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    Category: Family & Kids

    Enough To Furrow Your Brows

    | USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    (I’m a transporter pushing patients to surgery. I pick up a 17-year-old boy with his family. They’re all nervous, but the boy deals with his anxiety by being rude to his parents. He starts in on the vertical creases between his dad’s eyebrows.)

    Boy: “Ha! That looks like a [crude term for female genitalia]. You’ve got a [kitty cat] on your forehead!”

    (He goes on like this for several minutes as his profanity gets worse and worse.)

    Mom: *finally* “Stop it! You’re embarrassing me and the transporter!”

    Boy: *belligerent* “Why? She’s got one!”

    (I’ve finally had enough. I lean down and tell him, loud enough for his parents to hear:)

    Me: “You keep using language like that and that’s as close to a real one as you’ll ever get.”

    (There was stunned silence from the entire family. Then the parents started cracking up.)

    Wining And Fining

    | Vail, CO, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Underaged

    (A group of twenty-somethings and their parents walks in to our apres ski bar. They order tapas and drinks. Our ski town just endured a weeklong series of under-aged drinking busts, so establishments are being extra cautious.)

    Woman: “Sweetie, you should pick a wine.”

    Girl: “I don’t know. I kind of feel like hot chocolate.”

    Woman: “No, it’s a special occasion. Get a drink.”

    Waitress: “May I get you something?”

    Girl: “Oh, sure. May I please have a mulled wine?”

    Waitress: “Sure. I just need to see some ID.”

    Girl: “Oh, I just had my license renewed, and I left my new temporary paper one in my hotel. I’m 25. I have a copy of my passport on my phone, but I totally understand if you can’t serve me. Actually, forget it. May I just have a hot cocoa?”

    Woman: “Oh, can’t you just get her her hot wine? She really is 25. I’m her mother.”

    Waitress: “Unfortunately, there have been a lot of police busts recently, and they use all sorts of tricks to try to get us to bend the law. We have to be uber-safe right now. I really can’t serve anybody who looks under 30 without a real ID.”

    Man: *leaning in* “I’m her father; it’s okay.”

    Waitress: “Unfortunately, we really can’t take your word for it. I’m so sorry. So, you wanted cocoa?”

    Man: *reddening* “No, that is not okay! This is ridiculous. This is what this country is coming to. Everything is so correct these days. I’m her father. She’s here with her parents and our geezer friends.”

    Girl: “Dad, It’s fine. Really.”

    Man: “No, it is bloody well not fine. Give me your room key. I’m getting your ID. You have your passport in your room?”

    Girl: “In the nightstand. But, Dad, really, I don’t really want a drink.”

    Man: “No! I will not have these politically correct minions dictate my life to me. You’re my daughter, and if I say you can drink, you can drink.”

    (The daughter reluctantly hands the man her hotel key, although she’s quite pink. The man storms off.)

    Girl: *to waitress* “I’m so sorry. You’re getting a big tip. He’s going to get an ulcer if he doesn’t start meditating, or something.”

    (The man returned as the group was finishing their second drinks and preparing to leave. The man marched the passport over to the waitress and insisted that she bring the girl a drink. The whole group had to sit there with their coats on and watch while the embarrassed girl slurped down her piping hot mulled wine.)

    Doesn’t Quite Swear By That DVD Player

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (I work at a store that doesn’t do refunds. If a customer wants to return an item, we can only offer to exchange it for the exact same item, or give store credit to put towards a new purchase.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return this DVD player. It no longer works.”

    Me: “Sure. Would you like to do a straight exchange, or would you like a store credit?”

    Customer: “Straight exchange, please. I really like this DVD player, and I’d really like another one like it.”

    Me: “All right, just let me see if we have any in stock.”

    (I do a search on my computer, and we show zero in stock. I even check with the stockroom staff to verify this.)

    Me: “Sir, I’m afraid to say this, but we no longer have this DVD player in stock.”

    Customer: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “I’m absolutely sure. There aren’t any on the shelves, the computer says we have zero, and there aren’t any in the back. We’re all tapped out, I’m afraid.”

    Customer: “Aw, s***!”

    (Both the customer and I notice that there’s a small child next to us, and he heard the whole thing.)

