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    Category: Family & Kids

    God Loves Little Boys Who Stand Up For Others

    | Bath, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Family & Kids, Top

    (I and my seven-year-old son are shopping for a birthday present for a girl in his class. She’s asked for dressing up clothes or accessories so we get a wand, tiara, and jewellery. I also have our regular shopping in the trolley. We get to the tills and there’s at least a three person queue at each till. We join a queue and have waited a couple of minutes when my son puts the tiara on and waves the wand.)

    Son: *in a “posh” voice* “I’m the Queen and I say this line should move faster!”

    (I and a few others smile at his playfulness when a man in line at the next till yells at me.)

    Man: “You can’t let your son do that. If he turns into a f****t it’ll be your fault.”

    (Everyone stops and stares at him in horror whilst the cashiers call for a manager.)

    Son: “What’s a f****t?”

    Me: “It’s a nasty word that only nasty people use so you mustn’t say it.”

    Man: “It means gay, kid.”

    Son: “What’s gay?”

    Man: “It means you’re bad and going to Hell for being evil.”

    Me: “It’s when a man loves a man and a lady loves a lady.”

    Son: “Oh, like Uncle James and Uncle Ian?”

    Me: “Yep, just like Uncle James and Uncle Ian. They’re not bad, are they?”

    (My brother is a paediatric oncologist and his partner is a paediatric nurse. We’ve tried to explain what cancer is and how my brother and his partner make children feel better when they’re poorly.)

    Son: “My uncles make children better when they have poorly blood and poorly bones. If you make them go to Hell that means you want the children to be poorly.”

    (The manager and a security guard turn up but my son looks this man in the eye and holds his stare.)

    Son: “Do you want the children to be poorly? Do you want them to be sick and have to go to Heaven?”

    (Everyone is now staring at my son. The man has gone red and is looking around.)

    Manager: “Sir, I believe you’ve just been outwitted by a child. You should leave now and keep your disgusting views to yourself and out of my shop.”

    (The manager offered to pay for our shopping but I declined. He did, however, offer my son a toy. He chose a dress for his friend’s present.)

    Related:
    God Loves Little Girls Who Stand Up For Others

    Email Fail, Part 3

    | ON, Canada | Family & Kids, Technology

    (An older man is with a boy about the age of eight. I assume it’s his grandson.)

    Me: “Would you like to sign up to have our coupons emailed to you?”

    Customer: “No, thanks.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Grandson: “He doesn’t even have Internet! Slow down with the emails!”

    Related:
    Email Fail, Part 2
    Email Fail

    Mothers Can Be Soul-Destroying

    | USA | Family & Kids

    (I work in a Halloween pop up shop that sells costumes and accessories. A mother and son, about five years old, come in.)

    Boy: “Excuse me, I want a Batman costume.”

    Woman: “Not too expensive, please.”

    Me: “Okay! Let me let me show you where they are.”

    (I lead them to the costumes, turn around to talk to them, and the boy is completely naked.)

    Boy: “I’m going to try that one!”

    Woman: “[Boy]! We need to put on your clothes!”

    Boy: “But you said being naked is good for your soul.”

    Me: *trying unsuccessfully to stifle laughter*

    (The woman is frantically apologizing and trying to put on her son’s clothes.)

    Son: “No! My soul!”

    Radiating With Stupidity

    | Estonia | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Technology

    (An English-speaking client is trying to get some information about a guitar festival that is supposed to take place that day. He says his wife had talked to someone earlier about it but I’m having trouble finding any information about a guitar festival at all.)

    Me: “May I please call you back in a few minutes? I’ll try to find out who was talking to your wife earlier and where she found the information.”

    Client: “No, that’s not an option. You see, I can’t use this phone around my children because of the radiation. I’m standing outside of the car right now.”

    Practically Screaming Your Age

    , | Yorktown, VA, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I work at a drive-in where you park you car and order food from a speaker, then we bring it to you. Sometimes customers let their kids make the order for them.)

    Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. What can I get for you?

    (The drive-in is very new, and our headsets have pristine hearing.)

    Mother: *whispering* “Tell them, ‘one chocolate milkshake.'”

    Child: *screaming* “ONE CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKE!”

    (I nearly fall over as I jerk the headset off my ears. I can still hear talking through them.)

    Mother: *whispering* “One vanilla milkshake.”

    Child: *screaming* “ONE VANILLA MILKSHAKE!”

    Mother: *whispering* “And two strawberry milkshakes.”

    Child: *screaming* TWO STRAWBERRY MILKSHAKES!”

    (I gingerly put the headphones back on.)

    Me: “Okay, that will be [price]. Will it be cash or card?”

    Child: *screaming* “I DON’T KNOW! I’M SIX!”

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