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    Category: Family & Kids

    The Mother Should Be Booked

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Top

    (I am in high school, and earn money by paging in a library in a low-income area. Pages do the ‘grunt work’ of a library—mostly putting away books and cleaning up after people. I spend a lot of time in the children’s section, and talk a lot with the kids.)

    Seven-Year-Old Girl: *showing me a picture book* “This book is really cool!”

    Me: “Is it? What’s it about?”

    Seven-Year-Old Girl: “It has dragons, and horses, and a bad guy, and fighting!”

    Me: “Wow, that sounds like a pretty good book. Are you going to check it out and take it home to read?”

    Seven-Year-Old Girl: “No, I can’t.”

    Me: “Why not?”

    Seven-Year-Old Girl: “My mommy can’t read, and she says that she doesn’t want us to read. She says that books are dumb!”

    Say Neigh To Demanding Customers

    | ME, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals, Top

    (I work at a barn as a stable-hand, and keep my own horse there. My daughter comes to the barn after school, and if she helps with chores, I give her riding lessons on my horse. A customer approaches me while I’m giving her a lesson.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but what do you think you’re doing?!”

    Me: “Teaching my daughter how to ride.”

    Customer: “Well this is my daughter’s lesson time, and that’s her lesson horse!”

    (I pull out the lesson schedule.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but there are no lessons scheduled for this time.”

    Customer: “Yes there is! Now you get that grubby child off my baby’s horse before I get the manager!”

    Me: “I’m not going to tell my daughter that she can’t ride my horse.”

    (The customer storms off, and comes back with the manager.)

    Customer: “There she is! That b**** right there put her grubby child on my daughter’s lesson horse, and won’t leave the ring so she can have her lesson.”

    Me: “I’ve tried to explain to you already that there are no lessons scheduled for the rest of the day. That’s my horse, and she certainly isn’t a lesson horse.”

    Customer: “Do you hear how disrespectful she’s being? I demand you fire her for being so rude to me.”

    Manager: “You want me to fire my best hand for letting her daughter ride her horse on her own time, when there are no lessons planned?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 5

    | New York, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m working in the express lane, when a couple approaches the counter. Their son is about seven years old, and they have him sitting in the child seat of the cart.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

    Wife: “Good. Okay honey, help mommy and daddy put the things on the counter.”

    Boy: “Okay!”

    (The little boy promptly twists around in his seat, and begins to snatch things from the cart. He throws them onto the counter, and across the scanner. I have to chase a package of juice boxes that fly past me, onto the floor.)

    Me: “Okay sweetie, try putting them up here gently, okay? We don’t want the groceries to break, right?”

    Boy: “Nope!”

    (The husband is looking at the candy, and the wife is watching her son and her phone. The little boy then grabs a huge can of yams and throws it at me. It ends up hitting me in the cheek, knocking my glasses off and causing the can to fall to the floor. It makes a noise loud enough to draw the attention of the other customers and cashiers.)

    Cashier In The Other Line: “Oh, my God! Are you okay?!”

    Me: “Um, well…”

    Wife: “Oh! Isn’t he cute?! He wants to play baseball!”

    (After picking up my glasses, I can only stare at the woman like she is crazy. Thankfully, a supervisor sees what just happened, and takes over for me so I that I can put some ice on my face. Thankfully nothing is broken, but my cheek was black and blue for weeks!)

    Related:
    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 4
    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 3
    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 2
    On The Need For Hazard Pay

    A Taxing Conversation, Part 2

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Money, Top

    Wife: “Can we try filing separately?”

    Me: “You can, but it’s not usually the best idea. You’ll disqualify yourselves from some of the biggest credits. I’ll run it through both scenarios, and see what happens. Who should have the kids on their file?”

    Husband: “Put them on hers.”

    (I run the return both ways. It takes about fifteen or twenty minutes, since they each have multiple jobs.)

    Me: “Okay, taken jointly, you’re getting $[amount]. Separately you, sir, need to pay $[amount] and you, ma’am get $[amount] back.”

    Wife: “Hmm. Put the kids on his return.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (10 minutes later…)

    Me: “Now, he has to pay less, and you get back less. Jointly is still the better option.”

    Wife: “How about if he has one kid, and I have two kids?”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (Five minutes pass.)

    Me: “Jointly is still better.”

    Wife: “Okay, reverse it please. Him with two kids, and me with one.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (Five minutes pass.)

    Me: “Jointly is still better. But this other person you’ve talked about…”

    Husband: “Our niece?”

    Me: “Right, let me check some info out with you; she might qualify as another dependent.”

    (10 minutes of interviews, and calling for info later…)

    Me: “Yep. She qualifies as another dependent, and now you’re joint refund would look like—”

    (The program glitches in a funny way. I have never seen this before.)

    Me: “Hmm, let me call over the manager real quick.”

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Me: “The file glitched. I’ve been running different scenarios for them, and the husband’s file is giving me weird data and won’t let me delete it.”

    Manager: “Can you restart a file with the wife as lead tax payer?”

    Me: “I can do that, but they haven’t decided if they’re going to file joint or separate. I was just trying to get the results of the latest scenario, when it glitched.”

    Manager: “Re-enter for the wife, and I’ll try to fix this file in case they want to file that way.”

    Me: “All right.”

    (Five minutes later…)

    Me: “Okay, your joint refund is now even higher.”

    Wife: “Can you try it separately, with me having three dependents, and my husband’s one?”

    Husband: *groans*

    (The next day…)

    Coworker: “Why is there a biohazard sticker on this return file?”

    Related:
    A Taxing Conversation

    A Cent-less Attack

    , | WA, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m taking money at the first window. A car pulls up with a middle-aged customer driving, and what looks to be her older mother in the passenger seat.)

    Me: “Hi, your total is—.”

    Mother: “Where do we get my food?! I’m hungry! This line is taking too long!”

    Daughter: “You have to pay first, mom.”

    Mother: “I’m getting it!”

    (She scrounges around for money in her purse. She hands me what’s supposed to be exact change. I count it three times, and she’s a penny short.)

    Me: “Ma’am, do you have a penny?”

    Mother: “Are you serious? I’m not giving you no d*** penny! Where’s my food?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I need that penny, or my till will come out short.”

    Mother: “And I said you ain’t getting no d*** penny!”

    (She starts shouting at her daughter.)

    Mother: “Drive to the next window!”

    (The daughter looks horrified about her mother’s behavior, and doesn’t move.)

    Mother: “Fine! I’ll get it myself!”

    (The mother gets out of the car, and starts walking toward the next window.)

    Me: “Ma’am, can you please get back in your car?”

    Mother: “F*** you!”

    (The daughter is horrified, apologizes to me, and drives forward. A minute later, I see the mother walk back to my open window as I’m paying out another customer. She throws a penny at me, which hits me in the knuckle and bruises it.)

    Mother: “There’s your d*** penny!”


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