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    Category: Family & Kids

    Been Reading To Him Since Way Before He Was Born

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

    Customer: “Can you recommend a book for my son?”

    Me: “Sure, how old is he?”

    Customer: “Three.”

    Me: “Okay. What’s he into?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him in five years.”

    Me: “Um, he’s three?”

    Customer: “That’s what I said.”

    Me: “But… you haven’t seen him in five years?”

    Customer: “Yeah, messy divorce. I just moved back to Seattle. I used to read him bedtime stories.”

    Me: “How old was he?”

    Customer: “You know, like a toddler.”

    Me: “I think you’re missing something. He was three when you left, but it’s five years later. Your son is eight now…”

    Fools Give Vent To Their Rage

    | Portland, OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Hotels & Lodging, Movies & TV, Rude & Risque

    (We have a full house of baseball teams, 14-16-year-old boys. At approximately 11 pm, a mother comes up to the front desk.)

    Mother: “Why is there pornography on channel 16? We obviously didn’t order anything!”

    (We don’t have the option to order movies or pornography, so we look up what channel this was and find out it’s our [Cable Channel] channel playing a movie called ‘Erotic Engagement.’)

    Me: “Ma’am, that is our premium channel [Cable Channel], which is commonly known for playing adult themed movies this late at night. Our suggestion would be to keep an eye on your team as to not be watching [Cable Channel] this late at night.”

    Mother: “That is not [Cable Channel]. That is graphic pornography. You either refund my stay or we will check out right now.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I understand your frustration, but again, we do not have pornographic channels—”

    Mother: “You obviously don’t know what you are talking about and now my child is scarred for life. I hope you are happy and I hope God strikes you down for your disregard for protecting us from that filth!”

    Me: “Proverbs 29:11, if you want to get biblical. Have a nice night, ma’am.”

    (The scripture states: ‘Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.’)

    In Line And Out Of Line, Part 6

    | Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

    ( am around five and I am at the grocery store with my dad. We are waiting in line and it is long because only a few registers are open. When we are next to be rung up a business lady defiantly walks in front of me and my dad and proceeds to unload her cart.)

    Me: “Hey, dad, that lady just budged us!”

    (To this my dad replied loudly enough for everyone around us to hear:)

    Dad: “Well, [My Name], it’s all right for her to do that because she is important. Far more important than we are. In fact, she probably works for the government and she has to cut in front of us because they need her to help save the world. So, don’t get angry that she walked in front of us like we didn’t exist because she’s way too important to the country to wait in line like a normal person. In fact, she probably doesn’t wait in line anywhere because lives could be lost if she doesn’t get her milk and eggs three minutes sooner.”

    (At this point the cashier has stopped ring her items up and everyone around us was watching. The woman turned to us, a mixture of annoyed and embarrassed.)

    Woman: “I, uh… You can go in front of me if you’d like…”

    (My dad holds up his hand.)

    Dad: “I would never, ma’am. Your time is far too important for us mere peasants to waste. You go off and keep protecting our country.”

    (She was completely red as she finished her purchase and walked out quickly.)

    Related:
    In Line And Out Of Line, Part 5
    In Line And Out Of Line, Part 4
    In Line And Out Of Line, Part 3

    Learning That Theft Is Not A Game

    | Roanoke, VA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids

    (This exchange is short, but occurred years ago while working at the front register of a local office supply retailer in the area. The way this building is set up is that you pass through two sets of doors, connected by a small hallway with glass panels so that we can see people entering/departing. I finish ringing up a young woman and her son, who has remained very quiet throughout the entire purchasing exchange. Then this happens.)

    Me: “Thank you for your business. Have a nice day.”

    Customer: “Thanks. Let’s go, [Son].”

    (The two make their way out; I happen to glance at them as they are walking away and notice the boy keeping his hands tucked behind his back. He is holding a small computer game disc out of view. At first I didn’t see it as theft; I couldn’t remember if I had rang it up. Regardless, I stepped over and before they got halfway through:)

    Me: “Sorry, miss, did you want me to bag his game as well?”

    Customer: “Wha-? Game?”

    (She then turns and sees what her son is holding, becoming pale and suddenly frantic. She snatches up the game and the boy’s hand, charging back into the store telling me how sorry she is and that she is making him take it back right away. I just stand there sort of in awe.)

    Her: “Wait until your father gets home!”

    Son: *says nothing, hanging his head, walking sulkily out the door behind his mother*

    Me: “Ah, well, then…” *under my breath* “…good luck, kid.”

    God Loves Little Girls Who Stand Up For Others

    | Denver, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Family & Kids

    (I’m a manager at a technology store and a lesbian. There are two men holding hands and giving each other little kisses every now and then, a woman who is trying her hardest not to look at them, and a mother and her five- or six-year-old daughter, all waiting in line. The two men get to the register.)

    Man #1: “Hi, we were wondering if you do wedding registry here?”

    Me: “No, sorry, we don’t. But my wife and I found when we were doing our wedding registry stuff that if you find a shop that doesn’t do a registry, just write down the SKU numbers so people can come in and—”

    Woman: “Come on, none of us have time to be dealing with your little gay pride bulls***! None of you should be getting married anyway. It’s a sin!”

    (I start to open my mouth, but the little girl stomps her foot and gives the woman the meanest look I have ever seen.)

    Little Girl: “That’s not nice! You say you’re sorry, right now!”

    (The woman is taken aback, but is not done with her rant.)

    Woman: “I will not apologize to sinners! What they are doing is wrong! God hates people like—”

    Little Girl: “No! Girls can like girls and boys can like boys. If God wanted boys and girls only to like each other then he would have made them only like each other! And don’t you know God loves everyone, even boys who like boys?!”

    (The woman and the little girl look at each other for a good 10 seconds until the woman drops her items on the floor and storms out. The mother, the gay couple, and I are all speechless. Like a total boss the little girl takes the expensive robotic toy from her mother and walks to the counter.)

    Little Girl: “I want this, please!”

    Man #2: “My soon to be husband and I would like to pay for that.”

    Me: “And wouldn’t you know it, we give 50% discounts to amazing little girls here!”

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