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    Category: Family & Kids

    Parlez-vous Douchebag

    | Ontario, Canada | Family & Kids, Language & Words, Top

    (A customer comes in with his young son.)

    Customer, to his son: *speaking French* “Don’t touch anything, okay?”

    Child: “Okay.”

    Me: “Teaching your son French early? That’s cool.”

    Customer: “Yes, we only talk in French at home.”

    Child: “What does he do?”

    Customer: *speaking French* “He is just some stupid boy paying for his drug habit by working here. Don’t look at him.”

    (The sale finishes going through and as the customer goes to leave.)

    Me: *in my best French* “Isn’t French a great language to talk in? Anyway, enjoy the beer!”

    Customer: *speechless*

    Who Needs Learnin’ When You Can Be Sun Burnin’, Part 2

    | Livingston, NJ, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    (I am helping a mother and her teenage son go through his summer reading list to find a book that will meet his requirement. I usually do this by working with the kid to find one that they’re genuinely interested in reading, but in this case, the mother keeps interrupting.)

    Customer: “My god, look at how long all these books are!”

    Me: *to the son* “You said you like mysteries, right? And Then There Were None is on your son’s reading list. I think you’d like it.”

    Customer: *looking at the book* “It’s almost four hundred pages! How do you expect him to finish that thing?”

    Me: “Well, he does have the whole summer.”

    Customer: “Absolutely not! How can they expect him to read that much? It’s insane!”

    Customer’s Son: *reading the back cover* “Mom, this actually sounds really good. There are ten people on an island and they start dying one by one.”

    Customer: “Honey, you shouldn’t have to read that much. You’ll waste your whole summer! We want a book that’s under a hundred pages.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but none of these books are going to be under a hundred pages. I think the shortest one is about two hundred.”

    Customer: “This is so ridiculous. How can they do this to him? Let’s pick a book from that rack over there. Those look much more manageable.”

    Me: “Ma’am, that display is required reading for the local elementary school.”

    Customer: “I don’t care what it is. We’re picking from there.”

    Me: “None of those are on the reading list. Your son is going into tenth grade.”

    Customer: “Well, these look like the books I would want to read. If I ever wanted to read, that is.”

    Customer’s Son: “I think we should just get the one he recommended. It sounds awesome!”

    Customer: “Forget it. You know what? We’re gonna drive by the school so I can complain to the principal. It’s ridiculous for them to expect you to read during the summer! That’s crazy!”

    Related:
    Who Needs Learnin’ When You Can Be Sun Burnin’

    Courtesy Is For Commoners

    | Virginia, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (A mom and her 3 year old daughter come up to my counter.)

    Customer: “Tell the lady what you want, sweetie.”

    Customer’s Daughter: “I want an ICEE!”

    Customer: “What do you say?”

    Customer’s Daughter: “And make it fast!”

    Customer: “What?! You do NOT say that! We are talking to your father when we get home!”

    Self Disservice, Part 2

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Family & Kids, Top

    (I work in the kids’ section of a bookstore that also sells toys and games. I notice that a child has caused the entire display to collapse. I find the mother after making sure the child didn’t hurt himself.)

    Me: “Hi, are you the mother?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “We ask that you look after your children while in [store name]. You need to be with the child and not in another section of the store if they cannot be trusted alone.”

    Customer: “But I don’t want to.”

    Me: “…excuse me?”

    Customer: “I don’t want to look after my child.”

    Me: *confused* “Well I’m sorry, ma’am, but it’s not my job to raise your child for you.”

    Customer: “But I want you to!”

    Related:
    Self Disservice

    Finders Stealers

    | Wilmington, VT, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Money

    (I am bagging groceries at the checkout for a family during Christmas week. This is the busiest week of the year, with many rich out-of-staters coming up to go skiing.)

    Little Girl: “Mommy, look what I found! What should I do with it?”

    (I look over and see that the little girl has found money on the ground.)

    Mother: “Shhhh! Just put it in your pocket, quick!”

    (Knowing our store’s policy, I speak up.)

    Me: “Actually, if you don’t mind, can I hand it into the service desk? That way, if the person who lost it returns, they can get it back.”

    (The little girl hands it to me willingly and I go hand it in. A couple minutes later, the parents come up to the service desk.)

    Father: “My little girl found some money on the ground, and some employee made her hand it in. However, I think she should just have it.”

    Manager: “Store policy says that if no one comes to claim it after 30 days, then the person who found it—your little girl, in the case—can have it.”

    Father: “But it was all tightly rolled up! The person who dropped it was obviously using it to snort coke or something!” *leaves with his family*

    (Ten minutes later, the same family managed to con their way into getting the money by speaking with a different employee at the service desk. The real, original owner—one of our regulars—came in two hours later inquiring about $40 he dropped, which at that point was unfortunately long gone.)


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