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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Category: Family & Kids

    Pest Control Out Of Control

    | WV, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

    (I work at a local pharmacy.)

    Customer: “I need to buy some Raid.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, let’s go look at the display.”

    (We walked to the display, and I began showing her various items.)

    Me: “Here’s something for ants—”

    Customer: “No, I don’t need that.”

    Me: “Okay. Um, here’s something for roaches.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t have roaches.”

    Me: “Do you have hornets or wasps or something?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Ma’am, can you tell me a little more about what, exactly, you need the Raid for?”

    Customer: “My son has lice.”

    Me: “Oh! Oh, God. No, ma’am, you don’t want Raid. You want Rid. Please don’t spray Raid on your son’s head!”

    Wii-U Are Not Listening

    | Portland, OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m browsing video games in a large national department store where all employees are required to wear red. This particular store, I’ve noticed, is pretty relaxed about what form the red shirt or top can take, as well as the shade of red. Coincidentally, I’m wearing a red t-shirt with a local hockey team’s name across it. A mother and her ten-year-old boy approach me.)

    Mother: “Excuse me, is the Nintendo Wii still on sale?”

    Son: “Wii-U!”

    Me: “I’m not sure. I don’t work here.”

    Mother: “Can you call someone back here who would know? He wants the Wii really badly.”

    Son: “Wii-U!”

    Me: “Well, there’s a customer service button over in movies. That should bring someone over. And I think he wants the Wii-U, the new system they came out with.”

    Mother: “You want me to walk over into another department and ring a bell?! What the h*** kind of employee are you?”

    Me: “I’m an employee of [National Insurance Company]. I’m not a clerk at this store.”

    Mother: “Don’t give me that bull-s***! You’re a punk kid!”

    Me: “I’m 26.”

    Son: “Wii-U!”

    Mother: *grabbing kid’s hand* “You know what? We’ll go to [Well-known Toy Store Chain] and pay full price for the god d*** Wii, because I’m sick of this crap!”

    Son: “Wii-U!”

    Me: *laughing* “Is that all he says?”

    Mother: “HOW DARE YOU!”

    (Eventually she was escorted from the store and the manager, after watching the entire exchange on the security tapes, let me use my ‘employee’ discount on the game I wanted. I got it for… Wii-U!)

    Marriage Of The Undead

    | PA, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Spouses & Partners

    (I work in a call center for a student loan servicing company. I deal with many difficult callers each day, as people get very upset over their loans. I have just spent an hour arguing with a woman as to why her loans were delinquent and I am quite frazzled.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I received a letter from you that says ”our condolences on the loss of your son.”

    (I check the account. The borrower has indeed been reported as deceased and we are waiting for the death certificate in order to discharge the loans.)

    Me: “Yes, sir. I am terribly sorry for your loss. Do you have any questions on the discharge process?”

    Caller: “Yes. My son isn’t dead.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Caller: “Yeah, do you want to talk to him?”

    Me: “Uh… yes, please.”

    Caller: “Okay. Here he is.”

    Son: “Hello. As far as I know, I am not dead, unless I am the first recorded instance of the zombie apocalypse.”

    (At this point I start giggling helplessly. The son laughs, too.)

    Son: “Out of curiosity, why do you guys think I’m dead?”

    Me: “Well, sir, you were reported deceased by [Name].”

    Son: “Oh. That’s my ex-wife. She must have been trying to mess up my credit. Is this going to hurt me at all?”

    Me: “Not in the slightest, sir.”

    Son: “Ha. Sucks to be her. Have a lovely day, miss.”

    Me: “Thank you, sir. Please don’t bite anyone.”

    Son: “But where’s the fun in that?”

    Not The Most Connected Of Families

    | KY, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Technology

    (I work at a popular video game store inside of a mall. One evening I greet a boy around the age of 15. Not much time passes before I notice he’s been browsing the XBox Live cards and seems very lost.)

    Me: “Hey, did you have any questions?”

    Boy: “I just got an XBox 360, and my buddy said I need a live membership. What’s that?”

    (I go through the explanation of how XBox Live works, how it gets you free games and everything, etc.)

    Boy: “Okay. But then, how do I get it in my system?”

    Me: “Well, the cards here come with a code. On your 360, you just go into the store while logged in on your account, and there should be an area to redeem the code on the back. That’ll get it attached to your account! It’s really easy.”

    Boy: *seems suspicious* “So then… I guess… they mail it to me?”

    Me: “Oh, no! You just enter the code that comes with the card onto your 360, and it goes on there… I may not be explaining this right, sorry. But there are detailed instructions on the card!”

    Boy: “…so then, after I put it on my system, they mail it to me?!”

    Me: “Ah, nope… It’s all digital.”

    Boy: “But then where do the free games come from?”

    Me: “They’re digital as well! You download them. It’s easy, and it pretty much explains itself as you do it.”

    Boy: “And then if I download them they mail me something?”

    Me: “Oh, nope, you don’t get anything in the mail.”

    Boy: “But then how do I get it?”

    Me: “You… download it?”

    Boy: “But then what will they mail me?”

    Me: “Nothing? Anything you need you download right to your XBox 360. Like, through the Internet.”

    Boy: “Oh. Okay.”

    Me: “Yup.”

    Boy: “So I just enter that code, and then download it?”

    Me: “Yeah!”

    Boy: “Through the mail.”

    Me: “No, nothing comes in the mail; it’s through the Internet.”

    Boy: “But then what do I download through the mail?”

    Me: “… nothing comes through the mail.”

    Boy: “How do you make it come through?”

    Me: “The Internet.”

    Boy: “I can get Internet on my XBox?! I set up the wifi for Netflix, but I didn’t know it got actual Internet.”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s crazy what you can do in 2014.”

    Boy: “Can you explain this to my dad? He knows nothing about this stuff. Hey, dad, come here, this girl figured out that I have Internet on my XBox!”

    (A man, maybe in his 40s, dressed all in camo with hunting boots and looking very scary comes up.)

    Boy: “She just told me how to download things from the Internet for my XBox without mailing them.”

    Man: “I don’t know how your mom will feel about that.”

    (I had to repeat the entire conversation with the boy to his father and basically explain every technological advance related to Internet use. I kept looking for signs they were messing with me, but these people were just… Well… I drank a lot after that shift.)

    Give Her Family Credit

    | Canberra, ACT, Australia | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Money

    (Our system uses a PLU (Product Listed Under) list, which consists of numbers from 1-200, which are used for produce, milk, flowers, and meat coming through the registers. It has been a long busy day and I was getting a bit bored with repeating the same spiel over and over, so I decided to mix it up a little bit.)

    Me: “Your total comes to $94.55. Would you like to pay by cash, card, or firstborn child today?”

    Customer: “Firstborn child? How much is she worth?”

    Me: *turns to customer’s daughter* “How old are you this year?”

    Customer’s Daughter: “I’m five and two thirds!”

    (I put the number five into the system, which corresponds with a 750 gram bag of tomatoes, worth $3.50.)

    Me: *to the customer* “She’s worth $3.50.”

    Customer: “D***, not enough. It’ll have to be card.”

    (The transaction finishes and she starts to head off.)

    Customer: “Can I pay with my husband next time?”

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