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    Category: Family & Kids

    Easter Bunny Goes North

    | NC, USA | Family & Kids, Religion

    (I’m working as an Easter Bunny at a local mall. A little girl walks in and stands in front of me. I wave to her.)

    Girl: “Hi, Easter Bunny.”

    (I wave again; Easter Bunnies don’t talk.)

    Girl’s Mom: “Be sure to tell him what you want him to bring you!”

    Girl: “Oh yeah!”

    (There’s a pause. I raise my arms like I’m shrugging.)

    Girl: “Um… I want you to be sure to bring me lots of toys for Christmas…”

    Putting The Cuss Into Repercussions

    | Birmingham, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Money

    (I overhear an employee and an older customer, who is accompanied by her grandson. She is trying to return an expensive toy.)

    Employee: “I can offer you a replacement or gift voucher, but without the receipt I can’t give you a cash refund.”

    Customer: “No, you’ll give me a refund in cash.”

    Employee: “I can’t do that without the receipt. If the toy is faulty I can replace it for you, or you can choose something else.”

    Customer: “No, you’ll give me £120 in cash, out of the till. End of.”

    Grandson: “Nana, you’re not allowed to say ‘end of’ to people.”

    Customer: “Shush, I’ll say what I like. I’m allowed to say what I like. They just don’t want to give me £120 out of the f****** till.”

    Grandson: “You’re not allowed to say the f-word, Nana!”

    Customer: “Shut up.”

    Employee: “I’m really sorry, but without your receipt I can’t do a cash refund. If you come back with your receipt we’ll be able to give you a refund.”

    Customer: “F*** off!”

    Grandson: *to employee* “I’m sorry my nana said that. She doesn’t know you’re not allowed to say the f-word.”

    The History Of Photography Doesn’t Quite Click

    | PA, USA | Family & Kids, History, School

    (I have a paid internship at a small, obscure history museum and battlefield. This site is so unknown that most locals don’t even know what war was fought here. A visitor comes in with her bored-looking teenage daughter.)

    Visitor: “Hi! My daughter’s history teacher gave her an assignment to come to a local historical site, and we thought we’d come here!”

    Me: “Great! It’ll be $5 a piece.”

    Visitor: “So, this is a Civil War battlefield, right?”

    Me: “Actually this battlefield was a part of Pontiac’s Rebellion, a Native American uprising that occurred in 1763, after the French and Indian War. If you follow me, I’ll take you back to our 13-minute video about the battle, and Pontiac’s Rebellion. It’s a great synopsis of the history surrounding the museum.”

    Visitor: “Wonderful!”

    (Our theater area is located at the very back of the exhibit, in an area that has blown-up photos of our annual battle re-enactments. I turn the video on.)

    Me: “I will be happy to answer any questions at the end of the video.”

    (At the end of the video, the visitor starts pointing at the re-enactment photos on the walls.)

    Visitor: “So, these photos are from the actual battle?”

    (The visitor’s daughter starts laughing.)

    Me: “These are actually from our annual battle re-enactment held every summer.”

    Visitor: “Where are the photos from the battle?”

    Me: “Photography would not be invented for about another 80 years or so. Actually the first American war with any photographs was the American Civil War.”

    Visitor: “Oh. When was the Civil War?”

    Me: “1861-1865.”

    Visitor: “When was this [battlefield's] war?”

    Me: “1763.”

    Visitor: “So, what war was this?”

    Me: “The French and Indian War.”

    Visitor: “So, how long was this war before the Civil War?”

    Me: *facepalm*

    Adopting An Apologetic Attitude

    | Boise, ID, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body

    Me: “Thank you for calling [clinic], this is [my name]. How can I help you this evening?”

    Caller: “Hi, I just needed to speak with a nurse about my son; he’s been coughing really badly this week.”

    Me: “Sure thing!”

    (I get her son’s details, and pull up her son’s account in the computer.)

    Me: “Alright, I will have the nurse give you a call back in the next 20 minutes. Is this the best number to reach you back at?”

    (I read her the primary number on the account.)

    Caller: “That is his biological parents’ phone number, but I’ve adopted him and have primary custody. Can you call me back at [this number] tonight?”

    Me: “Of course! Alright the nurse will call you shortly.”

    Caller: “Actually, can you remove that number and put mine as the primary contact number, please?”

    Me: “Unfortunately, I cannot do that for you this evening. I do not have access to any of the legal paperwork you would have on file, and I would be uncomfortable changing the information on the account at this time. But I will have the nurse call your number tonight. You can call back in the morning during regular office hours and speak with my supervisor to get that done.”

    (The caller immediately flies into a rage.)

    Caller: “I can’t believe this! I should be the primary contact for the child that I have full custody of! This is absurd! Why can’t you just replace the d*** number?”

    Me: “I’m very sorry. It has to do with the privacy laws surrounding your protected personal and health information, as well as the legalities of custody agreements. I wish there was more I could do, but I am just a receptionist. I have very limited access to your records, and have no way to verify who you are. But for tonight I can definitely have the nurse call you at your own number about your son.”

    Caller: “Whatever. Fine.”

    (The caller hangs up, but calls back again about five minutes later.)

    Caller: “Hey this is [name] again. I’m really sorry about being so short with you earlier. I realized that you were just protecting yourself, as well as my son and his information. You guys do a great job, and we really like coming to your clinic. So, I apologize. I’m just very stressed out with my son being so sick.”

    Me: “Wow, thank you for your apology! But I totally understand where you are coming from.”

    Caller: “It’s just been a rough few days. But thank you for your help, and being so kind while I yelled at you. Keep up the good work!”

    Some Kids Are All Work And No Play

    | Huntsville, TX, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I work as a hostess. A family of four walk in, and I seat them. The nine-year-old son leaves the table and comes up to the host stand.)

    Nine-Year-Old Son: “Do you like your job?”

    Me: “Sometimes it gets a little crazy, but it’s all good! Do you need some extra crayons or something?”

    Nine-Year-Old Son: “No. Are you tired of your job yet?”

    Me: “No, I’m doing all right.”

    Nine-Year-Old Son: “Because if you’re tired, I’ll take over for you. Just come tell me at my table.”

    (I laugh.)

    Me: “Thank you very much, but I have to stay up here and work until the end of my shift!”

    (His older sister comes over.)

    Nine-Year-Old Son: “I’m serious! If you’re tired, I can take over!”

    Older Sister: “Come on, let’s go!”


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