Category: Family & Kids

The Terrors Of Terminology

| Guildford, Surrey, England, UK | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, Top

(People have all sorts of names for the sides, or temples, of spectacle frames. I have heard them called “legs”, “props”, “wings”, and “crutches”, among other things. A very strident woman marches into our practice with her teenage daughter in tow.)

Customer: *loudly* “I want you to spread my daughter’s legs. They won’t go behind her ears.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer’s daughter: *speechless and cringing with embarrassment*

Related:
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 4
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 3
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 2
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation

Next Time, Just Leave The Vice Out Of Advice

New Jersey, USA | Family & Kids

(In our store is a small deli that I work at. A man comes up, orders some ham, and converses with me as I prepare it for him.)

Customer: “Are you in college?”

Me: “Yes, actually, this job helps me pay for it.”

Customer: “What are you studying? Nursing?”

Me: “English, actually.”

Customer: “That’s no good. All the smartest women have been going into nursing or medicine or fields like that. You won’t get any money studying English.”

Me: “Um, I sure hope not, but I’ll see. I’m only a freshman after all. I may change majors.”

(I try to turn back to my work, a little embarrassed, but he keeps talking.)

Customer: “Yep, my daughter went into nursing after I insisted she study it. She even worked as a doctor’s assistant for six months!”

Me: “That’s good to hear. Is she still in school?”

Customer: “No, she actually dropped out right after that and has some bad drug issues right now, but I don’t think it’ll last long.”

Me: *shocked* “Oh…well…I hope she recovers soon.”

Customer: “It’s not a problem. She’ll be a nurse if I have any say about it. And I hope you reconsider too!”

Water You, Stupid, Part 5

| California, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

Customer: “I’d like a kid’s bean and cheese burrito.”

Me: “Alright, would you like a fountain drink, juice, or milk?”

Customer: *turns to her child* “Okay, do you want soda or juice?”

Customer’s daughter: “I just want water.”

Customer: “But soda’s better for you!”

Related:
Water You, Stupid, Part 4
Water You, Stupid, Part 3
Water You, Stupid, Part 2
Water You, Stupid

It’ll Go Away If You’re Belieber

| Illinois, USA | Family & Kids, Top

(I work as a nurse in hospital in Illinois. Keep in mind where quite busy at the moment. A woman rushes up to me dragging a preteen girl behind her.)

Woman: “Help! Please help! My daughter needs a vaccine!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, I need to know what the vaccine is for. Do you have an appointment?”

Woman: “No! I don’t have any appointment! My daughter has a fever!”

Daughter: “Mom! I don’t have a fever!”

Woman: *still looking at me* “Her aunt told me she has it! The Heever Fever!”

Me: “Ma’am, are you trying to say ‘Bieber Fever’?”

Woman: “Yes! That!”

Daughter: “Mom! You’re embarrassing me!”

No Aspirations As Long As You’re Under This Roof, Part 2

, | California, USA | Family & Kids, School

(I work at a call center for a university. We call prospective students and tell them about our school. This call was meant for a young lady but was taken by her father.)

Me: “I’m calling from [university] to talk to [girl] about her interest in attending our university.”

Father: “University? Like school, papers, homework, and stuff?!”

Me: “Yes, that stuff usually occurs in a university.”

Father: “My daughter ain’t goin’ there!”

Me: “All right, have a nice day, sir.”

Related:
No Aspirations As Long As You’re Under This Roof

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