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Category: Family & Kids

Mother Knows Best And All

| New York, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

(A somewhat well-known professional athlete and minor celebrity is making a home-delivery order. He is with an older woman.)

Me: “Did you find everything all right today?”

Customer: *grunts*

Me: “Can you please fill out this form for delivery?”

Customer: *grunts*

Me: “Your address where you’d like it delivered?”

Customer: “Uh…” *turns to woman* “Mom, what’s my address?”

(Gives address.)

Me: “… and your signature?”

Customer: “My what?”

Me: “Signature. Autograph?”

Customer: “Uh, oh, right!”

Me: “Can you please provide you cell phone number for the delivery?”

Customer: “Um…”

Me: “Your cell number?”

Customer: “Mom, what’s my cell phone number?”

Oh, Boy!

| New Zealand | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Top

(I’m working the checkout on a fairly light day. The next person in queue has a young girl with her, about six or seven years old. The girl pulls out a hat from her pocket and puts it on, then reaches for an energy drink on display.)

Mum: “Sweetie, you can’t have that. They’re not good for you.”

(The girl’s face and shoulders drop as she is visibly and suddenly deflated. She takes off her hat and puts the can back.)

Girl: “But mum… I was Mikey! He has them all the time! How did you know it was me? Mikey told me when I wear his hat you would think I was him and would let me buy it, and wouldn’t know it was me.”

Mum: “Oh, sweetie, I’m your mummy. I would recognize you anywhere, no matter whose hat you were wearing.”

(The girl calms down, but is still upset. As her mother and I exchange pleasantries, the girl puts the hat back on and pulls it down low over her face, but I can still see her lips trembling.)

Me: “What a lovely boy you have there, ma’am. He looks really big and strong.”

(The girl cranes her neck up to look at me under the low visor, her eyes huge and shining.)

Me: “Hi, young man. What’s your name?”

Girl: *smiling and trying to fake a deeper voice* “Mikey! Mikey! Michael.”

Me: “That’s a great name, son. You take good care of your mum there, okay?”

(She nods gravely, completely happy and satisfied. As they walk out, I hear the girl’s tiny voice.)

Girl: “Mummy, mummy, I knew it! I knew it would work! Mikey said it would! Do you think daddy would know it’s me, too?”

(The mother turns and gives me a thankful smile and a wink before leaving.)

Suddenly, Parenting Goes Out The Window

, | Australia | Family & Kids, Top, Transportation

(I work in a call centre for a company that does roadside assistance for cars that have either broken down or need a tow. We also provide a free service to get babies out of locked cars as this is classed as an emergency situation. It is one of the hottest days of summer.)

Me: “Could I please start with your registration or membership card number.”

Caller: “I’VE LOCKED MY BABY IN THE CAR! SHE’S ONLY A MONTH OLD! PLEASE, HELP!”

Me: “Okay. First of all, I need your location and the make and model of your car.”

Caller: “I’m at [popular shopping centre] and my car is [Expensive Brand] [newest model sedan].”

Me: “Due to these cars being so new our patrols cannot open them from the outside and will have to smash a window. The windscreen would be the safest, as it is the cheapest to replace and also the furthest away from the baby.”

Caller: “NO! THIS IS A BRAND NEW CAR! YOU HAVE TO UNLOCK THE DOOR!”

Me: “I’m sorry but I have sent two patrols to your location. They will smash the window to get the baby out as it is a hot day and the temperature in the car could kill the baby!”

Caller: “I DON’T CARE! YOU ARE NOT SMASHING THE WINDOW!”

Me: “Okay. Well, the patrols should be there within five minutes. Please wait by the car and stay calm.” *hangs up*

(I immediately call the police and ambulance so they can attend the scene as well. I later hear that the lady attacked the patrol officer when he tried to smash the window, all while screaming and swearing about her new car. The police promptly arrested her for assault and endangering a child, and the windscreen was broken to get the baby out.)

Grand Theft Insolence

| Oxfordshire, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Technology

(A mother and son approach my till with a carrier bags full of games to trade in. Some of them are 15- and 18-rated. The boy is approximately 11 years old.)

Mother:  “We’d like to trade these in for credit, please.”

Me: “No problem. Do you know what you’d like to buy with the credit?”

(I start swiping the games through the till. The mum looks at the boy, who shakes his head.)

Me: “That’s okay. I can put it onto a gift card for you, or I can give you a price for what we’d give you in cash, instead?”

