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  • Category: Family & Kids

    Child’s Play And Slay

    | PA, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids

    (At an interactive show meant primarily for little kids, the show follows the good guys tracking a bad guy. Near the end, they catch the bad guy and ask the audience what they should do next. This gets the kids excited to chime in. All of the kids here are under 10 years old.)

    Announcer: “Okay, kids! What should we do with the bad guy now?”

    Girl: “Tell his mommy!”

    Announcer: “Okay, let’s tell his mommy on him! What else?”

    Boy #1: “Kill him!”

    Announcer: “What?!”

    Boy #2: “EAT HIM!”

    Announcer: “Okay, we are DEFINITELY not eating him. That’s illegal.”

    Boy #3: “SET HIM ON FIRE!”

    Announcer: “What do your parents let you watch?!”

    She Passed With Flying Colors

    | NY, USA | Awesome Workers, Family & Kids, Holidays

    (I organize events for special needs children and their families. I also work as a female clown. A little girl has approached my table.)

    Me: “Well, hi there! Would you like to get your face painted today?”

    Girl: “Yes! I want [Popular Children’s Character]!”

    (She takes a seat, and as I get my supplies I notice she is staring at my head. I am bald due to a medical condition, so I wear nice-quality wigs which, despite their artificial colors, are often mistaken as real hair. Today I’m wearing bright pink.)

    Me: “All righty, then! [Children’s Character] it is. My name is [My Clown Name]; what’s your name?”

    Girl: “[Girl].” *pauses as I ready the paints* “How is your hair pink? Is it REALLY pink or fake? I don’t think hair can actually be like that.”

    (Her mother begins to speak up, but I wink at her.)

    Me: “Well, I have special hair! I can make it any color I want. Today it’s pink, but tomorrow it might not be.”

    Girl: “Wow! Is that magic?”

    Me: “Yup, it’s kind of like magic!”

    (I proceed to paint her face, fielding several questions about my ‘powers’ to the amusement of the mother. Later the mother explains that due to her rabid love of this popular ‘magical’ franchise, other kids have begun to make her doubt the existence of magic. Weeks later, I am hosting a Halloween event when I spot the same little girl, dressed as one of the franchise characters.)

    Me: “Hi, [Girl]! I like your costume.”

    Girl: “Thanks! It’s my favorite—”

    (She stops abruptly and her eyes go wide. Sure enough, I am wearing a curly purple wig. Her mother grins.)

    Girl: “Whoooooaaaaaa.” *to her mother* “Mommy, look!”

    Mother: “See? I told you it was real magic!”

    (As if on cue, my coworker comes out from behind a trick-or-treat door, dressed as [Main Franchise Character] and signing another child’s autograph. The girl looks starstruck.)

    Girl: “Oh. My. GOSH.”

    Mother: *laughing* “Aaaaaaaand that’s just made our Halloween.”

    (It made mine, too!)

    Trying To Con The Family Business

    | Exeter, England, UK | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

    (I take a male customer’s order with him constantly asking about prices.)

    Customer: “Oh, can we have the family discount?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I always get a discount here. The owner lets me.”

    Me: “He hasn’t told me anything…”

    Customer: “Yeah, the owner is my brother and he always gives me the family discount.”

    Me: “Okay, then… let me just ask him.”

    (I signal the owner over as the customer panics and goes bright red. His family also start nudging him.)

    Me: “Uh, your brother wants a discount.”

    (The customer sheepishly smiles as the owner explodes in happiness.)

    Owner: “Oh, my God, Jenny! I didn’t know you’d had a sex change. If you wanted to do that you could have at least kept your hair. Also you’ve put on a h*** of a lot of weight and lost over a foot in height! Why would you do that?”

    (The whole restaurant was looking and the customer’s family rushed him out quicker than the owner could continue talking. Some bosses are awesome.)

    Thinks She’s The Big Cheese

    | Canada | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I used to work for a large franchise, but at a small location at which we stopped serving shredded cheese on sandwiches for a while. During this period, a woman comes in with her two preteen sons, and everything is just fine until we get to the cheese.)

    Me: “And what kind of cheese would you like?”

    Customer: “Shredded, please.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, we don’t serve shredded on sandwiches.”

    Customer: “What? But I always have shredded.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but the shredded cheese is more expensive than the regular, and since we’re a small location, we need to save it to season our cheese bread.”

    (The customer is getting visibly angry now.)

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! I’ve walked out of stores without shredded cheese before! I’m a paying customer! You’re supposed to give me what I want!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m not allowed to serve shredded cheese. If you like, I can give you [two kinds of our regular cheese that are in the shredded cheese]. It’s basically the same thing, it just won’t be shredded.”

    Customer: “I CAN’T believe this. How hard is it to shred cheese?! I’ve walked out of stores before!”

    Me: “The cheese comes pre-shredded or pre-cut. I have no possible way of shredding the cheese here.”

    Customer: “I am a paying customer! That other cheese tastes like plastic! I should speak to your manager about this! I’m paying and I should get what I want!”

    (Suddenly, one of the customer’s sons, who has been looking increasingly uncomfortable, speaks up:)

    Customer’s Son: “Mom. It’s just CHEESE.”

    Customer: “I know but as a paying customer I should be getting what I want!”

    (She didn’t walk out, but she kept repeating that she was a “paying customer” through the whole transaction. Her poor sons looked like they wished the ground would swallow them up.)

    Day-Careless

    | CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Money

    (I run a daycare for folks around my town. On this particular day one of them calls me up saying they’ve run into some financial troubles and won’t be able to pay me this week. After crunching some numbers I decide I can take the hit to my budget and tell them I’ll still look after their child. The next week I add the amount they owe to their total when they come to pay me for my services.)

    Mother: “Hey, why is the fee double what it usually is?”

    Me: “You weren’t able to pay last week as you said, so I added what you owe to this week’s total.”

    Mother: “What I owe? I said I wasn’t able to pay that!”

    Me: “Well, now you can.”

    Mother: “Uh, no, no that’s wrong. I pay you [total] per week to watch my child and that’s it! If I can’t pay one week that’s just how it goes.”

    Me: “Uh… ma’am, if that were the case I wouldn’t be able to stay in business. You wished to make use of my service; I need you to pay for it.”

    Mother: “And so I am. The same amount I pay every week and nothing more! I run my own business, too, and I know that if you want to hang onto a customer you should learn to respect when they are having problems and not bleed them dry!”

    Me: “Be that as it may, you still owe me for last week.”

    Mother: “NO, I DON’T! Now go get my son for me and stop being so rude!”

    (After she leaves I take a few hours to cool down and think over what to do about this. Finally I pick up the phone.)

    Me: “Hello, it’s [My Name] again. Just wanted to let you know that I thought over what you said and decided that if you aren’t going to pay for me watching your child then don’t bother bringing him to the daycare anymore.”

    Mother: “WHAT!? No, you have to look after him! I’ll be terribly inconvenienced if you don’t!”

    Me: “Too bad. I have a business to run. too, and I can’t keep it going if the customer expects me to work for free. If you aren’t going to pay what you owe for the services rendered then you’re going to have to find someone else to watch your son.”

    Mother: “How dare you! This is going to terrible inconvenience me! Do you know how much the other places charge in this town!? You can’t do this! You can’t—”

    (I hung up while she was still screaming. She still turned up the next day demanding I watch her kid, then left when I refused, screaming some more about how unprofessional I was and how I just lost a good customer.)

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