Category: Family & Kids

Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 5

| CA, USA | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

(I own a coffee shop in a small town. My best friend is the manager and head barista. I am pretty young and inherited the place from family. I have come in for some coffee and to do some paperwork for a new hire. I am in line behind a very disgruntled customer.)

Customer: “You don’t have any authority to kick me out, you s***! I can do as I like. This is America. Only the owner can kick me out and he is never here. I am good friends with [Former Owner] and his whole family. So get me my drink on the house or I am going to have you fired. Do it now!”

Me: “Excuse me? You said you know [Former Owner]?”

Customer: “Well, yes. He is going to be so angry!”

Me: “Then you would have attended his funeral last March. You would also know that he never stood for abusive people in his shop.”

Customer: “How do you know this, you little snot? What are you, in high school?”

Me: “Actually, I am 25. My uncle passed away last year after battling cancer. I have been working at this shop since I was 15. He left it to me in the will. I own this shop. You have no right to speak to the barista, or anyone, that way. Please get out of my shop. The next time you show up you will be arrested.”

Customer: “You are missing out, young lady. I have never been so offended in my life! How dare you talk to me like that!?”

(My friend, the barista, feels the need to interject.)

Barista: “How dare you act like a child?! You make sexist, crude remarks every time you come in, you a**. I am lucky to work here. I have a very understanding boss. You are nothing but a bully. Get out of here and don’t come back.”

(The customer looks towards me.)

Me: “You heard my barista. Get out of my store.”

Customer: “Fine! But you are missing out!”

(The customer storms out of coffee store.)

Barista: “Thank you.”

Me: “I am going to give you a raise for that.”

Barista: “I thought I was going to be fired.”

Me: “Nope. That was hilarious.”

(She has worked for me for about five years now and has been made a partner!)

Related:
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 4
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 3
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 2
Getting Owned By The Owner

The Screwdriver Is Complimentary

| CA, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids

(I work at a hobby store that sells everything from arts and crafts for kids to models and remote control vehicles. A customer and her small son come in and shop around for a bit. They eventually bring up a vacuum for catching bugs.)

Me: “Alright. That will be [price]. This requires three AA batteries. Did you need those?”

Customer: “Yeah. We better get some.”

Me: “Okay. Your new total comes to [price].”

(They pay and leave. Not five minutes later they come back in.)

Customer: “I’m sorry, but do you have a screwdriver to open this with?”

(The customer meant one she could buy but we have one behind the counter for this type of situation. I go ahead and just open the battery cover for her on the bug catcher.)

Me: “There we are! You’re good to go.”

(I hand it back to the little boy. They begin to leave when the customer turns around and addresses her son.)

Customer: “Tell the nice lady ‘thank you.'”

Son: *with a look of concentration on his face* “You… are… sooo… beautiful.”

Me: “Why, thank you!”

(The mom is slightly embarrassed but thanks me again. They leave. I turn to my coworker, who watched the whole thing and is smiling)

Me: “I don’t know where he learned those manners from, but he’s gonna do well in life.”

From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 5

| Champaign, IL, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top

(A man and his four children are in the booth next to my family. I am four years old and am sitting next to my younger brothers. We are all quietly coloring at the table. The children at the next booth are climbing on top of the booth and playing with my father’s hat, throwing food, and running around the entire restaurant.)

Waiter: “Sir, your children are bothering other customers. They need to calm down, or you will have to leave.”

Other Dad: “They’re fine. They’re just running off some energy.”

(The waiter is called away to another table. The kids begin raising another ruckus. They are just getting to an unbearable level when a carrot lands on our table.)

Me: *sets crayon down* “Daddy, may I get up?”

My Dad: “Um, okay…”

(I march to the next table and assume an assertive stance with fists on hips.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir. You really need to learn how to control your children.”

(I get back in my seat and resume coloring. The other dad turns bright red. He gathers his kids and hurries out of the restaurant just as their food arrives. Later, my parents ask for the check.)

Waiter: “Actually, sir, even if this meal wasn’t on the house, almost every other customer asked to cover your check for you.”

