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    Category: Family & Kids

    Battling For The Answer

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Books & Reading, Family & Kids

    Me: “Hi. Can I help you find something?”

    Patron: “Yeah, my son’s doing some project and he needs some books on some sort of revolution.”

    Me: “Okay, so he can pick any revolution to do the project on?”

    Patron: “No, he’s doing it on The Revolution. Where do I find books on that?”

    Me: “Which revolution? American? French? Haitian? Industrial? There were a lot.”

    Patron: “I think he said it was the one that had a lot of battles.”

    A Tourist Traveling To Terror Incognita

    | Ashburn, VA, USA | Family & Kids, Funny Names, Movies & TV

    (I’m working as the ticket tearer when two young kids come up and ask me a question.)

    Kid #1: “Our parents were in a different movie. They said they would be out first, but they aren’t here. It’s been a long time.”

    Me: “Okay, do you know what movie they saw?”

    Kid #2: “It was the terrorist, they went to see the terrorists!”

    Me: “Oh! The Tourist with Johnny Depp. That won’t get out for another 10 minutes.”

    Kid #1: “No it was the Terrorist! They said there was bombs and gangsters so we had to see Tangled instead.”

    Me: “Well we don’t have that movie, so I’m sure it was the Tourist.”

    (Kids walk away to wait. I overhear them.)

    Kid #2: “What’s a tourist?”

    Kid #1: “It must be the terrorists’ friends!”

    Let Me Give You A Pizza My Mind

    | Lebanon, TN, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (I work at a pizza place that is within walking distance of my house. Our house number and the number for the restaurant are identical except that two numbers were swapped, so occasionally people accidentally call my house number. It is a Sunday, which is the one day the restaurant is closed.)

    Me: “Hello?”

    Caller: “Yes, hi. Can I get two large pepperoni–”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, you have the wrong number. [Restaurant] is clo-”

    Caller: “No, this is [restaurant]! I recognize your voice! Don’t lie to me!”

    Me: “I’m sure you do, because I work there. But this is my house number, and it’s my day off because [restaurant] is closed today. If you call the right number–”

    Caller: “No, you’re not closed today! Now put in my f***ing order!”

    (I hang up on the guy because I do not like his attitude. He calls again, and I answer, this time with my dad listening in from the other room.)

    Caller: “You hung up on me!”

    Me: “Yes sir, I did. You have the wrong number, and the restaurant is closed.

    Caller: “Get me the owner! I’m having you fired!”

    Me: “Sir, he does not live with me and therefore I cannot.”

    Caller: “You stupid b****! Who the f*** do you think you are!?”

    (The guy starts screaming obscenities. My dad has been listening in and has had enough.)

    Dad: “Sir, if you’ve got a problem, you’re going to have to deal with me!”

    Caller: “Is this the manager?! Great! I want–”

    Dad: “No, this is her father. This is a private residence and I don’t want you calling here again. And if you have a problem with that, I want you to say it to my face.”

    Caller: “Fine! I’ll be right there!” *click*

    (The guy drives out to the restaurant, where my dad decides to wait for him outside. My father is 6’6″ and weighs nearly 300 lbs. I see the guy pull up to see my dad and the closed sign right behind where he is standing. His face turns completely white and he jumps back in his car and speeds off. When I go back to work the next day, the guy comes in for an order. He leaves a note of apology and a $20 tip in the tip jar.)

    Childhood Innocence, Adulthood Nonsense

    | Germany | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

    (I work as the cashier of a photographer. A customer and her husband walk in, asking for the photos of their children.)

    Me: *handing them the photos* “Here you go. You have nice-looking children, by the way.”

    Customer: “Thanks, but…can’t you, you know, make my daughter prettier?”

    Me: “Prettier?”

    Customer: “Yes, I mean, look at her!”

    Me: “Madam, I am sure these photographs have been retouched well by my coworkers. If you have any complaints about their work, I can–”

    Customer: “NO! I want this to be remade!”

    Me: “What exactly bothers you about these photos, anyway?”

    Customer: “It’s her boobs. You guys should have made them far bigger!”

    Me: “You want them…bigger?”

    Customer: “Yes! How hard is that?”

    Customer’s husband: *quietly* “Honey, you do realize she is 8 years old?”

    Not So Sweet Sixteen

    | Melbourne, Australia | Family & Kids

    Customer: “Hi! I’m looking to buy an MP3 player for my daughter.”

    Me: “Sure, what capacity were you looking at?”

    Customer: “Hold on.”

    (She takes out a sheet of paper with size specifications and a rather juvenile depiction of the device and hands it to me.)

    Me: *laughs* “Aww, that’s cute! How old is your daughter?”

    Customer: “Sixteen.”

    Me: “Oh.”

    Customer: “Oh, don’t worry! She’s a little kooky.”

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