Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Filled With Creamy Justice
    (1,947 thumbs up)
  • July Theme Of The Month: Animal Madness!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: Family & Kids

    She Nose What You’re Planning

    | UK | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I am supervising the changing rooms. A woman calls out from a locked cubicle.)

    Woman: “Excuse me! My daughter’s having a nosebleed in here; could you get me a tissue?”

    Me: “I don’t have one on me, I’m afraid. Wait a moment; I’ll see if my colleague can bring you one.”

    (I call out and wave to my colleague, but she’s busy and doesn’t see me.)

    Woman: “Excuse me! I need one now! It’s your job to help me, so do your job and go get me a tissue!”

    Me: “I’m not allowed to leave the changing rooms unattended. I’m trying to get one for you; just one moment…”

    Woman: “That’s not good enough! I need one now! Do your job!”

    (An older lady in another cubicle starts speaking loudly.)

    Older Lady: “It’s not her job to look after your daughter. She clearly doesn’t have any tissue, so just go to the toilets yourself. She obviously can’t leave the room while there are people in here; for all she knows, you could be a shoplifter who’s just trying to distract her!”

    (A few seconds later, the angry woman emerges from her cubicle. She throws all the clothes she was trying on at me, then storms out of the shop with her suspiciously blood-free daughter. I thank the older lady when she comes out, and congratulate her on being so worldly-wise!)

    You Got Dad’s Back

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I am eight years old. My mother, father and I are all in the chemist to get some medication. My father has a rare spinal condition which is causing him to wobble when he walks, even with a frame. We’re waiting at the counter and hear a customer behind us make a remark under their breath; deliberately loud enough for us to hear.)

    Customer #1: “Drunk at 9AM; you should be ashamed.”

    (We try to ignore it.)

    Customer #1: “This is disgusting; you should be so embarrassed.”

    (I don’t like this person being rude to my father.)

    Me: “Watch your tone lady. If you’d bother to be polite and ask if my father is okay, you’d know he has a special illness that makes him this way. He’s not drunk; he’s my father, and I love him. Now apologize for being so mean about him.”

    (She goes red, stammers, and goes down an aisle. The pharmacist gives me a lollipop.)

    Strawberry Fields Forever

    | MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I am ordering ice-cream for my family and me.)

    Cashier: “What can I get for you?”

    Me: “I’ll have a scoop of strawberry, please.”

    Cashier: “Sorry, we only have chocolate, vanilla, and butter pecan today.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry! Chocolate, then.”

    Cashier: “Alright, anything else?”

    Dad: “I’ll have a strawberry shake.”

    Cashier: “Sorry, we only have chocolate, vanilla, and butter pecan.”

    Dad: “Oh right, a chocolate shake then.”

    Sister: “I want a strawberry sundae!”

    Cashier: “We only have chocolate, vanilla, and butter pecan.”

    Sister: “Okay, vanilla.”

    Me: “Does that happen a lot?”

    Cashier: “Often enough that I look forward to the days we actually have strawberry.”

    Borderline Stupidity

    | ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Canada, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (I am behind two boys in line. They pile a bunch of coolers on the counter, and try to pay with American money.)

    Cashier: “Could I see some ID, please?”

    (Boy #1 waves his hand like Obi-Wan.)

    Boy #1: “Oh, you don’t need to see our IDs.”

    Cashier: “Uh, actually, I do.”

    Boy #2: “It’s okay; we’re both 21!”

    Cashier: “Drinking age in Ontario is 19.”

    Boy #2: “Oh. Well, we’re both 19, then.”

    Cashier: “Do you even have identification?”

    Boy #1: “Fine! Here!”

    (He throws a card on the counter.)

    Cashier: “The government doesn’t consider this valid ID.”

    Boy #1: “OH COME ON!”

    Cashier: “…and this American state driver’s licence says you’re 16.”

    Boy #2: “F****** Canadians!”

    Brace(let) Yourself For The New Generation

    | OH, USA | Family & Kids, One-Liners

    (My friends and I are running a babysitting service for Valentine’s Day. The kids we are watching range from two to nine years old. I’m sitting with the oldest kid, making bracelets with her.)

    9-Year-Old Girl: “Have you seen that YouTube video X-Box Girls Get Revenge?”

    (This video has a lot of cussing and sexual jokes.)

    Me: “Yes, I have. I think the real question here is why have you seen it?”

    9-Year-Old Girl: “What?”

    Me: “That stuff is aimed at high-school and college students, not third graders.”

    9-Year-Old Girl: “Well, third graders have changed.”

    Me: “Oh, yeah?”

    9-Year-Old Girl: “Yeah! We’re a lot more mature and independent!”

    Me: “Uh… huh.”

    9-Year-Old Girl: “Now, can you tie this bracelet for me, please?”


    Page 60/142First...5859606162...Last