(20 years later, my mom still calls this her proudest parenting moment. We even got a $50 gift certificate out of it!)

Related:
From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 4
From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 3
From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 2
From The Mouth Of Babes

Don’t Let Them Push(chair) You On The Price

| England, UK | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

(We’re selling our old pushchair. It was a gift and not really suitable. Despite it being pretty new and in excellent condition we are selling it for a fraction of the cost. We get a buyer and arrange a date to collect. The buyer and her young child knocks on the door.)

Buyer: “Hi. I’m here for the pushchair.”

Girlfriend: “Oh, great. Well as you can see, it is as-new. We must have only used it a few times.”

Buyer: “Yeah. It looks great. But, I haven’t brought enough money with me.”

Girlfriend: “I’m sorry, but we did agree on a price. It is already half that you would pay in the shops.”

(The buyer turns to her child, and exclaims very dramatically.)

Buyer: “Oh, no, baby! You won’t be able to have a nice new pushchair now. You were so looking forward to it as well!”

(At this point I go to the door. I can see that the woman has intentionally upset her little boy, to try and make us feel sorry for him.)

Me: “Look. We agreed on the price and we are not going any lower. You can either go get some cash out, or clear off. This is a bargain. We have lots of other people interested.”

(The buyer stands there for a moment. I shut the door. Surprisingly, a few seconds later, she is standing there with the money ‘she found in her car.’ It was the exact amount.)

How To Make Grandma Nun Too Happy

| Toronto, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Family & Kids, Love/Romance, Top

(I am Asian. I work as a cashier at a supermarket. Today I get one of my great-aunts in line. We chat as I am checking out her groceries.)

Aunt: “So have you found anyone yet, [Name]?”

Me: “Not yet, Auntie.”

Aunt: “Well, [My Grandma] is getting anxious, you know. She wants great-grandchildren.”

Me: “She already has great-grandchildren, Auntie. My cousins have kids, remember?”

Aunt: “Then, your parents! They want to see you married and settled with grandchildren!”

(My parents have never made any such demands of me, nor made any indication of such being expected. I remain calm and polite, as I am still at work and my great-aunt is a paying customer.)

Me: *changing the subject slightly* “I think my sister would have something to say about that!”

(My sister is both older than me and already married.)

Aunt: “Oh, yes, that’s right! She did the right thing, you know; marrying properly.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Aunt: “She married that nice [regional Chinese] boy. Not just [other Chinese], but [regional Chinese], like us. Proper. Your grandma said so.”

(I am appalled, all the more so because she’s utterly sincere.)

Me: “…I thought she was joking?”

Aunt: “Oh no! Very serious. She was quite upset when [My Cousin] married that Vietnamese boy. And all these others, gwailo (white people) and…”

(She goes on a tirade about not marrying outside the group. I am speechless.)

Me: “Your total is [amount], Auntie.”

Aunt: “Oh, I bought too much again! Ah, the boys will eat it. See you soon, [My Name]!”

(I automatically wave goodbye, still dumbfounded. Finally, she’s bagged her things and gone.)

Me: *thinking out loud* “Screw this. I might as well join a convent.”

Next Customer: “I don’t think that’d work for a bright young girl like you, sweetheart.”

(It is at this point I realize both my new customers are wearing habits and veils.)

Me: “Oh, crap! Sorry, Sisters.”

Nun #1: “Don’t be!”

Nun #2: “We heard what she said. You love who want, when you want, in your own good time.”

Nun #1: “Besides, running off to a convent doesn’t work like that these days. You need a vocation.”

(She leans forward to take my hand.)

Nun #1: “And convent life isn’t all that cracked up to be! You’re a good girl, and a lovely person. We always look for you when we stop by, you know. Take your time to figure out your path.”

Nun #2: “And if it does lead to us, at least you’ll be prepared! Either way, have faith. Bless you, dear!”

(I finish ringing them up, and they go on their way. My supervisor walks over.)

Supervisor: “You all right?”

(I shrug, dazed.)

Supervisor: “Go take your break. You’re due for one, anyway.”

(One of the weirdest and most heartwarming shifts I ever had!)

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