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    Category: Family & Kids

    Under The Sea Meets Under The Influence

    | FL, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Movies & TV, Pets & Animals, Top

    (I am shopping with my four-year-old daughter. She has just seen ‘The Little Mermaid’ for the first time. She has become obsessed with Sebastian, the singing crab. As we pass by the seafood section, her eyes go wide and she zooms right up to the lobster tank.)

    My Daughter: “Daddy! They have crabs!”

    Me: “Those are lobsters, babygirl. They’re like crabs but different.”

    My Daughter: *crestfallen* “Oh… so they don’t sing?”

    Me: “Nope. Remember what mommy said? Real crabs don’t sing, only pretend ones do.”

    My Daughter: “I still wanna see them!”

    (At this point a seafood counter employee walks up.)

    Employee: “Hey there, little lady. Are you checking out the lobsters?”

    My Daughter: “Uh-huh.”

    Me: “She’s fascinated by sea creatures.”

    Employee: “Is that so?”

    (The employee kneels down to my daughter’s eye level.)

    Employee: “Would you like to see one up close?”

    My Daughter: “Yeah! Can I, daddy?”

    (I nod to the employee, who puts on some rubber gloves and fishes a large lobster out of the tank. He kneels down again and lets my daughter get close to it.)

    Employee: “Now don’t put your fingers near his feet or his mouth, sweetie. You see how he has his pincers here, and his big tail back here?”

    My Daughter: “Cooooooool!”

    Employee: “You want to touch him? Make sure you only touch him on his back, like this.”

    (The employee pats the lobster along its back, just like one would do with a cat or dog. My daughter copies him, giggling about how funny the lobster feels. Suddenly there is a loud shriek from behind us. A middle-aged woman is staring wide-eyed with both hands over her mouth.)

    Woman: “Oh, my God! What are you doing?! Put that horrid thing away!”

    Employee: “I’m sorry?”

    Woman: “You can’t let a little girl touch a gross, ugly thing like that! Get it away!”

    Me: “Ma’am, my daughter is quite responsible with animals. She holds and plays with my wife’s pet gerbils all the time.”

    Woman: “You let her touch RODENTS?! How disgusting! She’s going to get a disease! You should be thrown in prison!”

    (She barrels away at full speed, almost running into two people.)

    My Daughter: “Daddy, is that lady crazy?”

    Me: “I think so, babygirl.”

    There’s A Reason She Is Always Running Off

    | Bendigo, VIC, Australia | Family & Kids

    (Whilst shopping in a large hardware store, I find a three-year-old girl who has lost her mother.)

    Me: “Hi there, let me help you find your mother.”

    Child: *in tears* “No!”

    (The child then runs off crying out for her mother. I don’t run after her as it would have upset her more. Instead, I head towards the help desk to let the staff know to put out an announcement. As I am walking there, the child finds her mother, and I turn to walk towards them. The mother starts screaming at the child about how she is supposed to stay with her and not run off.)

    Me: “Oh, good, you found your mum.”

    (The mother turns to me without thanking me for helping, and speaks in an angry tone.)

    Mum: “She does this all the time when we come here; she always runs off. You should have just ignored her.”

    Me: *shocked* “You’re welcome; glad she got back safe.”

    A Mother Goes Out Of Her Way To Get In The Way

    | FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Top

    (I’m about seven years old, shopping with my mom at the grocery store. My mother had stopped to look at something, and I am looking at a display in the center of the aisle. Out of nowhere, a very large old customer nearly rams her cart in to me.)

    Old Customer: “You better move out of my way, ’cause I ain’t movin’ for you.”

    Me: *terrified* “I’m sorry!”

    (I quickly run to my mom.)

    Me: “Mommy, I didn’t mean to! I moved as quickly as I could.”

    Mom: “You didn’t do anything wrong, but next time someone acts like that; don’t move. You tell them to ask politely.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    (We finish our shopping, and then my mother takes off nearly in a run. She comes to a stop in front of a shopping cart. I see the rude customer.)

    Mom: “You better move out of my way, ’cause I ain’t movin’ for you.”

    Old Customer: “Excuse me?”

    Mom: “You heard me! How dare you act like that in public! How does it make you feel to talk to a seven-year-old that way?”

    Old Customer: “But he—”

    Mom: “If I ever see you treat my son like that again, you will have to answer to me. I bet you’re probably old and alone, if you’re that rude!”

    Old Customer: *walks away in a huff*

    These Bagels Have A Long Shelf Life

    | Five Towns, NY, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (A lot of people like to come into the shop and ask for special favors because of being ‘good customers’. Sometimes the cashier—who is also the owner—gets annoyed.)

    Customer #1: “But we’re good customers!”

    Cashier: “What’s my name?”

    Customer #2: “What?”

    Cashier: “If you’re really good customers, you would know my name.”

    (Customers #1 and #2 look at each other, confused.)

    Customer #2: “Aren’t you Todd?”

    Cashier: “You’re confusing me with my father.”

    Customer #2: “Yes, that’s who we’re used to dealing with. Can we talk to him, please?”

    Cashier: “He died 18 years ago. You must be really good customers.”

    Mix It Up A Very Very Little

    | AZ, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (I’m working at a take away counter at a corporate place that serves ‘Pan-Asian Cuisine’. A family comes in a couple days every week.)

    Customer: “We want four of the sweet & sour with chicken and the steamed white rice. Make sure the chicken has no sauce, and no vegetables; we just want the plain chicken and rice. And four cokes, please.”

    Me: “Would you like ketchup and fries with that?”

    Customer: “Oh, do you have those?”

    Me: “No, I was just kidding. This is an Asian restaurant.”

    (After the meal, the father of the family comes back to me.)

    Customer: “Hey, I’ve been thinking about it the whole meal, and I just didn’t understand the joke you made. I’m really good with knock-knock jokes, but I didn’t get it. Can you explain it to me?”

    Me: “Sorry, I was just kidding because… well… I was just thinking it was funny you come to a restaurant that’s supposed to be spicy and exotic, but you always order the most extremely bland thing you can. It was kind of an American joke. And to be honest, I’m puzzled why you spend such a large amount eating out every week on only a few bowls of steamed white rice and chicken. You know, when I was really poor, I used to eat the same thing because you can get rice and chicken at the grocery store for less than twenty bucks a week. If I had that much money to spend on food, I’d be eating… well, something else. Mixing it up once in a while.”

    Customer: “Hmmm. I guess you have a point.”

    (I was wondering if I should have just kept my mouth shut, and hoping I didn’t lose their business. A few days later, the family comes in as usual, only they spend some time looking at the menu before they approach my counter.)

    Customer: “Hi, we’d like to get four of the Thai coconut curry with chicken.”

    Me: “No way, really?!”

    Customer: “Yep. And we would like that with no sauce or vegetables, just steamed white rice.”

    Me: “Oh. Why did you ask for the Thai instead of the Sweet & Sour plain like you usually do?”

    Customer: “I thought about what you said and you’re right, we wanted to mix it up a little!”

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