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    Category: Family & Kids

    Home Doesn’t Always Work

    | Midlands, UK | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, School, Top

    (I am a year 5 class teacher. I’m dismissing my class of nine and ten year olds at the end of the day when a mother approaches me.)

    Mother: “My son’s not been doing his homework!”

    Me: “I know. He hasn’t handed his homework in for several weeks now.”

    Mother: “Well, I’m not very happy about this!”

    Me: “No, nor am I.”

    Mother: “So, what are you going to do about it?”

    Me: “I can’t make him do his homework. His homework is to be completed at home.”

    Mother: “Why?”

    Rage Before Beauty, Part 2

    | Maine, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Money

    (A customer in her late 60s walks up with her granddaughter, who is probably 18-20 in age.)

    Customer: “I want to return this crap!”

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, do you have your receipt?”

    Customer: “No, but you’d better take it back!”

    (I page a manager to approve a no-receipt return. It gets approved and we explain it’ll have to go on a store gift card. The customer is still angry, but the granddaughter helps us calm her down.)

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, here’s your gift card. There’s $24.83 on it.”

    (The customer snatches the card from my hands. Meanwhile, she watches the POS terminal like a hawk to see how things add up.)

    Customer: “NO, NO, NO! That was buy one, get one free!”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am let me have someone check…”

    (As I page for someone on the floor to price check, I see a line of angry people forming behind her. We’re an insanely busy store in the summer, and it’s been a good ten minutes by this point. My coworker returns from checking the price.)

    Coworker: “It has no tag, or none near it. Where did you see buy one, get one free, ma’am?”

    Customer: “A couple weeks ago!  It was buy one, get one free!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we can’t price modify for a sale a couple weeks old.”

    Customer: “You can and you will. Let me speak to your manager!”

    (I page the manager again, and they approve the modification while giving me a “Get this crazy customer out of our store” look).

    Me: “Alright ma’am, I’ve run your gift card. That leaves $10.21 remaining on your total.”

    Customer: “I should get it free for all the hassle you people put me through here!”

    (The customer throws a 20 at me. I make change and she storms off, with the total transaction time about 16 minutes. Next up is her granddaughter, who is calm and polite. She puts her nail polish on the counter and I ring her up. Whole transaction time? 20 seconds.)

    Me: “Have a nice day!”

    Customer’s Granddaughter: “You too!”

    Customer: *to her granddaughter* “Danielle, are you FINALLY done?! What took you so long?! I swear, you young people are SO inconsiderate, like that idiot behind the counter!”

    Related:
    Rage Before Beauty

    Out Bat-ter Angels

    | NY, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Geeks Rule, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at a hospital. Every week, we host an event where volunteers come in and entertain some of the sick children. On this particular day, most of the volunteers are dressed up as superheroes.)

    Superman: “Who wants me to see if I can pull a penny out of their nose?”

    Child #1: *in a wheelchair* “Me! Me!”

    Superman: *doing his magic trick* “I’m afraid I can’t. All I could find were all these quarters!”

    (Superman magically pulls out a quarter and gives it to Child #1. A few minutes later, Child #1 returns.)

    Child #1: “Superman! Superman! I bought candy with the money you found! This one’s for you.”

    (At this point, one of two volunteers dressed as Spiderman speaks up.)

    Spiderman #1: “Where’d he get that candy?”

    Child #2: “There’s a vending machine in the hallway.”

    Spiderman #1: “They let you buy candy? That’s not healthy.”

    Spiderman #2: “I’m sure the nurses here are aware of what the kids eat.”

    Child #2: “It’s true. They’re really strict.”

    Spiderman #1: “It’s just not healthy…”

    (Meanwhile, Superman is continuing his trick.)

    Superman: “…and another one in the left ear, and another one in the right ear. Wait! I haven’t checked your nose for quarters yet.”

    Child #3: *after Superman’s finished* “What kind of candy do you want, Superman?”

    Superman: “Don’t worry about me, kid. I’m Superman! Superman can make candy with his mind.”

    Child #3: “Nuh uh! I saw the movie!”

    Superman: “Oh yeah? Watch this!”

    (He closes his eyes and concentrations hard, then pretends to catch something out of the air.)

    Superman: “Ah-ha! Chocolate!”

    Spiderman #1: “Don’t give her that. They get too much sugar.”

    Nurse: “It’s fine, sir.”

    Spiderman #1: “No!”

    (All of a sudden, Spiderman #1 grabs the chocolate from Superman, throws it on the floor, and stomps on it. He’s clearly out of control and scaring the children.)

    Spiderman #1: “Food like that will just keep you sick! They just want you to stay here and keep buying their s****y candy to keep you sick so they can get your money! They just—”

    (At that moment, a man dressed as Batman appears with his cape wrapped around him. Surprised, Spiderman #1 begins stuttering.)

    Spiderman #1: “Uh… what do you want?”

    Batman: *in a deep voice* “I want this hospital to be a place of hope. I want these children to enjoy their lives. I want the forces of darkness forever beaten.”

    (He drops the cloak, revealing the police uniform underneath it.)

    Batman: *cuffs Spiderman #1* “I want justice!”

    (The children all cheer, relieved. A month later, one of the children who has been in the hospital for a very long time is getting ready to leave. When someone asks him what his favorite memory of the volunteer nights was, he says…)

    Child: “When crazy Spiderman went crazy and Batman took off his costume and he was an actually real hero and made crazy Spiderman go away!”

    The Diva Is Always Right, Part 2

    | Plano, Texas, USA | Family & Kids

    (I work at the fitting room of a large retail store. I’m folding some shirts as a little girl and her mother walk by.)

    Little Girl: ”Mommy, this store has no ambiance.”

    Mother: “No, it doesn’t.”

    Little Girl: ”I want AMBIANCE!”

    Mother: *ignores her*

    Little Girl: “AMBIANCE! AMBIANCE! AMBIANCE!”

    (The little girl kept screaming all the way out the store!)

    Related:
    The Diva Is Always Right

    The Son Will Come Up, Tomorrow

    | Denver, CO, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (Note: I am currently two weeks into my new job, and am the newest employee on staff. I’m working the drive-thru.)

    Me: “Welcome to [coffee shop]. I hope you’re having a great morning! Can I take your order?”

    Customer: “I want a nonfat venti latte, seven pumps of vanilla, extra whipped cream, and you’d better make it fast, b****! I can’t believe you folks are so slow. This is a DRIVE-THRU! I shouldn’t even have to stop my car!”

    Me: *mortified* “We’ll have that right up for you. Please pull around for your total.”

    (When the car reaches the window, I see that the woman’s adult son, a regular customer, is driving the car.)

    Customer’s Son: “I’m so sorry about my mother. She’s a cranky old b**** who doesn’t know how to shut her mouth. Thanks for the coffee. Here’s a tip for putting up with her bulls***!”

    (He drops a ten-dollar bill into our tip jar before driving off. He now comes back as a regular customer each morning—without his mother. He always tips generously and has something nice to say to me!)

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