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  • This Round He Lost (In Translation), Part 4
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    Category: Family & Kids

    Obviously Not A People Person

    | New York City, NY, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (We have booths at which we can only seat groups of 3 or more. There is a couple with their young child sitting in one. A couple came in and I went to seat them.)

    Me: “Hi, are you here to eat, or are you just having some drinks?”

    Customer: “Eating, can we take a booth?”

    Me: “Sorry, but we need to save them for groups of three or more.”

    Customer: “What about them?” *motions at the couple with their child*

    Me: “They have 3 people sitting there.”

    Customer: “What? Babies aren’t people!”

    Out Of Tune With The Conversation

    | Louisville, KY, USA | Family & Kids, Musical Mayhem

    (I’ve worked at this camp on and off for a few years, and a lot of the kids remember me from previous years.)

    Kid #1: “Why weren’t you here last year?”

    Me: “This camp and band camp were at the same time, so I chose to go to band camp since it was the last time I’d be with my friends.”

    Kid #1: “That’s so cool! What do you play?”

    Me: “Clarinet in band, but I also play piano.”

    Kid #1: “I play piano too!”

    (We continue talking about different instruments we play when another girl joins in.)

    Kid #2: “I play an instrument, too.”

    Me: “Really? Do you play piano too, or something?”

    Kid #2: “Well, I listen to Taylor Swift. Does that count?”

    A Heated Topic, Part 2

    | Kinnelon, NJ, USA | Family & Kids, Movies & TV

    (A woman and her two younger children go in to see a kid-friendly movie. Ten minutes later she comes up to me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but there is a preview on right now with a man on fire!”

    Me: “A man on fire? Okay, that shouldn’t be the right preview.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous. I have kids in there!”

    (I check the theater.)

    Me: “Ma’am, this is a preview for Fantastic Four. The man on fire is a super hero. His special ability is that he can turn into a fireball and fly around.”

    Customer: “I don’t care who it is, he shouldn’t be on fire!”

    Related:
    A Heated Topic

    Playing The Name Game

    | Lynnwood, WA, USA | Family & Kids, Funny Names

    (A customer calls in with a question. This is during heavy snow, so traveling to a store is a big deal.)

    Customer: “Hi I’m looking for [name of video game], but not [game with very similar name]. I’ve called in everywhere and no one seems to have it.”

    Me: “Okay, Let me just look that up for you.”

    (I proceed with looking up the game and find out that they stopped making the series and that there wasn’t in fact even a game by the title she wanted.)

    Me: “Okay it looks like we have [game with similar name] but they never made [game she wanted].”

    Customer: “Oh great! I’ll come right down to pick it up! I can’t believe you have it!”

    (The customer hangs up before I can repeat that we didn’t have it and that it doesn’t exist. Later in the day my boss informs me a lady up front wants to talk to me; I dread going to the front to a woman who has driven through to snow to look for a game doesn’t exist.)

    Customer: “Hi, [my name]! I just wanted to thank you in person for helping me find [game she wanted]. My son was looking for it everywhere!”

    (As she says this, she holds up the game with the similar title.)

    Me: “You’re… welcome?”

    Son: “Mom! You’ve been calling it the wrong name all day!”

    Piercing Observation

    | Miami, FL, USA | Family & Kids, Top, Underaged

    (I’m approached by what looks to be a teenager and a younger child.)

    Teenager: “Hello. My daughter would like to get her belly button pierced.”

    Me: “Did the man at the front check your ID?”

    Teenager: “No.”

    Me: “I’m going to have to.”

    (I see that he is seventeen years old.)

    Me: “Sir, this ID shows that you’re even younger then me. How old are you?”

    Younger Child: “Eleven.”

    Me: “So she’s eleven?”

    Teenager: “Yes.”

    Me: “And you’re seventeen?”

    Teenager: “Yes.”

    Me: “So you had her when you were six?”

    *long pause*

    Younger Child: “I told you it wouldn’t work, dumba**!”


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