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    Category: Family & Kids

    P2P Not-Working

    | Bakersfield, CA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer approaches, and angrily sets down her laptop.)

    Me: “Hi there, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I purchased this laptop two months ago, and you guys installed antivirus on here. Now I have a virus on my computer. I barely use it and rarely even go on the internet, so obviously they’re defective. I want a refund.”

    Me: “I’ll be happy to help, ma’am. Would you mind if I run our free in-store diagnostic test, just to make sure that it is a virus?”

    Customer: “Fine, but it’ll be a waste of time; this shouldn’t have happened and—”

    (The customer continues ranting about how inept our technology items are. Meanwhile, I am running our diagnostic, and even superficially I can tell that it has a virus infection. Curious, I also quickly pull open the program list. I notice something interesting.)

    Me: “Ma’am, do you know what [software name] is?”

    Customer: “Uh, no…”

    Me: “It’s a peer-to-peer sharing program. It’s one of the ways that people can illegally download music, movies, and the like. It’s also a very common way to get viruses, since anyone can upload anything to the P2P network.”

    Customer: “But I would never do anything like that.”

    Me: “Ma’am, does anyone else use your computer?”

    (The customer’s face suddenly drops.)

    Customer: “My daughter…”

    Me: “Does she have her own account with parental controls, or do you let her use your account?”

    Customer: “She uses mine.”

    Me: “Well, most likely she’s been using it to download files, and that’s how you got the virus.”

    Customer: “But the antivirus software you guys installed should’ve stopped this!”

    Me: “Antiviruses aren’t magic walls, ma’am. If you allow viruses to get past the protocols, which this would, viruses can get through. Normally, the software should issue a warning, but most likely your daughter ignored that when she downloaded the files.”

    Customer: “Oh… Well, how much is this going to cost me to fix?”

    (I give her the quote, which she dutifully pays. As I hand her the receipt, she mentions one last thing.)

    Customer: “When I get home, that girl is going to be grounded so hard! That money is coming out of her bank account!”

    A Child Who Knows How To Conduct Himself

    | Norway | Family & Kids, Money, Tourists/Travel

    (I am 12 years old. I am taking the train with my eight-year-old brother. After waiting for the conductor for about an hour without having paid, I get up and look for him. I find him somewhere down the train.)

    Me: “My little brother and I have been riding this train for one hour without paying, and will soon arrive our destination.”

    Conductor: “Okay, just find your seat again. I’ll be right there with you.”

    (After about 10 minutes, he’s back with us. He takes a seat beside us, leans in, and starts talking.)

    Conductor: “I’ve worked this train every day for 20 years. Every day I see kids your age trying to find ways to ride for free. So when you approached me, honest about wanting to pay for yourselves when I had forgotten, you made my day! I have decided to let you ride for free. You should keep the money. Tell your parents that it is yours now, because they raised you to be such honest and good kids, and buy yourselves something nice.”

    Kick Off Your Sunday Shoe Store

    | LA, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Musical Mayhem

    (I am out shopping with two of my cousins. They decide we need to look at shoes. The store is nearly empty and they have a local oldies station playing. ‘Footloose’ comes on as they’re browsing the shoes.)

    Me: “Ooh! Footloose! I love this song!”

    Cousin #1: “Just don’t—”

    (Before she can finish her sentence, I start dancing to the music. She and her sister hide their faces and walk off to look at shoes in another part of the store. The two employees, who had looked bored to tears, start laughing and clapping as I dance around the shoe fitting area. When the song ends, I plop down on one of the seats to catch my breath.)

    Cousin #2: “We can’t take you anywhere!”

    Employee #1: “Oh, she didn’t hurt anyone!”

    Employee #2: “In fact, she just made our day! Thank you!”

    Me: *grinning* “I work with the public, and I know the bad customers outweigh the good, so I figured I would brighten your day!”

    Racism And Ignorance Go Hand In Hand

    | USA | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Top

    (I’m babysitting my three-year-old neighbor, and I bring him to a nearby park. A woman approaches.)

    Woman: “How dare you!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Woman: “I can’t believe you’re bringing your kid out in public like this! You’re setting a bad example for our kids! It’s like you’re saying that teenage pregnancy is alright!”

    Me: “Ma’am, are you saying that I had a kid at age twelve?”

    Woman: “At age twelve? You should be ashamed of yourself!”

    Me: “Ma’am, that kid is my neighbor.”

    Woman: “I’m not going to fall for that! You’re both Chinese! You look exactly like each other!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m Chinese, but he’s Korean.”

    (The woman turns bright red and stomps off.)

    Served With Just Desserts

    | Scotland, UK | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (I work at a restaurant which is very gay-friendly. It’s not actually a gay restaurant, but half the waiting staff, two of the chefs, and the owner are all gay or bi. Many of the customers are gay couples. A tourist couple, a man and woman, comes in, and sits at a table.)

    Me: *flamboyantly* “Hi, welcome! Here are your menus—”

    Customer #1: “We want another server!”

    Me: “Sorry, but I’m the only one that’s free at the moment, and you’re sitting in my area, but I can help you all the same.”

    (The couple stands up and walk to another table on the other side of the restaurant. Their server comes up to the table; she’s a young woman who dresses very alternatively.)

    Server: “Hi, there! Would you like to look at—”

    (The couple stands up again, this time moving to a table being served by the only straight server in the restaurant today. They order happily, and the server leaves. The table is right next to the large opening where you can see the chefs cooking your food. The customers can be heard by one of the chefs,—who happens to be my boyfriend.)

    Customer #1: “I can’t believe they let those people work with food. They’ll contaminate it.”

    Customer #2: “I know! But don’t let it get to you; we have a good server now.”

    Customer #1: “Yeah, but just look at them. That first man probably has AIDS, and they let him work in a restaurant! It’s disgusting!”

    Chef: “Excuse me; please don’t talk about him that way. He doesn’t have AIDS. Even if he did, you wouldn’t catch it just because he served you food. He’s also my boyfriend, so stop it, or you’ll upset me and him.”

    (The couple remains quiet until their server bring their drinks.)

    Customer #1: “Make sure that thing doesn’t cook or touch any of my food.”

    Server: “Sorry, I can’t do that. He is one of our best chefs, and he deals with items that you have ordered.”

    Customer #2: “Well, have someone else make our food, someone clean!”

    Server: “I assure you that our chefs take hygiene very seriously. We are very highly rated from health and safety—”

    Customer #1: “MANAGER! NOW!”

    (Their server gets the manager, a very well-dressed and flamboyant man.)

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer #1: “You’re one too?! A dirty gay! I can’t believe it! F*** you! F*** you all! Don’t any of you touch my food, my wife, or me! I don’t want your any of your dirty gay diseases!”

    (The customers start referring to their server.)

    Customer #2: “And to think you surround this poor boy with your heathen ways!” *to the server* “Come now, son, leave with us and we can save you from this evil lot!”

    (All of the servers have gathered around the area. Many of the regular customers and their partners join too.)

    Server: “You know what, you’re right! Why should I have to work in a place with such nasty people?”

    (The couple smiles and move towards him, as if to take him away.)

    Server: “You two, get the f*** out of here and leave me alone! We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone, and you most certainly are not welcome here!”

    (The couple runs out, flustered and embarrassed.)

    Manager: “I couldn’t have said it any better myself!”

    Server: “Thanks, Dad!”


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