(A kid walks into the store and brings “Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas” up to the counter. He’s no more than 11.)
Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t let you rent that game. It’s for over 18 only.”
Kid: “My mom lets me play this all the time!”
Me: “Well, you’ll have to get her to rent it for you then.”
(The kid stomps off and returns with his mother. She brings the game up.)
Customer: “I want to rent this.”
Me: “Well, I should tell you that it is a very violent game.”
Customer: “I don’t mind that.”
Me: “Well, in this game, you can actually pick up a hooker and beat her to death afterwards to get back your money. There’s loads of graphic violence and bad language.”
Customer: *alarmed* “Bad language?” *turns to her son* “Darren, you know you’re not allowed things with bad language!” *grabs him by the arm and storms out with him in tow*
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 2
Grand Theft Innocence
In addition to our weekly roundups, each month we’ll be sharing our most popular reader-voted stories.
March Monthly Roundup: This month, we share five stories that show that customers can be bad, but at least they’re not boring!
- She Fought The Law, And The Law Won, Part 2:
Think you’re going to buy booze for your underaged, 16-year-old daughter? Not on this liquor store employee’s watch!
- When Press Comes To Shove:
A blustery customer counts on berating an employee to get his way; what he didn’t count on: the employee’s 6’5″, 250-lb. fiance waiting in the back.
- The Height Of (Mt.) Misogyny:
Misogynists really should go jump off a cliff, but this sexist customer probably couldn’t make it to the top anyway.
- Weeding Out The Dumb Ones, Part 2:
Either this guy’s in the wrong shop, or those are the LARGEST. BONGS. EVER.
- So Good She Doesn’t Need A Weapon:
A little girl learns that although diamonds are forever, mommy’s handcuffs are for her eyes only.
(I’m helping visitors touch some of the animals on exhibit. One of the boys in the crowd is getting too rowdy with the snake I have out.)
Me: “I’m going to need you to step back so someone else can have a turn.”
Me: “You’re being a little to rough with the animal. You can come back later, though.”
Boy: “YOU ARE BEING RACIST!”
Boy: “It’s because I’m black!”
(Note: I’m white, and so is the boy.)
Me: “Um, you’re white.”
Boy: “Oh, so now you’re being a reverse racist!” *storms away*
(I am a bookstore clerk at the local high school. I am talking to a mom who is getting the books her daughter needs.)
Mother: “My daughter doesn’t have a problem with comprehension! She just doesn’t understand the material.”
(A mom, dad, and two small children walk in. The boy sees some of the fresh fruit we keep at the counter and asks for a banana.)
Dad: *to son* “No, you’ve had too much fruit today!”
Mom: *to son* “Yeah, go get some candy instead!”