Category: Family & Kids

Aging Badly

| Exeter, England, UK | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month

(I work in a cinema. One evening on my break, I see my husband’s 13-year-old cousin hanging around outside. I have a feeling that she’s trying to get into a 15-rated film, so when I go back on shift, I tell everybody else I know she’s under 15. She eventually goes to my manager’s till, so I go over.)

Me: “Don’t sell her a ticket to Silent Hill. She’s my husband’s cousin; I know she’s 13.”

Manager: “Okay, thanks.”

(My cousin approaches. She doesn’t seem to recognize me.)

Cousin: “I’d like tickets for Silent Hill, please.”

Manager: “I’m afraid you cannot get a ticket for the film. You are not over 15.”

Cousin: “What the f***?! I’m f****** 15; don’t f****** listen to her! What the f*** does she know? I want to watch the f****** film!”

Manager: “You’re not old enough to watch it; we know you’re not. Can you move to the side, so I can serve someone else?”

Cousin: “F*** you! You don’t know s***! I’m watching the f****** film!”

(My manager goes to my cousin’s friends, who are waiting to the side.)

Manager: “I’m happy for you guys to watch the film; you’ve got your ID with you, so it’s fine. Your friend can’t watch the film because she’s not old enough.” *to my husband’s cousin* “I’m asking you to leave, and to stop swearing.”

Cousin: “I’m not f****** swearing!”

Manager: “Or I can call the police to have you removed? Choice is yours.”

(She hasn’t stepped foot in the cinema since. That Christmas, she came round to my husband’s parents’ house while we were there. As soon as she saw me, she practically fled the room, because the penny finally dropped!)

The Little Mermaid Student

| New Zealand | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Top

(I am a swimming teacher for mainly children under five. It is after the final lesson of the day. I am standing chatting to the parents. A young girl I have just been teaching walks up to me.)

Young Girl: “Excuse me. What are you doing?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Young Girl: “Why aren’t you in the pool?”

Me: “I don’t have anyone else to teach today. You were my last class.”

Young Girl: “But I thought you lived in the pool. Aren’t you a mermaid, miss?”

(I have to fight back the laughter as this little girl is completely serious, and is horrified to learn I don’t live in the pool! It’s things like this that make my job worthwhile.)

Out Of The Dirty Mouth Of Babes

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Family & Kids, Language & Words, Theme Of The Month

(A three-year-old girl is waiting with her family for her turn to see the doctor. She is entertaining herself by singing.)

Girl: “I wonder what your name is; I wonder what’s your name? My name’s [name]! Hello, hello, hello. I wonder what your name is; I wonder what’s your name?” *approaches my desk* “What’s YOUR name, b****?”

Me: *speechless*

Going Off The Deep End

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month, Top

(I am a lifeguard at a public pool. While guarding the diving boards, I hear a loud smack from behind me. I turn to see two children who look to be about 10 or 11, standing in line for the high dive, yelling at each other.)

Me: “Excuse me, is there a problem?”

Boy: “YEAH! She hit me!”

Girl: “NO! He hit me first!”

Boy: “Nuh-uh! You hit ME first!”

(I look and see that both children have red marks on their face, as if they were recently slapped. However, I have no way of finding out who started this fight.)

Me: “Excuse me, but—”

Woman In Line: “Send them to the back of the line! Punish those brats!”

Me: *to woman* “Don’t worry, ma’am; I’ve got this situation under—”

Boy: “You can’t send me to the back! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

(The boy runs off in terror.)

Girl: “I’m not going to the back of the line! You can’t make me! I’ve been in line FOREVER!”

Me: “I’m not going to send you to the back if the line. I just—”

Girl: “I’m not going to the back of the line!”

Me: “I didn’t say—”

Girl: “I’M NOT GOING! YOU CAN’T MAKE ME! I’M TELLING MY DADDY ABOUT THIS, YOU F*****!”

(The girl stomps away to get her father. A few minutes later, a rather large and intimidating man comes up to me.)

Man: “Look, I’m sorry for how my daughter acted. We’ve been trying to teach her some manners. Don’t worry about it.”

(Later, I find out that the man called the lead lifeguard, and I got officially commended!)

Been Awake For A Maternity

| Bergen, Norway | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Love/Romance, Top

(A scruffy looking customer comes into the store. He is wearing his pajamas, bright colored running shoes, and a scarf. He looks like he has not slept for weeks. He walks around the store for five minutes before coming to the line at the register. It is just after midnight.)

Me: “Good evening, sir.”

Scruffy Customer: *mumbles*

(He has three items: anchovies, asparagus in a jar, and bacon-flavored chips.)

Me: “Will with that be all, sir? Do you want a bag for your items?”

Scruffy Customer: “No and yes, thank you.”

(He reaches for his pocket and takes out his car keys, ruffles around other pockets to look for his wallet, and finds nothing. Something breaks inside of him. He puts a hand to cover his eyes and is starting to turn away from me.)

Scruffy Customer: “I am sorry; she is going to kill me.”

(He starts to walk out. Another customer in line speaks up.)

Customer: “When is she due?”

Scruffy Customer: “What?”

Customer: “When is she due?”

Scruffy Customer: “In three weeks or so. How did you know?”

Customer: “Buying strange things in the middle of the night wearing pajamas. That is kind of a recipe for a guy who has a pregnant girl at home.”

Scruffy Customer: “Yeah, I guess so.”

(The scruffy customer starts to walk out again.)

Customer: “Hey, go get your stuff on the counter. I will pay for you.” *to me* “How much is it?”

Me: “Uhh… 76 kroner with my staff discount.”

Customer: “Wow, anchovies, asparagus and bacon flavored chips. She has got it bad!”

Scruffy Customer: “If it’s smelly, spicy or has a strange texture, she has to have it. I think she has tried everything in those categories. Except for shark meat, I think.”

(The scruffy customer smiles, and the other customers at the register give out a laugh. He thanks the customer for paying, and tries to get his information to pay him back. The other customers there start to talk to him, give him advice and try to lift his spirits. He now has a four-month-old daughter, and does not look scruffy anymore!)

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