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    Category: Family & Kids

    (Not One Of) History’s Mysteries

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, History, Top

    (I am helping a little boy find a children’s book on Native American history for a book report.)

    Me: “I think this one will come in handy. It’s all about the different Native American tribes and traditions. It even includes a large map showing where the Native American tribes lived.”

    Little Boy: “Thank you!”

    (He walks away with his book and an adult customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “Why did you do that?”

    Me: “Do what?”

    Customer: “Tell him those are real.”

    Me: “Native Americans?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “Because they are real.”

    Customer: “No! They only exist in movies with cowboys!”

    Me: “I can assure you that Native Americans exist.”

    Customer: *mocking* “I suppose you believe cowboys really existed, too?”

    Actions Point Louder Than Words

    | Virginia, USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words

    Father: “Hi, I’m here to drop off my son.”

    (I notice there is another child with him, who is of Asian descent.)

    Me: “Is this other child yours too?”

    Father: “Oh no, he’s a foreign exchange student from Japan.”

    Me: “Oh! That’s nice. Does he speak English?”

    Father: “No, none at all, actually.”

    Me: “Well, does your son speak Japanese?”

    Father: “Not a lick.”

    Me: “How are we supposed to communicate with him? This is an outdoor camp, sir. He could get hurt if he can’t understand directions.”

    Father: “I’m sure you’ll be fine. Just point a lot.”

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    I Scream Fraud

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

    Me: “Hello, welcome to [ice cream department]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: *sounding angry* “I just purchased some of your ice cream for my son and now he’s broken out in hives! He has an allergy and all your ingredients should be clearly labelled!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. It does say that our ice cream is both peanut and gluten free, and our ingredients are available upon request, as they vary, depending on the type of ice cream someone orders.”

    Customer: “Well you didn’t tell me that before! And now my son has broken out in hives! This is all your fault!”

    Me:”May I ask what your son is allergic to?”

    Customer: “Sucrose. I don’t see why this matters.”

    Me: *raises eyebrow* “Our ice cream doesn’t contain sucrose.”

    (At this point, said customer’s young son walks in, looking perfectly fine and eating his ice cream.)

    Customer: *surprised* “I told you to wait outside!” *in a lower voice* “…and out of sight!”

    Corrupt The Kids And You’ll Have H*** Toupee

    | Melbourne, Australia | At The Checkout, Family & Kids

    (I’m a female. I’ve recently shaved my head for charity.)

    Customer’s Son: “Mum, there’s a boy-lady!”

    Customer: *distracted* “Is there darling?”

    Customer’s Son: “Yes, at the counter.”

    (The mother glares at me.)

    Customer: “I see.”

    Customer’s Son: “Can I be a boy-lady?”

    Customer: “No. No you cannot.”

    (They finish what they’re doing and as they’re leaving the mother calls me over.)

    Customer: “I don’t care what you do at home, but if you want to pass for female in public, buy a d*** wig. You’re corrupting the kids!”

    They Swim Where The Sun Doesn’t Shine

    | Athens, GA, USA | Family & Kids

    (A day camp comes to my pool every weekday. The kids are on average 7 years old.)

    Girl: “I’m a mermaid!”

    Me: “That’s nice.”

    (Next day…)

    Girl: “I’m a vampire! Gaaargh!”

    Me: “But yesterday you were a mermaid.”

    Girl: “I’m a vampire mermaid! Gaaargh!”


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