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    Category: Family & Kids

    This Customer Is Not From Concentrate

    , | UK | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (We have three flavours of slushy in our slushy machine: raspberry, cherry and orange. Raspberry is blue, cherry is pink and orange is obviously orange. Customers usually refer to the slushy they want by the colors.)

    Customer: “What flavour is the orange slushy?”

    Me: “Orange flavoured.”

    Customer: “I know what the color is, I want to know the FLAVOUR.”

    Me: “It’s orange flavoured, ma’am, just like the fruit.”

    (The customer suddenly starts screaming at me.)

    Woman: “WHAT IS THE FLAVOUR! I CAN SEE THE COLOR OF THE D*** THING! WHAT FLAVOUR IS IT?!”

    (The customer’s daughter chimes in.)

    Customer’s Daughter: “Mum! It’s like orange juice! Chill out!”

    Woman: “Orange juice? Jeez, why couldn’t she just tell me that?! Two of those, please!”

    (The customer is perfectly pleasant with me for the rest of the transaction, and wanders off with her slushy happily!)

    The Ten Doctors Versus The Ten Commandments, Part 2

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Family & Kids, Geeks Rule, Religion

    (I am queuing for my meal at a diner. I am a huge ‘Doctor Who’ fan. I am looking at an annual from the old series (1963 – 1989) when the customer behind me in the queue looks over at me.)

    Customer: “Hey! Why are you reading that bulls***?”

    Me: “It’s not bulls***.”

    Customer: “It is! That thing’s evil! It lies about how the universe was made! It says the universe has more than humans!”

    Me: *annoyed* “Look, if you want to be b****y, then push off.”

    (I see the customer leave, and I get my meal, thinking nothing more about it. Then the customer gets the seating next to me. I’m about to get away when she comes near, but she gestures to stop.)

    Customer: “Listen, I’m sorry I was like that. It’s just that I’ve had a bad history with the show.”

    Me: “What happened?”

    Customer: “How old are you?”

    Me: “20.”

    Customer: “When I was a few years younger than you, I watched that show like anything. I absolutely loved it. But my parents are members of [really religious group], and said it was against our belief. I kept telling them I didn’t care what they said; I liked the show and I know this sounds silly, but I loved The Doctor. He actually did look good then. But my mom threw the television out the window and shouted at me. So I get memories whenever I see it.”

    Me: “I am SO sorry! Listen, I’m really sorry I did that. If you want, I can give you the annual. You’ve missed out a LOT.”

    Customer: “I don’t know about anything that happened in the last 30 years on the show. My parents even told me I was being a stupid lovesick girl. Well, they’re in the old people home now, so I don’t care.”

    (I proceed to tell her most of what I know, and give her an address for a shop of old show memorabilia. I’m just happy someone can overcome their problems.)

    Related:
    The Ten Doctors Versus The Ten Commandments

    A Birthday Surprise

    | Provo, UT, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I am serving a young couple, and it is the woman’s 29th birthday. One of our hosts, a large Polynesian man, loves to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to people by himself.)

    Me: “Would you like a group of us to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to you, or do you want that guy to sing to you?”

    Customer: “It’s okay; I’d rather not have anyone sing to me. By the way, has that table paid for their meal yet?”

    (The customer points at a table nearby, where a couple with their two young children are seated.)

    Me: “No, they haven’t.”

    Customer: “Okay, give this to them. Don’t tell them it’s from me.”

    (The customer hands me a $100 bill.)

    Me: “Wow, really? That’s really generous of you, and on your birthday!”

    Woman: “Yeah, I like to do something nice for someone on my birthday as a way to give back to the universe for all the crap I’ve done.”

    (We ended up giving her and her boyfriend free dessert. Her incredible generosity inspired me to try to do something like that on my birthday from now on. Sometimes humans are okay!)

    The Joke Is On (And In) Him

    | TX, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a party and joke item store. Our policy for backpacks is you have to leave them at the front door, no matter what. I stop three kids as they enter.)

    Me: “Excuse me, you have to leave your backpack at the front by the door.”

    (Two of the kids put their bags up front. The third pretends he didn’t hear me.)

    Me: “You have to put your backpack up front.”

    Kid: “What? Why? Someone’s going to steal it if I leave it up front.”

    Me: “I doubt anyone will want your backpack, but if it bothers you that much, write your name on a slip of paper and I’ll attach it to the bag.”

    Kid: “F*** no. I’m not going to steal anything. You a**holes always think I’m going to steal something.”

    Me: “The policy is that you put your bag up front. No one is immune to that policy. I don’t care if you’re an elderly man with a bag of candy; you still put it up front.”

    Kid: “Man…”

    (The kid gets annoyed and drops his bag at the door, and then stomps off after his friends. Thirty minutes later, he comes back.)

    Kid: “See? I didn’t steal s***!”

    (As soon as the kid picks his bag up, a plastic knife drops from his pants pocket, along with a pirate’s gold tooth, and a rubber mask slides halfway from under his shirt.)

    Baby Talk To Make You Balk

    | Newport News, VA, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

    (My neighbors have gone out for the day, and have asked me to babysit their youngest daughter, who is about two years old. I bring her to the mall so we can do a little shopping. I have her strapped into her stroller, and am pushing her around through the clothes racks. As I pause to look at some tops, a rather large customer walks past a rack, and knocks off some of the merchandise. She bends over to pick up the clothes.)

    Two-Year-Old: “D***! That lady got a fat a**!”

    (The customer rounds on me with a death glare.)

    Customer: “What did you just say?!”

    (I point at the two-year-old girl, completely mortified.)

    Me: “I am so sorry! That was her!”

    (The customer opens her mouth to berate me when the two-year-old girl pipes up again.)

    Two-Year-Old: “D***! What a fat b****!”

    (The customer stares at the little girl in shock before glaring at me again.)

    Me: “She’s not mine! I’m just babysitting!” *to the child* “You shouldn’t say things like that! It’s very mean, and rude! Who taught you that anyways?!”

    Two-Year-Old: “Big sister! Now buy me candy, b****!”

    (I quickly wheeled her away under the glaring gaze of the customer. I didn’t babysit her ever again!)

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