Category: Family & Kids

Parents Need Guidance

| Maple Grove, MN, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

(A customer comes in with a couple kids, talking on her cell phone.)

Customer: *to me* “Two.” *continues talking on phone*

Me: “For the indoor playground today?”

(The customer nods and holds out $20. I make sure to make eye contact with them, since she’s still talking on her phone)

Me: “Okay, that will be $8.”

(I take the $20 and hand her the change, and since she is clearly distracted, I also make sure to get her a receipt before I put the wristbands on the kids.)

Customer: *to her phone* “She didn’t even tell me how much it was! She just took my money!”

How To Train Your Dragon Loving Child

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Awesome Workers, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals, Top

(I’m a customer at a bookshop. As I’m browsing, I overhear a nearby mother spending five minutes patiently explaining to her young daughter that dragons aren’t real. The daughter is only about 3 or 4.)

Mother: “For the last time, they’re just made up! For fun! They don’t actually exist!”

Daughter: “But they’re in this book! Look!”

Mother: “Oh, for… I’ve already explained this. Come on, we’re leaving.”

Daughter: “Can I buy the dragon book?”

Mother: “Of course not! That’s the last thing I need.”

(They make their way over to the cash register, where the mother pays for a few books. The daughter looks up at the salesman with big eyes.)

Daughter: “Excuse me, mister. Are dragons real?”

Salesman: *leans in close* “Well, that’s what we have to tell you.”

(The daughter’s face lights up instantly and the mother lets out an exasperated sigh. That man just made my day, and the day of a tiny little girl who loves dragons.)

Lock Blocked

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids

(I work at a laser tag centre, which is housed in a converted warehouse. As a party is leaving, I see one of their kids swipe the padlocks off the roller door at the front of the building. After I call the parent in charge, the kid comes back.)

Me: “Hey, thanks for coming back.”

(The kid grumpily slaps the padlocks on the counter.)

Kid: *mumbles* “Sorry.” *he clearly isn’t*

Me: “Er, that’s okay, just… don’t do it again. You mind telling me why you stole these in the first place?”

Kid: “They were just hanging there so I grabbed them.”

Me: “What were you going to use them for?”

Kid: “I dunno, I could go lock s***.”

Me: “You do realise that you would never be able to open whatever you locked, right? Because you don’t have the key?”

Kid: *genuinely surprised* “Aw… didn’t think about that.”

Me: *trying to keep a straight face* “Alright, thank you for your honesty. Go back to your parents…”

Dinosaur-Brained

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Family & Kids, History, Pets & Animals, Top

Customer: “Excuse me, will my son like this for his birthday? He loves dinosaurs.”

(I examine the gift; it’s a set of various plastic fossils.)

Me: “Well, it depends on how into dinosaurs he is. If he just thinks they’re cool, then it’ll be fine. If he’s into palaeontology at all, though, he’ll be disappointed because none of those are actually dinosaurs.”

Customer: “What? Don’t be stupid! He loves dinosaurs! I know what a dinosaur is!”

Me: “Well, right there you have a Pterodactyl, two Synapsids including the famous Dimetrodon, a Plesiosaur, and a Tiktaalik. None of those are dinosaurs. They’re not even all reptiles, or Mesozoic.”

Customer: “What do you know? God, you kids these days are so rude! I know what a dinosaur is.”

(She buys the toy set and leaves in a huff. A week later, I’m working as a cashier when she comes back.)

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to return this.” *shows me the very same fossil toy set*

Me: “Oh, yes, I remember. Would you like me to help you find a dinosaur toy to get instead?”

Customer: “You? God! Look, missy, he just didn’t like them because they weren’t scientifically accurate, okay? These are dinosaurs! They lived a thousand years ago! Do you think I’m stupid!?”

Me: “Ma’am, you clearly are just as intelligent as you present yourself to be.”

Customer: “Well, I’m glad you realise it.”

Disobedient Kids Can Leave You Pooped

| ID, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

(At our summer camp, we have a new shower house/bathroom building installed. With it came a septic system. The covers of the tanks are simply planks of wood. This causes some kids to walk over the short fence around the leech field, and bounce on the planks of wood. It is nearly lunch time, and I’m with some of my family and co-workers.)

1st kid: “Woo!” *starts bouncing on plank*

Mom: *shouting at 1st kid* “Hey! Get out of there!”

(The wood slides around, and his leg falls into the tank.)

1st kid: “Eww! What is that?”

Mom: “You see that building behind you?”

1st kid: “Yeah?”

Mom: “That’s the bathrooms”

1st kid: “Yuck! I just fell in poop?!?”

Mom: “Yep.”

1st kid: *running to clean himself off* “Eww!”

(A short while later, a 2nd kid starts bouncing on plank.)

Mom: *looks at 2nd kid* “Get off of that!”

(As she turns her head around, we all hear a splash.)

Mom: “Did he just…?”

Younger brother: “Yep.”

(With that, my 5’10 younger brother runs to the tanks, and pulls the kid out, with one hand.)

2nd kid: *visibly shocked* “What was that?”

Younger brother: *plainly* “That was poop. You need to take a shower”

2nd kid: “Okay…” *starts heading to campsite”

Mom: “No. You need to shower in your clothes, and then head to get new clothes, then shower again.”

2nd kid: “Okay…”

(After he gets in…)

Older brother: “I bet he’s going to have a crappy day.”

(We all look at each other, and laugh at the pun he accidentally made. We continue on with it.)

1st coworker: “A really crappy day.”

2nd coworker: “He’s going to be in deep doo-doo.”

Me: “Yep. Waste deep.”

Coworker: “No, he’s swimmin’ in da poo-l!”

(I am signaled that I am needed elsewhere.)

Me: “This is a crappy conversation; I’m leaving.”

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