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    Category: Family & Kids

    Needs To See The Parenting Section

    | NY, USA | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Top

    (Two brothers start fighting over a toy in the Children’s Room. They aren’t listening to their mother, who is trying to select books to take home.)

    Me: “If you boys can’t share nicely with that toy, I’ll have to put it away so neither of you can play.”

    Boys: “Okay, miss [my name].”

    Mother: “Thank you. They never listen to me.”

    (The boys start fighting again. I go in and take the toy away, putting it up out of reach. The boys start crying in unison.)

    Boys: “Mommy!”

    Mother: *to me* “I can’t believe you really took it away! That’s so mean!”

    (She grabs the boys and they leave. I am speechless, but now I know why they never listen to their mother!)

    Tire Of This Dispute

    | Raleigh, NC, USA | Family & Kids, Money, Transportation

    (I am in the waiting room at a local tire place. A pickup truck squeals into the parking lot. A guy storms out and into the store. He demands a manager so he could dispute his son’s tire bill.)

    Manager: “How can I help you, sir?”

    Guy: “My son was in here earlier today, and you overcharged him! It shouldn’t have been [first amount]; it should have been [second amount]!”

    Manager: “I quoted your son—as I do all customers—both amounts, sir. He chose the [first amount] option.”

    Guy: “No, you didn’t! He said that you only gave him the [second amount] option. That’s too much for the menial service you provided.”

    Manager: “I wouldn’t have done that, sir. I quoted him both options, and he chose the [second amount] option. He wanted, and I quote, ‘blingy-er rims’.”

    (The guy realizes that he hasn’t been overcharged, and stops looming over the manager.)

    Guy: “It just isn’t right that my boy has to use up his whole paycheck on tires! He’s a hardworking boy. It’s just isn’t right!”

    Manager: “No, sir. It just isn’t right that I should have to dock my own paycheck, just so your son can keep his paycheck intact.”

    Me: “That’s what paychecks are for, right? Paying someone for a well-deserved service and paying for necessities such as tires, right?”

    (The guy turns beet red and leaves. My manager turns to me.)

    Manager: “If he keeps squealing his tires like that, he’ll be back within the next month to get them replaced.”

    Driving Miss Crazy, Part 4

    | Billings, MT, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

    (A older driver is trying to park her car in the lower parking lot of the events center. We have the lower parking lot blocked off to be used by volunteers.)

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am. Can I ask you to move your car to the upper parking lot? The lower parking lot is closed. It’s blocked off for the volunteers for today’s event.”

    (She refuses to move her car. We get an officer to tell her to move her car, or get towed. She reluctantly gets in her car, and pulls up 50 feet, but still in the lower parking lot. Volunteers are sitting in my car warming up from the cold weather.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you will have to move your car to the upper parking lot.”

    Driver: “I KNOW WHAT I’M DOING! These people are leaving; I can park here.”

    Me: “No, ma’am. They are warming up. They are volunteers. You will have to park in the upper parking lot.”

    (The driver’s granddaughter in the back seat chimes in.)

    Driver’s Granddaughter: “Grandma, just park up there.”

    Driver: “No! This is my spot. These people had better leave, or I will just ram them out of my spot. My spot!”

    Me: “Listen, lady. I will stand right here so you understand. You will not be parking here. It’s only a two minute walk from the upper parking lot.”

    Driver: “F*** you!”

    (The driver ends up driving through the whole volunteer parking lot looking for a spot, then decides to go to the upper parking lot. I think the altercation is over, until she comes back down, grabbing me by the arm.)

    Driver:See! This car just parked here. That other car left, and you allowed this white car to park here.”

    Me: “That wasn’t the spot you were trying to park in. You were trying to park where that blue car is in front of that blue truck.”

    Driver: “Bull-s***! You’re lying!”

    Me: “Ma’am, that was my car you were threatening to ram. My friends were sitting in that car trying to warm up. They are volunteers. I suggest you calm down, and enjoy this family fun event.”

    Driver’s Granddaughter: “Grandma, he is right. That’s the car up there!”

    Driver: “F*** you both!”

    Related:
    Driving Miss Crazy, Part 3

    Small Minded People

    | Scotland, UK | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Family & Kids

    (I am a dwarf, and need a stool to be seen clearly. From the till, I can pass as an average-height person. A customer and her small child approach.)

    Customer: “Do you have any woollen gloves?”

    Me: “Sure, we keep more stuff in the back. I’ll go and check for you.”

    (I step down from my stool, and come out from behind the counter. The customer is surprised, and takes a step back, taking her child’s hand. Despite being hurt by her reaction, I make myself smile. I head to the back room, where I can hear her son.)

    Child: “What was that, mum?”

    Customer: “Shush! Don’t stare. He’s just a midget; he won’t hurt you. He didn’t eat his greens, that’s all.”

    (I come back through with a box of gloves.)

    Me: “Sorry, I couldn’t help overhearing. Midget isn’t the most ‘PC’ term to use. Personally, I prefer dwarf; it’s different for everyone. Midget is definitely offensive for most though.”

    (The customer looks at me wide-eyed, saying nothing. I gesture to the box for her to look through.)

    Me: “You’ll probably find something in there. We have quite a lot of—”

    Customer: “Is it okay if you go back behind the counter? You know, for my son?”

    (Quite speechless, I go back behind the counter, and on to the stool. My manager decides to intervene.)

    Manager: “Is there a problem here? Do you think [my name] here is going to taint your kid’s innocence or something?”

    Customer: “I just don’t want him scaring my son. Is that too much to ask?”

    Manager: “Well, I’m not going to have you insult my staff. Either treat him like a human being, or leave this shop.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t know why you hired someone like him to work on the till!”

    Manager: “Okay, that’s it. Get out.”

    (The customer and her child leave.)

    Me: “Thank you!”

    Manager: “Shush, just stay there. I’m going to the bakery to get you an apple turnover. You deserve something after dealing with her!”

    The A(dobo) Team

    | Lompoc, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, One-Liners

    (I’m a chef at a Filipino restaurant. My boyfriend, his friend, and my sister, are also on duty with me. A customer in his late 20s comes in.)

    Me: “Hello, sir! How are you today?”

    Customer: “Hey, babe. Are you free tonight?”

    Me: “Do you have something you want to order?”

    (The customer gets angry.)

    Customer: “Look, I just asked you if you had any plans tonight! Yes or no?!”

    Me:“Sir, I have a boyfriend. If you don’t want to order anything, please leave.”

    Man: “Ha! What are you gonna do? Huh! Your little boyfriend ain’t gonna do anything to me!”

    Me: “Hannibal! B.A.! Face!”

    (My boyfriend, his friend, and my sister start walking towards the man.)

    Boyfriend: “B.A.? Will you please escort this man out of the premises?”

    (My friend walks towards the customer, cracking his knuckles. The customer runs out of the restaurant.)

    Boyfriend: “I love it when a plan comes together!”

    Sister: “Shut up…”


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