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    Category: Family & Kids

    And The Nerds Shall IPO The Earth

    | CA, USA | Family & Kids

    (A customer and her 7-year-old son approach me in the electronics department. The son has some video game and video game memorabilia in his hands.)

    Customer: *to her son* “Why do you want to buy that crap?” *to me* “I pray that he doesn’t grow up to be a nerd. I just wish he would color his hair and get some tattoos.”

    Me: “Nothing wrong with nerds.”

    Lady: *scoffs* “Let’s just hope it’s just a phase!”

    A Tale Of Two Sitters

    | Paris, France | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top, Transportation

    (I’m on the Metro (subway) during rush hour. Arriving at a station, I see a little girl with a bandaged leg and a crutch getting in the car with her mother. Since there are no seats available, she stays up. A few seconds later, a young man dressed like a thug on a seat behind them calls to the mother.)

    Young Man: “Ma’am, take my seat for your child.”

    Mother: “Oh, thank you.”

    (As soon as the young man gets up, however, a middle-aged lady in a business suit jumps into his seat without saying a word.)

    Young Man: “Ma’am, I gave my seat to the little girl, not to you.”

    Middle-aged Lady: “You should’ve said so.”

    Young Man: “You were right in front of me and clearly heard me. Besides, it’s obvious this girl needs a seat more than you.”

    Middle-aged Lady: *angrily* “What’s your point?!”

    Young Man: “My point is that you’re rude and impolite.”

    Middle-aged Lady: “Who the f*** do you think you are to talk to me like that?! Do you know WHO I am?!”

    Young Man: “I think I am someone much more polite and well-educated than you. And to who you are, I frankly don’t care.”

    Middle-aged Lady: “YOU LITTLE F***! My husband owns [some big company]! I’m infinitely much richer and more powerful than you!”

    Young Man: *grinning* “So, powerful and rich you takes the metro to go home?”

    (Stunned, the middle-aged lady looks like she’s been struck by lightning. She sheepishly leaves the car at the next station. The young man then turns to the girl and her mother, who are literally speechless.)

    Young Man: *to the mother* “Sorry for that. There’s your seat!”

    (The whole car cheered and applauded him. Whoever you are, Metro gentleman, you have my thumbs up!)

    R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Part 2

    | New York, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (A mother and her two young children (both 4 or 5 years old) come through my checkout line. The mother is on her phone, totally oblivious to her children, who are running around and pulling on my apron strings. We have a spinning carousel with which to bag purchases; as I bag, the children begin spinning it around.)

    Me: “No, no, sweetie… please don’t do that. I’m trying to bag.”

    (Both children ignore me and keep spinning, and as a result I get hit by the carousel.)

    Me: *in pain* “Sweetheart, please don’t do that.”

    (The children continue to ignore me, so I put my knee on it so they can no longer spin it.)

    Me: “Please don’t.” *to the mother* “Ma’am?”

    Mother: *waves me off*

    (I have to lift a 24-pack of water, so I remove my knee from the carrousel. As expected, the children take this opportunity to spin it as hard as possible. I set the water down and stop the carousel.)

    Me: “Excuse me! When a grown up asks you to stop, you stop. This can hurt you if you get close, and we don’t want you to get hurt.”

    Mother: “B****! Don’t tell my kids what to do!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I asked them and I asked you to stop spinning the carrousel. Someone could get hurt.”

    Mother: “That’s bulls***!”

    (At this point, an elderly woman who has been waiting in line speaks up in my defense.)

    Elderly Woman: “Miss, you keep on bagging. This little hussy here should learn to watch her children, and if she can’t, then she shouldn’t have had them!” *to the mother* “In my day, you would be nice to the people at the register! Now, get off the phone and show some respect, because without nice young girls like this you’d never get your groceries and your kids would probably be bleeding on the floor while you’re on the phone too busy to care! What have you to say for yourself?!”

    (The mother was completely speechless and had nothing to say in her defense. Instead, she paid for her stuff and left as quickly as possible!)

    Related:
    R-E-S-P-E-C-T

    Breaking Bread Can Break You Up

    , | Maine, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners

    (A couple comes in and races up to the sandwich unit.)

    Woman: “Hi, we only need one sandwich for our kid. I’m gonna make it quick, I promise. He wants a six inch white—”

    Man: “No, he doesn’t. He wants flatbread.”

    Woman: “No, he wants white!”

    Man: “Flatbread!”

    Woman: “Shut up, I know what he wants!”

    Man: “No, you don’t! He won’t eat white bread!”

    Woman: *sighs* “Is there any way I can get the sandwich on a flatbread, but put white bread on the side? I know I’m right, and he hates flatbreads.”

    Me: “Yes, of course. It’s just costs a bit extra.”

    Woman: “Okay, so turkey and cheddar cheese.”

    Man: *shakes his head* “He likes American.”

    Woman: “No, he doesn’t!”

    Man: “Yes, he does!”

    Woman: “Shut up! You’re confusing people!”

    Me: “Would you like me to put some American on the side?”

    Woman: “No! He HATES American, so there’s no point. Besides, he wants it toasted.”

    Man: “Finally! Something right!”

    Woman: “Right, so toasted with olives and mustard, and that’s it.”

    Man: “He wants lettuce, too.”

    Woman: “Fine, s***! Put lettuce on there and when he won’t eat it. Whatever!”

    Me: “…Anything else?”

    Woman: “No. HE’S probably confusing you already.”

    Man: “YOU’RE the confusing one.”

    (I ring them up and they calm down as they get ready to leave.)

    Woman: “Thanks, sorry about that. We didn’t mean to confuse you!”

    Must Be This Smart To Ride

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Family & Kids

    (A theme park guest and her son want to board a ride. I check the boy’s height to make sure he can ride it, but sadly he is about four inches too short.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Your son isn’t tall enough to ride.”

    Guest: “What do you mean? Your sign says he can ride with a responsible person.”

    Me: “The sign also says he must be a certain height to ride.”

    Guest: “No, it doesn’t. Fix your sign now!”

    (I take the guest and her son out to the entrance of the attraction, and show her word for word the ride requirements.)

    Guest: “Well, this is outrageous!”

    Guest’s Little Boy: “Gosh mom, can’t you read? Do you want me to die?!”

    Guest: *storms off angrily*

    Guest’s Little Boy: *to me, while being led away* “Have a good day! Bye!”

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