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    Category: Family & Kids

    The Birds, The Bees, And The Brutally Honest

    | Brooklyn, NY, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

    (A little boy is wandering around unattended, touching all the TVs.)

    Me: “Where’s your mom or dad?”

    Boy: “Well, my mom’s over there.” *points to mother*

    Me: “Okay, why don’t you go over to her?”

    Boy: “Yeah, sure. By the way, I don’t know who my dad is. My mom was a hooker.”

    Common Courtesies: Not For Commoners

    | California, MD, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids

    (I am a cashier at a locally owned grocery store that is frequented by families. A dad comes in with two sons. The younger one puts a drink in the front of their order.)

    Kid: “Don’t put this in a bag.”

    Dad: “Hey! You could at least say ‘please’!”

    Kid: “Dad, you don’t say ‘please’ to clerks, only to people! I learned it in my lesson yesterday!”

    Parenting Requires Teamwork, Sometimes Involuntary

    | Australia | Family & Kids

    (A mother is chasing her 5 year old around the store because he can’t have what he wants. After chasing him for a few seconds and yelling at him, she turns to me.)

    Customer: “Can you tell my son you don’t want him in your store?”

    Me: “Um, I don’t know if that would–”

    Customer, to her son: “See! The man says you’re bad and have to get out of the store!”

    Son: *leaves quietly*

    Me: *speechless*

    Thou Shalt Not Covenant Thy Neighbor

    | San Francisco, CA, USA | Family & Kids, Religion

    (I’m working the floor at a local video game store when a visibly angry woman comes up to me with a game in her hand.)

    Customer: “What sort of filth are you selling here!? My son has been playing this game, and I found out it’s about killing the Pope!”

    (She’s holding a copy of “Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood”. Its antagonist is Rodrigo Borgia, the Pope of Renaissance Italy.)

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, the villain in that game is an embellished version of an actual Pope who was historically known for–”

    Woman: “Look! I know you’re just doing your job, but I live in a Christian household and I wont have my son learning to hate religion!”

    (I give her a refund, and then try to find her a game she approves of.)

    Woman: “Okay, what’s this one about?” *picks up Halo: Reach*

    Me: “Well, in that game you play as a futuristic super soldier who battles a race of religiously devout–”

    (She screams, throws the game down, and storms out. The next day, she comes back and buys “God of War III” simply because it “has God in the title”.)

    Makeup Quiz For A Madeup Flu

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, School

    (A student who has missed class and calls me a day later to explain her absence.)

    Student: “I need to take the quiz I missed yesterday.”

    Me: “Remember, quizzes cannot be made up.”

    Student: “I missed class yesterday because my son is sick.”

    Little voice in the background: “Momma, I’m sick?”


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