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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Category: Family & Kids

    In Line And Out Of Line, Part 2

    | USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Top

    (I’m standing in line at a Black Friday sale, waiting to check out my purchases. We’ve been standing about 45 minutes as the lines are very, VERY long. There is a man all by himself, with no cart and no purchases, standing two customers in front of me. All of a sudden his wife pulls two carts over, with their daughter pushing another one. All three carts are filled completely. They push through the line and get in with him. One of the customers in the line speaks up.)

    Customer #1: “Hey! You can’t just cut in line like that. We’ve been waiting an hour. Get to the back!”

    Cutting Customer: “F*** you! It’s not my fault you don’t know how to shop. Mind your own f****** business!”

    Me: “Excuse me. Would you mind watching your language? I don’t want my son to hear that.”

    Cutting Customer: “You can kiss my a**, b****! That little p**** is going to learn it one way or the other. He’s an ugly little SOB with that hair cut, anyway!”

    My Son: “I’m growing my hair to donate to kids with cancer, like my best friend!”

    (The cutting customer’s daughter decides to speak up.)

    Cutting Customer’s Daughter: “Your little f** friend should just die. Why do they give them treatments for that s*** anyway? I hope he dies, you little a**-wipe.”

    (My four-year-old son starts crying, asking me if his friend is going to die. I try to calm him down. Meanwhile, my friend gets the manager of the store.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, this woman just told me what you said to her son and that you cut in line. I’m going to ask you once to please move to the back of the line; otherwise, you’ll need to leave the store.”

    Cutting Customer: “Now, you look here! You can’t make us move. We’re buying more than $1000 worth of stuff here! And that b**** and her snot nosed kid got what they deserved.”

    (The manager gets on his walkie-talkie and has security escort them out. Upon the managers and several customers suggestions, we file verbal harassment charges on the customers who cut in. The manager made a donation for $500 to the charity that my son’s friend had out in my son’s name. We cut his hair three months later, donating 18 inches, which they made into a wig. His friend made a full recovery, by the way. They both donate their hair about every five years.)

    Related:
    In Line And Out Of Line

    Meeting The Evil Stepmother

    | USA | Family & Kids, Holidays, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month

    (I am visiting my grandparents for the holidays. It’s the day after Christmas. My family all go to the movies. Because I am the only kid, I go to go see Tangled. My parents and grandparents go to see an R-rated movie. Even though I am sixteen at the time, I love Disney. I am sitting in the middle row waiting for the movie to start, when an older customer and her grandchildren come in.)

    Customer: *snorts* “You should be ashamed of yourself! Someone your age seeing a Disney movie by yourself!”

    Me: “You are never too old to see a Disney movie. Besides, it’s not any of your business what I watch.”

    (The customer stomps off, taking her grandkids to the front row. I roll my eyes. Then another customer walks up to me.)

    Other Customer: “She was rude, huh? Just so you know, I am 38 years old and I love Disney. I came here by myself because my sons would not come with me. Do you mind if I sit by you?”

    Me: “Of course!”

    (The other customer and I talk about all our favorite Disney movies. We both very much enjoyed the movie, even if the grandmother was turning around to glare at us during the whole movie!)

    Lying Is All Relative(s), Part 2

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (My sister and I work in a bakery owned by our family; our grandma is the owner.)

    Customer: “Hi. I’m the owner’s daughter. So, I can get my food for free, okay?”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll call your mother in, okay?”

    (The customer nervously nods. I call in my grandma.)

    Grandma: “What is it?”

    Me: “Oh, this customer says you’re her mum.”

    (My grandma looks at the customer.)

    Grandma: “I have never seen you in my life. Also, you look about twenty. So you could pass as my granddaughter, but not as my daughter!”

    (The customer runs out quickly!)

    Related:
    Lying Is All Relative(s)

    Misery In A Can

    | FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I’ve just finished stocking an end-cap of soup cans. It has taken me about 20 minutes to get them all lined up properly. As I’m walking away, a little boy of about six or seven comes charging up. He kicks the cans on the bottom shelf over, sending them flying everywhere. Then he grabs two and throws them, one hitting another customer in the shin and the other smashing right through a glass bottle of cheap wine.)

    Me: “HEY! What the heck are you doing, kid?!”

    Boy: “My mommy said I should go make someone else miserable for once!”

    Hasn’t Read The Risks On The Web

    | Greenville, SC, USA | Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

    (Some friends and I volunteer for a local charity event at the zoo. We are in superhero costumes since the zoo is filled with daycare-age children that want to see their favorite superheroes. I am costumed as Spider-Man.)

    Mother: “Excuse me, Spider-Man? My son is a huge fan of yours!”

    (The mother points to a child covered in Spider-Man merchandise, from his hat to his shoes.)

    Me: “Well, hey. Always great to meet a fan! Does he want a picture?”

    Mother: “Well, actually, I was wondering if you could do me a favor.”

    Me: “Well, sure. What do you need?”

    Mother: “Well, my son really wants to go into the insect and arachnid enclosure, but I’m terrified of spiders. Would you be able to take him in there? He would trust you.”

    Me: “Ma’am, did you just ask me, a guy you don’t know, to take your child into a dark, enclosed room? You don’t even know what I look like under this mask.”

    (The mother gave me a deer-in-the-headlights look and then walked away. Surprisingly, she came back 10 minutes later and had her son get a picture with me!)

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