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    Category: Family & Kids

    They Swim Where The Sun Doesn’t Shine

    | Athens, GA, USA | Family & Kids

    (A day camp comes to my pool every weekday. The kids are on average 7 years old.)

    Girl: “I’m a mermaid!”

    Me: “That’s nice.”

    (Next day…)

    Girl: “I’m a vampire! Gaaargh!”

    Me: “But yesterday you were a mermaid.”

    Girl: “I’m a vampire mermaid! Gaaargh!”

    Not Quite Hammering A Point Home

    | Wisconsin, USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “My daughter is having her birthday in a few days. Do you do kids’ birthday parties?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Caller: “Do you come to people’s homes dressed up for kids’ birthday parties?  I was hoping for a princess theme.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I believe you have to wrong number. This is a home improvement store.”

    Caller: “No, I do not have the wrong number! I was told you do kids’ birthday parties!”

    Me: “Uh, well…in our grocery department we sell candles. And cake mix. And frosting.”

    Caller: “Oh, wonderful! Do you have decorations you could bring too?”

    Me: “I’m not going to bring anything, but you could come in to our store to buy the cake supplies and some decorations from our wall-coverings department.”

    Caller: “You have specific departments for kids’ birthdays? That’s wonderful! Where are you located and what are your hours?”

    Me: “Ma’am, like I said before, you called a home improvement store. We, unfortunately, do not provide entertainment for children’s birthday parties, but we are located at [address] and our store hours are 6:30 AM to 10 PM.”

    Caller: “Just perfect, you’ve been so helpful!  Have a wonderful day!” *hangs up*

    From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 3

    | Athens, GA, USA | Family & Kids

    (A six year old girl comes up to me very anxiously while waiting in line to get food.)

    Girl: “Ma’am, what’s this?”

    Me: “What’s what?”

    Girl: “This!” *I notice she’s holding her crotch*

    Me: “You mean your skirt?”

    Girl: “No, the thing under it!”

    Me: “I…I…I don’t know. Ask your mom.”

    Girl: “Ugh! I already did, and she doesn’t know either!”

    Related:
    From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 2
    From The Mouth Of Babes

    Daddy’s Little Hacker

    | Oregon, USA | Family & Kids, Spouses & Partners, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [business]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “My girlfriend didn’t get her gift, and I want to know why.”

    Me: *looking into order* “Sir, I see that we received an email from you asking that we cancel the order, so we did.”

    Caller: “That’s impossible! Why would I do that? What email address was the email from?”

    (I verify his email address.)

    Caller: “Well, that’s the right address, but I didn’t send the email, you must have done it!”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but are you saying that I somehow hacked into your email account?”

    Caller: “Well, someone there hacked into my account!”

    Me: “Does anyone else know your password by any chance?”

    Caller: “No, I never give it out to anyone, that would be stupid.”

    Me: “At this point, I’m not sure how else to look into this. If you’re sure no one else has your password, let me get someone in our loss prevention department involved. They may know more. I’ll call you back when I have more information.”

    (I explain this all to someone in loss prevention and she calls him back. Later, she tells me what she found out.)

    Loss Prevention: “Turns out his daughter canceled the order because she doesn’t like dad’s new girlfriend.”

    Without A Cake The Birthday Boy Will Be In Tiers

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    Me: “Oh, hi. Welcome to [Bakery]. What can I do for you today?”

    Customer: “I’d like to order a 3 tiered cake for my son’s birthday party.”

    Me: “Sure, no problem. We have a design book on that table behind you where you could look at some possible designs.”

    Customer: “Okay. How long would it take you to make the cake?”

    Me: “Well it depends. If you get a simple design you might be able to pick it up by tomorrow afternoon, but if you get a more complicated design it make take 3 to 4 days.”

    Customer: “Oh. That’s not gonna work for me.”

    Me: “Why? What’s the problem?”

    (The customer’s son runs inside the bakery.)

    Customer’s son: “Dad, come on! The party starts in an hour!”

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