November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Family & Kids

The Art Of Parenting

| Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids

(I work as a security guard for an art gallery that features paintings by local artists. Today, we are auctioning off some of the older paintings to make way for some newer ones. The paintings that will be auctioned are displayed in one particular room, and I am the guard for this room. When this happens, there are a few customers already here. A well-dressed lady with her young son in tow enter. She leaves her child unattended while looking at the paintings.)

Me: “Ma’am, may I request that you keep an eye on your son? We wouldn’t want him to get in any trouble, would we?

Lady: “Yes, yes, I know.” *returns to paintings, disregarding child*

(I think nothing of it, as the child is only a few meters away from the mother. But, a few minutes later, as I am distracted with another customer asking about the auction, another customer starts shouting.)

Me: “Sir, can you…”

Male Customer: “Mister! That child is drawing on one of the paintings!”

(I immediately turn around in horror, to see the little boy scribbling on one of our prized pieces with a white-out pen.)

Me: “Ma’am! Please get your son under control! He is defacing the painting!”

Lady: “Whatever. Leave me alone. Can’t you see I’m trying to appreciate the art?”

(I walk over to the young boy, who can’t be older than five, and gently take his hand. Speaking soothing words, I lead him over to his mother.)

Me: “Ma’am, I would like you to keep your child under control.” *I let go of his hand and he clings onto his mother*

Lady: *gasp* “How DARE you touch my son! He didn’t do anything wrong! I’m going to call for security!”

Me: “Ma’am, I AM security. Your son was scribbling on this painting, and I stopped him.”

Lady: “Well, I never! I am never coming back here! The paintings are s***ty, the security is terrible, and I bet your artists are poor homeless f***s who splat paint on canvas for a penny an hour!”

Me: “…. Ma’am, the painting your son just defaced—”

Lady: *snorts* “Defaced?! These paintings are so bad, he probably made it better!”

Male Customer: “Miss! I have been quiet up until now, but you are being a right b**** to this guard!” *to me* “Show her the painting!”

(I lead her other to the painting. It happens to be a beautiful oil painting of the city, now with a white scribble across it.)

Me: “If you would just look at the plaque, this is a oil painting by [Respected Local Artist] that would have been auctioned at around $7500. Now, you will have to pay for it, since your son defaced it.”

Lady: *obviously recognising the name, turning deathly pale and sputtering in horror* “You should have told me to keep an eye on my child! This is NOT my fault! You hear me?! NOT MY FAULT!!”

(She gave us an answer soon enough. She grabbed her son’s arm and dashed away to the exit. Luckily, the guards outside caught her. She ended up paying $7500 for the painting, and was banned from the gallery. The kicker? She filed a complaint on our website for “not warning her of the danger of children in a gallery.”)

Caught In The Heat Of The Moment

| UK | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I am a waitress, serving food to a table. The plates are hot, and I’m holding them in cloths to serve them. I go to put down a plate in front of a boy about ten years old, who reaches out to grab the plate.)

Me: “Oh, no, be careful. It’s hot!”

(The kid snatches the plate out of my hands and almost drops it.)

Boy: “It’s hot!”

Me: “Are you okay? Are your hands all right?”

Boy: “Yeah, I think.”

Mother: “Are you okay?! Are you hurt?”

Me: *seeing she’s acting very panicked* “Do you want me to fetch a damp cloth or something for him?”

Mother: “Yes, please.”

(I go and fetch a cold towel for him and come back to the table.)

Mother: “I can’t believe you just did that. That was very bad of you. How could you give a plate that hot to a child? He’s had to go to the bathroom with his dad!”

Me: *a bit shocked, as she had clearly seen him snatch it out my hands* “I’m very sorry. I did warn him that it was hot. It is quite loud so he might not have heard me.”

Mother: “But how could you let him hold it? These plates are really hot. That was an awful thing for you to do. He’s only young and you’ve really injured him. I can’t believe you.”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry. I was trying to put it on the table and he grabbed it out of my hands.”

(At this point my boss turns up to serve the rest of the food.)

Boss: “Is everything all right here?”

Mother: “No, actually. She’s just handed my son a red hot plate knowing it would hurt him. He’s in a lot of pain now and it’s all her fault!”

(My boss gives me a look and takes me to one side, out of earshot of the table.)

Me: “I’m really sorry; he just grabbed it. I don’t think he heard me say how hot it was.”

Boss: “Don’t worry, I don’t think you’d hurt a kid on purpose! I’m guessing his dad’s taken him to run his hands under cold water. The plates aren’t that hot but I’ll deal with it if they’re upset.”

(She came into the kitchen later saying that apparently they had not put cold water on his hands, but his mother was demanding we bring burn cream out for him (the boy himself insisted it didn’t hurt anymore). The worst part? He ordered a hot pudding and snatched that plate off me, too! Luckily the plate itself was cold!)

Not A Fruitful Theft

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(My boss is quite good at the whole catching-people-stealing thing. He gets pretty fed up with it all the time but usually see the funny side of what people try to steal.)

Boss: *on the phone* “Hey, [My Name], keep an eye on the family in the fruit section right now. They picked up some meat and some soft drink bottles, but I can’t see where they put them. Might just be under the pram, but check when they come though.”

(The family comes up to my coworkers till, so I take over.)

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Mother: “Fine.”

Me: “Well, that’s good. Just the banana and apples today?”

Mother: “Yes.”

(Having spied the top of a coke bottle sticking out from a baby’s blanket, I decide to politely point it out.)

Me: “Oh, sorry, that coke bottle; I did not see you come in with it. Did you just forget to add it?”

Mother: “You stupid b****, I came in with it. Just what are you accusing me of?”

Me: “I did not mean to offend, but often people just simply forget.”

Mother: “It’s from home. Now hurry up, silly girl, and don’t you smart mouth me again.”

(At this point my boss has quietly come from the back and stands behind me.)

Boss: “You can hand back the meat in your son’s pants as well.”


Boss: “Well, I have you on camera attempting to steal, so either drop what you have now and get out, or pay for everything and get out, but in any case do not ever come back into my store or I will call the police.”


Boss “I’m sure the police won’t agree with you. OUT!”

Thinks Very Highly Of Your Cakes

| USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(I work as a cake decorator at a well known and respectable bakery. We take orders over the phone, as well as in person. One day, I received an unusual phone call. After writing down the basics of her order…)

Woman: “Can you make it a pot cake?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Woman: “Can you put the pot in it?”

Me: “You mean you want marijuana baked into your cake?”

Woman: “Yes! A lot of it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t do that.”

Woman: “Well, can you at least draw a pot leaf on the top of the cake?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I am not allowed to do that, either. I can decorate it with a different picture, or write something on it if you want.”

Woman: “Okay, then write on it.”

Me: “What do you want it to say?”

Woman: “Happy Birthday, Mom.”

Living In Her Own Bubble(Gum)

| Glasgow, Scotland, UK | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I work as a cashier. A mother and daughter approach my till, and I can hear them arguing.)

Daughter: “I want the gum!”

Mother: “You can’t have it.”

Daughter: “But I want it!”

Mother: “Tough. Chewing gum is a filthy habit, and I won’t let you start.” *turns to me* “Twenty [Brand] cigarettes, please.”