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  • Category: Family & Kids

    Didn’t Read The Signals

    | WA, USA | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I overhear a library patron talking to his small daughter.)

    Patron: “You’re turning five today; do you know what that means?”

    Daughter: “Uh…”

    Patron: “Do you know what you finally get today? It’s so exciting!”

    Daughter: “A pink Nintendo DS?!”

    Patron: “What? Uh, no. We’re getting you a library card.”

    Me: “…weeee! Happy birthday!”

    Drowning In Incompetence

    | Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I observe an exchange between a lifeguard, a mother, and the manager. The life guard has just jumped in and saves a three year old from drowning.)

    Mother: “Why did you just grab my kid?”

    Lifeguard: “He had wandered too deep and couldn’t touch the bottom; I pulled him out because he was drowning.”

    Mother: “He was just playing. He was perfectly fine.”

    Lifeguard: “Ma’am, his head was under water and he could not breathe. ”

    Mother: “I DEMAND to see your manager!”

    (The manager, who has witnessed the whole thing, walks over and takes the mother to his office. After about 10 minutes he returns and begins talking to the lifeguard.)

    Manager: “Our business is all about serving our members and what you did is unacceptable.”

    Life Guard: “You mean saving that kids life?”

    Manager: “Yes, the mother says he was just playing and you ruined his fun.”

    (The lifeguard is understandably speechless, so I feel the need to interject.)

    Me: “Sorry to interrupt, but I just wanted to congratulate this lifeguard on saving that kid’s life.”

    Manager: “He wasn’t drowning; it was just a drill.”

    Me: “Are you kidding?! The kid was under water, flailing, and unable to breathe!”

    Manager: “Really?”

    Lifeguard & Me: “YES!”

    Manager: “Oh, sorry.”

    (The manager walks away.)

    Me: “You need to find a new job.”

    Lifeguard: “No kidding.”

    The Customer Is Not Always Related

    | Natchitoches, LA, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Love/Romance

    (My boyfriend and I are picking up some groceries for his apartment. We see one of his friends and he decides to stop and chat. We stand there talking for about fifteen minutes and by this time I am hungry. To signal him that I want to leave, I put my hand in his back pocket.)

    Customer: “You should be ashamed.”

    (My boyfriend and I turn to see an older woman scowling at us.)

    Boyfriend: “All she did was put her hand in my pocket so I would shut up so that we can leave.”

    Customer: “She’s your sister, and you should be ashamed!”

    Me: “He’s not my brother; he’s my boyfriend.”

    Customer: “Don’t lie! I can see the resemblance! You shouldn’t grab your brother that way! It’s disgusting!”

    Boyfriend: “Look, lady, we are not related. Go bother someone else with your crazy.”

    Customer: “I am not crazy!”

    (The customer approaches my boyfriend’s friend.)

    Customer: “They’re siblings, aren’t they!?”

    Boyfriend’s Friend: “If that’s true, it’s news to me and I’ve known [boyfriend] for quite a long time. As far as I know, he only has one sister and she is much younger.”

    Customer: “LIES! YOU’RE ALL LIARS!” *runs off*

    Teach Them The Ways Of The Dark-Ale Side

    | England, UK | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m picking up my daughter from nursery, and overhear a conversation with one of the other parents and a member of staff.)

    Parent: “Tell her what mommy is going to do tonight.”

    Two-Year-Old: “Mummy is going to the bar and getting pissed!”

    Staff: “Err…”

    Parent: “Isn’t it funny!?”

    Scaring Is Caring

    | WI, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

    (A young mom with a five- or six-year-old girl approach my register.)

    Me: “How are you today?”

    Mom: “I’m fine, thanks.”

    Girl: “I’m scared!”

    Me: *to girl* “What are you scared of?”

    Girl: “You!”

    Me: “Me?”

    (Her mom and I look at each other, giggling a bit.)

    Me: “Would I be less scary if I gave you a sticker?”

    Girl: “No.”

    Me: “Would you like a sticker anyway?”

    Girl: “Okay.”

    (I finish up the transaction, and they walk towards the exit.)

    Me: “Thanks! Bye, scaredy-cat!”

    Girl: “Bye, strange lady!”

    (She was so cute; I’m still giggling.)

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