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    Category: Family & Kids

    A Large Can Of Whoop-A** And A Side Of Just Desserts

    | Australia | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (Around my restaurant area a lot of kids hang out, most of whom are the unfavorable type. This day in particular, one of them decides to open the door and swear at everyone inside/)

    Kid: “All of you are f***ing b****es!”

    (We ignore it and try to continue work as if nothing happened.)

    Kid: “F*** you, f***ing pigs!”

    (We ignore it again and this repeats for another two times. I am getting very annoyed.)

    Kid: “Girls should stay in the kitchen!”

    Me: “Hey, stop that or I’ll call security.”

    Kid: *looks at me up and down* “Whatever! I bet you want to do me, don’t you?”

    (The kid continues to talk dirty and make gestures to me, so I cut it off there.)

    Me: “Get out of here before I start breaking your legs.”

    (The kid looks shocked, probably because he didn’t expect anyone to snap back at him. He runs away. My co-worker, boss and everyone else in the restaurant applaud and we get back into business. About 20 minutes later, the kid comes back with his mother.)

    Mother: “Look, my son told me you threatened to break his legs! I’m reporting you to the police!”

    Me: “Did he also tell you he was harassing us?”

    Mother: “He told me he was talking to people when you–" *pushes index finger into my chest* "–threatened to break his legs!”

    Me: “I can tell you, now, Ma’am. He was harassing me and the customers.”

    Mother: “Lies! I’ll charge you for threatening a child!”

    Me: “Yes, then I’ll sue him for harassment, sexual harassment and disturbing the peace.”

    (The mother looks at the kid with horror on her face but doesn’t give up just yet.)

    Mother: “You have no proof my son did that! I’ll charge you for psychological damages!”

    Me: “I have plenty of proof on our cameras.” *I point to camera in the back corner, and then to the one at the front* “I also have a room full of witnesses who can give testimony on what he said and did.”

    Mother: *stands on her spot stunned*

    Me: “So do you want your can of whoop-a** here, or shall I serve it to you in court?”

    One Mother, One Cup

    | Springfield, MO, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Money

    Customer: “Hi I need to return this.” *hands over an opened and clearly worn jock cup*

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, this is a completely non-returnable item.”

    Customer: “I called and you said your return policy is 30 days with receipt.”

    Me: “That’s except for jocks and mouth-guards. Cashiers tell you at the time of purchase that they’re completely non-returnable.”

    Customer: “Well, I didn’t understand. So, there’s nothing you can do for me?”

    Me: “I’m sorry. It’s store policy based on our health-code.”

    Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know that my little boy would have such a big wee-wee?” *grabs her very embarrassed-looking son and leaves*

    Mothers Can Be A Daily Grind

    | New Hampshire, USA | Family & Kids

    (We were giving away free packages of instant coffee for promotional reasons. Each package was about the size of a sugar packet.)

    Customer: "What’s that?"

    Me: "It’s a free package of instant coffee. Would you like one?"

    Customer: "How does it work?"

    Me: "Just put it in a cup, and mix it with water."

    Customer: "Is the cup, and water inside the package?"

    Customer’s Mother: "You’re a moron."

    A Golden Snitch Short Of A Quidditch Match

    | Bay Area, CA, USA | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Movies & TV

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Caller: “This a bookstore?”

    Me: “Yes, this is a bookstore.”

    Caller: “Oh. I need the 8th Harry Potter book.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but there are only 7 Harry Potter books.”

    Caller: “But I need the 8th one.”

    Me: “There are only 7 books, sir.”

    Caller: “Why?”

    Me: “Because there are only 7 years at Hogwarts.”

    Caller: “What does that mean?”

    Me: “Sir, have you read the Harry Potter books?”

    Caller: “No, my son reads them and he finished the 7th one and asked me to get the 8th one.”

    Me: “Sir, if he read the 7th one, he would know that that was the final book in the series.”

    Caller: “But he wants to read it. What can I do?”

    Me: “Contact the author?”

    Caller: “Do you have his number?”

    Me: “Do I have J.K. Rowling’s number?”

    Caller: “Yes.”

    Me: “No. I… uh… don’t happen to have that on me.”

    Caller: “Oh. Can you tell my son that there are only 7?”

    Me: “No, I’m sure you’re quite capable of doing that all on your own.”

    Caller: “He will be very upset!” *hangs up*

    Ah Fathers, Part 4

    | California, USA | Family & Kids

    (A customer walks up to the counter in a very aggressive way.)

    Customer: “You sold a very violent game to my 14 year old son!”

    Me: “I apologize, which game did we sell him?”

    (The customer hands me copy of the game.)

    Me: “Sir, this games is rated "M" we won’t sell this game to anyone under the age of 17 without proper I.D. Are you sure he got it here?”

    Customer: “Yeah!” *hands me receipt*

    (The receipt had been printed at my register, and was marked for earlier that day.)

    Me: “The only copy of this game we sold today was sold to a 21 year old.”

    Customer: “Well he acts like a 14 year old!”

    Related:
    Ah, Fathers, Part 3
    Ah, Fathers, Part 2
    Ah, Fathers


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