: *thinking ‘finally!’* “Absolutely!”

    (The average table turnaround time in our restaurant is 45 minutes. They have already been here over two hours, and since they are taking up one of our four existing smoking tables, my section is still steadily busy well past 9 pm. They don’t put down any form of payment, however. The check folder just lingers in the same spot at the end of their table for hours. By 11:30 pm there are no other customers in the place aside from a few at the central bar. The other closing waitress and I have already cleaned and restocked all the tables in the restaurant, and closed two of the four sections. Our manager sends the other waitress home, so it is me, the bartender, and two line cooks left.)

    Me: *making a show of closing down for the evening* “Here, let me refilled your decaf coffees, and just so you know we close at midnight.”

    (I try to stay nice, as they seem like a very nice couple, and they gave me the impression that they knew they’d taken up the table far longer than normal customers and would tip me accordingly. Normally, on a Saturday night, that table would’ve turned over at least half a dozen times or more, and be easily worth some $50 in tips. The folder still remains in the same place on their table. When midnight comes…)

    Customer: “Just to let you know that the restaurant is now closed.”

    (The last of the bar patrons is gone by 12:15 am. Chairs are on top of tables in every section except mine, because it ‘wasn’t our policy’ to do something as impolite as putting chairs on the tables if customers are still in a section. Our manager cruises by their table to remind them once more than we are closed. I vacuum the far sections of the restaurant. 12:45 am rolls around and they are still there, check still untouched. We have now been closed for 45 minutes, and they had now been there nearly six hours. I go back and talk to my manager.)

    Me: “All the other sections are closed and cleaned, the side stations are broken down and cleaned, and I just need this long-seated couple to pay so I can go home!”

    Manager: “Unfortunately, company policy means we can’t ask them to pay up, so go put the last of the chairs up, and finish your vacuuming, starting with their section. ”

    (The minute I click the vacuum on in the smoking section (nearly an hour after we’d closed!) the couple jump in their seats and then started complaining.)

    Customer: “How rude! Why haven’t you told us you were closing?! We demand to talk to the manager!”

    (I walk back to get our manager, who rolls his eyes at the list of complaints I deliver to him.)

    Manager: “Six months apart and the first thing they do is spend six hours here?”

    (He walked back out to the section with me and politely listened to the couple rant away, then took their check and knocked the price off of their dessert and wines (worth about $20 all together) before running their credit card. Eyes flashing, and still complaining about how rude the ending to the night had been and saying that they wouldn’t return, the couple left in a huff – finally! – just past 1 am, more than an hour after we had been closed. Needless to say, they only left me $4 on a check that had originally been around $50. My manager assured me that I wasn’t in any kind of trouble, and sent me home for the night once I’d finished vacuuming.)

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