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    Category: Family & Kids

    Mall Brats

    | Netherlands | Family & Kids

    (My theatre group does a play at an amusement park. We often walk around the park in costume to tell visitors about the play. Note that the play was about two "bad guys" who wanted to cut all the trees to build a large shopping mall in the forest.)

    Me: “Did you see those two guys? They want to build a mall here. I don’t know what that is, but it sounds bad!”

    Little Girl: “You really don’t know what a mall is?”

    Me: “No, I just live here in the forest.”

    Little Girl: *with piercing eyes* “Really. I mean in real life.”

    Me: “I really live here!”

    Little Girl: “No, I mean when you’re in your normal clothes.”

    Me: *giving up* “Okay, in real life I know what a mall is.”

    Little Girl: *looks satisfied* “I knew it!”

    ADD: Acronym Defiling Dad

    | Vermont, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body

    Customer:“Hey I was wondering if you sold some of that ‘Ahhhdorol’ or ‘Ridalaain’?”

    Me: “No those are prescription drugs. All we sell here is Advil and caffeine pills.”

    Customer: “D*** it! My son has ADHD. You know…Attention Defiant Hyper Disorder?”

    Freudian (Pay) Slip

    | Latham, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids

    (I am ringing up a mother and her son.)

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, your total is $**.**.”

    Son: “Wow, that is so much money! You’re taking all my momma’s money!”

    Me: “Actually, your mother is paying for the items that she just purchased, and I’m not the one who gets the money anyways.”

    Son: “Do you think I’m dumb? You get all the money; why else would you be here?”

    Me: “The money that is paid here is made by the company. I’m here because the company pays me to check out customers.”

    Son: “That’s stupid. You should get to keep the money.”

    (As I’m about to respond, the mother chimes in.)

    Mother: “Just ignore him, he’s stupid.”

    This Child Has Few Reservations

    | Asheville, NC, USA | Family & Kids

    Child: “Excuse me, but I have a question.”

    Me: “What is it?”

    Child: “Do you believe in Native Americans?”

    Me: *slight pause* “Yes. Yes, I do.”

    Child: “That’s good to know.”

    Acting Juvie-nile

    | Culver City, CA, USA | Family & Kids

    (While stocking the shelves I overhear a young boy from a few aisles over. He sounds very distressed.)

    Boy: “What?! Are you freaking kidding me? Nuh-uh! No way!”

    (The kid sounded like he was really in trouble, so my co-worker and I go to investigate. He is sitting in front of the back-to-school section with his mother.)

    Boy: “I have to go back to school!? What do you mean I have to go back?! I just got out!”


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