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    Category: Family & Kids

    Going To Go Over Like A Lead Balloon

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

    (I am at a sale in a store when I hear this exchange:)

    Customer #1: *to Customer #2′s young son* “Aww, look, you’ve got a balloon!”

    Customer #2: “Yeah, I stole it from a display.”

    As Sick As A Parrot

    | New York City, NY, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

    (My friend is a small-mammal handler at a zoo. Today, she’s taken a particularly docile ferret out to let visitors encounter it first-hand. A couple comes in with a young child. I’m standing in the background.)

    Mother: “Ooh, look, the zoo lady’s got a baby raccoon!”

    Father: “That’s some sort of weasel!”

    Child: “Mom, I wanna see the octopus.”

    Mother: “Let’s go see the nice lady with the raccoon.”

    Father: “Weasel.”

    (The mother gives the father a look and then approaches my friend.)

    Mother: “‘Excuse me, miss, what kind of animal is that?”

    Friend: “This is a ferret. Her name is [Name] and she’s very friendly. You can pet her if you take care to avoid—”

    Father: “Parrot!? That’s a weasel!”

    Friend: “It’s a ferret. They’re in the weasel family, like—”

    Father: “You sure?”

    Friend: “Yes, very sure. Ferrets are among—”

    Father: “Let’s go see the octopus, [Child].”

    (They leave in a hurry. Curious, I follow them outside.)

    Father: “D*** thing must have been sick. Pretty irresponsible of them to expose us to a sick parrot.”

    Child: “Ferret.”

    Father: “We just saw the parrot. I thought you wanted to see the octopus.”

    Child: “Daddy, is your hearing aid on?”

    They’re Back In Action

    | MI, USA | Family & Kids, Funny Names, Technology

    (A lady and her son come into the store I work at and promptly approached the counter to inquire about a certain item.)

    Me: “How’s it going? Were you looking for anything tonight?”

    Mother: “Yeah, my son, he needs the back to a P3.”

    Me: *assuming she means PS3 parts* “Sorry, ma’am, we actually don’t sell parts here. You’d have more luck taking it up the road to another store to be repaired or checking online for it. ”

    Mother: “NO, I need THE BACK to the P3.”

    Me: “Did you need one of the cables that plug into the back? Like a power cable that plugs into the wall or the video cables that go from the back of the PS3 to the TV?”

    Mother: “NO. I JUST NEED THE BACK.”

    Me: *showing her the power and AV cables* “Is this what you’re looking for?”

    Mother: “No, did you find it yet?”

    (Her son who was going through the PS3 accessories on display ever since they walked in, begins yelling:)

    Son: “Look, Ma! The back! I found the back to the P3!”

    (Lo and behold it was the first set of AV cables I showed the mother at the counter.. They left exclaiming how exciting it was to find the back of their PS3 they needed so they could use it again.)

    Half A Mind To Watch What You Say

    | Veron, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Language & Words

    (A father and son check out books and DVDs.)

    Me: “That’s it. Books are due in two weeks and the DVDs are due in one. But you can return the books at the same time as the DVDs are due, if you have a mind to. Thank you.”

    (A few minutes later, as they go in the children’s room:)

    Son: “What did she mean by that, Daddy?”

    Father: “Well, I think she’s from down South and it’s just a saying…”

    (I’m watching what “down South” expressions I use now…)

    The Mother Of All Nice Gestures

    | Fort Collins, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

    (I am just about to clock out from work when a teenage girl walks in to return a shirt that was paid for with credit card. My coworker handles the transaction.)

    Coworker: “So, you’ll be getting $13.94 back for this. Do you have a credit card to put that on to?”

    Girl: “No.”

    Coworker: “Well, I can give you a voucher to the store instead.”

    Girl: “Okay, that works.”

    (My coworker finishes the transaction, and gives her the voucher. The girl’s mother then comes in and becomes furious when her daughter gives her the voucher instead of cash. So she stomps over to my coworker.)

    Woman: “Excuse me, but I wanted cash back for this, not a voucher.”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry; you only get back your return how it was originally paid for.”

    Woman: “Fine, I’ll put it back on to my card.”

    (Unfortunately my store cannot put money from a voucher back onto a credit card. It’s final once it becomes a voucher. My coworker explains this, the woman gets mad and demands to speak to a manager. My manager comes over.)

    Woman: “You have to put this back onto my card. I need to get gas for my car.”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, but once it’s been put onto a voucher there’s nothing we can do.”

    Woman: “You have to.”

    Manager: “I can’t.”

    Woman: “You HAVE to!”

    Manager: “I can’t!”

    (This unpleasantness goes on for awhile, until my manager has had enough.)

    Manager: “I don’t have to do anything. Especially something that’s impossible.”

    (The woman finally gets it through her head and leaves with her daughter. Then after a couple minutes her daughter comes back in, tears streaming down her face, and goes back over to my coworker and manager.)

    Girl: “Is there anything you can do?”

    Manager: “I wish I could but it’s impossible.”

    (The girl looks to be on the verge of tears again.)

    Girl: “Please…”

    (I’m finally clocked out now, and after watching this whole situation and feeling terrible for the girl, I walk over.)

    Me: “How much is on the voucher?”

    Coworker: “Uh…$13.94.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (I pull out my wallet and get $14.)

    Me: “I’ll give you this for the voucher.”

    Girl: “…really?”

    Me: “Yeah.”

    Girl: “Thank you. So much.”

    Me: “Of course.”

    (The girl takes the money and leaves. My coworker hands me the voucher.)

    Coworker: “Thank you, [My Name.]”

    Me: “Yeah, no problem.”

    Manager: “That was amazing, [My Name]. Thank you, I appreciate it.”

    Me: “Just to be clear: I did it to help out the poor girl, not her f****** mother.”

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