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    Category: Family & Kids

    Counting On Each Other

    | Mt. Juliet, TN, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

    (I am the customer at one register checking out. There is another customer at the other register, who is accompanied by her four-year-old daughter. The daughter is bouncing all over the place, looking at toys and candy while her mother’s purchases are being bagged.)

    Little Girl: “Mommy! Mommy! Can we get this for the new house?”

    (The little girl holds up a miniature basketball hoop and ball.)

    Mother: “No, sweetie. We don’t need it.”

    Little Girl: “Okay!”

    (The little girl continues rummaging through the nearby racks avidly. The cashier hands the mother her receipt.)

    Mother: “Come on, [name]; time to go!”

    (The little girl half turns to look at her mother, clearly still engrossed in the toys.)

    Little Girl: “I need a count of four.”

    Mother: “One… two…”

    Little Girl: “Okay! Coming!”

    Bambi: Unrated Version

    | Jacksonville, FL, USA | Family & Kids, Movies & TV, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I am babysitting my eight-year-old neighbor. They have just recently bought a guinea pig, and I am holding him.)

    Girl: “My friend Chloe has a pet bunny.”

    Me: “Oh really? What’s its name?”

    Girl: “Humper.”

    Me: “What?!”

    Girl: “Yeah, her bunny’s name is Humper!”

    (I am a bit confused, but then it dawns on me.)

    Me: “Um, I think you meant to say Thumper.”

    Girl: “Oh! Yeah, that’s what I meant. The bunny’s name is Thumper!”

    (By this point, I am cracking up.)

    Girl: “What’s so funny?”

    Sold Out Of Common Decency

    | Dunedin, FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

    (I work at a small but locally famous family-owned barbeque stand. I manage the front area and prepare the food for orders.)

    Customer: “I am very angry! I came here from [local town that is not far away] to get some of your sausage, and you’re sold out!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, I’m sorry. The sausage is a specialty item because it is home made, so we will usually sell out because we are only open two days per week. We cannot make a lot of it because it won’t keep fresh through next week. It’s also 15 minutes before closing, so we are usually sold out of everything by now, but you can try our chopped pork if you would like!”

    Customer: “Well, that’s stupid! Why are you only open two days a week!? That is so inconvenient for me!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. When we opened, the owner was retired and only wanted to run this for a couple of days per week. It also takes a while to prepare everything by hand.”

    Customer: “What a lazy a**! Let me talk to the owner now! I want to tell him to his face that he needs to think of the customers before himself!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, our owner passed away earlier this year from leukemia. It was in the local news. He kept our hours limited because of his health. You can speak with his widow if you would like; she is in the back.”

    Customer: “…I’m so sorry. Uh, I’ll just come back next week…”

    Ah, Mothers, Part 8

    | Boston, MA, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids

    (I am a student, and I babysit for money. On Mondays, I take the little boy I watch to the playground for a few hours and helicopter around him in case he hurts himself. A mother at the park approaches me.)

    Mother: “You know, I just want to tell you: I see you here every Monday and I think it’s just great that you are such a hands-on young mother.”

    Me: “Oh! I’m not his mother! I’m just his babysitter. But thank you anyway!”

    Mother: “Sweetie, you don’t need to be embarrassed! You should embrace being a great mom, especially at such a young age. I can’t even imagine what its like for you as a single mom in your early 20s!”

    Me: “Uhm, really, I am not his mother. I am just his babysitter. But I’m flattered you think I am doing a great job caring for him!”

    (The mother walks away to the sand box area, where other mothers are sitting just within ear shot.)

    Mother: “You ladies will not believe this! That girl over there is trying to claim that that baby is not hers! Some people! I wonder if her parents have brainwashed her in to thinking it’s their baby. There are some really crazy people out there huh?”

    Related:
    Ah, Mothers, Part 7
    Ah, Mothers, Part 6
    Ah, Mothers, Part 5
    Ah, Mothers, Part 4
    Ah, Mothers, Part 3
    Ah, Mothers, Part 2
    Ah, Mothers

    Some Boys Are Made Of Sugar And Spice

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Language & Words

    (I am waiting for a hair cut. Next in the queue is a boy that can’t be older than four or five.)

    Little Boy: “I want you to cut my hair spicy!”

    Hairdresser: “…’spicy?’”

    Little Boy: “Yeah, spicy! Like, super spicy!”

    Hairdresser: “…don’t you mean ‘spiky?’”

    Little Boy: “That too!”

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