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    Category: Family & Kids

    Don’t Get The Hump

    | Boise, ID, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

    (I work for an exotic petting zoo. Every Halloween, for several years, we set up our petting zoo at a maze. This particular year, I am in charge of answering questions people have about the animals. I am standing in front of the Bactrian camel—or two-humped camel&mdsh; because I am bottle feeding him. A guest walks up to the pen with two young boys in tow.)

    Guest: “Look, kids, you see those humps? That’s where camels store all their water so they don’t get thirsty!”

    Me: “Actually, sir, the camel stores fat in his humps. The reason camels can go so long without water is because their red blood cells are shaped like an oval, instead of ours which are circular. The shape allows the camel to hold more water in his bloodstream without bursting his blood cells.”

    Guest: “You see, kids! I told you camels store water in their humps! Let’s go look at the llamas. Make sure they don’t spit on you!”

    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 4

    | Overland Park, KS, USA | Family & Kids, Technology, Underaged

    (I am a customer browsing at a local game store, I witness an exchange between a mother and her young son, who appears to be about eight years old. The son is trying to get his mother to buy him a copy of ‘Call of Duty: Black Ops’.)

    Son: “Mom, can we get this?”

    Mother: “I’m not getting you that game.”

    Son: “Pleeeaase?”

    Mother: “No, it’s too graphic.”

    Son: “It’s only 30 bucks!”

    Mother: “Is there violence?”

    Employee & I: “Yep.”

    Mother: “Is there shooting?”

    Employee & I: “Yep.”

    Mother: “Is there blood?”

    Employee & I: “Yep.”

    Mother: “Then I’m not getting it for you.”

    Son: “But I want it!”

    Mother: “No, because you’re going to go to Uncle and tell him about how I got you Call of Duty: Black Ops, and then I’m going to be in trouble.”

    Son: “I can just have Uncle turn the sound off the TV so I won’t hear any bad words.”

    Mother: “What does that have to do with anything? Honey, it’s not the bad words I’m worried about, it’s the violence and shooting and blood!”

    Son: “I swear I won’t tell Uncle!”

    Mother: “No, I’m not getting you that game!”

    Son: *sees ‘Grand Theft Auto IV’* “Can we get this?”

    Mother: “That doesn’t look like the one we have at the house. Sure, I’ll get that for you…”

    Related:
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 3
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 2
    Grand Theft Innocence

    The ‘D’ Is Silent, The Customer Won’t Be, Part 2

    | CA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Movies & TV

    (I am working at the box office of a movie theater when a woman approaches my coworker’s window with two clearly underage sons.)

    Customer: “Hi, I want two tickets to Django Unchained.”

    Coworker: “Umm, are you going to see the movie with them?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want to see that movie.”

    Coworker: “Unfortunately, Django Unchained is an R-rated movie, and our company policy is that anyone who is under 17 years old has to be accompanied by an adult. I can’t sell you tickets for just them.”

    Customer: “What do you mean? That’s not fair. I shouldn’t have to buy a ticket for a movie I’m not going to.”

    Coworker: “No, ma’am, you would have to actually go into the theater with them.”

    Customer: “But I don’t want to see the movie! Fine then, I’ll buy a ticket for myself and then sell it to someone else in line who wants to see the movie!”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, but you can’t do that either.”

    Customer: “I’m an adult! I can do whatever I want! I’m going to buy a ticket, and I’m going to sell it to someone else!”

    Coworker: “Listen, let me get you my manager to—”

    Customer: “I don’t want to talk to your manager! You’re not going to call him!”

    Customer’s Son: “Mom, it’s okay. We really don’t need to see the movie.”

    Coworker: *into walkie-talkie* “Can I get a manager to box?”

    Customer: “I told you I don’t want to talk to your manager! Fine, I’ll just sit there with my eyes closed!”

    (She purchases three tickets and goes inside. In the time it takes the customer to walk inside, the manager, who has heard everything, has come to the customer service counter at the box office. The customer walks straight up to my manager.)

