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  • Category: Family & Kids

    These Bagels Have A Long Shelf Life

    | Five Towns, NY, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (A lot of people like to come into the shop and ask for special favors because of being ‘good customers’. Sometimes the cashier—who is also the owner—gets annoyed.)

    Customer #1: “But we’re good customers!”

    Cashier: “What’s my name?”

    Customer #2: “What?”

    Cashier: “If you’re really good customers, you would know my name.”

    (Customers #1 and #2 look at each other, confused.)

    Customer #2: “Aren’t you Todd?”

    Cashier: “You’re confusing me with my father.”

    Customer #2: “Yes, that’s who we’re used to dealing with. Can we talk to him, please?”

    Cashier: “He died 18 years ago. You must be really good customers.”

    Mix It Up A Very Very Little

    | AZ, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (I’m working at a take away counter at a corporate place that serves ‘Pan-Asian Cuisine’. A family comes in a couple days every week.)

    Customer: “We want four of the sweet & sour with chicken and the steamed white rice. Make sure the chicken has no sauce, and no vegetables; we just want the plain chicken and rice. And four cokes, please.”

    Me: “Would you like ketchup and fries with that?”

    Customer: “Oh, do you have those?”

    Me: “No, I was just kidding. This is an Asian restaurant.”

    (After the meal, the father of the family comes back to me.)

    Customer: “Hey, I’ve been thinking about it the whole meal, and I just didn’t understand the joke you made. I’m really good with knock-knock jokes, but I didn’t get it. Can you explain it to me?”

    Me: “Sorry, I was just kidding because… well… I was just thinking it was funny you come to a restaurant that’s supposed to be spicy and exotic, but you always order the most extremely bland thing you can. It was kind of an American joke. And to be honest, I’m puzzled why you spend such a large amount eating out every week on only a few bowls of steamed white rice and chicken. You know, when I was really poor, I used to eat the same thing because you can get rice and chicken at the grocery store for less than twenty bucks a week. If I had that much money to spend on food, I’d be eating… well, something else. Mixing it up once in a while.”

    Customer: “Hmmm. I guess you have a point.”

    (I was wondering if I should have just kept my mouth shut, and hoping I didn’t lose their business. A few days later, the family comes in as usual, only they spend some time looking at the menu before they approach my counter.)

    Customer: “Hi, we’d like to get four of the Thai coconut curry with chicken.”

    Me: “No way, really?!”

    Customer: “Yep. And we would like that with no sauce or vegetables, just steamed white rice.”

    Me: “Oh. Why did you ask for the Thai instead of the Sweet & Sour plain like you usually do?”

    Customer: “I thought about what you said and you’re right, we wanted to mix it up a little!”

    How The Cookie Crumbles, Part 2

    | Welches, OR, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Family & Kids

    (I am in line to get cookies for my second grade class that I teach for the last day of the semester. I am rather thin, have blonde hair that’s very long and dyed, and I have high heels. I am speaking to the clerk.)

    Me: “Hey, can I get these for my class?”

    (I’m pointing to a selection of pink writing icing. The customer behind me suddenly speaks up.)

    Customer: “Stupid blonde w****!”

    (The clerk and I look at him.)

    Clerk: “Please don’t use that language in here, sir.”

    Customer: “What? She is! Oh, little miss b****, what’ve you got there?”

    (The customer points to my grocery bag.)

    Customer: “Oh, let me guess! Lipstick and eye makeup, and daft things to go in your sissy blonde hair! Skinny underwear, and big bras, tampons and oh—let me guess, a massive box of condoms!”

    Me: “Listen to me. Firstly, this is not my real hair. I’m actually a ginger, but to avoid confusion with another person at work, I dyed it blonde. Secondly, I’m buying cookies for my second graders. Thirdly, I am a virgin and have a Bachelor’s Degree. Fourth, although I am about to marry someone, I am, like I said, a virgin.”

    (The customer walks out without buying anything. By the way, my class enjoyed the cookies!)

    Related:
    How The Cookie Crumbles

    Chose A Bad Example For A Bad Example

    | AL, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Family & Kids, Top

    (Customer #1 is a young woman, with two children under the age of three. Customer #2 has a daughter around age 12. Customer #1 is checking out.)

    Customer #2: “How can you live with yourself? Having two children at your age? You’re a disgrace! I bet my tax dollars are paying for those groceries! People like you shouldn’t be allowed to shop here. You’re a bad example for my daughter!”

    Customer #1: “Not that it’s any of your business, but I’m 27. I went to a private college with a scholarship, graduated, and then became a kindergarten teacher. After teaching for two years I got married, then had kids, and my husband makes enough saving lives as a firefighter and a paramedic that I am able to stay at home with our kids. Now if that’s being a bad example for your daughter, I would love to see what you consider a good example!”

    Customer #2: “Uh, well you didn’t look old enough to… um…”

    Customer #1: “I’m going to take that as compliment that living right has kept me looking young.”

    Ironic That She Wants A RACE Car

    | Barrie, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (I work at a fast food establishment that gives out toys with their kids meals. This particular month, we have dolls, or toy cars. There are four dolls in the set; two are white, one is Asian, and one is black. On this day, we only have the black doll in stock.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, I’d like a different doll, please.”

    Me: “Sorry, those are the only dolls we have available right now.”

    Customer: “Are you sure? I can see one right there.”

    (The customer points to the toy display case.)

    Me: “Those are for display only, sorry.”

    Customer: “Open your f****** case, and get me another doll! I don’t want my daughter playing with some n***** doll!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; we really don’t have any other doll. If you like, hang on to it, and come back next week when we get our new toys. You can switch it then.”

    Customer: “Not good enough; I want a manager!”

    (I go into the back, and explain to a black staffer—who happens to be built like a tank—what is happening. I ask him to go up front and pretend to be the manager.)

    Coworker: “My employee explained the situation. What would you like me to do about it?”

    Customer: *turns red and looks completely terrified* “I’d like to switch this for a car, please?”

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