Category: Family & Kids

Should Just Slink On Out Of There

| Australia | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

(I work in a games arcade located next to a movie cinema with a step escalator. In the arcade, you play games which give you tickets, which you can exchange for a prize (toys, lollies, novelty items, etc.). A woman comes in with her daughter and her daughter’s friend (12ish).)

Me: “Hi! How are you today?”

Customer: “We have 56 tickets. What can we get?”

Me: “Well, let’s round that up to 60 tickets, okay? So have a look in this section.”

Child: “I want a metal slinky.” *this is worth 60 tickets*

Me: “Okay, here you go. Have a nice day, guys!”

(They walk out without saying anything. Five minutes later they walk back in and talk to my coworker.)

Customer: “You gave us a broken slinky.” *proceeds to place a twisted pile of metal that was once a slinky on the desk*

Coworker: “Oh, no! I’m so sorry about that guys; what happened here?”

Customer: “We received it like this! All my daughter did was take it out of the packet and bounce it up and down and it ended up like this! Get us a new one and make sure it isn’t broken.”

(My coworker goes to look at the packets, and there is no way they could get tangled within a packet and anyone familiar with logic would realise that simply springing a slinky down and back up would never twist and stretch a slinky like this one was. I took a wild stab in the dark here.)

Me: “So guys. You’re telling me that you DIDN’T try to push this slinky down the step escalators?”

Customer: “Uh… Uh… So you saw that, huh?”

Me: “No, but now you’ve admitted it, we can’t provide you with a new one for something that’s not our fault. Have a nice day!”

A Winning Counter-Threat

| USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids

(We have a client who frequently calls and threatens to send her father to our firm because her case isn’t resolved, in spite of us telling her repeatedly that she has to wait for the final hearing which has been scheduled. Her father also repeatedly threatens us as well. I’ve finally had enough with this phone call.)

Client’s Father: “If you don’t file a [name of motion] by TODAY, I’m going to come down there personally, and we’ll see what happens!”

Me: “Good. I’ve been looking for a reason to call the police.”

Client’s Father: “What? You can’t do that! Attorney-client privilege!”

Me: “See, here’s the thing Mr. [Name]: you are NOT the client. Furthermore, I’m the paralegal. I don’t get paid enough to deal with your threats. If I quit, the attorney has no one to deal with your abuse. If you come in and threaten me, I have every right to fear for my safety and take actions to ensure I am safe.”

Client’s Father: “WHY YOU B****! I’LL TEACH YOU—”

Me: *interrupting him* “FURTHERMORE, your daughter is in the middle of a custody battle with her ex being represented by one of the loudest attorneys in town. How do you think a criminal charge will affect her case?”

Client’s Father: “DON’T YOU DARE SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT!”

Me: “Likewise. Show up at the office and I’ll call the police, and you’ll lose your case. If you have a problem, take it up with the attorney. I’m not dealing with you anymore.”

Client’s Father: “HOW DARE YOU!” *I hang up mid-sentence*

(He never did come in to threaten me… and he never did complain either!)

Bad Behavior Is A Vicious Cycle

| Danbury, CT, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

(I’m working in the produce section of my store, which is where the main entrance is. A girl, who is about nine years old, rolls into the store riding her bicycle)

Me: “Sorry, you can’t ride your bike through the store.”

Girl: “Why not?”

Me: “Because it’s dangerous. You might run into someone.”

Girl: “So what?”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but the bike has to go outside.”

Girl: “You can go to Hell!”

Girl’s Mom: “Haha, kids are funny, right?”

Me: “…”

(They took the bike outside after, then came back in and stared me down while shopping.)

A Minefield Of Stupidity

, | Pákozd, Hungary | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, History

(There is an exhibit on the conscription in the memorial park, and in that unit we also have a part attributed to the demolition experts, with panels about mine clearing, explosives, and projectiles. Since Hungary was a war zone under both World Wars, and the neighbouring countries also have/had local wars, there are plenty of these mines, projectiles, and bombs scattered around, still dangerous; most of the time, they are found in public places, even at schoolyards and nurseries, fields, rivers, etc. Because of this, we are obligated to give a small but thorough speech about the most common dangers. Be advised that generally people receive similar warnings at school, preschool, and even in the media. As it seems, it is not effective:)

Me: *finishing my spiel about what to do* “…so, if you find any of these, you just leave it in peace, and call an adult.”

Mother: *cupping her daughter’s ears, so she cannot hear me* “Don’t worry, honey, this isn’t true anymore…”

Me: *speechless*

Father: “Oh, I think I have one or two of these at home!” *points at one of the smaller bombs* “But they are intact… I mean, they are whole, not distorted like these…”

Me: *hoping he bought a replica* “Oh? Where did you get them?”

Father: “Well, I was ploughing, and they just sort of came out of the ground.”

Me: *alarmed* “And where did you put them?”

Father: “In the garage, I think…”

Seven-Year-Old Son: “Yes, they are there. I usually play with them!”

Me: *agitated* “Please, sir, as soon as you get home, don’t enter the garage and call the police!”

Father: “Why?”

Tipped In Your Favor

| FL, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids

(I’m in a restaurant when a 20-something girl comes up to the waitress taking my order.)

Patron: “Excuse me.”

Waitress: “Is there a problem?”

Patron: “No, I just wanted to forewarn you that my grandmother is going to give you a hard time and probably complain about everything. I know that it’s frustrating dealing with those kinds of customers but she’s old and set in her ways which I know is no excuse, but please just take it with a grain of salt. And here:” *the girl hands the waitress two 20s* “because I know she probably won’t tip very well and you’ll need some incentive not to bludgeon her with a hot poker.”

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