Category: Family & Kids

The Joke Is On (And In) Him

| TX, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

(I work in a party and joke item store. Our policy for backpacks is you have to leave them at the front door, no matter what. I stop three kids as they enter.)

Me: “Excuse me, you have to leave your backpack at the front by the door.”

(Two of the kids put their bags up front. The third pretends he didn’t hear me.)

Me: “You have to put your backpack up front.”

Kid: “What? Why? Someone’s going to steal it if I leave it up front.”

Me: “I doubt anyone will want your backpack, but if it bothers you that much, write your name on a slip of paper and I’ll attach it to the bag.”

Kid: “F*** no. I’m not going to steal anything. You a**holes always think I’m going to steal something.”

Me: “The policy is that you put your bag up front. No one is immune to that policy. I don’t care if you’re an elderly man with a bag of candy; you still put it up front.”

Kid: “Man…”

(The kid gets annoyed and drops his bag at the door, and then stomps off after his friends. Thirty minutes later, he comes back.)

Kid: “See? I didn’t steal s***!”

(As soon as the kid picks his bag up, a plastic knife drops from his pants pocket, along with a pirate’s gold tooth, and a rubber mask slides halfway from under his shirt.)

Baby Talk To Make You Balk

| Newport News, VA, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

(My neighbors have gone out for the day, and have asked me to babysit their youngest daughter, who is about two years old. I bring her to the mall so we can do a little shopping. I have her strapped into her stroller, and am pushing her around through the clothes racks. As I pause to look at some tops, a rather large customer walks past a rack, and knocks off some of the merchandise. She bends over to pick up the clothes.)

Two-Year-Old: “D***! That lady got a fat a**!”

(The customer rounds on me with a death glare.)

Customer: “What did you just say?!”

(I point at the two-year-old girl, completely mortified.)

Me: “I am so sorry! That was her!”

(The customer opens her mouth to berate me when the two-year-old girl pipes up again.)

Two-Year-Old: “D***! What a fat b****!”

(The customer stares at the little girl in shock before glaring at me again.)

Me: “She’s not mine! I’m just babysitting!” *to the child* “You shouldn’t say things like that! It’s very mean, and rude! Who taught you that anyways?!”

Two-Year-Old: “Big sister! Now buy me candy, b****!”

(I quickly wheeled her away under the glaring gaze of the customer. I didn’t babysit her ever again!)

Putting Your Son Into A Sweet Disposition

| USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

(I work in a little sweet shop. We have a promotion going on where you can get two free sweets if you can spin a wheel and get it to land on the prize. The front door opens and a young boy and his mother walk in.)

Me: “Hello, welcome to [store name].”

Mother: “Hi, I was told I could get some free candy here.”

Me: “That’s right; you can get two free sweets of your choice if you can get a win on the prize wheel!”

Boy: “I wanna try!”

(The mother grumbles angrily. The boy walks over to the counter and takes hold of the wheel.)

Me: “Okay, good luck, you have one chance, okay?”

Boy: “Got it!”

(The boy spins, but the spinner doesn’t land on ‘Winner’. The boy shrugs and walks back to his mother.)

Mother: “Where’s his candy?!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Mother: “You said, he’d get free candy.”

Me: “Yes, if he was able to spin to win. Maybe next time, okay little guy?”

Boy: “Always next time, Mom.”

Mother: “Look at him! He’s distraught! You made my son unhappy! Get your manager.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

(The boy is dragged by his ear to the corner of the shop and is whispered to.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem, miss?”

Mother: “She made my son cry! He won the free candy, fair and square!”

Boy: “No I—”

(The mother gives him a glare.)

Manager: “I’m sorry for your troubles; I’ll give you the candy you won.”

(He gives the boy two pieces of our signature candy, and they leave the store.)

Manager: “Sorry about that; it’s not worth a fight. Not much lost really.”

Me: “But I—”

(I am cut off by the door slowly creaking open. The boy is back, now alone.)

Boy: “Here’s your candy back; sorry about my Mom. I know I didn’t win.”

Me: “Thank you so much, but you can—”

(He leaves before I can finish. I will always remember the little boy’s honesty, even though none of us ever saw him in the shop again.)

Trying To Take You For A Ride

| USA | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

(Our carousel has a height requirement: 45 inches and smaller require an adult with them. We allow 15 year olds and up to accompany a small child. A girl is coming into line with her little sister, who is not tall enough to ride alone. I don’t believe the older sister is 15.)

Me: “How old are you?”

Older Sister: “I’m 11.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. You have to be at least 15 to bring a child on. Is Mom or Dad with you?”

(The girls walk away, and come back with their mom.)

Mom: “You won’t let the big one go with her? She’s fifteen.”

Me: “Well, she just told me she was 11.”

Mom: *shuts up*

Throwing Himself Towards The Ground(ing)

| HI, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

(I am talking to a mom about a purchase for her son.)

Me: “Oh, and he’s getting the [Brand] set today?”

Mom: “Yeah, but we’re not sure he’s really mature enough. He’s five and—”

Son: “MOM! LOOK AT ME MOM! MOM! MOM!”

(We both turn to find her son perched above of a bin of LEGO blocks that kids can play with.)

Mom: “Oh no…”

Son: “I’M KING OF THE WORLD!”

(The son tears off his clothes and dives into the LEGOs.)

Mom: *to me* “I’m sorry. Oh I’m so sorry!”

(The mother pulls her son out of a very shallow bin and he begins crying.)

Son: “Mom, being king sucks! I wanna be queen instead!”

Mom: “Right now, all you are is grounded!”

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