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    Category: Family & Kids

    Misbehavior Reaches Critical Mass

    | USA | Family & Kids, Religion

    (My husband and I are sitting a few tables down from a family of six. All of the children are older, the youngest looking about 17, so I didn’t expect any problems until a priest walks in.)

    Teenage daughter: “Hey [brothers' names], look at the priest!”

    Mother: “Shush, don’t embarrass yourself.”

    Son #1: “S***, does this mean we can’t do s***?”

    Teenage daughter: “Oooh, you swore in front of a priest! You’re going to Hell!”

    Son #1: “You’re going to Hell for being a wh***.”

    (The parents look mortified at their behavior. I am shocked, too, especially at a man in his early twenties calling his younger sister a wh***. After chastising them both, the parents go back to conversing with the older daughter until the other two start up again.)

    Teenage daughter: “Hey, [other brother], I dare you to go ask for confession.”

    Son #2: “Seriously, you both need to shut up.”

    Teenage daughter: *completely ignoring her mother’s warning* “You’re scared of a little priest? What’s he going to do? Send me to Hell?”

    (Finally, it appears the priest has had enough, and stands up, approaching the table from the girl’s side.)

    Priest: “First off, young lady, I have heard your mother tell you to be quiet several times. The fourth commandment says honor thy mother and thy father. You, my dear, obviously need some work on that. Secondly, if anyone needs confession at this table, it is you. Thirdly, the makeup doesn’t quite cover the hickey on your neck.”

    (At this, the second son bursts out laughing, and the father profusely thanks the priest for reigning in his now speechless daughter. They ask the priest to join them and insist on paying for his meal. Besides that, on the way out, I hear the mother tell the daughter she’s grounded until she’s 30.)

    There’s Something In Those Poppy Seeds

    , | NYC, NY, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (My boss is known for being very strict, and demanding ‘good customer relations.’ He reprimands us if we say things that he thinks are ‘unprofessional,’ which has forced us to be very formal with everyone who comes into the shop. Today, he’s running late.)

    Customer: “Can I get a toasted everything bagel, and-” *turns to daughter* “What do you want?”

    Customer’s daughter: *about eight years old* “Poppy seeds and cream cheese!”

    Customer: “…and a poppy seed bagel with cream cheese.”

    Co-worker: “Sure, here’s your poppy seed. Just give me a minute to toast the everything.”

    Customer’s daughter: *after a few seconds* “Mommy.”

    Customer: “We’re almost ready to go, dear, mommy just needs her bagel too.”

    Customer’s daughter: “Mommy…I dropped my bagel and the cream cheese is dirty.”

    Co-worker: “Don’t worry about it. Here’s a new one for free.”

    Customer’s daughter: *very excited* “BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

    Customer: “Bagel bagel bagel bagel!”

    Me: *handing the customer her bagel* “Here’s your BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

    Coworker: *joining in* “BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

    (Suddenly, my boss walks in the door. My coworker, the customer, and I all shut up and look embarrassed. The daughter doesn’t stop.)

    Customer’s daughter: “BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

    Boss: “When in Rome. BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

    All three of us: “BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

    (My boss is still serious, but whenever that customer comes in, he starts screaming ‘BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL’ over and over again!)

    Makes You Want To Dye A Little, Part 3

    | Canandaigua, NY, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids

    (This happens as I’m shopping in a convenience store, and I just recently had my hair dyed purple. Another customer sees my hair and shouts to her daughter, pointing at my hair.)

    Customer: “Oh, my God! Look at that hair! That’s freaking amazing!”

    Me: “Oh… thank you.”

    Customer: *to her daughter* “You can never do that!”

    Daughter: “But, I didn’t even want to-—

    Customer: “No! I won’t let you look like a freak!” *turns to me* “I really love that hair!”
     
     Related:
    Makes You Want To Dye A Little, Part 2
    Makes You Want To Dye A Little

    What’s Another Word For Wrong Major

    | UK | Family & Kids, Language & Words

    (A girl and her mother are shopping for cookware for her to take to college.)

    Girl: “Do you have any…” *snaps her hand open and closed like a puppet*

    Me: “Sorry, what?”

    Girl: “You know…” *does puppet hands again* “…for cooking.” *to her mom* “Mum, I need some…” *hand motion*

    Girl’s Mother: “Tongs?”

    Girl: “Yes!”

    (I show them where to find them while the mother teases the girl. I try to change the subject as the girl is obviously embarrassed.)

    Me: “So, you need this stuff for college?”

    Girl: “Yeah.”

    Me: “What are you studying?”

    (The girl turns bright red and both her and her mother start laughing.)

    Girl’s Mother: “She’s going to be studying English!”

    Hair Unapparent For This Fair Parent

    | Eustis, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Top

    (Note: Customer #1 is a well-known regular in her late twenties who has been coming to our store since before her son could walk. She usually sports funky hair while her son is in elementary school and likes talking to the employees. On this day, Customer #1 seems to be in pain but we’re talking as I scan her items while her son is joking about school with the bagger. Another customer, Customer #2, is waiting impatiently.)

    Customer #2: “Will you all stop talking and hurry up?”

    Me: “I apologize, ma’am, but this lady has quite a few items. As you can see, we’re both working as well as talking. If you don’t want to wait, you can take your things to the customer service desk where they’ll be happy to help you.”

    Bagger: *to Customer #1* “Do you need help out today?”

    Customer #1: “Yes, please, and thank you.”

    Customer #2: “What the heck?! Why are you being so d*** lazy? Other people need help out. Do it yourself.”

    Me: “There are other baggers who will happily come over and help you if you need, ma’am.”

    Customer #2: *to Customer #1* “You young people are so d*** lazy these days. You probably stay home and paint your hair all those ridiculous colors. I bet you’ve never even worked a day in your life. What the h*** kind of example are you setting for your kid?”

    Customer #1: “Not that it’s really your business, but you’re wrong. I worked for [local city] before my son was born. I worked at a [local gas station] until the fact that I have [chronic illness 1] and [chronic illness 2] meant I was in too much pain. I’m having a very rough day today and wouldn’t have come out if I didn’t have to pick up my medication and food. [Son] isn’t strong enough to help with the heavy things, so I’m accepting the bagger’s offer to do so.”

    Customer #2: “Well, I, uh…”

    Customer #1′s Son: “You’re a mean lady, and I shouldn’t act like you!”

    Customer #1: “…And that’s the example I set for my son. I hope you learned something too!”

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