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    Category: Family & Kids

    Enquiring Children Enquiring About Children

    | TX, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

    (I am carrying on quite a conversation with a four-year-old girl while I check her mother out at my store. I am 19.)

    Mom: “Stop asking so many questions; you’re bothering the lady!”

    Me: “No! It’s okay; I’m happy to answer. I think it’s great that she’s so curious!”

    Mom: “You must have kids.”

    Me: “Oh no, not yet.”

    Little Girl: “You don’t have kids?!” *whimpers, sounding heartbroken* “Why? You don’t like kids?”

    Me: “No, no, I love kids! I’m just really young, and I’m not ready to have kids yet.”

    Little Girl: “Well… when will you be ready?”

    Me: “When I have more time and money. I want to make sure I can take good care of my kids, and right now I can barely take good care of myself!”

    Little Girl: “Well, that makes sense. Okay then!”

    (The little girl then gives me a nod approval.)

    Marri(age) Dispute

    | OR, USA | Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I am a secretary at a big summer camp. Due to the extended needs of our small children, we only take kids through age 12. I answer a call.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [Camp]; how may I help you?”

    Mother: “I’d like to register my son for the finger-painting class.”

    Me: “That’s excellent. May I just ask your son’s age?”

    Mother: “Certainly, he’s 17.”

    Me: “…I’m sorry, but I don’t think we can take your son.”

    Mother: “Why?!”

    Me: “Because we only take children up to age 12, and anyhow, this class is for our five-year-old age group. If you’d like, I can refer you to [teen camp]; they’re better suited to teens.”

    Mother: “No! You’re going to take my son! He wants this class!”

    Me: “I’m really sorry, but that rule is set in stone. We can’t bend it. Like I said, I can help you—”

    Mother: “NO! NO! NO! You sign him up right now or I’ll have you fired!” *to son* “Here, Little Johnny! Tell this b**** to put you in the class!”

    Little Johnny: “Yeah, I know the class is for five-year olds. My mom just doesn’t want me to go see my dad. Sorry about that. She’s an idiot. Bye.”

    Mother: *in background* “LITTLE JOHNNY! DON’T TELL HER THAT!” *click*

    Taking Shots At Her Kids

    | Canada | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (My store serves a variety of health-drinks. Some of these are concentrated and fairly potent, so we serve them in the form of a ‘shot,’ although they don’t contain any alcohol. A customer comes in with two rowdy young children and orders one of our shots. Her kids are running around and shouting in the background.)

    Customer: “I’m taking them back-to-school shopping today, and—STOP FIGHTING, JUST STOP—sorry.”

    Coworker: “Here’s your shot ma’am!”

    Customer: “Alright kids. Mommy’s going to take her shot now! At 10:30 in the morning! What am I doing with my life? At least it’s just wheatgrass…”

    Watered Down Purchase

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

    Coworker: “Here they come.”

    Me: “Who?”

    Coworker: “The ‘Drink Ladies From Hell.'”

    (Five women and their five-year-old daughters enter. The kids are wearing ballet outfits, and clearly have just come from dance lessons.)

    Woman: “Five waters, to go, please.”

    (We fill up five Styrofoam cups of water, at no charge. The women plant themselves at a table and talk for about an hour. The kids run wild through the restaurant, pulling napkins from other tables, spilling salt and pepper, and just generally making a mess. They do this every week for more than a year. To my knowledge, they have never spent any money with us.)

    He’s Got The Bear Necessities

    | MN, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (A little boy, around five or six, comes into my work with his parents. He has a scab below his eye.)

    Me: “Hey, buddy! What happened to your eye?”

    Boy: *looking down, embarrassed* “I fell off a chair.”

    (I lean down, and whisper to him just loud enough for his parents to hear.)

    Me: “Just tell people you got in a fight with a bear, and WON!”

    Boy: *lights up* “Yeah! Dad, can I say that?”

    Dad: “Well, that’s what happened, right? You got in a fight with a bear and WON!”

    Boy: “YEAH!”

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