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    Category: Family & Kids

    Height Trumps Hate

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Family & Kids, Military, Rude & Risque, Top

    (My younger brother has come to town to visit me. I take him to the bar I work at for a few drinks and to meet my friends there. A regular customer who has been hitting on me for months comes in and sees us sitting together in one of the booths.)

    Customer: *tries to look down my shirt* “Huh, and I thought after all this time you were a f***ing lesbian. Or is this f** your beard?”

    Me: “I’m not working tonight. Go bother someone else.”

    (The customer slides into the booth next to me, and tries to put his arm around my shoulders.)

    Customer: “Why don’t you send your f** boyfriend off to get some beer and we can have a nice talk?”

    (Note that my brother has been sitting slouched in the booth, concealing his size.)

    Brother: “Why don’t you take your hands off of her and f*** off?”

    (The customer springs out of the booth and stands near my brother in a really stupid looking ‘karate’ pose.)

    Customer: “Why don’t you make me, you f***ing f**?! Huh?! Why don’t you make me?”

    Brother: “Okay…”

    (As he starts to slowly get out of the booth, the customer realizes his mistake. The customer is maybe 5’8″, while my brother looms over a foot taller than him at 6’9″. My brother grabs him by collar and belt and throws him out.)

    Brother: “And it’s Sergeant, not f**, if you don’t mind!”

    (I love my little brother.)

    Bubble-gum Butt

    | Robeline, LA, USA | Family & Kids

    (A regular customer comes in with her little boy who is no more than six. She fixes him an Icee and herself a fountain soda and he grabs a piece of 10¢ gum.)

    Customer: “Okay, so we have a fountain drink, an Icee, and he’s got the gum.”

    Little boy: *holding up one finger* “One gum today!”

    (As I’m processing his mom’s transaction, the little boy notices our “anti-theft” mirror. He promptly turns around, crouches slightly, and starts shaking his butt. I start laughing uncontrollably and his mom turns around.)

    Customer: *laughs, then shakes her head* “I have no idea what to say to that!”

    Me: *laughing* “Oh, lord. That was too cute!”

    Gotta Catch His Son

    | WA, USA | Family & Kids, Technology, Top

    (I am helping a male customer who’s encountered an odd glitch on an old copy of Pokemon Platinum.)

    Customer: “Yesterday, I was near collecting all the available ‘mon’ on this version. Now I turned it on today and they’ve all disappeared except for four! You sold me a faulty game!”

    (I turn his DS on and check his save file. Sure enough, his inventory is empty save for ‘Starly’, a ‘Turtwig’ and an ‘Piplup’.)

    Me: “Hmmm, that is… incredibly strange. Umm, let me see if there’s a way to run a BIO on this.”

    Customer: “You’d better! And you d*** better find a way to get all my Pokemon back! I spent months getting them all, and now they’re gone because you sold me a glitched piece of s***!”

    (I hustle to the back, explaining what’s happened to our resident tech. He’s just as stumped as to how this could’ve happened so we both spend a moment or so trying to figure out what’s gone wrong with the game. Finally, however, I notice something that’s odd: both ‘Turtwig’ and ‘Piplup’ are starter Pokemon, which are given to you when you start a new game. Typically you’re only allowed one of these so it should be impossible for them to both be on the same save file… unless this customer traded for the other with someone.)

    Me: “Sir, do you know anyone else who plays this game as well?”

    Customer: “What? Well, yes my son plays it with me all the time.”

    (I explain the above to him, and he noticeably calms down.)

    Customer: “I see. Could you excuse me for a second? I need to make a phone call.”

    (He steps outside the store and begins a seemingly normal call. It soon, however, gets increasingly loud as the man tears into the poor soul on the other end of the line. After doing this for a few minutes he hangs up and enters the store again, resuming his calm demeanor.)

    Customer: “Okay, I’ve now found out what happened. Please accept my apologies for that previous outburst. It seems someone significant at home was in need of a ‘Chimichar’ and a ‘Psyduck’ to complete his own collection, only rather than say searching online for someone willing to trade, he decided it’d be easier just to erase his daddy’s game, start a new one and choose the aforementioned so he could then swap it and the ‘Psyduck’ for his other two spare starters.”

    Me: “Well, I’m likewise sorry he ruined all your hard work.”

    Customer: “Don’t. It wasn’t your fault after all… actually…” *he pushes the game towards me* “…how much would one of these, plus a slightly used DS go for these days? I have the distinct feeling my son won’t be needing either for a long time.”

    Children Are A Stressing

    | Kansas, USA | Family & Kids, Wild & Unruly

    (At the day care where I work, I have one kid who screams for absolutely no reason. He also has been known to become violent in a short amount of time. In this particular instance, a parent has arrived to pick up her own child while the kid is livid.)

    Parent: *walks in smiling* “How’s your day going?”

    Me: *smiles back* “Not too bad! Yours?”

    Parent: *glances at child* “I’m just glad it’s almost Friday.”

    Me: “Yeah, me too.”

    (Suddenly, the kid picks up a chair, and throws it against the wall while letting out a monstrous scream, scaring not only this parent, but two other parents, the rest of the children, and myself.)

    Parent: *stares at the kid and looks back at me* “God bless you!”

    A Disservice To Good Parenting

    , | UK | Awesome Customers, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Wild & Unruly

    (I work in a department store. It is Halloween, and our best kid’s costumes are out on display. I am decorating the store with fake spiders, when a angry customer and his bratty kid comes up to me.)

    Me: *looking at child tearing down bunting* “Uh, kid? I’m going to have to ask you to stop that.”

    Customer: *scowls at me* “Don’t you DARE!”

    Me: “Is this your child, sir?”

    Customer: “Yep! He’s not going to stop for a minimum wage weirdo!”

    Me: “But, sir, he’s defacing store property! I have to ask you to replace that mannequin and the torn bunting.”

    Customer’s Kid: “Shut the f*** up!”

    (I pause in shock.)

    Customer: “That’s it boy! We don’t be polite to serving people! They’re below us!”

    Coworker: “Excuse me sir? I’m going to have to ask you to go, or I’ll call security.”

    Customer: “I’m not scared of you! I’ll bet you’re not even Christian!”

    (At this point, a nearby customer who has overheard everything walks over.)

    Nearby Customer: *completely calm* “No, I’m not. I do, however, have a brown belt in Brazilian Floor Ju-jitsu. Let’s step outside and discuss this, shall we? Or you can kindly replace the decorations and leave these kind people alone.”

    Customer: *turns pale* “L-let’s go son. I wanna leave this devil store.” *mumbles while shoving a note into my hands* “This stuff is crap anyway.”

    (The best part? The man and his kid had walked into some off-duty police officers, who found the man had stuffed a bunch of MP3 Players into his top!)

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