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    Category: Family & Kids

    Out Of Control (Alt) Delete

    | Kansas City, MO, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling Tech Support. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Elderly Woman: “I need you to delete a website!”

    Me: *thinking she means she wants to cancel her account with us* “Okay, ma’am, I can help you with that. Can I have the name of your website so I can look up the account?”

    Elderly Woman: “I don’t know the name! It’s got that Satanic Marilyn Manson on it! HE HAS SEX WITH SHEEP!”

    Me: *stunned* “Umm, is this a website you own?”

    Elderly Woman: “No, he has sex with sheep! I need you to hit the button and delete him from the Internet!”

    Me: “If this is a website that’s not on our servers, there’s no way I can delete it.”

    Elderly Woman: “Just hit the button!”

    Me: “I don’t know what to tell you.”

    (Someone else picks up the phone, a much younger sounding man, presumably the woman’s son or adult grandson.)

    Younger Man: “Can you just hit the button and delete the website so she won’t have to worry about it?”

    Me: *guessing that I have to play along* “Umm, sure, I’ll see what I can do.”

    (The man hands the phone back to the elderly woman.)

    Elderly Woman: “He has SEX WITH SHEEP!”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, I’ll hit the button and delete it from the Internet.”

    Elderly Woman: “Oh, thank you! He’s the Devil! *hangs up*

    Talking Non-scents

    | Columbus, OH, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids

    (It’s a couple months after the winter holidays and I’m working self-scan check-outs. My store offers everything from food to electronics. A woman flags me over to her self-scan.)

    Customer: “These scented candles are supposed to be on clearance.”

    (The candles are scented gingerbread. Holiday items are extremely discounted and the candles are clearly ringing up at full price.)

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, let me fix that for you.”

    (I begin to fix the price on the six or so candles she’s buying as she begins to bag up the rest of her items. She comes up to me a moment later.)

    Customer: “Have you smelled these? They smell awful. You would think they would smell better.”

    Me: “No, I haven’t smelled them.”

    Customer: *offers a candle* “You should smell them.”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “Go ahead. Smell it.”

    Me: *reluctantly taking a whiff* “I really don’t smell anything at all, ma’am. Do you not want the candles if they smell bad?”

    Customer: “Oh, no, I still want them.” *she bags the rest up*

    (I finish changing the prices and help her finish bagging. My thoughts still turn to the candles.)

    Me: “Why are you buying them if you think they smell bad?”

    Customer: “Because they’re on clearance! You can’t pass up on these prices!”

    (I know customers like this who feel strongly about deals but I’m still stuck on why she would still want so many even though she clearly doesn’t like the smell.)

    Me: “But what will you do with them?”

    Customer: *pause* “I think I’ll give them to my sister… I don’t really like her either.”

    A Measure Of Common Sense

    | UK | Family & Kids, Tourists/Travel

    (My sister and I have taken our younger brother to a popular UK theme park. We see that the queue for the tea cups is very short, so we begin to get in line. Just as we do, we notice a woman at the front of the queue with a small child obviously too small to ride. She’s talking to the ride operator.)

    Woman: “So, I walked all the way through the queue, only to be told he’s too small to ride! You twat!”

    (As she begins to storm away, my sister sends her a death glare before turning to me.)

    Sister: *loudly* “Maybe we should go back and measure [Brother].”

    Me: “Why?”

    Sister: *still loudly* “Because we don’t want to walk barely a meter only to be told he’s too small to ride. If we don’t want to look like utter idiots, we need to measure him before queuing up.”

    Me: *catching on* “Yeah. That’s what anyone with COMMON SENSE would do.”

    (The woman, who had been demanding to see a manager, turned bright red before hurrying away with her child. The ride operator gave us both a high five.)

    Fixing For A Fixing

    | London, England, UK | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Family & Kids

    (In my local supermarket, there’s a very nice chap who usually works behind the tobacco counter. I have no idea what his preference is, but he’s obviously flamboyant and camp. He’s also always very friendly and helpful to everyone.)

    Angry Customer: “God, that f****** [homophobic slur] is so slow!”

    (Everyone else in the queue turns in astonishment, not sure that they just heard that. The angry customer continues ranting:)

    Angry Customer: “Those d*** gays; they’re everywhere! I don’t know what’s wrong with—OW! OW!”

    (We all look down to see a five year old standing there, kicking the ranting guy hard in the shins, repeatedly.)

    Child: “You’re—” *kick* “—not—” *kick* “—a—” *kick* “—nice—” *kick* “—man—” *kick*

    (The angry customer grabs the child, to the complete shock of everyone watching, at which point he is tackled by several people.)

    Angry Customer: “I have my rights! I have been assaulted!”

    (The police arrive very quickly, and calm the situation.)

    Policeman: *to angry customer* “Well, we’ve heard from all these people that you grabbed and then tried to hit that little girl. Is that true?”

    Angry Customer: “I demand you arrest her! She attacked me! She’s guilty of assault!”

    Policeman: “She’s five! She can’t legally commit any crime. You, on the other hand, have assaulted a small child and are now under arrest.”

    (The best bit of the entire story? Various people offered to buy the little girl some sweets.)

    Little Girl: “No! I don’t want sweets. I want this!”

    (She has a cheap 50-piece toolset with screwdrivers, pliers, and so-on. We confirm with her mum that it is okay to buy that for her at that age.)

    Mum: “Sure, why not? You’ve already seen that she likes fixing things.”

    Thank You For Calling The North Pole

    | Dublin, Ireland | Family & Kids, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Good evening. You’re through to [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I mean it. It’s really him!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “It’s really Santa Claus!”

    (I now realize the customer is speaking to someone on his end. I hear gasping on his end.)

    Me: “Sir, did you redial this number by accident?”

    Customer: *still talking to his child* “Yes, yes, Santa. Jack is being naughty.”

    Me: “Put me on speaker.”

    Customer: “Jack, Santa wants to talk to you.”

    (Puts me on speaker.)

    Me: *in my best Santa voice* “Ho ho ho, Jack, you be good now so your Dad will let me bring lots of presents to you this year.”

    Tiny Voice: “Yes, Santa, I promise.”

    (Clicks off speaker.)

    Customer: “Thanks for that. Couldn’t get him to go to bed.”

    Me: “No problem. Merry Christmas.”

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