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    Category: Family & Kids

    Freudian (Pay) Slip

    | Latham, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids

    (I am ringing up a mother and her son.)

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, your total is $**.**.”

    Son: “Wow, that is so much money! You’re taking all my momma’s money!”

    Me: “Actually, your mother is paying for the items that she just purchased, and I’m not the one who gets the money anyways.”

    Son: “Do you think I’m dumb? You get all the money; why else would you be here?”

    Me: “The money that is paid here is made by the company. I’m here because the company pays me to check out customers.”

    Son: “That’s stupid. You should get to keep the money.”

    (As I’m about to respond, the mother chimes in.)

    Mother: “Just ignore him, he’s stupid.”

    This Child Has Few Reservations

    | Asheville, NC, USA | Family & Kids

    Child: “Excuse me, but I have a question.”

    Me: “What is it?”

    Child: “Do you believe in Native Americans?”

    Me: *slight pause* “Yes. Yes, I do.”

    Child: “That’s good to know.”

    Acting Juvie-nile

    | Culver City, CA, USA | Family & Kids

    (While stocking the shelves I overhear a young boy from a few aisles over. He sounds very distressed.)

    Boy: “What?! Are you freaking kidding me? Nuh-uh! No way!”

    (The kid sounded like he was really in trouble, so my co-worker and I go to investigate. He is sitting in front of the back-to-school section with his mother.)

    Boy: “I have to go back to school!? What do you mean I have to go back?! I just got out!”

    DJ Freud, Featuring The Oedipus Complexes

    | Houston, TX, USA | Family & Kids, Funny Names, Rude & Risque

    (I work in the beauty department and a customer comes up to me).

    Customer: “I need a face wash for my son that will get rid of the semen on his face.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Are you deaf? He is too oily!”

    Me: “You mean sebum?”

    (The customer turns the brightest shade of red and runs out the store.)

    Count-er Productive

    | Hershey, PA, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I work as a hostess at a restaurant in a busy tourist area. As a result, we are frequently on a wait.)

    Me: “Hi! How many today?”

    Customer: “Six please.”

    (Note, our biggest tables are meant for six.)

    Me: “Great! And how many children’s menus for you?”

    Customer: “I have a four year old, so only one.”

    Me: “Okay! Take a seat and I’ll call you when your table’s ready.”

    (Since we were especially busy, the party waited for about twenty minutes. When a table is finally available, I call them up. The six walk up, carrying two toddlers and pushing a baby carrier with an infant inside.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I thought you said there were six?”

    Customer: “There are only six that are going to eat! Wait, you mean my kids count?”

    Me: “There is not room for nine at that table. I’m afraid you’re going to have to wait longer.”

    Customer: *storming out* “I’m going to a place that doesn’t count my kids!”

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