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    Category: Family & Kids

    Ah, Parents, Part 3

    | Upstate NY, USA | Family & Kids, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at a popular cellphone retailer. On this day, a customer comes in with her 8-year-old son; he is severely misbehaving.)

    Me: “Welcome to [retailer]. What may I help you with?”

    Customer: “I want to upgrade my phone.”

    (Meanwhile, her son is running around, touching every phone and even throwing things on floor.)

    Me: “Not a problem. Let’s see what we can do today.”

    (Her son continues to cause chaos, but I’m trying my best to ignore him.)

    Me: “Well, we have great sales going on—”

    (Suddenly, her son trips the security alarm on the phone. Knowing he’s done something wrong, he turns to me in fear.)

    Me: *to her son* “Now, you have to go to jail. The police are on their way, and your mom will have to pay three weeks of your allowance to bail you out.”

    Customer: *whispers to me* “Thank you…”

    (The customer’s son never left his mom’s side after that. She even gave me a customer satisfaction of all 10s!)

    Related:
    Ah, Parents, Part 2
    Ah, Parents

    Blowing Things Out (And Up) Of Proportion

    | CA, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Top

    (When I was in 7th grade, I volunteered at a local library. My main job was to gather books for pull lists. One day when I’m checking in some books and filling out sending forms, a man and his daughter walk up to my computer. Note: the scanner I am using beeps every time I scan a book.)

    Daughter: “Why is it making that beeping sound, Daddy?”

    Father: “I don’t know. Maybe she’s checking them in.”

    Daughter: “Really?”

    Father: “No. I think she’s going to steal them.”

    (I look up, confused, and I’m about to interject when the father walks over to the head librarian’s door.)

    Me: “Um, sir?”

    Father: “Quiet, thief!” *knocks on the librarians door*

    Head Librarian: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

    Father: “That girl over there, who is clearly not authorized to run those machines, was stealing your books!”

    Me: “I was checking them out to put them into the send boxes.”

    Father: “No! I clearly saw you stuff books into your pockets!”

    Coworker: “Sir, she doesn’t have any pockets.”

    Father: “I meant down her shirt!”

    (Note: I am wearing a tight fitting shirt. If so much as a piece of paper had been under my shirt, it would have been very visible. Needless to say, there are clearly no books under my shirt.)

    Father: “Fine! If you don’t believe me, I’m calling the cops!”

    Head Librarian: “Sir, she was not stealing books! Please do not call the police!”

    (The father ignores the head librarian and proceeds to dial the police anyway. The operator on the other end of the phone is speaking loud enough for us to hear.)

    Father: “Excuse me, I’d like to report a girl stealing books at the ***** Library.”

    Operator: “Sir, are you a member of the library staff?”

    Father: “No, but I saw it happen!”

    Operator: “Well, I’m sorry, sir, but—”

    Father: “…and she planted a bomb!”

    Me: “What?!”

    Operator: *sighs audibly* “Right. We’ll send a bomb squad…”

    (Five minutes later, there is indeed a bomb squad outside the library doors. They end up having to clear out the library, search me, and go through the entire library with bomb-dogs.)

    Daughter: *to her father* “How come you said she planted a bomb? She didn’t!”

    (When the police heard that, they arrested the father. I got a week off.)

    There’s No Upright Way To Raise A Child

    | USA | Family & Kids

    (My friend and I are sitting outside a store when we see a teenage girl chasing a little boy.)

    Teenage Girl: “Get back here, kid! I’m not your freakin’ mother!”

    Little Boy: “Can’t catch me!”

    (The teenage girl catches the little boy a few feet away by the back of the shirt and picks him up. She then proceeds to walk back towards the store, smiling at us while carrying the boy upside down.)

    Teenage Girl: “Nothing to see here. Cute shoes!”

    And The Nerds Shall IPO The Earth

    | CA, USA | Family & Kids

    (A customer and her 7-year-old son approach me in the electronics department. The son has some video game and video game memorabilia in his hands.)

    Customer: *to her son* “Why do you want to buy that crap?” *to me* “I pray that he doesn’t grow up to be a nerd. I just wish he would color his hair and get some tattoos.”

    Me: “Nothing wrong with nerds.”

    Lady: *scoffs* “Let’s just hope it’s just a phase!”

    A Tale Of Two Sitters

    | Paris, France | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top, Transportation

    (I’m on the Metro (subway) during rush hour. Arriving at a station, I see a little girl with a bandaged leg and a crutch getting in the car with her mother. Since there are no seats available, she stays up. A few seconds later, a young man dressed like a thug on a seat behind them calls to the mother.)

    Young Man: “Ma’am, take my seat for your child.”

    Mother: “Oh, thank you.”

    (As soon as the young man gets up, however, a middle-aged lady in a business suit jumps into his seat without saying a word.)

    Young Man: “Ma’am, I gave my seat to the little girl, not to you.”

    Middle-aged Lady: “You should’ve said so.”

    Young Man: “You were right in front of me and clearly heard me. Besides, it’s obvious this girl needs a seat more than you.”

    Middle-aged Lady: *angrily* “What’s your point?!”

    Young Man: “My point is that you’re rude and impolite.”

    Middle-aged Lady: “Who the f*** do you think you are to talk to me like that?! Do you know WHO I am?!”

    Young Man: “I think I am someone much more polite and well-educated than you. And to who you are, I frankly don’t care.”

    Middle-aged Lady: “YOU LITTLE F***! My husband owns [some big company]! I’m infinitely much richer and more powerful than you!”

    Young Man: *grinning* “So, powerful and rich you takes the metro to go home?”

    (Stunned, the middle-aged lady looks like she’s been struck by lightning. She sheepishly leaves the car at the next station. The young man then turns to the girl and her mother, who are literally speechless.)

    Young Man: *to the mother* “Sorry for that. There’s your seat!”

    (The whole car cheered and applauded him. Whoever you are, Metro gentleman, you have my thumbs up!)

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