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    Category: Family & Kids

    Lunch Lady Is No Lady

    | MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am helping a customer who, with her six-year-old son, pick out stain for her deck. I am the only person in the paint department. Another customer comes up to my desk. I call for backup.)

    Me: *to Customer #2* “It should only be a few minutes wait.”

    (After about 30 more seconds, Customer #2 storms down the aisle to where I am still working with Customer #1.)

    Customer #2: *to Customer #1* “This isn’t personal shopper day! Other people need help; you need to get your s*** and leave!” *to me* “Get your a** on the phone and get someone over here to serve me, b****!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, he was with another customer. I’m sure he’ll be here soon.”

    Customer #2: *goes back to the desk to wait* “B****!”

    Me: *to Customer #1* “I’m sorry about that—”

    Customer #1′s Young Son: “It’s okay lady! She is my lunch lady, and she is mean to EVERYONE! Don’t listen to her; you’re doing great helping mommy!”

    The Bald And The Beautiful

    | Roseville, MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I’m stocking food in one of the grocery aisles. At the opposite end of the aisle are two teenage boys and a pair of bald women customers. One of the customers has dark brown patches on her scalp and is wearing sunglasses. The other has clear skin, is wearing a nice dress and extravagant earrings. I’m a male with alopecia, so seeing young, balding people doesn’t really mystify me. The two teenage boys start to point and laugh at them.)

    Teenage Boy #1: “Man, these two d***’s think they look so good! Bald b**** trying to look girly; she’d look hot if she didn’t have a nasty man head!”

    Teenage Boy #2: “Look at the nasty spots on her head!”

    Teenage Boy #1: “Nasty spotty b**** with her nasty lesbian friend!”

    (Horrified, I start to storm over to stop this, when the customer with patchy skin whips around, mere inches from the teenage boy’s faces and speaks through gritted teeth.)

    Customer #1: “I have f****** cancer! Metastatic breast cancer. I probably don’t have very long to f****** live. These ‘nasty spots’ are lesions. My best friend shaved her head to support me. She’s the best support system you could f****** ask for, and if you two have a support system in making fun of two women whose lives you don’t even know, then I’m sorry for you. So, I’ll thank you to hold off on these comments in the future, just in case the people you’re berating are either dying or about to lose someone they love.”

    (The color leaves the boys faces, and they hang their heads low, while the women walk down the aisle toward me. Customer #2 turns back to them.)

    Customer #2: “Oh, and even if we were bald lesbians, you still had better keep your d*** mouths shut!”

    (As they walk past me, I tip my hat off to them to reveal my smooth, shiny head. The women high five me, and walk to the next aisle arm in arm.)

    Enquiring Children Enquiring About Children

    | TX, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

    (I am carrying on quite a conversation with a four-year-old girl while I check her mother out at my store. I am 19.)

    Mom: “Stop asking so many questions; you’re bothering the lady!”

    Me: “No! It’s okay; I’m happy to answer. I think it’s great that she’s so curious!”

    Mom: “You must have kids.”

    Me: “Oh no, not yet.”

    Little Girl: “You don’t have kids?!” *whimpers, sounding heartbroken* “Why? You don’t like kids?”

    Me: “No, no, I love kids! I’m just really young, and I’m not ready to have kids yet.”

    Little Girl: “Well… when will you be ready?”

    Me: “When I have more time and money. I want to make sure I can take good care of my kids, and right now I can barely take good care of myself!”

    Little Girl: “Well, that makes sense. Okay then!”

    (The little girl then gives me a nod approval.)

    Marri(age) Dispute

    | OR, USA | Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I am a secretary at a big summer camp. Due to the extended needs of our small children, we only take kids through age 12. I answer a call.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [Camp]; how may I help you?”

    Mother: “I’d like to register my son for the finger-painting class.”

    Me: “That’s excellent. May I just ask your son’s age?”

    Mother: “Certainly, he’s 17.”

    Me: “…I’m sorry, but I don’t think we can take your son.”

    Mother: “Why?!”

    Me: “Because we only take children up to age 12, and anyhow, this class is for our five-year-old age group. If you’d like, I can refer you to [teen camp]; they’re better suited to teens.”

    Mother: “No! You’re going to take my son! He wants this class!”

    Me: “I’m really sorry, but that rule is set in stone. We can’t bend it. Like I said, I can help you—”

    Mother: “NO! NO! NO! You sign him up right now or I’ll have you fired!” *to son* “Here, Little Johnny! Tell this b**** to put you in the class!”

    Little Johnny: “Yeah, I know the class is for five-year olds. My mom just doesn’t want me to go see my dad. Sorry about that. She’s an idiot. Bye.”

    Mother: *in background* “LITTLE JOHNNY! DON’T TELL HER THAT!” *click*

    Taking Shots At Her Kids

    | Canada | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (My store serves a variety of health-drinks. Some of these are concentrated and fairly potent, so we serve them in the form of a ‘shot,’ although they don’t contain any alcohol. A customer comes in with two rowdy young children and orders one of our shots. Her kids are running around and shouting in the background.)

    Customer: “I’m taking them back-to-school shopping today, and—STOP FIGHTING, JUST STOP—sorry.”

    Coworker: “Here’s your shot ma’am!”

    Customer: “Alright kids. Mommy’s going to take her shot now! At 10:30 in the morning! What am I doing with my life? At least it’s just wheatgrass…”

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