(I am a customer at a very popular superstore in my town. I have my five-year-old daughter in line with me. An elderly customer is in front of me talking to the cashier.)
Cashier: “Hello, how can I help—”
Customer: “How dare you.”
Cashier: “Excuse me?”
Customer: “How dare you wear that keychain!”
Cashier: “I don’t understand.”
(The customer points at the cashier’s keychain, which has a zombie on it.)
Customer: “How could you support that man in Florida? He ate another man’s face while he was naked! How dare you!”
(The cashier is completely stunned, but my daughter suddenly steps up to the aggravated woman.)
My Daughter: “Lady, that man wasn’t a zombie. He was just crazy. Zombie’s aren’t real! You should know that. You’re about a hundred!”
(I am a customer in line behind a middle-aged woman who is buying a DVD. She’s been very nervous throughout the whole transaction.)
Customer: “Oh, dear…I will have to hide this DVD when I get home!”
Cashier: “Oh really? Why?”
Customer: “My children don’t like this movie. I will have to watch it when they’re not home. I’m gonna have to hide it somewhere!” *leaves*
Coworker: “What was she buying?”
(Our store is in a shopping mall, so we don’t have public restrooms like most of our chain locations. Since the mall has restrooms conveniently located across the hall, we usually don’t have any problems. This day, a customer runs into our store holding her three-year-old son’s hand.)
Customer: “Where’s your bathroom?”
Me: “We actually don’t have one, but there’s one right over—”
Customer: “What do you mean you don’t have a bathroom? My son needs to go immediately!”
Me: “There’s a public restroom right across the hall over there.”
Customer: “I don’t have time to get him over there! I need you to let us use yours!”
Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t do that. But really, the restroom is right across the hall—”
Customer: “MY SON IS ABOUT TO PEE HIS PANTS! He’s still being potty trained and can’t hold it for very long!”
(To my surprise, another customer who has overheard the conversation speaks in our defense.)
Another Customer: “Are you crazy, lady? There’s a bathroom not thirty feet away! You’re going to let your poor son wet himself so you can argue with this man? You should be ashamed of yourself!”
(A mother storms into our day camp. She’s holding her five-year-old son by the arm.)
Mom: “My son said the F-word last night after coming home from YOUR day camp. I will NOT have a bunch of unprofessional teenagers setting bad examples for my child!”
Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am. I have no idea which employee could have said that, but I will definitely call a meeting with all of our counselors to discuss this.”
Mom: “Yeah, you’d better. I should have all of you fired, really!”
(She turns to leave, but as she walks away she drops her sunglasses.)
Mom: “Oh, f***!”
The Parent Is Not Always Right: This week, we feature five stories of people who aren’t just bad customers, but bad parents too!
- Bad Parents Bug Us:
A mother and her two “angels” go on an insect-killing spree at a zoo.
- Fruit Is But One Food Group:
There’s nothing sweet about this parent’s approach to nutrition!
- Talking S*** Behind Someone’s Back 101:
A mother teaches her daughter the joys of smack-talk.
- Rounding Down To The Nearest Child:
Signs you have too many kids: you don’t know how many you have!
- Oh Where, Oh Where Have My Role Models Gone:
Nanny nanny boo-boo, mommy acts like a doo-doo!
PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!
PS #2: Read more roundups here!