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    Category: Family & Kids

    Momma Knows Best

    | Florida, USA | Family & Kids

    Me: “It sounds like the fireworks are just starting. I can hear them.”

    Boy: “Good, that means we can go on the big ride next door! All the dumb people will watch the fireworks when they could be riding the—”

    Boy’s Mother: *chiding her son* “Now, now, they’re not ‘dumb people.’ They’re ‘suckers.’”

    Egg On Your Face

    | Washington, USA | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I’m kind of petite, so when I’m in the box office I get a lot of kids who seem to think they can intimidate me into selling them R-rated tickets. This particular customer is a classmate of my little sister’s who annoys everyone by walking around repeating ‘I like eggs’ over and over and over again.)

    Kid: “Me and my friend want to see Beerfest.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t sell you the ticket.”

    Kid: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “You’re not 17.”

    Kid: “How the h*** do you know?”

    Me: “One, you don’t look it. Two, you’re in my sister’s class.”

    (The kid stomps off, and goes to the other side of the box office to try the same thing. When it doesn’t work, he comes back with his father.)

    Kid’s Father: “Let me get this straight. It’s a movie theater…and you can’t discriminate against customers…but you won’t let my boy into that movie because he’s too young?!”

    Me: “It’s rated R, sir.”

    Kid’s Father: *to his son* “You told me it was PG-13.”

    Kid: “She’s lying!”

    Me: “Sir, the marquee says it’s rated R. Any website you look at will say it’s rated R. There’s really no way to lie about it.”

    Kid’s Father: “I guess that means I have to go with him, huh?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Kid’s Father: *to his son* “That’s it. You’re waiting for DVD.”

    Kid: “This is so not fair! You can’t do this to me!” *to me* “Don’t you know who I am?!”

    Me: *calmly* “My sister tells me you like eggs.”

    Kid’s Father: *laughs hysterically* “If I could give you a high five, I would!”

    They Grow Up So Fast, Part 2

    | California, USA | Family & Kids

    (I am working one night in the children’s department. An older man approaches me about buying clothes for his son. Normally, the children’s department only carries clothes for infants, toddlers, and elementary school aged kids.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, I’m looking for some clothes for my son. Is there anything you would recommend?”

    Me: “The skate and surf wear brands are very popular. Would you like to have a look?”

    Customer: “Yes, please.”

    (I show him around and let him shop for a few minutes. He later approaches me.)

    Customer: “I’m not sure if these clothes will fit my son. Is it okay if we return them in case they don’t fit?”

    Me: “Of course. Just making sure, how old is your son?”

    Customer: “18.”

    Me: “18 months?”

    Customer: “No, 18 years.”

    Me: “Sir, this area is primarily for infants and toddlers. You’ll want to look in the young men’s department.”

    Customer: “Are you sure, miss?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I’m positive.”

    Related:
    They Grow Up So Fast

    This iPhone Doesn’t Fall Far From The Tree

    | Cedar Park, TX, USA | Family & Kids

    (I’m putting up items in the electronics section at my store. A small child is playing with a phone on display. The mother notices, grabs the phone, and puts it down.)

    Mother: “Son, don’t play with that!”

    Son: “Why not?”

    Mother: “You’re not smart, so you don’t need a smartphone!”

    Forbidden Fruits (& Veggies)

    | Washington, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (A middle-aged woman, her mother, and her three year old walk into my sandwich shop.)

    Mother: *to child* “What do you want today?”

    Child: “A samminch!”

    Mother: “Okay, what kind?”

    Child: “A samminch!”

    Mother: “Do you want turkey?”

    Child: “NO!”

    Mother: “Do you want ham?”

    Child: “NO!”

    Mother: “I AIN’T RAISIN’ NO VEGETARIAN!”


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