Category: Family & Kids

No Proof In Purchase

| Wiltshire, England, UK | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging, School

(We have a school prom in our function room. Whenever we have a prom, we run a ‘dry’ bar. We will not serve the students at the main bar. One of the teachers approaches the bar and slams a bottle down on the counter.)

Teacher: “I just took this from one of my students. He is 16!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s—”

Teacher: “This is a disgrace; you’ve broken the law. Who served him! Was it you?”

Me: “It’s a—”

Teacher: “I want to speak to your manager.”

Me: “I understand why you’re upset, but—”

Teacher: “We won’t have another prom here! Selling alcohol to kids—”

Me: “It’s a non alcoholic beer. There is no alcohol behind the bar tonight and no one here would serve anyone underage anyway.”

Teacher: “Oh, God. I’m so sorry. I’d better give this back to him.”

Thinks Her Son Has A Halo

| Long Island, NY, USA | Family & Kids

(An older woman comes into my store. Her son is looking for a particular game: ‘Halo 4′.)

Customer: “What’s in this game? Is there anything bad in it?”

Me: “It revolves around a futuristic space marine who has to fight aliens. It has a rating for blood and violence, but it isn’t showcased nearly as much as other popular titles.”

Customer:What? I will never let my son play this! It will teach him how to kill people and hurt others!”

Me: “Well, I guess you can say that I’m a professional race car driver, and I’ve scored more home runs than anybody in the history of baseball.”

Customer: “What? What does this have to do with teaching my kids how to shoot guns?”

Me: “Well, I’ve played the latest NASCAR and Major League Baseball games. If what you’re saying is right, well then I should be capable of doing both.”

Customer: “Well… you’re… I…”

Me: *smiling* “Ma’am, your total is $65.16.”

(She ended up buying the game!)

Assassin’s Crib

| Springfield, MO, USA | Family & Kids, Geeks Rule

(My husband and I have a favorite game store because they tend to treat females very well. We have a two-year-old daughter who has been loving the games as much as we have.)

Cashier: “Is that all for you?”

Husband: “Oh, I have a few pre-orders to make.”

Cashier: “No problem.”

(I’m holding our daughter. I find a game case she likes, ‘Assassin’s Creed’.)

Me: “Look baby, it is your favorite!”

Daughter: “Ezio!”

Cashier: “Did she just!?”

Me: “No, no, this is Conner. But I bet he is just as cool as—”

Daughter:No! Ezio! Ezio! Ezio!”

(I didn’t know what was better: My daughter saying Ezio’s name over and over, or the cashier trying to stay professional and not squeal at a two year old.)

Dying For Some Pie

| PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(It’s the annual Halloween event. I am dressed as Mrs. Lovett from Sweeney Todd, but since the younger kids I watch haven’t seen the movie, I try to explain my costume in a way they can understand.)

Little Boy: “Why do you have a fake knife? What are you?”

Me: “I’m dressed as a lady who makes people into pies.”

Little Boy: “That’s awesome! I wanna make people into pies! Can you make me into a pie? I wanna eat myself!”

Me: *laughing* “Go down the slide first, then we’ll talk.”

Put This Con To Bed

| WA, Australia | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Wild & Unruly

Customer: “I am looking for some cheap beds for my sons.”

(I look at the two boys the customer has brought with her. One is about 6 years old and very slim, while the other is approximately 13 and massive.)

Me: “Well, for the little one we have this model…”

(I show her the cheapest mesh base in the store.)

Me: “…and for the older boy, we have this model.”

(I show her a heavy duty reinforced model that is $60 more.)

Customer: “No, I will take two of the cheaper beds, thanks.”

Me: “The cheaper model will not stand up to any punishment from the older child.”

Customer: “No, he isn’t mine. My other son is with a friend and he is about the same size as the little fella.” *points to the slim 6 year old*

Me: “Okay, but if this is for the older child, we won’t fix any damage he does and won’t refund or replace it.”

Customer: “Are you calling me a liar?”

Me: “No, I just want you to be aware that it’s not designed for older children.”

Customer: “Well, it won’t be for an older kid, you idiot.”

(I take the customer to counter with receipt and warn the manager of her after she departs. Two days later, the customer returns with a broken bed and the two same boys.)

Customer: “I got this bed two days ago and one is already broken.”

Me: “Did the older kid jump on it?”

Customer: “No, you bloody idiot! I told you it wasn’t for him.”

Me: “Okay then, just go to the front counter and they will arrange a refund.”

(The customer walks from the warehouse to the front desk. Meanwhile, I talk to the 6-year-old son.)

Me: *to the 6 year old* “Did your big brother jump on the bed?”

6-year-old Son: “Yeah, he cracked a sad, jumped on his bed, threw it against the wall and broke it. Now mum has to get a new one so she brought it back.”

(I walk to the front counter and tell the administration staff to cancel the order.)

Me: *to the customer* “Please come and collect your broken bed from the warehouse.”

Customer: “Why the h*** do I want the broken bed back? I came here for a refund!”

Me: “Luckily, your son is more honest than you are. He told me the truth about the bed, and we aren’t a disposal service for other people’s rubbish.”

Customer: “F*** you!”

Me: “Thank you. Have a nice day.”

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