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    Category: Family & Kids

    Strawberry Fields Forever

    | MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I am ordering ice-cream for my family and me.)

    Cashier: “What can I get for you?”

    Me: “I’ll have a scoop of strawberry, please.”

    Cashier: “Sorry, we only have chocolate, vanilla, and butter pecan today.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry! Chocolate, then.”

    Cashier: “Alright, anything else?”

    Dad: “I’ll have a strawberry shake.”

    Cashier: “Sorry, we only have chocolate, vanilla, and butter pecan.”

    Dad: “Oh right, a chocolate shake then.”

    Sister: “I want a strawberry sundae!”

    Cashier: “We only have chocolate, vanilla, and butter pecan.”

    Sister: “Okay, vanilla.”

    Me: “Does that happen a lot?”

    Cashier: “Often enough that I look forward to the days we actually have strawberry.”

    Borderline Stupidity

    | ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Canada, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (I am behind two boys in line. They pile a bunch of coolers on the counter, and try to pay with American money.)

    Cashier: “Could I see some ID, please?”

    (Boy #1 waves his hand like Obi-Wan.)

    Boy #1: “Oh, you don’t need to see our IDs.”

    Cashier: “Uh, actually, I do.”

    Boy #2: “It’s okay; we’re both 21!”

    Cashier: “Drinking age in Ontario is 19.”

    Boy #2: “Oh. Well, we’re both 19, then.”

    Cashier: “Do you even have identification?”

    Boy #1: “Fine! Here!”

    (He throws a card on the counter.)

    Cashier: “The government doesn’t consider this valid ID.”

    Boy #1: “OH COME ON!”

    Cashier: “…and this American state driver’s licence says you’re 16.”

    Boy #2: “F****** Canadians!”

    Brace(let) Yourself For The New Generation

    | OH, USA | Family & Kids, One-Liners

    (My friends and I are running a babysitting service for Valentine’s Day. The kids we are watching range from two to nine years old. I’m sitting with the oldest kid, making bracelets with her.)

    9-Year-Old Girl: “Have you seen that YouTube video X-Box Girls Get Revenge?”

    (This video has a lot of cussing and sexual jokes.)

    Me: “Yes, I have. I think the real question here is why have you seen it?”

    9-Year-Old Girl: “What?”

    Me: “That stuff is aimed at high-school and college students, not third graders.”

    9-Year-Old Girl: “Well, third graders have changed.”

    Me: “Oh, yeah?”

    9-Year-Old Girl: “Yeah! We’re a lot more mature and independent!”

    Me: “Uh… huh.”

    9-Year-Old Girl: “Now, can you tie this bracelet for me, please?”

    Needs To See The Parenting Section

    | NY, USA | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Top

    (Two brothers start fighting over a toy in the Children’s Room. They aren’t listening to their mother, who is trying to select books to take home.)

    Me: “If you boys can’t share nicely with that toy, I’ll have to put it away so neither of you can play.”

    Boys: “Okay, miss [my name].”

    Mother: “Thank you. They never listen to me.”

    (The boys start fighting again. I go in and take the toy away, putting it up out of reach. The boys start crying in unison.)

    Boys: “Mommy!”

    Mother: *to me* “I can’t believe you really took it away! That’s so mean!”

    (She grabs the boys and they leave. I am speechless, but now I know why they never listen to their mother!)

    Tire Of This Dispute

    | Raleigh, NC, USA | Family & Kids, Money, Transportation

    (I am in the waiting room at a local tire place. A pickup truck squeals into the parking lot. A guy storms out and into the store. He demands a manager so he could dispute his son’s tire bill.)

    Manager: “How can I help you, sir?”

    Guy: “My son was in here earlier today, and you overcharged him! It shouldn’t have been [first amount]; it should have been [second amount]!”

    Manager: “I quoted your son—as I do all customers—both amounts, sir. He chose the [first amount] option.”

    Guy: “No, you didn’t! He said that you only gave him the [second amount] option. That’s too much for the menial service you provided.”

    Manager: “I wouldn’t have done that, sir. I quoted him both options, and he chose the [second amount] option. He wanted, and I quote, ‘blingy-er rims’.”

    (The guy realizes that he hasn’t been overcharged, and stops looming over the manager.)

    Guy: “It just isn’t right that my boy has to use up his whole paycheck on tires! He’s a hardworking boy. It’s just isn’t right!”

    Manager: “No, sir. It just isn’t right that I should have to dock my own paycheck, just so your son can keep his paycheck intact.”

    Me: “That’s what paychecks are for, right? Paying someone for a well-deserved service and paying for necessities such as tires, right?”

    (The guy turns beet red and leaves. My manager turns to me.)

    Manager: “If he keeps squealing his tires like that, he’ll be back within the next month to get them replaced.”


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