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  • Category: Family & Kids

    Can I Have Some Nuts With That

    | Annapolis Valley, NS, Canada | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Funny Names

    (The customer spends several minutes staring at a selection of fudge, trying to decide which one she wants. Her daughter is standing in line with her.)

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like a piece of caramel chocolate squirrel.”

    Me: “Um…”

    Daughter: “Mooommm!”

    Customer: “What?”

    Daughter: “It’s chocolate caramel swirl! I don’t think we want a chocolate caramel squirrel.”

    Her Phone’s Not Much To Look At

    | London, UK | Family & Kids, Technology

    Customer: “This compensation thing means you can get a phone back, right? I shouldn’t even have to pay. It’s your fault my daughter doesn’t have a phone!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that Ma’am. Could you please tell me what happened and how it’s our fault? We’ll try to rectify it. Did it break for no reason?”

    Customer: “Her teacher took it! She was texting me and the teacher confiscated it! She has no phone until they give it back.”

    Me: “Most schools do operate a ban on cell-phones during school hours and inform the students. Ma’am, how is this our fault?”

    Customer: “You lot told me when I bought it that it would be perfect for teenagers! There should be something to stop it being seen in school!”

    Me: “And how do you suppose we do that?”

    Customer: “You’re the techno-geeks, you should be able to make it invisible on and off or something! God! You just don’t work hard enough!” *stomps out angrily*

    Mall Brats

    | Netherlands | Family & Kids

    (My theatre group does a play at an amusement park. We often walk around the park in costume to tell visitors about the play. Note that the play was about two "bad guys" who wanted to cut all the trees to build a large shopping mall in the forest.)

    Me: “Did you see those two guys? They want to build a mall here. I don’t know what that is, but it sounds bad!”

    Little Girl: “You really don’t know what a mall is?”

    Me: “No, I just live here in the forest.”

    Little Girl: *with piercing eyes* “Really. I mean in real life.”

    Me: “I really live here!”

    Little Girl: “No, I mean when you’re in your normal clothes.”

    Me: *giving up* “Okay, in real life I know what a mall is.”

    Little Girl: *looks satisfied* “I knew it!”

    ADD: Acronym Defiling Dad

    | Vermont, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body

    Customer:“Hey I was wondering if you sold some of that ‘Ahhhdorol’ or ‘Ridalaain’?”

    Me: “No those are prescription drugs. All we sell here is Advil and caffeine pills.”

    Customer: “D*** it! My son has ADHD. You know…Attention Defiant Hyper Disorder?”

    Freudian (Pay) Slip

    | Latham, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids

    (I am ringing up a mother and her son.)

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, your total is $**.**.”

    Son: “Wow, that is so much money! You’re taking all my momma’s money!”

    Me: “Actually, your mother is paying for the items that she just purchased, and I’m not the one who gets the money anyways.”

    Son: “Do you think I’m dumb? You get all the money; why else would you be here?”

    Me: “The money that is paid here is made by the company. I’m here because the company pays me to check out customers.”

    Son: “That’s stupid. You should get to keep the money.”

    (As I’m about to respond, the mother chimes in.)

    Mother: “Just ignore him, he’s stupid.”

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