Category: Family & Kids

Every Bird And Bee’s Worst Nightmare

| Sydney, Australia | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, Top

(I’m serving a woman in an aisle when her daughter, about 3 or 4 years old, shows up behind me. She’s been hiding in the next aisle over and I’ve thus far been unaware of her presence.)

Me: “Oh! Hi, sweetie! Where did you come from?”

(She pauses and looks at me like I’m stupid.)

Girl: “Mummy’s vagina?”

Taking It Just A Hair Too Far

| Denver, CO, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

(This happened when I was 11 and at a shopping mall. I am sitting outside the restroom waiting for my friends to come out of the bathroom. A lady comes out of the nearby salon and comes over to me.)

Lady: “Oh what pretty black hair you have!”

Me: “Oh, uh, thanks, but actually its brown. It’s just wet right now.”

Lady: “Oh, why didn’t you dry it?”

Me: “My hairdryer’s broken.”

Lady: “Oh!”

(She grabs my wrist and drags me into the salon.)

Me: “Let go of me!”

(She continues holding my wrist and grabs a hairdryer.)

Worker: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but, weren’t you just here? And, uh, what are you doing?”

Lady: “She has dripping wet hair!” *turns hairdryer on*

(She finally lets go of my wrist and puts the dryer down.)

Me: “You’re insane!”

(I run to my friends, who are waiting outside, laughing.)

Lady: “I was just trying to help!”

Who’s Teaching Who Manners

| Minnesota, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(I bus tables at a buffet-style restaurant. I approach a table of two middle-aged women and a girl who looks to be around 8 years old.)

Me: “Hello! I’ll be your service assistant today. How is everything tasting so far?”

Woman: “Fine.”

(I walk away and let them continue eating. I return about 10 minutes later.)

Me: “Why don’t I get these empty plates out of your way?”

(Both women completely ignore me. I take the plates and start to walk away.)

Girl: *yells to her mom* “Shouldn’t you say ‘thank you’?!”

(I start giggling and duck into the bus station. Later, I return to the table to pickup the next round of plates.)

Both women: *beaming* “Thank you!”

(The majority of people do not tip us. They end up leaving me $5.)

Misery Demands Company, Part 2

| Columbus, OH, USA | Family & Kids

(Our office has stickers for the kids that come in. A patient’s child spots them on the way out.)

Child: “Can we get stickers?”

Patient: *sighing* “Can he have a sticker?”

Me: “Of course!”

Patient: *rolls eyes heavily* “Okay…well, don’t get your hopes up.”

Child: “Do they have SpongeBob or superheroes?”

Me: “Of course we do!”

(The patient sticks her hand in container, fiddles around, and pulls her hand out empty despite the container being filled with stickers.)

Patient: “Nope, looks like they don’t. We’re leaving.”

Related:
Misery Demands Company

Not So Modest Aspirations

| Europe | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

(I’m speaking with a three year old girl as I serve her mother.)

Me: “Do you like the pharmacy? Do you think you will be a pharmacist when you grow up?”

Girl: “No! I will be a dancer!”

Me: “Oh, a dancer! That’s nice! Like in a dance group?”

Girl: “No! On the pole!”

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