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    Category: Family & Kids

    This Apple Doesn’t Foul Far From The Tree

    | Virginia, USA | Family & Kids, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work in a community college library. I am passing through the kid’s room, where students often leave their children while they study, when I witness a small boy push a girl down over a toy.)

    Little Boy: *to the little girl* “F***ing C**t!!”

    (Shocked and offended by his foul language, I march straight into the room, snatch him up by the arm, and physically drag him, bawling and squalling into the main library, where his mother is talking on her cell phone.)

    Me: “I’m going to tell your mom EXACTLY what you said to that little girl—”

    Mom: *into her phone* “Hold on…” *to me* “Hey! HEY! What the F*** are you doing to my boy!? F***ING B***H!”

    Bigotry Loves Company

    | Sandusky, OH, USA | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, Top

    (Note: I am gay, but I seem to be an ‘under the radar’ one; no one ever guesses it, but I don’t hide it, either. I also have a boyfriend, and we plan on getting engaged soon. I’m working as a lifeguard on the lazy river late in the evening. I lean in and do a corner check to scan for small children. I see a mother and her daughter in very revealing clothing pass by on a two-person tube.)

    Mother: *to me* “Don’t be looking at my daughter’s boobs! She’s a Christian girl!”

    Daughter: *blushes, embarrassed*

    Me: “Ma’am, I can promise I do not care about her boobs and was merely doing my job.”

    Mother: “Yeah, right! You mean staring at all the young girls like a perv! Only reason young men work here!”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m here working to save for me and my soon to be fiancé.”

    Daughter: “Mom, just let—”

    Mother: “Yeah, a fiancée! Too bad you’re cheating on her by staring at ALL this!” *gestures to herself*

    (I point to my necklace with a promise ring I got from my boyfriend on Valentine’s day.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I have a betrothed, and both Jay and I would be very surprised if I cheated or stared at a woman.”

    Mother and Daughter: *jaws drop* “You’re a f**!”

    Me: “I prefer homosexual, but yes, if you prefer.”

    (At this point they are reaching a turn in the river. The mother creates a cross with her fingers, and kicks her feet to get away. This river section horseshoes back, so I see them 10 seconds later.)

    Mother: “YOU’RE GOING TO H***, YOU F**!”

    Me: “Only if I’m working to guard your lava pit, my dear!”

    Good News For (A Heckuva Lot Of) Change

    | NY, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top

    (The following happens when a well-dressed man comes in with bags full of sweets and gifts.)

    Customer: “What’s your favorite flavor?!”

    Me: “I like the lemon.”

    Customer: “Then, give me that! A large! It’s for my wife!” *shakes with excitement*

    Me: “I guess those presents and sweets are for her, too?”

    Customer: *shakes with even more excitement* “YES! Yes they are!”

    Me: “Here you go. That will be five dollars—”

    Customer: *unable to contain himself* “MY WIFE IS PREGNANT! PREGNANT! I’m going to have a little son or daughter! HIGH FIVE!”

    (The customer proceeds to high five me over the register and throws a bill onto the table.)

    Customer: “I’m going to be a dad! Keep the change!” *skips out of the store*

    (The bill he threw? It was $50!)

    We With Consoles Are Always Ready To Console

    | Billings, MT, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m a regular at a game supply store. All the managers and employees know me, and often ask me to help with customers. A customer and her young son walk into store.)

    Employee #1: “Hello and welcome to [game supply store], where we sell and trade used games. My name is [employee name]. Is there anything I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Oh, yes… I was looking for a game for my son. I think it’s called [extremely outdated game].”

    Employee #1: “I’m sorry, we haven’t had any games for [extremely outdated console] in over four years. We could help you with finding another game from an up-to-date console if you would like.”

    Customer: “NO! I want that game for my son to play! He played it at the local pizza place on one of their arcade boxes, or whatever they’re called!”

    Employee #1: “Again, ma’am, we do not have [extremely outdated game], but we can surely help you find another game if you would like.”

    Customer: “Yeah? Then what about THIS one?!”

    (Suddenly, the customer grabs a brand-new game off the shelf and smashes it with her heels.)

    Employee #1: “Ma’am, you are gonna have to pay for that. Please stop or I’m gonna have to get management out here.”

