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    Category: Family & Kids

    The Bigger The Bigotry, The Harder They Fall

    | GA, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

    (I drive to a local franchise retail store. I walk in to find a friend of mine, who is 22, but looks much younger because she’s so small, working as a cashier. She runs out to give me a quick hug.)

    Friend: “Hey! How have you been? My husband and my cousin are in the store right now! You should say hi to them!”

    (A customer in his 30s in a ball cap, t-shirt, and overalls, rolls his eyes and comments.)

    Customer: “Hey, b****! Get over here and do your job, and quit flirting with your boyfriend!”

    Friend: “Sorry, sir, I haven’t seen him in months.”

    Customer: “I don’t give a f***, w****! Get your a** back here, and ring up my stuff! That’s all you’re good for anyway!”

    (I start to step-up to the guy, when she interrupts me.)

    Friend: “First of all, I am married. Secondly, my husband is right there.”

    (She points at him as he rounds the corner.)

    Friend: “He’s a prison guard. His cousin with him is a pro wrestler. You may have seen him on Monday nights if you have cable. My friend here, who I just stopped from kicking your a** before either of them got here, is just a man who trains MMA fighters. Now… how may I help you?”

    (The customer drops his items and wallet and runs out the door before we can stop him. I decide to be a good samaritan and return it to him by finding out where he lives from his ID. The look on his face when I returned them to him at home was priceless.)

    The Next Generation Versus The Last One

    | IN, USA | Family & Kids

    (I am visiting my friend. She has a lot of errands to run with her boyfriend. We go to the bank first. While they’re setting things up, I’m watching their daughter.)

    Me: “Hey princess, what do you want to do while waiting?”

    Friend’s Daughter: “Up!”

    (I pick her up and twirl her around a few times while she giggles.)

    Me: “Aww, you really like that! I’m gonna miss it when you’re too big for this.”

    (A teller looks over and smiles at us.)

    Teller: “She looks like a really happy kid.”

    (I realize pretty quickly he thinks she is my daughter, but he’s being nice, so I don’t bother to correct him.)

    Me: “Thanks!”

    (As we talk, another customer is giving a disapproving glare both at my friend’s daughter, and at my hair, which is blonde at the ends.)

    Customer: “You should be ashamed! Having a kid at your age, and setting such a bad example!”

    (I’m stunned. I’m in my third year of college, and I realize I look younger than I am, but my friend’s daughter isn’t even two years old. My friends have finished with their deposit and head over.)

    Me: “Hey princess, see mommy!”

    Friend’s Daughter: “Mama!”

    Friend: “Thanks for watching her!”

    Me: “No problem!”

    Customer: *embarrassed*

    Pregnant With Potential

    | Sarasota, FL, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Money, Top

    (I’m stocking shelves. A customer has been browsing the same aisle for quite some time. She is visibly pregnant, and looks as though she has been crying. She’s flipping through an envelope full of coupons and scrutinizing items before putting them back on the shelf. Another customer comes down the aisle and seems to pay her close attention for a moment. The second customer leaves the aisle but then comes back a few minutes later and hesitantly walks up to the pregnant customer.)

    Nice Customer: “Excuse me. I may be way out of line, and please feel free to tell me to mind my own business if I am, but… are you afraid you’re going to have trouble paying for your groceries?”

    Pregnant Customer: “Actually, yes I am. How did you know?”

    Nice Customer: “A few years ago, I had a really difficult pregnancy. I was too sick to work and lost my job. It was a real struggle to make ends meet. I used to spend hours at the grocery store with every coupon I could find trying to save every penny I could. Looking at you was like looking in the mirror. Listen, I just went and checked out, and I came in a little under my weekly grocery budget. I know it’s not much, but I’d really like to give this to you.”

    (She hands the pregnant woman a $20 bill. The woman promptly bursts into tears.)

    Pregnant Customer: “You have no idea how much this means to me. My husband just left me for another woman. I have no idea how I’m going to support myself and my kid. My mother and brother died this year, and I have no one to lean on.”

    Nice Customer: “After the hard times I went through, things got a lot better for me. It may sound like a cliché, but I believe you’ll get through this and be stronger than ever. Just hang in there, okay?”

    Pregnant Customer: “Do you think maybe I could give you a hug?”

    Nice Customer: “Of course.”

    (The two women embrace for a long time. When they pull apart, they both wipe away tears. They don’t see, but so do I.)

    Placebo Me, Part 7

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (A mother and her six-year-old child approach the concession at around 7:00 PM.)

    Child: “I want a coke!”

    Mother: “No, sweetie, you can’t have caffeine. Would you like some root beer instead?”

    Child: “Okay!”

    Me: “Oh, actually, this brand of root beer does have caffeine.”

    Mother: “Shush! Work with me here.”

    Me: “Um… okay?”

    (I proceed to make the drink. The child wanders a short distance away, looking at a poster.)

    Me: “So, why do you not want him to know it has caffeine?”

    Mother: “Well, it’s all psychological, like a placebo. I don’t want him up all night!”

    Related:
    Placebo Me, Part 6
    Placebo Me, Part 5
    Placebo Me, Part 4
    Placebo Me, Part 3
    Placebo Me, Part 2
    Placebo Me

    Taking Stupidity To New Heights, Part 3

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Family & Kids, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (I work on the ride with the highest height requirement in the park. I am the ‘grouper’—basically I assign the guests to where they sit for the ride, and I am the final say on whether children are tall enough.)

    Me: “Hi buddy, could you come stand on this yellow square for me? Nice and tall like a soldier.”

    (The child is clearly too short.)

    Me: “I’m so sorry, but he is too short to ride.”

    Mother: “Please let him ride! All of his other friends have ridden this.”

    Me: “I’m sorry; he is too short to ride.”

    Mother: “Please, I promise he’s not scared; he won’t cry on the ride.”

    Me: “Ma’am, the height stick doesn’t measure courage; it measures height. Your son is too short; I’m sorry.”

    Mother: “But he wants to go so badly; he’s been asking all day.”

    Me: “Ma’am, your son could come flying out because he’s too short.”

    Mother: “OH MY GOD, REALLY?!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. The height requirement is a safety issue. That’s why we take it so seriously.”

    Mother: “Oh, I just thought you were mean!”

    Related:
    Taking Stupidity To New Heights, Part 2
    Taking Stupidity To New Heights


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