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    Category: Family & Kids

    Generation ZZZ

    | Caledonia, NY, USA | Family & Kids

    (I’m a lead cashier and I notice a teenage boy walking up and down the aisles, so I approach him.)

    Me: “Can I help you find anything?”

    Customer: “No. I’m just bored so I’m gonna look around in here for a while, because I have nothing else to do.”

    (What a generation…)

    It’s Time To End The Shift On A High

    | Huntsville, AL, USA | Awesome Customers, Bizarre, Family & Kids

    (I’m just finishing up a call with a pleasant customer, my last call for the day. Because of mandatory overtime, I’ve been at work for almost 12 hours straight and can’t wait to leave.)

    Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with, sir?”

    Customer: “Hang on. My daughter wants to ask you a question.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (I hear the customer hand the phone to his daughter. She sounds very young: probably three or four.)

    Girl: “Hi!”

    Me: “Hi, there! How are you?”

    Girl: “Good. Hey, do you know what time it is?”

    Me: *playing along* “No, sweetie. What time is it?”

    Girl: “It’s peanut butter jelly time! Peanut butter jelly time! Peanut butter jelly! Peanut butter jelly! Peanut butter jelly and a baseball bat!”

    Customer: “Sorry about that. She just HAS to sing it every time I’m on the phone.”

    Me: *laughing really hard* “It’s perfectly fine, sir. I can’t think of a better way to end my shift!”

    Anti-Bigotry Bigotry

    | Myrtle Beach, SC, USA | Bigotry, Family & Kids

    (I am a male host at my father’s restaurant. My very flamboyant boyfriend has come to pick me up at the end of my shift.  I need to seat the customers first, so I asked him to step out of line.)

    Customer: “How dare you!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “That boy wants to eat in this restaurant, and you’re refusing him service because he’s gay?! Let me speak to your boss!”

    (I go and fetch my dad, who’s having a hard time keeping the smile off his face.)

    Dad: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “That host is a homophobe! He asked that gay boy to move so he could seat the rest of us! I demand that you fire him!”

    Dad: “First of all, that’s my son, and—”

    Customer: “I guess you’re homophobic, too, then.  Huh? Did you teach him that homosexuality is wrong and disgusting?”

    (She continues shouting abuse for a few minutes. My dad patiently waits until she was done talking.)

    Dad: “Second of all, the gay boy he supposedly refused service to is his boyfriend, who is here to pick my son up for their date.”

    Customer: “Oh, uh…”

    (She politely apologized to all three of us, and told my boyfriend and me to have fun on our date. Moral of the story: Don’t assume that everything you see is a hate crime!)

    Mother Knows Best And All

    | New York, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

    (A somewhat well-known professional athlete and minor celebrity is making a home-delivery order. He is with an older woman.)

    Me: “Did you find everything all right today?”

    Customer: *grunts*

    Me: “Can you please fill out this form for delivery?”

    Customer: *grunts*

    Me: “Your address where you’d like it delivered?”

    Customer: “Uh…” *turns to woman* “Mom, what’s my address?”

    (Gives address.)

    Me: “… and your signature?”

    Customer: “My what?”

    Me: “Signature. Autograph?”

    Customer: “Uh, oh, right!”

    Me: “Can you please provide you cell phone number for the delivery?”

    Customer: “Um…”

    Me: “Your cell number?”

    Customer: “Mom, what’s my cell phone number?”

    Oh, Boy!

    | New Zealand | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Top

    (I’m working the checkout on a fairly light day. The next person in queue has a young girl with her, about six or seven years old. The girl pulls out a hat from her pocket and puts it on, then reaches for an energy drink on display.)

    Mum: “Sweetie, you can’t have that. They’re not good for you.”

    (The girl’s face and shoulders drop as she is visibly and suddenly deflated. She takes off her hat and puts the can back.)

    Girl: “But mum… I was Mikey! He has them all the time! How did you know it was me? Mikey told me when I wear his hat you would think I was him and would let me buy it, and wouldn’t know it was me.”

    Mum: “Oh, sweetie, I’m your mummy. I would recognize you anywhere, no matter whose hat you were wearing.”

    (The girl calms down, but is still upset. As her mother and I exchange pleasantries, the girl puts the hat back on and pulls it down low over her face, but I can still see her lips trembling.)

    Me: “What a lovely boy you have there, ma’am. He looks really big and strong.”

    (The girl cranes her neck up to look at me under the low visor, her eyes huge and shining.)

    Me: “Hi, young man. What’s your name?”

    Girl: *smiling and trying to fake a deeper voice* “Mikey! Mikey! Michael.”

    Me: “That’s a great name, son. You take good care of your mum there, okay?”

    (She nods gravely, completely happy and satisfied. As they walk out, I hear the girl’s tiny voice.)

    Girl: “Mummy, mummy, I knew it! I knew it would work! Mikey said it would! Do you think daddy would know it’s me, too?”

    (The mother turns and gives me a thankful smile and a wink before leaving.)


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