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    Category: Family & Kids

    Doubly Impressive

    | UK | Family & Kids, Hotels & Lodging

    (My parents are the customers in this story. They are staying at a very charming B&B in Britain.)

    Mum: “I can’t believe how well the owner looks after this place, especially considering that he’s on his own.”

    Dad: “I know! Everything’s spotless. He must work terribly hard; it seems that every time I turn around I see him busy doing something.”

    Mum: “Hey, there’s the owner over there. Let’s go tell him what a great job he’s doing.”

    Dad: “…that’s strange. I saw him only a few minutes ago, and I could have sworn he was wearing a different shirt.”

    Owner: *overhearing* “You do realize that I have a twin brother, right?”

    Waiting For The Muffin (Little) Man

    | TX, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (Our chocolate chip muffins are coveted by kids as an after-school snack. We recommend that people call ahead and have us set one aside if they want to make sure we aren’t out by the time they arrive, since we stop baking muffins around midday. We will also warm up the muffins on request, but only if they will be eaten immediately, as they will be tough once they cool off.)

    Me: *answering phone* “Good afternoon, [Store]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “THIS IS GEORGE.”

    Me: “Hi, what can I do for you?”

    Caller: “…”

    Me: “Hello?”

    Caller: “THIS IS GEORGE.”

    Me: *making the connection between the high-pitched voice and the name of one of our regular second-grader customers* “You want me to save you a muffin, George?”

    Caller: “CHOCOLATE CHIP MUFFIN. HEATED, PLEASE.”

    Me: “I’ll wait and heat it up when you get here. See you soon, buddy.”

    Pest Control Out Of Control

    | WV, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

    (I work at a local pharmacy.)

    Customer: “I need to buy some Raid.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, let’s go look at the display.”

    (We walked to the display, and I began showing her various items.)

    Me: “Here’s something for ants—”

    Customer: “No, I don’t need that.”

    Me: “Okay. Um, here’s something for roaches.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t have roaches.”

    Me: “Do you have hornets or wasps or something?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Ma’am, can you tell me a little more about what, exactly, you need the Raid for?”

    Customer: “My son has lice.”

    Me: “Oh! Oh, God. No, ma’am, you don’t want Raid. You want Rid. Please don’t spray Raid on your son’s head!”

    Wii-U Are Not Listening

    | Portland, OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m browsing video games in a large national department store where all employees are required to wear red. This particular store, I’ve noticed, is pretty relaxed about what form the red shirt or top can take, as well as the shade of red. Coincidentally, I’m wearing a red t-shirt with a local hockey team’s name across it. A mother and her ten-year-old boy approach me.)

    Mother: “Excuse me, is the Nintendo Wii still on sale?”

    Son: “Wii-U!”

    Me: “I’m not sure. I don’t work here.”

    Mother: “Can you call someone back here who would know? He wants the Wii really badly.”

    Son: “Wii-U!”

    Me: “Well, there’s a customer service button over in movies. That should bring someone over. And I think he wants the Wii-U, the new system they came out with.”

    Mother: “You want me to walk over into another department and ring a bell?! What the h*** kind of employee are you?”

    Me: “I’m an employee of [National Insurance Company]. I’m not a clerk at this store.”

    Mother: “Don’t give me that bull-s***! You’re a punk kid!”

    Me: “I’m 26.”

    Son: “Wii-U!”

    Mother: *grabbing kid’s hand* “You know what? We’ll go to [Well-known Toy Store Chain] and pay full price for the god d*** Wii, because I’m sick of this crap!”

    Son: “Wii-U!”

    Me: *laughing* “Is that all he says?”

    Mother: “HOW DARE YOU!”

    (Eventually she was escorted from the store and the manager, after watching the entire exchange on the security tapes, let me use my ‘employee’ discount on the game I wanted. I got it for… Wii-U!)

    Marriage Of The Undead

    | PA, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Spouses & Partners

    (I work in a call center for a student loan servicing company. I deal with many difficult callers each day, as people get very upset over their loans. I have just spent an hour arguing with a woman as to why her loans were delinquent and I am quite frazzled.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I received a letter from you that says ”our condolences on the loss of your son.”

    (I check the account. The borrower has indeed been reported as deceased and we are waiting for the death certificate in order to discharge the loans.)

    Me: “Yes, sir. I am terribly sorry for your loss. Do you have any questions on the discharge process?”

    Caller: “Yes. My son isn’t dead.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Caller: “Yeah, do you want to talk to him?”

    Me: “Uh… yes, please.”

    Caller: “Okay. Here he is.”

    Son: “Hello. As far as I know, I am not dead, unless I am the first recorded instance of the zombie apocalypse.”

    (At this point I start giggling helplessly. The son laughs, too.)

    Son: “Out of curiosity, why do you guys think I’m dead?”

    Me: “Well, sir, you were reported deceased by [Name].”

    Son: “Oh. That’s my ex-wife. She must have been trying to mess up my credit. Is this going to hurt me at all?”

    Me: “Not in the slightest, sir.”

    Son: “Ha. Sucks to be her. Have a lovely day, miss.”

    Me: “Thank you, sir. Please don’t bite anyone.”

    Son: “But where’s the fun in that?”

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