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    Category: Family & Kids

    Face Value

    | FL, USA | Family & Kids, Money, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (The face paint we use at the theme park is water-based, and I have to put it away during one of our seasonal storms. I am currently drying off my station so that I can get back to painting faces.)

    Customer: “Hi, my daughter would like a face paint.”

    Me: “Certainly! Go ahead and pick your paint from the book, and I should be all set up by the time you decide.”

    Customer: “Sounds great!”

    (The customer and her daughter bypass the book and just look at our back wall display instead. The customer sets up all of her stuff right next to our price sign and display, showing the credit cards we accept. I overhear them making their decision.)

    Me: “I’m ready whenever you are! I think I heard somebody wanting a Unicorn Mask?”

    Customer’s Daughter: “Yeah!”

    Customer: “It’s a bit too much…”

    Customer’s Daughter: “But mooooommm!”

    Me: “I can scale it back to a lower-priced version that I think you would both be happy with.”

    Customer: “I think that could work.”

    (I proceed to make the custom face paint, and add all the little touches that they ask for as I go along. When I finish I show, the customer and her daughter are happy with it.)

    Me: “Okay, your total is [total].”

    Customer: “What? You have to pay?!”

    (I point to the credit card and price sign that she’s been standing next to the entire time.)

    Customer: “Geez, no wonder you were so accommodating!”

    (She throws the money at me and storms away in a huff, complaining about having to pay for a face paint.)

    Hear-Resistible

    | Greenville, SC, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (Both of my earlobes are stretched to half an inch.)

    Young Girl: *in a loud kid’s whisper* “Mommy, her ears are broken!”

    Mother: *mortified* “I am SO sorry!”

    Me: *laughing* “No, no, it’s fine! That’s the best thing I’ve heard all day!”

    Seen One, You’ve Seen A Mall

    | Washington, DC, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, History, Theme Of The Month

    (I live near DC, so I am used to hearing tourists and tour groups ask very stupid questions. A group of out-of-state high-school kids are walking near me between two museums.)

    Teenage Girl: “So… where are we right now, anyway?”

    Teenage Boy: “In DC.”

    Teenage Girl: “No, I mean, like, where in DC are we?”

    Teenage Boy: “Oh, we’re on the National Mall.”

    Teenage Girl: “Nuh-uh!”

    Teenage Boy: “Yeah we are. Look at your map, right here.”

    Teenage Girl: “No way! Are you SERIOUS?”

    Teenage Boy: “Yeeeah…”

    Teenage Girl: “That doesn’t make ANY sense!”

    Teenage Boy: *silence*

    Teenage Girl: “So, wait… you mean the National Mall isn’t, like, you know… an actual MALL?”

    Teenage Boy: “Nope, but all the grass is 20% off!”

    Acting Childish

    | NY, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (It’s my first day working at a restaurant in town. I am a dishwasher, and am told to bring cups to the front because the waitresses are too busy. I pick up a tub filled with glasses, and open the kitchen door, which is right by the bathroom.)

    Small Child: “I’M COMING MOM!”

    (Suddenly I feel something small ram me in the middle of my back, and I topple to the floor, still holding the tub.)

    Small Child: “OH MY GOD, MY LEG!”

    Childs Parent: “OH MY GOD, WHAT DID YOU DO? YOU DELIBERATELY TRIED TO HURT MY SON! YOU MONSTER! I’LL HAVE YOU FIRED!”

    (The child and his parent seek out the owner. They go into a rant about how I tried to kill the small child, while I have finished limping back to the kitchen. Eventually, the owner comes into the kitchen and pulls me aside, barely able to keep a straight face.)

    Owner: “Look kid, I know it’s your first day, but you can’t go around trying to kill small children. I know they are a pain in the a**, but we usually go for crippling moves, not killing ones.”

    (The owner grins and walks away, before stopping for a moment and turning around.)

    Owner: “Oh, and [waitress] says you didn’t drop a single glass. Keep that up and you might stick around for a while.”

    Back To The Future

    | FL, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a store based around ‘The Old West,’ where the salespeople wear clothing reminiscent of the era. Halfway through the shift, a boy and girl around eight years old run into the store and up to me.)

    Boy: *urgently* “What year is it?”

    Me: “What?”

    Girl: “What year is it??”

    (I wonder for a moment if this is a trick question, and if I’m supposed to answer according to ‘The Old West’ theme.)

    Me: “1826.”

    Boy: “Are you sure?”

    Me: *pulling out my old style pocket watch* “Pretty sure. Last time I checked it was 1826.”

    Boy: *distraught, to the girl* “It didn’t work!”

    Me: “Why? What answer were you expecting?”

    Girl: “Somewhere in the 4000s!”

    (They run out of the store and don’t come back.)

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