    Customer: “Uh, I mean poo-poo caca. Aw, poo-poo caca, I can’t believe you ran out of my favorite DVD player. Can you check to see if any other locations might still have it? I’m sorry to ask you this, but I really like this DVD player.”

    Me: “Sure thing. Which location is the nearest to you?”

    Customer: “Can you try [Location #1]?”

    Me: “Certainly.”

    (I dial the number to Location #1 to make my inquiry.)

    Me: “I just got off the phone with [Location #1]. They don’t have it either.”

    Customer: “Poo-poo caca. Can you try [Location #2]?”

    (I phone up Location #2.)

    Me: “They don’t have it either.”

    Customer: “Aw, poo-poo caca. Can you try [Location #3]?”

    Me: “Okay…”

    (This went on for four more locations, and they all don’t have the very specific DVD player that my customer is looking for. Every time I told him the bad news, he responded with “poo-poo caca.”)

    Wants To Have Her Cake And Eat It

    | MT, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I work as a cake decorator. A woman and her seven-year-old daughter come into the store to order a birthday cake for the girl. The mother argues with her daughter over which cake to get, consents to let the girl have the cake she wants, places the order, then returns a couple days later with her daughter to pick up her order.)

    Customer: “This isn’t the cake I ordered.”

    (I proceed to go over the order form with her. We have a policy of reading back each order when it is placed to make sure we have all the information, and the customer had previously confirmed that the order was accurate. As I am the one who took the order, I know for a fact that I did this.)

    Me: “According to your order form you ordered [cake decoration pack] in white buttercream, with “Happy Birthday [Daughter].”

    Customer: “No, I ordered [other decoration pack], not this one! I want this cake for free since you messed up on it!”

    Daughter: “Mom, we ordered this one, because this is the one I wanted!”

    Customer: “No, I didn’t want this one. I wanted the other one!”

    (I show the little girl her cake.)

    Me: “Is this what you wanted your cake to look like?”

    Daughter: “Yes! It’s perfect!”

    Me: “Okay, here you go! You have a wonderful birthday!”

    (I handed the cake to the girl, who was clearly impressed by the job we did. The mother glared at me and my coworkers before conceding victory to her daughter, then left to pay for the cake.)

    Moms Of Gall Street

    | New Zealand | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Movies & TV

    (I am a cinema attendant at a movie theatre. A woman and her clearly young teenaged kids approach me and hand over tickets for Wolf of Wall Street.)

    Me: *looking at the two young kids* “Um, boys, do you have any ID?”

    Woman: “Why do they need ID?”

    Me: “Because it is an R18 restricted film, and they look far under age. Legally we have to ask.”

    Woman: “I’m their mother, so it doesn’t matter. I give them permission to see this.”

    Me: “Well, no, I can’t actually allow them to enter, ma’am. It’s law that unless they are over 18, with valid ID, they can’t actually go into the movie, parental consent or not.”

    Woman: “Oh, my God, are you kidding me? I’m their mother, and I say they are over 18!”

    Me: *not convinced* “I still need valid ID.”

    Woman: “They are over 18. Don’t you believe their d*** mother?”

    Me: *facing the kids again, as the woman is getting agitated* “Boys, what are your birthdates?”

    (Both boys struggle for a while to remember when they are born, one answering at being 16 years old and the other at 23, most obviously NOT being 23.)

    Me: “I’m sorry; I can’t let you into the movie, boys. You’re not 18, and it’s a pretty hard restriction.”

    Woman: “I paid for these tickets, so you will let us into the movie theatre! They let us buy them downstairs without this bull-s***!”

    Me: “These are pink Kiosk tickets from the machine. The machine clearly states the restriction, with a warning that you will be checked for ID upstairs. You can return downstairs to swap them for another movie.”

    Woman: “I don’t want to f***ing swap to another movie! We want to watch this one!”

    (At this point I’m about to use my walkie to contact my manager and let them know to come up to sort out the customer, when the another customer interjects.)

    Customer: “Lady, I don’t know how this girl talked to you without throwing you out on your a**. What kind of a mother are you, letting your young boys in to watch a movie about sex, drugs, hookers and h*** knows what else?! Take your tickets, go watch something else, or just plain p*** off!”

    (The woman was stunned for a while, before taking off to get her tickets changed. I called to the desk to let them know she was coming and what had happened. She tried to get a full refund and free tickets for the ‘terrible service and inconvenience.’ She was refused.)

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