    Customer: “So, I guess YOU’RE the one I’m supposed to show THIS to.”

    (The customer shoves her entire wallet with ID in my manager’s face.)

    Customer: “See?! I’m over 17!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, that isn’t the issue.”

    Customer: “Yes it is! He told me I couldn’t buy a ticket unless I’m over 17!”

    Manager: “The issue isn’t whether or not you’re 17. The issue is that your sons cannot see the movie without you watching it with them because it is an R-rated movie.”

    Customer: “But—”

    Manager: “This is not only a company policy, which is posted all over, but also the LAW. If we sell tickets to R-rated movies to anyone underage, we can be heavily fined or worse. I would be more than willing to refund all of your tickets if you do not wish to see the movie.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand what the issue is! I’m an adult! I’M OVER 17! I guess I’ll just have to watch the movie with my eyes closed and cover my ears!”
    Related:
    The ‘D’ Is Silent, The Customer Won’t Be

    Checks Are Out At The Checkout

    | Portland, OR, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Money, Top

    (I am a cashier at a big grocery store. I have a customer in with her daughter in her mid-teens. The customer writes a check, but because of a store policy, a manager has to override an error that will pop up if the customer does not have at least $700 of checks in the system. My manager is at the check stand right next to me helping a customer, and knows that I need her assistance.)

    Customer: “I can’t believe this is happening again! This happened last time!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Our system is just very particular. You must write a certain amount of checks or spend a certain amount of money every month in order for it to not need an ID and a manager override. I know it is a pain, and I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “Well this is just f****** ridiculous. I don’t think I’m going to shop here anymore.”

    Me: “Again, I’m sorry that we have to do this. My manager will be here in just a second; she just needs to finish helping another customer.”

    Customer: “And this is just so stupid because I’ve written checks here before!”

    Me: “I understand. Our system is just very picky when it comes to checks and—”

    (At this point the customer begins to dramatically flip through her checkbook, and shoves it in my face so I can see all of the entries.)

    Customer: “SEE?!”

    Me: “Again, I understand, but the system says you only have $300 in the system, and it needs at least $750. I know it is a bit ridiculous, but in the end it is for the company’s and your safety, and there isn’t really anything I can do about it.”

    Customer: “I know it’s not your fault, but—”

    (To my surprise, the customer’s daughter suddenly speaks up in my defense.)

    Customer’s Daughter: “Then why are you being such a b**** to her, mom? You are so embarrassing. Maybe you should use a debit card like normal people. I’ll be in the car waiting.”

    (The mother and I both stare in shock while my manager comes over and runs the check through with no further hassle. Sometimes, it’s nice when someone says exactly what you’re thinking, especially when you can’t say it yourself!)

    This Conversation Is Stuck In A Cycle

    | Omaha, NE, USA | Family & Kids

    (I work at a small bike shop. During the early spring, we get a lot of customers. I have only worked there a few months, and learn a lot from the owner. His son also works there, and many customers know him. The owner is helping a customer, and I am watching. When the owner goes back to get something for her, we find ourselves alone.)

    Customer: “Are you his daughter?”

    Me: “No, I’m just an employee.”

    Customer: “He has the cutest kids! But you are definitely the prettiest.”

    Me: “But I’m not his daughter.”

    Customer: “Then why did you say he was?”

    Me: “I didn’t. I’m just an employee.”

    (The owner comes back.)

    Owner: “Alright, [my name], if you would just put her information into the computer, that wo—”

    Customer: “See! You called her [my name]! That’s proof she’s your daughter! You shouldn’t teach her to lie!”

    Owner: “So just because I use her first name means I’m her father?”

    Me: “[Owner's name], it’s okay.”

    Customer: “You call him father! Do it! NOW!”

    Me: “I only call my father, father.”

    Customer: “You mean he’s not your father?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Well why didn’t you say so?”

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