Category: Family & Kids

Your Comprehension Of Comprehension Is Incomprehensible

| Illinois, USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words

(I am a bookstore clerk at the local high school. I am talking to a mom who is getting the books her daughter needs.)

Mother: “My daughter doesn’t have a problem with comprehension! She just doesn’t understand the material.”

Practice Sweet Unadulterated Moderation

| North Carolina, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(A mom, dad, and two small children walk in. The boy sees some of the fresh fruit we keep at the counter and asks for a banana.)

Dad: *to son* “No, you’ve had too much fruit today!”

Mom: *to son* “Yeah, go get some candy instead!”

So Good She Doesn’t Need A Weapon

| New Jersey, USA | Family & Kids, Top

Little girl: “My mom seems unemployed, but I think she’s some kind of secret agent.”

Me: “Why?”

Little girl: “I found handcuffs in her drawer behind the makeup. I can never find her gun or anything else, though.”

From Wrong To Wronger

| Mason, OH, USA | Family & Kids, Underaged

(I’m working a game when an older man approaches me with his kid. Please note that I am 15 years old.)

Guest: “Hey, so it’s my son’s 15th birthday and I really need your help to give him his birthday spankings.”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Guest: “No, really, I need your help to give him his birthday spankings. I’ll hold him, you spank him!”

Me: “Sir, I’m not going to do that. That’s guest assault!”

Guest: “Oh, c’mon! No it’s not! Look, will you marry me? Will you have my kids?”

Me: “Sir, I’m 15 too!”

Guest: “Oh.” *takes off at a very fast pace*

She’s Free Years Old

| Aberdeen, Scotland, UK | Family & Kids

Customer: “Hi, how old to children have to be ’til they have to pay admission?”

Me: “Four years old. Three and under are free.”

Customer: “One adult and one three year old, then.”

Daughter: “But daddy, I’m four now.”

Customer: “In a minute, darling.”

Daughter: “Daddy, I’m four!”

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