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  • Category: Family & Kids

    Rounding Down To The Nearest Child

    , | Assen, The Netherlands | Family & Kids

    (I work in a call center that answers calls from people with broken cars in foreign countries. We always ask how many people are on board of the car.)

    Me: “Are there any children in your car?”

    Customer: “Yes, four children. One of the children is under four. Three are aged between four and twelve and one is older than twelve.”

    Me: “So, you have five children?”

    Customer: “No! Four children!”

    Me: “But, you just mentioned five children.”

    Customer: “Don’t you think I know how many kids I have?”

    Customer, to his wife: “Honey, how many kids do we have?”

    Customer: “I’m sorry. You’re right, I’ve got five children.”

    They’re Cute Even When Caught

    | Hershey, PA, USA | Family & Kids

    (I’m lifeguarding the little kid pool, which has a slide in it, when a little girl walks up to me and tugs on my shorts.)

    Me: “Yes, hun? What’s up?”

    Little girl: “That little boy right there keeps butting in line.”

    (She points to a boy climbing out of the slide.)

    Me: “Alright, dear. I’ll take care of it.”

    (I make eye contact with the boy and motion for him to come over.)

    Me: “Some kids are saying you’ve been cutting in line. Have you?”

    Little boy: *smiles* “Actually, yes, I have!”

    Me: “Are we supposed to cut in line?”

    Little boy: “No, we aren’t. Mommy says it’s not nice.”

    Me: “Then are you gonna keep cutting in line?”

    Little boy: “Not anymore!” *skips away*

    You’ve Got The Wrong(est) Job Description

    , | Arlington, VA, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

    (I am a cashier at a costume store. A young boy and his mother come up to pay. The mother is busy texting. The boy has a police officer costume in his hand.)

    Boy: “Mommy, now I can really play sodomy!”

    Mom: *not paying attention* “That’s nice, sweetie.”

    Me: *confused* “Playing sodomy?”

    Boy: “Sodomy, like when you pretend to be the police.”

    Related:
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 5
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 4
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number

    Every Bird And Bee’s Worst Nightmare

    | Sydney, Australia | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, Top

    (I’m serving a woman in an aisle when her daughter, about 3 or 4 years old, shows up behind me. She’s been hiding in the next aisle over and I’ve thus far been unaware of her presence.)

    Me: “Oh! Hi, sweetie! Where did you come from?”

    (She pauses and looks at me like I’m stupid.)

    Girl: “Mummy’s vagina?”

    Taking It Just A Hair Too Far

    | Denver, CO, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

    (This happened when I was 11 and at a shopping mall. I am sitting outside the restroom waiting for my friends to come out of the bathroom. A lady comes out of the nearby salon and comes over to me.)

    Lady: “Oh what pretty black hair you have!”

    Me: “Oh, uh, thanks, but actually its brown. It’s just wet right now.”

    Lady: “Oh, why didn’t you dry it?”

    Me: “My hairdryer’s broken.”

    Lady: “Oh!”

    (She grabs my wrist and drags me into the salon.)

    Me: “Let go of me!”

    (She continues holding my wrist and grabs a hairdryer.)

    Worker: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but, weren’t you just here? And, uh, what are you doing?”

    Lady: “She has dripping wet hair!” *turns hairdryer on*

    (She finally lets go of my wrist and puts the dryer down.)

    Me: “You’re insane!”

    (I run to my friends, who are waiting outside, laughing.)

    Lady: “I was just trying to help!”

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