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    Category: Family & Kids

    Bespoke Babies

    | Springfield, MO, USA | Family & Kids

    (A customer comes up to my register with her child. It’s clear that her 5-year-old child has been wearing down her patience since the two started shopping. After repeatedly asking her mother to buy a piece of candy, the she finally snaps.)

    Customer: “If you do not stop it right now, I will leave you at the store here and they’ll put a price tag on you and place you on the shelf for sale.”

    Child: “No they won’t. I’m not for sale!”

    Me, to the child: *jokingly* “That’s actually not true. If you lift up the back of your hair, I can scan the bar code on the back of your neck and see how much we should price you for.”

    Customer, to the child: “See? Now, are you going to behave, or am I going to have to let them put you on the shelf for sale?”

    Child: “But…but…but you can’t buy me! I have to be specially made!”

    Food In, Baby Out

    | Kansas City, MO, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I work for a small local cafe. It’s late in the evening and I am busy with tables and to-go orders. A customer calls to put in an order.)

    Me: “Thanks for calling [cafe]. What can I get for you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, I need one chicken gyro and a cream soda to go.”

    Me: “Anything else for you this evening?”

    Caller: “No, but I am in a hurry. Could you just bring it out to the car for me? I just went into labor and cannot get out of the car.”

    Me: “Um…is there anyone else with you?”

    Caller: “Only my two year old.”

    Me: “Oh, okay. I’ll bring it out to you when you arrive.”

    (It actually takes an extra 30 minutes for her to drive up and pick up her order. Surprisingly, when she arrives, she sits in the car for another 20 minutes and eats her meal all while she’s in labor with a 2 year old in the back seat.)

    Practice What You Preach (Please)

    | Massachusetts, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    (I’m serving a mother and her two children.)

    Me: “Are you ready to order?”

    Mother: “Tell the lady what you would like.”

    Son: “I’ll have the chicken fingers.”

    Mother: “Say please!”

    Son: *sheepishly* “Please.”

    Mother: “And what would you like?”

    Daughter: “A hot dog!”

    Mother: “Say please!”

    Daughter: “Please.”

    Mother: “And I’ll have the fried clams.”

    (She never did say “please”.)

    A Chip Off The Non-biological Block

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Family & Kids

    (It is the end of our day camp, and all of the parents are coming in to pick up their children.)

    Me: “Look, [child]! Your mom is here. You know, you look just like her!”

    Child: “No! I wanna look like my daddy!”

    Mother, to my coworker and me: *quietly* “He doesn’t look like his dad at all, if you know what I mean.”

    (The mother and child leave.)

    Coworker: “I hope she meant that his father has a bunch of recessive traits.”

    Honestly (Not) Abe

    | Lebanon, PA, USA | Family & Kids

    (I work as a cashier at a popular retail store in a town that is near Amish and Mennonite communities. It is not unusual to see them around town.)

    Boy: “Look mommy! It’s Abraham Lincoln!”

    (Confused, his mother and I look where he is pointing and see an Amish gentleman standing off to the side looking a bit out of place. At this point, both his mother and I are having a hard time keeping a straight face.)

    Me: “No sweetie. That’s not Abraham Lincoln. He’s Amish.”

    (The little boy gasps and his eyes widen in disbelief. He leans forward and whispers to me.)

    Boy: “You mean, he’s allowed in here?”

    Me: “Of course he is! This store welcomes everyone’s money!”

    (The little boy stares at the man, shocked, as I finish ringing up his mothers purchases.)

    Boy: *as they’re leaving* “Bye, Mr. Lincoln!”

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