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    Category: Family & Kids

    Driving Miss Crazy, Part 4

    | Billings, MT, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

    (A older driver is trying to park her car in the lower parking lot of the events center. We have the lower parking lot blocked off to be used by volunteers.)

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am. Can I ask you to move your car to the upper parking lot? The lower parking lot is closed. It’s blocked off for the volunteers for today’s event.”

    (She refuses to move her car. We get an officer to tell her to move her car, or get towed. She reluctantly gets in her car, and pulls up 50 feet, but still in the lower parking lot. Volunteers are sitting in my car warming up from the cold weather.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you will have to move your car to the upper parking lot.”

    Driver: “I KNOW WHAT I’M DOING! These people are leaving; I can park here.”

    Me: “No, ma’am. They are warming up. They are volunteers. You will have to park in the upper parking lot.”

    (The driver’s granddaughter in the back seat chimes in.)

    Driver’s Granddaughter: “Grandma, just park up there.”

    Driver: “No! This is my spot. These people had better leave, or I will just ram them out of my spot. My spot!”

    Me: “Listen, lady. I will stand right here so you understand. You will not be parking here. It’s only a two minute walk from the upper parking lot.”

    Driver: “F*** you!”

    (The driver ends up driving through the whole volunteer parking lot looking for a spot, then decides to go to the upper parking lot. I think the altercation is over, until she comes back down, grabbing me by the arm.)

    Driver:See! This car just parked here. That other car left, and you allowed this white car to park here.”

    Me: “That wasn’t the spot you were trying to park in. You were trying to park where that blue car is in front of that blue truck.”

    Driver: “Bull-s***! You’re lying!”

    Me: “Ma’am, that was my car you were threatening to ram. My friends were sitting in that car trying to warm up. They are volunteers. I suggest you calm down, and enjoy this family fun event.”

    Driver’s Granddaughter: “Grandma, he is right. That’s the car up there!”

    Driver: “F*** you both!”

    Related:
    Driving Miss Crazy, Part 3

    Small Minded People

    | Scotland, UK | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Family & Kids

    (I am a dwarf, and need a stool to be seen clearly. From the till, I can pass as an average-height person. A customer and her small child approach.)

    Customer: “Do you have any woollen gloves?”

    Me: “Sure, we keep more stuff in the back. I’ll go and check for you.”

    (I step down from my stool, and come out from behind the counter. The customer is surprised, and takes a step back, taking her child’s hand. Despite being hurt by her reaction, I make myself smile. I head to the back room, where I can hear her son.)

    Child: “What was that, mum?”

    Customer: “Shush! Don’t stare. He’s just a midget; he won’t hurt you. He didn’t eat his greens, that’s all.”

    (I come back through with a box of gloves.)

    Me: “Sorry, I couldn’t help overhearing. Midget isn’t the most ‘PC’ term to use. Personally, I prefer dwarf; it’s different for everyone. Midget is definitely offensive for most though.”

    (The customer looks at me wide-eyed, saying nothing. I gesture to the box for her to look through.)

    Me: “You’ll probably find something in there. We have quite a lot of—”

    Customer: “Is it okay if you go back behind the counter? You know, for my son?”

    (Quite speechless, I go back behind the counter, and on to the stool. My manager decides to intervene.)

    Manager: “Is there a problem here? Do you think [my name] here is going to taint your kid’s innocence or something?”

    Customer: “I just don’t want him scaring my son. Is that too much to ask?”

    Manager: “Well, I’m not going to have you insult my staff. Either treat him like a human being, or leave this shop.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t know why you hired someone like him to work on the till!”

    Manager: “Okay, that’s it. Get out.”

    (The customer and her child leave.)

    Me: “Thank you!”

    Manager: “Shush, just stay there. I’m going to the bakery to get you an apple turnover. You deserve something after dealing with her!”

    The A(dobo) Team

    | Lompoc, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, One-Liners

    (I’m a chef at a Filipino restaurant. My boyfriend, his friend, and my sister, are also on duty with me. A customer in his late 20s comes in.)

    Me: “Hello, sir! How are you today?”

    Customer: “Hey, babe. Are you free tonight?”

    Me: “Do you have something you want to order?”

    (The customer gets angry.)

    Customer: “Look, I just asked you if you had any plans tonight! Yes or no?!”

    Me:“Sir, I have a boyfriend. If you don’t want to order anything, please leave.”

    Man: “Ha! What are you gonna do? Huh! Your little boyfriend ain’t gonna do anything to me!”

    Me: “Hannibal! B.A.! Face!”

    (My boyfriend, his friend, and my sister start walking towards the man.)

    Boyfriend: “B.A.? Will you please escort this man out of the premises?”

    (My friend walks towards the customer, cracking his knuckles. The customer runs out of the restaurant.)

    Boyfriend: “I love it when a plan comes together!”

    Sister: “Shut up…”

    Mini Golf Vs Beer Pong

    | Regina, SK, Canada | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Underaged

    (Two ten-year-old boys come up to the counter.)

    Boy #1: “Hey, would you give us some beer?”

    Me: “No, you guys aren’t old enough.”

    Boy #1: “Oh, man, they don’t even have any Captain Morgan beer. That’s the best.”

    Boy #2: “Whoa, you know so much about beer!”

    Needs To Learn Copy-Right And Wrong

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (We get reports from various companies for copyright infringement. When we do, the customer gets a note on their account. We call them, letting them know they’ve been caught and request that they stop. I had called this customer a week before and they informed me that they had an unprotected wireless point that they would secure. They have another notification, so I call them back.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [company name] again. We spoke last week.”

    Customer: “I remember; we’ve replaced the router and added a password to our wifi as of last weekend. It should be fixed.”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but we got another infringement notice yesterday.”

    Customer: “How is that possible?”

    Me: “I’m not sure; maybe you’re downloading something you don’t—”

    Customer: “We don’t download anything here!”

    Me: “I understand sir, but maybe we should check out the notice and see what is being downloaded?”

    Customer: “Okay, sure. But I’m telling you, I’m not downloading anything illegal.”

    Me: *pulls up the notice* “Umm… sir. It says here the content in question is rather… adult in nature.”

    Customer: “What?”

    (I read off the long, clearly niche pornographic title. I earn some looks from my co-workers.)

    Customer: “I am a good Christian father! I would never risk my marriage or my faith for pornography, especially not that perverted stuff. I can’t believe you’d accuse me of being a freak like that!”

    Me: “Sir, you said ‘father’. You wouldn’t by chance happen to have a son, would you?”

    Customer: “…yes.”

    Me: “He… wouldn’t by chance happen to have his own computer in his room, would he?”

    Customer: “Not anymore, thank you.”

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