    Customer: “Fine, go ahead! I don’t f***ing care! I want to talk to the motherf***ing management!”

    (The manager comes over.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, is everything okay?”

    Customer: “No, it’s not f***ing okay! My son wants [extremely outdated game], and he wants it NOW!”

    (At this point, the customer’s child finally speaks up.)

    Customer’s Son: “Mommy, it’s okay. We can just get the game from [website].”

    Customer: “No, no, no, no! We are getting you this game from this store, TODAY! This happened because of your f***ing s****y employee not helping me!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, we just can’t have people coming in and smashing our games just whenever they get mad. Again, you are going to have to pay for that, and then please leave the building.”

    Customer: “What do you mean, LEAVE the building?! I shouldn’t have to! I’m the customer! I’M ALWAYS RIGHT!”

    (With that, the customer loses all control and ATTACKS the manager and the employee #1. Employee #2 and I manage to get her on the ground while employee #1 calls the police. Surprisingly, her son remains completely calm during the entire situation.)

    Me: “Little boy, how are you just so calm in all this?”

    Customer’s Son: “This isn’t the first time this has happened. Last time, she kicked someone where it hurts a lot, ’cause he fell over crying and stuff.”

    Me: “Oh, well, do you have any other parents at home?”

    Customer’s Son: “Yeah, just call this number…”

    (He proceeds to take a folded piece of paper with delicately written numbers on it. I call the number. Before I can even explain the situation, the man on the other end of the line already seems to know what has happened.)

    Me: “Yes, hello?

    Man: “Oh, God… don’t tell me she did it again!”

    Me: “Yeeeeeeeeep.”

    Man: “Yeah, I’ll be over. Which store is it at this time?”

    (I give the man our store’s location. About 20 minutes, a big man enters the store. During this time, the police have arrived and are filing the report and interviewing everyone. I have just been interviewed when he comes up and talks to me.)

    Man: “Where is she?”

    Me: *points at cruiser*

    Man: “Thank God.”

    (After the big man leaves with the son, employees #1, #2, and the manager come up to me.)

    Employee #1: “Who was that?”

    Me: “I don’t know, but it sounds like tonight’s gonna be a good one for him.”

    (We later found out that the customer was the man’s wife, and the son was later moved to a different home. The son eventually would often spend days at the gaming supply store talking with the employees. Great kid, I’ll tell you that!)

    Where There’s Smoke, There’s Backfire

    | Kittery, ME, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I am working the register. A mother and her teenage daughter are quietly arguing nearby. When they’re done, the teenager comes up to my register while the mother lingers a few feet away.)

    Teenage Customer: “I need a pack of [cigarettes]!”

    Me: “Certainly! May I see your ID, please?”

    Teenage Customer: “I’m with her.” *points to her mother*

    Me: “Okay, but the person who actually purchases the cigarettes has to be at least 18, no matter who they are with.”

    Teenage Customer: “Oh for f***’s sake!”

    (The teenager goes over to her mother and they quietly argue some more. The mother reluctantly comes up to my register.)

    Customer’s Mother: “I need a pack of [cigarettes], please.”

    Me: “Are you purchasing them for yourself?”

    Customer’s Mother: “No, I don’t smoke. They’re for my daughter. She’s not old enough to buy them for herself.”

    Teenage Customer: “Shut up, Mom!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t sell the cigarettes to either of you.”

    Teenage Customer: “Why the f*** not?”

    Me: “Well, you’re not old enough to buy them and your mother just admitted that she’s buying them for someone who is underage.”

    Teenage Customer: “They’re for her. Right, Mom?!” *pinches her mom’s arm*

    Customer’s Mother: *meekly* “Yes, they’re for me.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m still going to have to refuse the sale. Allowing someone to buy cigarettes for a minor is a bad as selling cigarettes to a minor. I could get into a lot of trouble.”

    Teenage Customer: “Oh, f*** you! We’ll just get them someplace else!” *to her mom* “This is your fault!”

    (Suddenly, a uniformed police officer appears out of nowhere. Apparently, he has witnessed the whole exchange from nearby.)

    Police Officer: “Could I have a word with you, ladies?”

    (I don’t know what happened to the mother and daughter, but I never saw them in the store again. The police officer reported the whole incident to my manager and I got a promotion!)


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