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    Category: Family & Kids

    A Taxing Conversation, Part 2

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Money, Top

    Wife: “Can we try filing separately?”

    Me: “You can, but it’s not usually the best idea. You’ll disqualify yourselves from some of the biggest credits. I’ll run it through both scenarios, and see what happens. Who should have the kids on their file?”

    Husband: “Put them on hers.”

    (I run the return both ways. It takes about fifteen or twenty minutes, since they each have multiple jobs.)

    Me: “Okay, taken jointly, you’re getting $[amount]. Separately you, sir, need to pay $[amount] and you, ma’am get $[amount] back.”

    Wife: “Hmm. Put the kids on his return.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (10 minutes later…)

    Me: “Now, he has to pay less, and you get back less. Jointly is still the better option.”

    Wife: “How about if he has one kid, and I have two kids?”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (Five minutes pass.)

    Me: “Jointly is still better.”

    Wife: “Okay, reverse it please. Him with two kids, and me with one.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (Five minutes pass.)

    Me: “Jointly is still better. But this other person you’ve talked about…”

    Husband: “Our niece?”

    Me: “Right, let me check some info out with you; she might qualify as another dependent.”

    (10 minutes of interviews, and calling for info later…)

    Me: “Yep. She qualifies as another dependent, and now you’re joint refund would look like—”

    (The program glitches in a funny way. I have never seen this before.)

    Me: “Hmm, let me call over the manager real quick.”

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Me: “The file glitched. I’ve been running different scenarios for them, and the husband’s file is giving me weird data and won’t let me delete it.”

    Manager: “Can you restart a file with the wife as lead tax payer?”

    Me: “I can do that, but they haven’t decided if they’re going to file joint or separate. I was just trying to get the results of the latest scenario, when it glitched.”

    Manager: “Re-enter for the wife, and I’ll try to fix this file in case they want to file that way.”

    Me: “All right.”

    (Five minutes later…)

    Me: “Okay, your joint refund is now even higher.”

    Wife: “Can you try it separately, with me having three dependents, and my husband’s one?”

    Husband: *groans*

    (The next day…)

    Coworker: “Why is there a biohazard sticker on this return file?”

    Related:
    A Taxing Conversation

    A Cent-less Attack

    , | WA, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m taking money at the first window. A car pulls up with a middle-aged customer driving, and what looks to be her older mother in the passenger seat.)

    Me: “Hi, your total is—.”

    Mother: “Where do we get my food?! I’m hungry! This line is taking too long!”

    Daughter: “You have to pay first, mom.”

    Mother: “I’m getting it!”

    (She scrounges around for money in her purse. She hands me what’s supposed to be exact change. I count it three times, and she’s a penny short.)

    Me: “Ma’am, do you have a penny?”

    Mother: “Are you serious? I’m not giving you no d*** penny! Where’s my food?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I need that penny, or my till will come out short.”

    Mother: “And I said you ain’t getting no d*** penny!”

    (She starts shouting at her daughter.)

    Mother: “Drive to the next window!”

    (The daughter looks horrified about her mother’s behavior, and doesn’t move.)

    Mother: “Fine! I’ll get it myself!”

    (The mother gets out of the car, and starts walking toward the next window.)

    Me: “Ma’am, can you please get back in your car?”

    Mother: “F*** you!”

    (The daughter is horrified, apologizes to me, and drives forward. A minute later, I see the mother walk back to my open window as I’m paying out another customer. She throws a penny at me, which hits me in the knuckle and bruises it.)

    Mother: “There’s your d*** penny!”

    Making A Spectacles Of One Self

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I am working in the emergency department. I am tending to an elderly woman who is accompanied by her middle-aged daughter. The woman’s daughter has just sent a text.)

    Daughter: “Well, I hope he can read what I typed, because I can’t see anything without my glasses.”

    Mother: “You do know that you have a pair of glasses on your head, don’t you?”

    (A look of embarrassment crosses the woman’s face, and her mother bursts out laughing hysterically. I smile and turn to the mother.)

    Me: “It’s nice when someone else does that for a change, isn’t it?”

    (The mother has a big smile on her face.)

    Mother: “Yes, it is!”

    Putting The Relation Into Relationship, Part 6

    | Oahu, HI, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Love/Romance

    (My boyfriend and I are going shopping for my brother’s seventh birthday. A middle age customer walks up to us.)

    Customer: “Aww, isn’t that cute?”

    Me: “What is?”

    Customer: “Brother and sister shopping together. You both look like twins!”

    (My boyfriend laughs.)

    Me: “Sorry, but we aren’t related at all. We’re dating; you know, boyfriend and girlfriend.”

    Customer: “No, you’re not! You haven’t held hands or hugged each other. Show me!”

    Boyfriend: “Well, let’s not keep her waiting…”

    (I give him a kiss, which throws the customer into a rage.)

    Customer: “HAS THE WORLD GONE MAD?! THAT IS INCEST!”

    Related:
    From NotAlwaysRelated.com
    Putting The Relation Into Relationship, Part 5
    From NotAlwaysRomantic.com
    Putting The Relation Into Relationship, Part 4
    Putting The Relation Into Relationship, Part 3
    Putting The Relation Into Relationship, Part 2

    No Manners In Line Is Out Of Line

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Top

    (I am a customer. I approach a cashier, with my children in tow.)

    Me: “Howdy, do you have any cooking sherry? I didn’t see any on the floor.”

    Cashier: “Yes, we keep it up here.”

    Customer Behind Me: “Are you really holding up the line for alcohol?”

    Me: “You mean, am I a paying customer who waited in line, without harassing the other store-goers, and is now waiting for a product that is only attained at the front of the store?”

    Customer Behind Me: “Ugh, disgusting. And your kids are standing right there, too. You’re disgusting.”

    My Six-Year-Old Daughter: “She is not disgusting! You are, for being so rude! Didn’t your mommy teach you any manners?! Be patient and wait your turn just like everybody else!”

    (The next customer in line behind the rude customer joins in.)

    Customer #2: “Seriously, stop being a jerk, and wait you’re turn.”

    Customer Behind Me: “F*** this!”

    (The customer behind me walks out.)

    Cashier: “About time someone told him off. He’s a jerk to everyone he sees.”

    My Six-Year-Old Daughter: “That guy needs to learn some manners, or he’s not gonna have any friends!”


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