November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Family & Kids

Half A Mind To Watch What You Say

| Veron, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Language & Words

(A father and son check out books and DVDs.)

Me: “That’s it. Books are due in two weeks and the DVDs are due in one. But you can return the books at the same time as the DVDs are due, if you have a mind to. Thank you.”

(A few minutes later, as they go in the children’s room:)

Son: “What did she mean by that, Daddy?”

Father: “Well, I think she’s from down South and it’s just a saying…”

(I’m watching what “down South” expressions I use now…)

The Mother Of All Nice Gestures

| Fort Collins, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

(I am just about to clock out from work when a teenage girl walks in to return a shirt that was paid for with credit card. My coworker handles the transaction.)

Coworker: “So, you’ll be getting $13.94 back for this. Do you have a credit card to put that on to?”

Girl: “No.”

Coworker: “Well, I can give you a voucher to the store instead.”

Girl: “Okay, that works.”

(My coworker finishes the transaction, and gives her the voucher. The girl’s mother then comes in and becomes furious when her daughter gives her the voucher instead of cash. So she stomps over to my coworker.)

Woman: “Excuse me, but I wanted cash back for this, not a voucher.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry; you only get back your return how it was originally paid for.”

Woman: “Fine, I’ll put it back on to my card.”

(Unfortunately my store cannot put money from a voucher back onto a credit card. It’s final once it becomes a voucher. My coworker explains this, the woman gets mad and demands to speak to a manager. My manager comes over.)

Woman: “You have to put this back onto my card. I need to get gas for my car.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, but once it’s been put onto a voucher there’s nothing we can do.”

Woman: “You have to.”

Manager: “I can’t.”

Woman: “You HAVE to!”

Manager: “I can’t!”

(This unpleasantness goes on for awhile, until my manager has had enough.)

Manager: “I don’t have to do anything. Especially something that’s impossible.”

(The woman finally gets it through her head and leaves with her daughter. Then after a couple minutes her daughter comes back in, tears streaming down her face, and goes back over to my coworker and manager.)

Girl: “Is there anything you can do?”

Manager: “I wish I could but it’s impossible.”

(The girl looks to be on the verge of tears again.)

Girl: “Please…”

(I’m finally clocked out now, and after watching this whole situation and feeling terrible for the girl, I walk over.)

Me: “How much is on the voucher?”

Coworker: “Uh…$13.94.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I pull out my wallet and get $14.)

Me: “I’ll give you this for the voucher.”

Girl: “…really?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Girl: “Thank you. So much.”

Me: “Of course.”

(The girl takes the money and leaves. My coworker hands me the voucher.)

Coworker: “Thank you, [My Name.]”

Me: “Yeah, no problem.”

Manager: “That was amazing, [My Name]. Thank you, I appreciate it.”

Me: “Just to be clear: I did it to help out the poor girl, not her f****** mother.”

Been Reading To Him Since Way Before He Was Born

| Seattle, WA, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

Customer: “Can you recommend a book for my son?”

Me: “Sure, how old is he?”

Customer: “Three.”

Me: “Okay. What’s he into?”

Customer: “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him in five years.”

Me: “Um, he’s three?”

Customer: “That’s what I said.”

Me: “But… you haven’t seen him in five years?”

Customer: “Yeah, messy divorce. I just moved back to Seattle. I used to read him bedtime stories.”

Me: “How old was he?”

Customer: “You know, like a toddler.”

Me: “I think you’re missing something. He was three when you left, but it’s five years later. Your son is eight now…”

Fools Give Vent To Their Rage

| Portland, OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Hotels & Lodging, Movies & TV, Rude & Risque

(We have a full house of baseball teams, 14-16-year-old boys. At approximately 11 pm, a mother comes up to the front desk.)

Mother: “Why is there pornography on channel 16? We obviously didn’t order anything!”

(We don’t have the option to order movies or pornography, so we look up what channel this was and find out it’s our [Cable Channel] channel playing a movie called ‘Erotic Engagement.’)

Me: “Ma’am, that is our premium channel [Cable Channel], which is commonly known for playing adult themed movies this late at night. Our suggestion would be to keep an eye on your team as to not be watching [Cable Channel] this late at night.”

Mother: “That is not [Cable Channel]. That is graphic pornography. You either refund my stay or we will check out right now.”

Me: “Ma’am, I understand your frustration, but again, we do not have pornographic channels—”

Mother: “You obviously don’t know what you are talking about and now my child is scarred for life. I hope you are happy and I hope God strikes you down for your disregard for protecting us from that filth!”

Me: “Proverbs 29:11, if you want to get biblical. Have a nice night, ma’am.”

(The scripture states: ‘Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.’)

In Line And Out Of Line, Part 6

| Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

( am around five and I am at the grocery store with my dad. We are waiting in line and it is long because only a few registers are open. When we are next to be rung up a business lady defiantly walks in front of me and my dad and proceeds to unload her cart.)

Me: “Hey, dad, that lady just budged us!”

(To this my dad replied loudly enough for everyone around us to hear:)

Dad: “Well, [My Name], it’s all right for her to do that because she is important. Far more important than we are. In fact, she probably works for the government and she has to cut in front of us because they need her to help save the world. So, don’t get angry that she walked in front of us like we didn’t exist because she’s way too important to the country to wait in line like a normal person. In fact, she probably doesn’t wait in line anywhere because lives could be lost if she doesn’t get her milk and eggs three minutes sooner.”

(At this point the cashier has stopped ring her items up and everyone around us was watching. The woman turned to us, a mixture of annoyed and embarrassed.)

Woman: “I, uh… You can go in front of me if you’d like…”

(My dad holds up his hand.)

Dad: “I would never, ma’am. Your time is far too important for us mere peasants to waste. You go off and keep protecting our country.”

(She was completely red as she finished her purchase and walked out quickly.)

In Line And Out Of Line, Part 5
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 4
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 3