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    Category: Family & Kids

    The A(dobo) Team

    | Lompoc, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, One-Liners

    (I’m a chef at a Filipino restaurant. My boyfriend, his friend, and my sister, are also on duty with me. A customer in his late 20s comes in.)

    Me: “Hello, sir! How are you today?”

    Customer: “Hey, babe. Are you free tonight?”

    Me: “Do you have something you want to order?”

    (The customer gets angry.)

    Customer: “Look, I just asked you if you had any plans tonight! Yes or no?!”

    Me:“Sir, I have a boyfriend. If you don’t want to order anything, please leave.”

    Man: “Ha! What are you gonna do? Huh! Your little boyfriend ain’t gonna do anything to me!”

    Me: “Hannibal! B.A.! Face!”

    (My boyfriend, his friend, and my sister start walking towards the man.)

    Boyfriend: “B.A.? Will you please escort this man out of the premises?”

    (My friend walks towards the customer, cracking his knuckles. The customer runs out of the restaurant.)

    Boyfriend: “I love it when a plan comes together!”

    Sister: “Shut up…”

    Mini Golf Vs Beer Pong

    | Regina, SK, Canada | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Underaged

    (Two ten-year-old boys come up to the counter.)

    Boy #1: “Hey, would you give us some beer?”

    Me: “No, you guys aren’t old enough.”

    Boy #1: “Oh, man, they don’t even have any Captain Morgan beer. That’s the best.”

    Boy #2: “Whoa, you know so much about beer!”

    Needs To Learn Copy-Right And Wrong

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (We get reports from various companies for copyright infringement. When we do, the customer gets a note on their account. We call them, letting them know they’ve been caught and request that they stop. I had called this customer a week before and they informed me that they had an unprotected wireless point that they would secure. They have another notification, so I call them back.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [company name] again. We spoke last week.”

    Customer: “I remember; we’ve replaced the router and added a password to our wifi as of last weekend. It should be fixed.”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but we got another infringement notice yesterday.”

    Customer: “How is that possible?”

    Me: “I’m not sure; maybe you’re downloading something you don’t—”

    Customer: “We don’t download anything here!”

    Me: “I understand sir, but maybe we should check out the notice and see what is being downloaded?”

    Customer: “Okay, sure. But I’m telling you, I’m not downloading anything illegal.”

    Me: *pulls up the notice* “Umm… sir. It says here the content in question is rather… adult in nature.”

    Customer: “What?”

    (I read off the long, clearly niche pornographic title. I earn some looks from my co-workers.)

    Customer: “I am a good Christian father! I would never risk my marriage or my faith for pornography, especially not that perverted stuff. I can’t believe you’d accuse me of being a freak like that!”

    Me: “Sir, you said ‘father’. You wouldn’t by chance happen to have a son, would you?”

    Customer: “…yes.”

    Me: “He… wouldn’t by chance happen to have his own computer in his room, would he?”

    Customer: “Not anymore, thank you.”

    About To Get A Slice Of Life

    | ON, Canada | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to get this cake, please.” *points at one*

    Me: “Sure, would you like anything written on it?”

    Customer: “Yeah, can you put ‘Happy Birthday Daddy’?”

    Me: “Daddy?”

    Customer: “Yes, please.”

    Me: “Sure, just one second.”

    (I get my icing bags.)

    Me: “Okay, so that was ‘Happy Birthday Daddy’?”

    Customer: “Actually… could you just put ‘Happy Birthday Tom’?”

    Me: “‘Tom’?”

    Customer: “Yeah…” *pauses* “…I’ll tell him eventually.”

    (My heart melts. I don’t know how to react, so I just write on her cake and send her on her way. I never did find out how things turned out for that woman, but I wish her all the best.)

    Radiating A Feeling Of Thanksgiving

    | Kansas City, MO, USA | Awesome Workers, Family & Kids, Top, Transportation

    (I am a married father of three and money is tight. A few days before Thanksgiving, my truck develops a radiator leak. I really need my truck fixed on this particular Saturday. I find a local shop that is willing to take a look even though they are usually closed Saturdays.)

    Mechanic: “Okay, I found a pinhole leak in one of the side tanks on the radiator and should be able to fix it no problem. It will be about $45.”

    (I grimace at the cost, but have no choice.)

    Me: “Okay, do what you need to. I just need it fixed.”

    (After another 20 minutes…)

    Mechanic: “Well, I have good news and bad news. The hole is fixed but it turns out that the seal on the other side is leaking badly as well.”

    Me: “How much more will that cost to fix?”

    (He leans into the manager’s office and asks how much.)

    Manager: “That would bring it up to $65.00… maybe more, depending on how we have to repair it.”

    Me: “Well, go ahead and fix it. I really need the truck running today.”

    (The mechanic goes back to fix it. My phone rings and it’s a friend. )

    Friend: *on the phone* “How bad is the truck? How much will it cost?”

    (I proceed to tell him the truck’s condition and cost, and add…)

    Me: “…this really hurts because it’s coming out of our grocery money for the week.”

    (After my truck is fixed, the mechanic comes in to speak with the boss.)

    Mechanic: “Alright, it’s all fixed and ready to go. Boss? How much do I charge him?”

    Manager: *to me* “Where is your car parked? Front or back?”

    Me: “Out front.”

    Manager: *to the mechanic* “Take it out front and put it in his trunk for him. No charge.”

    Me: “What? Are you serious?”

    Manager: “As a heart attack. You go enjoy your Thanksgiving with your family, and Happy Holidays!”

    (In shock and disbelief, I leave the shop with the mechanic, load up with my son, and leave. It dawns on me five minutes into the drive I forgot to even say thank you! I went back the following Monday and thanked him profusely and took a stack of business cards with me. I now recommend them to anyone who has car troubles. And they say kindness is dead in our modern age.)


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