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    Category: Family & Kids

    Kids Love To Wise-Crack

    | United Kingdom | Family & Kids

    (I give activity sessions for young children at a small museum in Scotland. During one of the sessions, the children have to guess what a mystery object is – in this case, some tobacco leaves.)

    Me: “So you’ve guessed it’s some leaves. Does anybody know what leaves these are? A clue is the smell.”

    (The children look nonplussed, understandably.)

    Me: “Well, it’s a good thing you don’t know what this is. You’re all a bit young to be allowed this. Any guesses?”

    Child: “CRACK!”

    Sadly Wasn’t Born Yesterday, Part 2

    | Texas, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body

    Me: “Thank you for calling [hospital]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah. I had a baby at your hospital about a week ago, and when I was discharged I got a lot of papers and some samples. One of the papers says something about a PKU test.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. How can I help you with that?”

    Caller: “Well, it says on this paper that I need to bring my ‘new arrival’ to registration and they would help me get the PKU test done. I want you to know that I have looked all through the papers and stuff you gave me and I can’t find anything marked ‘new arrival’. What is this ‘new arrival’ I am supposed to bring with me when I come in?”

    Me: “Ma’am, that would be your infant child…your new baby.”

    Caller: “Oh my freaking God! If you mean ‘new baby’, then write ‘new baby’! Not everyone understands this hospital medical jargon!”

    Related:
    Sadly Wasn’t Born Yesterday

    Children Get Sick Periodically

    | New York, New York, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (A woman walks into the store with her young daughter. Her daughter looks feverish and is sniffling.)

    Customer: “Oh look honey, they have candy bars. Go get yourself one while mommy shops for her things.”

    (The little girl walks up to the counter and takes a candy bar.)

    Me: “Are you feeling okay, little girl?”

    Daughter: “My mommy says as long as she gets her tampons, I’ll feel better.”

    (The girl suddenly vomits all over the candy bars and on the counter.)

    Daughter: “QUICK MOMMY! GET YOUR TAMPONS!”

    Winding Down On Dialing Up

    | Hawaii, USA | Family & Kids, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for contacting technical support. How can I help you?”

    Customer: *whispering* “Can you shut my internet off for four hours?”

    Me: “I could disable the port, but may I ask why?”

    Customer: *whispering* “My son has been locked in his room since last night and he won’t come out or talk to me. He hasn’t eaten breakfast yet and it’s 3 pm.”

    Me: “I suppose I could, however, you will need to call us to re-enable your connection.”

    Customer: “Thank you! I don’t know what he’s doing in there on the computer. It’s been like this since we got your internet.”

    Me: “Your connection has been disabled. Is there anything else I can do for you tonight?”

    Customer: “No, thank you. I hope he comes out soon!”

    Tron’s Legacy

    | Florida, USA | Family & Kids, Movies & TV

    (I work at a certain attraction where you run, jump and dance at the video capture station, then that video is put into a video game and the avatar is yourself. A little girl approaches.)

    Me: “Hello sweetheart, have you played before?”

    Girl: “No.”

    Me: “Well, basically you run jump and dance in here. Then, our computers put you into the video game!”

    Girl: “But…how do we get out of the video game?”

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