October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Category: Food & Drink

Stupid Customers, like the rest of us have to eat and drink. Sadly like the rest of us, they sometimes eat with the rest of us. For every waiter, server, drive-thru operator, coffee shop barista, and restaurant manager who has had to deal with fake allergies, vegetarians who don’t know the meaning of the word and idiots who have yet to understand the concept of clearly listed ingredients, we salute you!

Should Have Explained More Plainly

, | Basildon, England, UK | Food & Drink, Language & Words

(I work throughout college. A woman approaches my till with her young daughter.)

Me: “Hi, what would you like today?”

(The woman leans down and says to her daughter loud enough for everyone to hear:)

Woman: “See? THIS is what happens when you don’t do well at school!” *stands up and gives her order extremely slowly, pronouncing every syllable deliberately while I’m trying not to laugh* “…and a plain burger. PLAIN. Do you know what that means?”

Me: “Yes, I’m aware. That’ll be [total], please.”

Woman: “No… No, is that burger PLAAAIN?”

Me: “Yeees, I put that through. [Total], please.”

Woman: “Explain what plain means for me so I’m sure.”

Me: “It means plain, devoid of condiments, bereft of ketchup, void of mustard, a lack of lettuce and onions, nothing but a solitary burger on a lonely bun, the isolated meat longing for the sweet embrace of salads and sauces but doomed to remain on its barren bed awaiting sweet consumption.”

Woman: “What does that mean?”

Me: *head-desk* “[Total], please.”

He’s Never Going To Ketchup

| CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(We have ketchup packets upon request.)

Customer: “I will also like some ketchup.”

Me: “We don’t have any, but we do have packets.”

Customer: “That’s all right.”

(We hand him the packets to put on his sandwich. Five minutes later he walks up.)

Customer: “These don’t work.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Your ketchup packets.”

(He had literally put the ketchup packets INSIDE his sandwich.)

Donuts Are The Devil

| Yorkshire, England, UK | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Religion

(I’m working the night shift at a convenience store. Every week, we have a different product to ‘upsell’ – that is, we have to ask customers if they’d like to purchase the item on our tills because it is on special offer. A middle-aged man comes to my till with some bread and milk. The transaction is fairly normal until…)

Me: “Would you like any of these doughnuts today, sir? They’re on offer at £1 a box.”

Customer: *still smiling* “Oh, no, dear. I couldn’t possibly. They’re for devil worshippers, you see.”

(I half laugh, unsure if he’s serious. He looks below my till at a display of egg-shaped chocolate.)

Customer: “And here’s your Easter eggs. All for devil worshippers, too.” *laughs* “Take care, sweetheart.”

(He left, and I spend the rest of the night wondering what is satanic about a jam doughnut.)

Trying To Break Breakfast

| USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging

(I work the very early morning shift. Breakfast time is not for another three hours, so I take a bagel and stick it in the toaster for my breakfast. Then I go to the back to cook. When I return, my bagel is gone and there a young man in his 20s with crumbs all over his smiling mouth.)

Young Man: “Hello!”

Me: “Good morning.” *looking everywhere* “Where is my bagel?”

Young Man: “Oh, I ate it.”

Me: “…”

(I’m struggling to keep my temper at someone who might be staying as a guest, so I can’t talk for a few moments. Meanwhile the man keeps smiling foolishly.)

Me: “I see… Do you always eat food that isn’t yours? That was my bagel.”

Young Man: “Oh! Sorry! I didn’t know it was yours. I just thought someone had left and forgotten about it. I’m really sorry.”

Me: “Ok… I accept.”

(I continue my job.)

Young Man: “Can I have another?”

Me: “No… breakfast isn’t until three hours. You’ll have to wait.”

Young Man: “This is about me eating your bagel, right? I already said sorry. Now please, I want another! I can’t help it. I’m hungry!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I have to follow the rules. And they say no breakfast served until [time].”

(He continued to pester me, both pleading and apologizing, until he finally stormed off. Turned out, he wasn’t even staying there as a guest!)

A Pain In The Nugget

, | Noblesville, IN, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(My brother works at a fast food place. The weekly supply of food is delivered Monday mornings, so by Sunday nights the store has usually run out of something. This particular week a local school had hosted a major youth baseball competition, so there’s been more business than usual and the school had neglected to inform the nearby restaurants about the event. The store is caught completely unprepared. By Sunday night they are out of chicken nuggets, one of their biggest sellers. My brother, working the front counter, has been telling customers upfront that the restaurant is out of some foods. Most of the customers have been nice about it.)

Lady: “I want a bacon cheeseburger meal, a large fry, two large drinks, and a ten piece chicken nugget meal.”

Brother: “I’m sorry, but we are currently out of large drink cups and—”

Lady: “You’re out of large cups? But that’s the size I always get!”

Brother: “I’m sorry about that, ma’am, but we do have medium cups. Will that do?”

Lady: *sighs* “Yeah, I guess.”

Brother: “We are also out of chicken nuggets. We do still have chicken patties, so if you’d like a chicken sandwich instead we could get that for you.”

Lady: “Out of chicken nuggets?! How can you be out of chicken nuggets? Don’t you know that everyone loves chicken nuggets? My kids will only eat nuggets, and I’m not leaving here until my kids have nuggets!”

Brother: “I’m sorry, but we have had more business than expected this week and have run out of nuggets. Would your kids like a hamburger instead?”

Lady: “No, they would not! They only eat chicken nuggets! I demand you sell me nuggets!”

Brother: “We are out of nuggets. Maybe they would eat a plain chicken sandwich? If they take off the bun the chicken patty would taste just like the nuggets.”

Lady: “What part of ‘they only eat nuggets’ do you not understand? Let me speak to a manager! I’ll get my nuggets and you’ll be fired for not giving them to me! Just watch!”

(My brother fetches the manager, who had just been explaining to someone at the drive-through the same thing my brother’s been explaining to this lady. He is already frustrated and does not want to deal with angry customers.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem here?”

Lady: “This boy refuses to sell me nuggets! I want him fired for his bad service!”

Manager: “We don’t have nuggets. Order something else.”

Lady: “I cannot believe the rudeness here! That’s it; I’m leaving! You just lost a paying customer here! I hope you’re happy!”

(She stormed out. A minute later two kids about six and eight years old come in.)

Eight-Year-Old: “Mom said we had to come and get our food Can we get some chicken nuggets, please?”

Brother: “I’m sorry, but we’re out of nuggets.”

Eight-Year-Old: “Then can we get plain hamburgers, please?”

Brother: “Of course. That’ll be $4.00.”

Eight-Year-Old: “Mom said you and the boss guy were big dummies. You don’t seem like dummies. It’s not your fault you don’t have any nuggets left.”

Brother: “Your mother also said you only eat chicken nuggets.”

Six-Year-Old: “I don’t even like nuggets. I wanted a hamburger anyway.”

(The manager let my brother give the kids each a free ice cream cone for being polite. They thanked my brother and left the restaurant smiling. Hopefully they’ll teach their mother something about manners!)

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