Boy: “A gift card.”

Mother: *to the boy* “Please!”

Boy: “A gift card, please.”

Mother: “But won’t this leave you without ANY games?”

Boy: “Yeah, but Dad’s going to come to town with me tomorrow to get GTA Fi—” *trails off and looks up at me… knowing he’s put his foot in it*

Me: “Oh… uh…” *to mother* “I feel I should mention that GTA is an 18-rated game for a VERY good reasons. In the game there is a torture scene—”

Mother: “What?!”

Me: “… Your son’s character can also pick up, have sex with, then murder prostitutes. There’s also—”

Mother: “ABSOLUTELY NOT!” *turning to son, who is now looking like he’s been caught in a lie* “You KNEW about this, didn’t you?! NO WAY are you having that, and NO WAY your dad would let you have that either. Oh, god…”

Me: “I, uh… could go on, but I guess I don’t need to.”

(The mother is obviously shocked at what she was about to buy for her son. I explain the video game ratings system to her so she can make informed decisions in future, and write down a good review website I know of so she can research. All the while the kid is getting more and more frustrated realising he’s not going to get what he wants.)

Boy: *to mother* “I’m NOT talking to you.”

Mother: “Oh, really? I think you’re forgetting who bought you all of these games.” *turning to me* “I’ll take the cash price on these, please.”

(The mother then proceeds to sell ALL of the son’s games to me for cash, which she puts into her wallet. She then thanks me for my help, turns, and leaves, leaving her son shocked and GTA-5-less at my counter.)

Related:
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 9
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 8
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 7
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 6
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 5
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 4
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 3
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 2
Grand Theft Innocence

More Money, More Problems

| New Zealand | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Money

(I work for a cinema that has a gaming area attached to it. All the games run on coins only, and there are signs up everywhere stating this. I am the person working in the Games Zone today, and am currently patrolling around the area for game faults or shady characters. A woman with two children approach me.)

Patron: “Excuse me, miss?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

Patron: “Your game is broken. I am very upset. My children really wanted to play on this but it won’t accept our money! It just ate the money and gave us no game!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Sometimes the games do eat the coins. I’ll just fetch some tokens and come over to see if I can get it working.”

Patron: “Well, hurry up! We have a movie starting soon but they really want to play this game first! We don’t have all afternoon!”

(I return to my booth to collect a couple of tokens to put in the machine, to see if I can get the game running. When I return to the game the woman has already seated her children in the seats, in a way that I cannot get to the coin slot.)

Me: “‘Scuse me kids. I just need you to move for a moment.”

Patron: “What are you doing? Kicking my kids off the game?!”

Me: “No. They are in the way of the coin slot, so I can’t put the tokens in. I just need them to shift for a moment.”

Patron: “Geez, just lean over! You’re tall, even I can do that!”

(She snatches my bag of tokens from my hand and gets a few out. She practically smothers her children as she leans over to reach the coin slot, violently jamming the token in. It is obviously not going to go in, as something clearly is blocking it.)

Me: “Ma’am, I just need you to stop trying to shove the token in. Something is blocking the way. I think the money you put in before might have jammed up inside. I just need your kids to move and I’ll see if I can clear it.”

(She scoffs at me and mutters about how stupid the game is, but makes her kids move. I lean down to inspect the coin slot and to my surprise, find a $5 note folded up and jammed in the slot. After a little bit of wriggling I manage to pull it out.)

Me: “Um, did you fold up a note and put it in here?”

Patron: “Yes, that’s mine!”

Me: “Well, that is the problem. The machines only take coins, not notes. The slot doesn’t accept bills of any sort.”

Patron: “Well that’s stupid! Anyway, I did put coins in. I put two $1 coins in, and they wouldn’t go all the way through, so I thought it must take notes instead!”

(I inspect the coin slot again, and after a little wriggling with a key, manage to spot two coins that she has pushed in TOGETHER at the same time, which became wedged. The note had wedged them further down the slot, so I cannot get them out.)

Me: “Well, I’m afraid the coins are well and truly stuck in there now. I cannot get them out and no other coins can get past. Your kids can’t play the game today.”

Patron: “What? Well that is f****** ridiculous! We paid money for this game, it’s still running. Just credit it a game or something by opening up the computer slot or something!”

Me: “I just give out change and put up ‘Out of Order’ signs… I don’t fix games.”

Patron: “Well, you’re useless down here then, aren’t you?!”

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